The Life of Sosuke Aizen
by Roxius
Summary: After two and a half days deep within a drug-induced slumber, Sosuke Aizen finally awakens...and finds himself back in his own, normal reality, where he is nothing more than a jobless deadbeat with a mullet. AU. Now off hiatus.
1. The Druggie

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

There are no such things as Shinigami, or Hollows, or Arrancar.

There is no Soul Society.

There is no Hueco Mundo.

There is no Ichigo Kurosaki.

There is no Hokgyoku.

There is no Ouken.

There is no plan to become God.

There is only reality...and Sosuke Aizen is beginning to awake from a very long dream.

* * *

"...Oww,"

Sosuke Aizen, age 24, grunted as his eyelids slowly fluttered open. He found himself staring up at a poster of an attractive red-haired woman with an over-sized bosom. The name underneath her read 'MATSUMOTO-CHAN'. Even though the poster was a foreign object to Aizen, the hideous, dirt-brown ceiling behind it was familiar enough, along with the rancid smell...he was in his apartment room. Slowly, Aizen pushed himself up into a seated position; the back of his shirt was drenched in his own sweat, as was the front. His right hand was grasped tightly around an empty bottle of pills. His long hair (Old Man Yama claimed it made him look like a hippie) was covered in a light film of natural grease. Finally, his jeans were covered with mushy old crumbs, but of what he had no idea.

'What...?'

Aizen's confusion only lasted for several more seconds...and suddenly it was all coming back to him, rushing into his mind. He knew why he had been sleeping moments before.

'The drugs...that's right, I took the drugs that Gin gave me...he said they were top-notch, and help me forget all my troubles for a while. Still...how long have I been out? And where is that fox-faced bastard?'

As if on cue, the front door swung open, slamming so hard against the wall that it made Aizen's head throb in agony. Aizen's roommate and so-called 'best friend' Gin Ichimaru, age 23, stepped inside, his thin lips curled into an unnerving grin as usual. He was carrying an exceptionally large bag of groceries.

"Ohh! Good morning, Captain Aizen! Nice to see you finally woke up!" chuckled Gin. He knew how much that nickname annoyed his roommate, so that was why he kept using it. There was obviously some animosity held between them wherever they want. Why these two fellows continued to acknowledge each others' existence was a mystery even to themselves. Nevertheless, Aizen and Gin still stuck together through thick and thin, no matter what.

"...Gin...you..." Aizen made an attempt to stand up, but a sharp pain lancing through his cranium forced him back down. Gin chuckled again; he placed the groceries on top of the small refrigerator that stood in the left-hand corner of the room.

"It looks like those special pills of mine did quite a number on you, eh?"

"You never told me they'd give me such crazy dreams...damn, my head hurts. How long was I out?"

"Hmm..." Gin thought about it for a moment as he put away the food, "About two and a half days, I'd say."

"T-TWO AND A HALF DAYS...?" Aizen could hardly believe it; if the pills were really that strong, it was a wonder he was still alive. This also brought up even more questions. "Why would you give me something so dangerous?"

"Heh. I just wanted to see what would happen."

"What? Seriously? You're sick in the head, Gin Ichimaru."

"Didn't bother me when my parents said it...certainly won't bother me when you say it."

"Why didn't you help me, though? You just left me lying in bed for two and a half days?"

"I stood over you for hours at a time, wondering when you would wake up. I also helped myself to some of your 'hidden' stash of snacks, Captain Aizen. Hope ya don't mind the mess."

"That explains the crumbs...but you really could have done more. Alot more. I'm disappointed in you."

"I'm not some kind of super-powered freak who can do everything at once."

With his migraine going away and his strength somewhat returned, Aizen succeeded in finally getting up onto his feet, although there was slight sense of disorientation at first. Gin had already begun helping himself to a cup of Italian Ice that was left over in the back of the freezer. Aizen glanced upwards at the poster that was hanging over his bed; he realized that he actually recognized the woman and her giant tits quite well, much to his own misfortune. Her name was Rangiku Matsumoto, and she was Gin's long-time girlfriend, although they did not see each other often these days.

"...What is a full-size pin-up of that WOMAN of yours doing up there?" Aizen inquired to his friend.

"Do ya like it? Rangiku finally got a modeling job for the new summer swimsuit line. She's certainly got the look for it, I'd say. I thought you would like something sexy to look at when you woke up." Gin spoke in between shoveling spoonfuls of lemon-flavored Italian Ice into his mouth.

"I'm not surprised that someone like her would end up with a career like that...she'll cheat on you one day if you don't watch out."

"Oi, Captain Aizen, ya know I don't like hearing you saying such mean things about her, right? What if I talked bad about your girl?"

"I don't have a girl. I'm not interested in relationships."

"What about that little chick that works at the flower shop? Momo Hinamori was her name."

"Ugh, I don't want to even think about her...she was practically stalking me everywhere I went, and she wouldn't shut up whenever she spoke to me. You were there when I explained to her that I don't like her romantically, so you should know."

"Ahhh, yeah...poor Momo...when you rejected her, she wore this expression like you had just stabbed her through the chest without the smallest reluctance...I took a photo of it with my cellphone and made it my background."

"That's an odd way of putting it, Gin," Aizen felt a chill run up his spine. Brief memories of his dream flashed before his very eyes.

"Anyway, back to the point, it upsets me to hear ya insultin' my Rangiku."

"Oh?"

"I might feel the urge to defend her honor...and, oh, I dunno, stab you in the back?" Gin's smile seemed especially eerie as he said this.

"If that were to happen I would say you have fallen quite low, my dear friend Gin. Besides, I would be prepared to counter your strike."

"Ha ha! I suppose you're right about that...you always seem to be the guy who's one step ahead in everything. That's why they called you a mind-reading genius back in high school, right? Now you're just a pill-popping, jobless loner with an ugly mullet. You may have let your reputation fall through the cracks, but you're still smarter than ever."

"Don't you dare insult the mullet! It took a very long time to get it just right!"

"Alright, sorry...geez, so scary..."

Aizen looked over the empty bottle of pills again. "...By the way, this stuff won't kill me later without warning, will it?"

Gin shrugged.

In response, Aizen threw the bottle at Gin's head with enough force that it drew blood. "I'm taking a shower and putting on some fresh clothes. After that, we're going to have a talk about how tricking your friends into testing new types of drugs is a major felony."

Gin let out a heavy sigh as blood trickled down the front of his face. "Aww, shit...not that talk again..."


	2. The Babysitter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I'll admit that the main basis for Hitsugaya's and Halibel's physical appearances in this fic are based from a picture I saw.

I know the whole idea about letting a young kid go with some guy you met only recently can be seen as really bad judgement and all, but this is fiction, and, well, it doesn't really matter all that much. I tried to give as many good reasons/excuses as I could for why this Aizen can be trusted.

* * *

Karakura Town was a small, and relatively peaceful, suburbia. Many people knew each other well enough that hardly anyone could be considered a stranger. A river ran through the middle of the town, splitting it into two. The streets were hardly ever busy, as the majority of the local residents chose to traverse by foot. Sosuke Aizen was one of those particular residents. He enjoyed taking his time most often; he had always been a procrastinator by habit. He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, but it felt good to be out in the fresh air after spending two and a half days conked out on drugs in his shitty little apartment room. It also felt really good chastising Gin for being so careless with everything. Of course, even if things were playing out in his favor so far, Aizen wasn't about to let his guard down. He knew very well how life loved to fuck with people when they're at their most content. As it turned out, his intuition was right on the mark.

"I-I'll defeat you with Hyourinmaru this time for sure!"

"Hey, c'mon, kid, cut it out; I can't play with you right now. I got school to go to!"

"PLEEEEEEEEASE, GIVE ME A CHANCE TO SHOW YOU MY STRENGTH!"

"CUT IT OUT, I SAID!"

Aizen turned his attention to the two figures standing on the opposite end of the road from him. A well-endowed young woman with tanned skin and long, messy blonde locks was attempting to remove from her sight a small boy. Oddly enough, his hair was as white as snow. He was waving around a small wooden sword as he used his other hand to pull on the girl's handbag; he was quite reluctant in releasing it to her. None of the people passing by even gave the two of them a secondary glance. It was probably considered a normal scene about town in the past time that Aizen was asleep. Still, he could not help but find it so annoying that he had to intervene. He also secretly loved proving his superiority by handling situations that others couldn't.

"Excuse me, miss," Aizen spoke casually as he approached the distressed teenager, "I couldn't help but notice that you seem to be having some trouble dealing with this child...could he be, your son?"

"LIKE HELL I WOULD HAVE A SON! I'M ONLY 17! JUST BECAUSE I GOT A CHEST THAT CAN BREAK MY BACK IF I'M NOT CAREFUL DOESN'T MEAN I'M SOME KIND OF SLUT!" The girl snapped back, her temper already inflamed due to the white-haired boy's screeching. Aizen felt like she had seen her somewhere before, but his memory was still a little fuzzy since he woke up. Her voice even seemed familiar.

"Ah, yes, of course it doesn't...in any case, just what is this brat to you?"

"Why should I tell you? I don't even know you! You could be a freak!"

"Look at my mullet, girl. I want you to ask yourself this...could someone with hair like mine truly be evil?"

"I...I don't know...but I still have no idea who you are!"

"Very well then. I know just how to fix that." Aizen stuck out his hand and nodded, "My name is Sosuke Aizen. Nice to meet you."

The girl was taken aback at first, as would be expected, but she slowly and carefully took his hand into her own and shook it. "I think I've seen you a few times before around town now that I think about it. Old Man Yama talks about you from time to time, for some reason. Uh...I'm Tia Halibel, by the way."

"And the boy?"

"My name is Toshiro Hitsugaya, you girly-haired bastard!" shouted the child. His innocent, sky-blue eyes were practically staring into the older man's very soul. Upon closer inspection, Aizen recognized him as well, for some bizarre reason.

"I told you never to use that word in public, Toshiro! Your mom would get mad at me if she found out that you learned a bad word!" Halibel chastised Hitsugaya by giving him a light slap in the back of the head. The boy was not even phased by the strike however, and he continued to swing about the wooden monstrosity he called a sword.

Aizen let out a soft chuckle. "As I was asking earlier...why is he following you around?"

"He's just some kid that a friend and I get paid to babysit from time to time. All I did was show off a few moves I learned in self-defense class when I was a kid and now he won't stop bugging me about 'challenging me to a battle'...I think we've been letting him read too much shounen jump...oh god, why am I even explaining this to you?" Halibel made several fast glances at her wristwatch to keep track of the time. It wouldn't be long before the school bell rang.

"I want to see the full extent of your power! I...I won't lose to you, Halibel!" Hitsugaya bellowed loudly.

"I CAN'T JUST LEAVE HIM HERE ALL ALONE, BUT I CAN'T BE LATER EITHER-"

Suddenly, Aizen daintily raised his index finger, and that simple act alone held enough impact to silence both Halibel and Hitsugaya in an instant.

"How about I watch over the child for you while you attend your classes?"

"T-There's no way I can do that! I would be gravely neglecting my duties to watch out for him! Plus, we've only just become acquainted...!" Halibel nervously fiddled with the hem of her skirt as she spoke. Hitsugaya's full attention had currently been drawn to a trail of ants skittering past his feet, although he was still grasping onto the corner of Halibel's bag.

"Then how do you expect to make it to school on time...?" remarked Aizen, his expression smug. He really didn't plan on doing anything bad to the boy; he would probably buy him some ice cream, and maybe take him to the park too. He figured his more pessimistic outlook on life would return in full force once the after-effects of his drug overdose wore off, so he was going to enjoy feeling relatively high-spirited (emphasis on 'high') as much as he could. Plus, it would give him a chance to learn more about today's young generation.

Halibel looked down at Hitsugaya, then up at Aizen, then back at Hitsugaya. She checked her watch again. Her mind raced to think up a better solution to ensure Hitsugaya's safety, but she just couldn't do it. If she was late to school one more time during this semester, she would be suspended from the swimming team, and be unable to participate in the upcoming competition. Still, she couldn't really allow Hitsugaya to go with this strange Aizen fellow, could she? It's way too risky. She would be the one held responsible if something bad happened. On the other hand, the majority of Karakura were very trustworthy, and Old Man Yama had a good nose for spotting out undesirable. From what she had heard, Aizen was a bit of a bastard with a high and mighty attitude, but could still be counted on to do honest work if he seemed sober enough.

"Well, Tia Halibel? What is your final answer?" Aizen felt like some kind of announcer on a big-time game show. "I promise with both my heart and soul that I will not do anything to put the child in harm's way."

Halibel groaned in defeat. She removed a piece of paper from within her backpack and began to write on it as she said, "Alright, listen...I want you to take him to this address right away. My friend works there, and she'll be able to watch over him for a while. I'm going to call her as soon as homeroom ends to make sure you brought Hitsugaya there, and if you don't, I swear I will fucking hunt you down and beat you to near-death...do you understand? I'm pretty sure you don't want that."

"I understand, and you're right I don't want that, but I must admit it's a bit hard to take you as seriously when you're only 17 years old," Aizen replied.

"I'll have the police on my side, though."

"Hmm...you make a valid point. I shall do as requested, and without complaint. Will I get paid?"

"You never mentioned anything about money earlier."

"I just realized that I could make some extra cash this way. I deserve something for this random and selfless act of mine, don't I?"

"Argh, fine...here's twenty bucks!"

"Sweetness."

"You just better do it...and thanks, I guess,"

Once she was finished writing, Halibel shoved both the money and the piece of paper into Aizen's hands. The confident smirk Aizen wore on his lips quickly faded out of existence the moment he saw the address. His blood ran cold and his throat became achingly dry. At the same time, Halibel was hastily trying to explain the current situation to the young Hitsugaya as best she could.

'This...this is...'


	3. The Babysitter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

"I don't like you,"

Sosuke Aizen and Toshiro Hitsugaya had been walking through town together for the past thirty minutes, and neither of them had spoken a word until now. It wouldn't be too long until they reached their destination. Eventually, it was Hitsugaya who had chosen to break the icy silence by immediately expressing his hatred for the older man. He was still carrying his wooden sword, as if he thought it would actually be of any use if he were attacked suddenly. Up until Hitsugaya spoke, Aizen had been busy deep within his own thoughts.

"What did I do?" Aizen innocently replied.

"You interrupted my battle against Halibel!"

"You two weren't fighting, and she was trying to get to school but you wouldn't leave her alone. You were being nothing but an obnoxious brat, and you STILL are."

"Oh yeah! You keep insulting me! Stop that! I'll sic Hyourinmaru on you!"

"What is that, anyway? It's name means 'Ice Ring', doesn't it?" While he knew that it obviously wasn't anything special, Aizen was still somewhat intrigued to learn more about this 'Hyourinmaru'.

"He's my personal guardian; a big dragon made entirely out of ice! It turns my little wooden sword here into a real-life katana, and it can shoot icicles! I can't really summon his power unless it's in a dream, but...but when I can, you'll be sorry! And Halibel will have to show me how strong she is, then! I just have to keep practicing my sword skills until that time!" Hitsugaya wore a proud smile throughout the explanation. Aizen, however, was not impressed.

"...Did your mother ever drop you on your head when you were a baby?"

"S-SHUT UP!"

"I really want to know."

"CUT IT OUT ALREADY, YOU MEANIE!"

Upon turning around the corner, Aizen and Hitsugaya were immediately taken aback by a small, dreadfully tacky shop straight ahead on the other side of the street. Large chunks of cardboard painted to faintly resemble flowers adorned the building's exterior, but some of them were incredibly weather-worn to the point that they had fallen apart. Several plotted plants also sat outside. Hanging just above the front door was a sign that read in bright pink letters: 'MOMO FAMILY FLOWER SHOP'. They had arrived, but Aizen really wished they hadn't.

'Even though I told Hinamori I wanted to just be friends, I had never actually intended on seeing or talking to her ever again after I rejected her...'

"I've never been to Hinamori's place before; is this really it? It looks gross...she deserves someplace nicer," Hitsugaya complained, apparently as reluctant to approach the bizarre edifice as Aizen was. Whatever happened next, had to be planned extremely careful by the both of didn't want to risk causing a bad situation.

"Okay, here's what we'll do...so first, you'll-"

The door slowly opened, and Momo Hinamori casually stepped outside with a watering can. Her eyes locked with Aizen's for the briefest of moments before he looked away. She subconsciously loosened her grip on the watering can, and it clunked onto the floor, spilling luke-warm water all over her shoes. However, that was of little consequence to Hinamori, as she finally had another chance to bask in the presence of her beloved Aizen. Hitsugaya mistakenly thought she was looking towards him instead, which made him blush in embarrassment. Half a minute of awkward silence passed by at a snail's pace.

"Uh...hello...Hinamori...may we come inside?" Aizen's saying her name aloud did little but prompt Hinamori to faint out of sheer joy.

"GAH!"

* * *

_A little while later...in a small room in the back of the flower shop...  
_

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh my gosh! I'm...I'm so, so sorry that I fainted like that in front of you, Aizen! Thank you for waking me! I'm so sorry! Please forgive my foolish behavior! I'm such a klutz! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Aizen sighed. "I already told you that it's fine; please, just shut up before I get a headache."

Even though Hinamori was laughing, she looked like she was ready to commit hara-kiri right then and there. She was even holding a broad kitchen knife near her belly.

"Look, just give me the knife...come on, give it here...alright, there you go...'atta girl..."

"Are...are you okay, Hinamori?" Hitsugaya cried, fraught with worry over the young woman's condition. Aizen made a mental note of the surprising amount of concern the little boy showed, just in case. He would never know if he would provide secrets about the child to some kind of dangerous and foreboding organization in the near future.

"Heh...heh..." Hinamori was breathing heavily, "Yes, I think I'll be alright...Shiro-chan...thank you very much." Even though she was addressing Hitsugaya, she had yet to tear her eyes away from Aizen.

The room the three of them were currently standing in seemed to be a miniature kitchen of sorts. A round wooden table sat directly in the middle, while a counter with a sink and several shelves and cupboards ran along the dusty old walls. The bold contrast between the decrepit room and the modern-looking furniture inside it gave Aizen a slight migraine. It was a wonder to him how the store got any business, although he didn't bother factoring in the possibility that other people may have different tastes from him.

"By the way, what exactly are you two doing togeth-"

Hinamori's question was cut short when a loud 'ding-dong' sound emitted from deep within her back-pocket. It was her limited-edition Chappy cellphone. The name of her best friend flashed up onto the tiny screen, along with her phone number: TIA HALIBEL.

"Oh, it's from Tia!"

"Ah, yes, her! She'll explain everything!" Aizen remarked, hoping to get out of there as soon as possible.

Hinamori flipped open her cellphone and held it up against her ear before she began to speak into it, "Hey, Tia. Huh? Yeah, Shiro-chan is here with me, and Aizen too. Shiro-chan looks perfectly fine. Oh, you sent them here...I see...I see...you do know that Aizen is the guy that I like, didn't you...what? What do you mean you didn't know? I talked about him all the time with you! What do you mean you weren't pay attention? And you even got to have an actual conversation with him without going into convulsions over how sexy he and his mullet are? You like WHO more? Oh yeah, that person...ugh, I understand. You...you...oh, okay, I got it. Alright. See you later...Tia. Have fun at your swimming club and shit."

Hinamori slammed her cellphone shut so hard that it shattered to pieces in her palm. All of the personal data that she had gathered on that phone was gone in an instant. "Whether it be in chest size or interactions with Aizen, she's always ahead of me...that damn skank..." she snarled under her breath.

"H-Hinamori...?" Hitsugaya took a step back from the girl, as he could effortlessly sense the malice radiating off of her very being. Fortunately, this reaction helped bring Hinamori back to reality when she realized it was frightening the poor boy...and Aizen, as well.

"Oh! Oh, dear...I'm sorry about that, Shiro-chan, Aizen! Please forgive me! Err, would you like something to drink before you head off, Aizen? As my personal thanks for taking care of Shiro-chan?"

"Sure, I suppose...as long as you don't put any date rape drugs in my cup this time. It's a good thing the kind you used before had a smell to it."

Hinamori quickly took something out from underneath her shirt and threw it in the trash. "Ha ha ha! O-Of course I would never do something like that, Aizen! I leave those kind of fantasies inside my dreams!"

"Just get me some canned coffee or something and I'll pay you back for it, dammit."

Hitsugaya had no idea what they were talking about.

* * *

Aizen nodded curtly to himself after taking his first sip from the coffee he had been provided. "It's not bad," he said.

"I-I am so happy you like it, Aizen...even though I didn't make it..." Hinamori smiled bashfully.

Hitsugaya had been offered a glass of milk to drink, but he refused to put something that had been squeezed out of a cow's udder near his lips. Plus, he felt it was insulting to the fact that he was short for his age. Hitsugaya claimed he didn't need any 'stinking bovine juice' to become stronger, although Aizen highly doubted it; the kid was just being immature. As he let the coffee pour down his throat once more, something occurred to the mullet-haired man.

"Hey, you and that Halibel girl are the same age, right? Why is she in school but you're here working?"

"Well, I'm actually home-schooled. It was a decision by my parents, so I could also help out around the store too, and now I've become good enough to run the place on my own while they're busy with their own jobs. We're very poor due to alot of foolish mistakes my father made from buying lots of shares of stock that ended up being worthless on the market. We're trying to get by the best we can, and we can't give up this store either, since it belongs to our whole family..." As Hinamori explained her family's financial situation to Aizen, her brown eyes shimmered with tears and the corners of her lips twitched. She was trying to hide her true feelings behind the mask of her smile. She glanced downwards.

"I'm sorry to hear that,"

"It's okay..."

"However, I should probably let you know something to keep in mind next time you tell someone your tragic life story: don't stare at the person's crotch right after saying it!"

"Ah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Oh god, I'm so sorry! I just can't help myself when you're around me...I just...I just can't..."

"If you were a bit bolder, you could end up being listed as a sexual predator..."

"Eep! I don't want that!"

"In any case," Aizen carelessly tossed the no-empty coffee can over his shoulder, "I hope things work out for your family, Hinamori. I understand what it's like to not have enough money to even buy the necessities, so we're in the same boat, kind of. That doesn't mean I'll ever be attracted to you just because we have similar problems, though. In fact, I pity you."

"Oh, Aizen..."

Hitsugaya suddenly came rushing into the room with his little play-sword in tow. "Hinamori, I heard you 'eep'ing!" he cried, "Did this jerk say something heartless again? He didn't try to hurt you, did he? If he makes you bleed, I'll kill him!" With that wild look in his eyes, he really looked like he wanted to maul Aizen for the slightest offense towards his beloved Momo.

"The only way I want Aizen to make me bleed is by breaking my hymen," Hinamori stated, but upon realizing what she just said, she slapped her palm against her forehead and sighed. "I was supposed to say that in my head, not out loud." She started to sob, before locking herself in the bathroom.

"You're both nuts...and vulgar!" For Aizen, this was a pure and simple fact. He stood up from his seat and headed for the door, as he had spent too much time at the flower shop already. He had to get back to the apartment and make sure Gin hadn't gone and turned his room into a meth lab again. Hitsugaya wasn't about to let him depart without one last threat, however.

"You made Hinamori cry! That's just one stage away from making her bleed; it's not as bad, but I swear I'll avenge her one day by taking you down! You better watch out, Aizen! Hitsugaya Toshiro and Hyourinmaru are coming for you!"

Smirking, as he stood in the doorway of the flower shop, the sun shining down on him, Aizen looked over his shoulder and replied, "Hmph, it'll take a long time before you'd be strong enough, and cool enough, to defeat me. In fact, so far today I've had 1,056 chances to kill you with ease if I wanted to, and you never even realized. You have alot of training ahead of you...bleached-hair boy."

Hitsugaya's face was as white as snow as he watched Aizen depart from view. '1, 056 times? Really...?'

It was just a lie.


	4. A Stoic Failure At Age 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: God, it's so hard to describe scenes sometimes; it would be alot easier if it was drawn. It's all about the dialogue, but I can't have too much dialogue or else it's just annoying to read...or is it? I'm not very happy with this chapter, because it's hard to think up of ideas.

No matter of this babysitting shit from me either...I'm sorry for using it two times already.

* * *

_A few days later from the previous chapter...inside Aizen and Gin's apartment room..._

"Cat."

"Bat."

"Cat!"

"Bat."

"It's a cat!"

"It's a bat."

"Unlike you, I don't have emo bangs hanging in front of my eyes and obscuring my vision, so I can easily tell it's a cat!"

"I'm not emo, Grimmjow; I'm goth. There's a slight difference. And I don't need to see it to know that it's a bat."

"OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO FUCKING SEE IT TO KNOW! DON'T GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT!"

"I'm pretty sure it's a bat."

"IT'S A CAT, GODDAMN YOU!"

"..."

"..."

"Bat."

"FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"You're a loser if you use Internet memes in real life."

"...What?"

Sosuke Aizen let out a heavy sigh, and then proceeded to tear apart the drawing he had so painstakingly worked on. "It was SUPPOSED to be Astro-Boy!"

"Seriously? He's a little kid who doesn't wear a shirt and flies around in tights...I get queasy just looking at the little freak!" the blue-haired teen rolled his eyes.

"I think Astro-Boy is cool." Ulquiorra remarked.

"YOU LIKE ALL THE WORST SHIT, ULQUIORRA!"

"You just can't learn to appreciate one of Japan's most classic manga characters."

"Maybe you're right, but still...!"

"How much longer until they can finally leave?" Aizen turned his attention over to Gin, who was currently reading the newest issue of Shonen Jump.

"Don't get your mullet in a twist," Gin replied without even looking up from the magazine, "Old Man Yama said he was gonna call up the school and have them send over someone to pick these two bastards up," He nodded to Grimmjow and Ulquiorrra.

"HEY! WE'RE RIGHT HERE!" Grimmjow exclaimed, but Gin pretended to not have heard him. Aizen sighed again; he didn't like being forced to work, which was one of the reasons he has been jobless for so long. Plus, all he's been doing so far was babysitting!

Earlier that very same day, Old Man Yamamoto, the landlord of the apartments as well as the crazy yet old and (occasionally) wise mentor that everyone in Karakura seems to have met at least once in their lives, paid Aizen and Gin a visit with two truant teenagers in tow. Their names were Grimmjow Jaegerjaques and Ulquiorra Cifer. Somehow, although the details weren't given, the two kids had been found loitering about outside and were easily subdued by the old man. He knew that today was a school day, and since he apparently valued education so highly, he demanded that Grimmjow and Ulquiorra go back to class. However, the current situation at hand was because Yamamoto could not trust the teens to return to school on their own accord.

"How did we end up agreeing to this, Gin?"

"Well, you were half-asleep and he was holding a sword to your throat, so..."

"Ah yeah, that's right, I remember now. You'd really think the police would have confiscated such a dangerous weapon from him by now, you know?"

"You still get suckered into doing all the worst shit, though."

"Quiet, you."

Suddenly, Grimmjow decided to interject his personal opinions into the conversation. "What I'm wondering is why the hell you just had us play such a stupid game like 'Guess the Picture'? We're not little babies you know; I'm friggin' 16 years old! Don't you have any porno or anything to look at around here? I'd rather be stuck in school than hanging out with you two idiots!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Oh really? You sure didn't seem to mind playing the 'Guess the Picture' game despite not being a little baby," Aizen quipped in retaliation. "And the only porno we have is of Gin's tramp of a girlfriend."

"You're trying to piss me off, aren't you?" Gin asked.

Grimmjow glanced at his watch. "Fuck, how long does it take for someone to make a simple phone call?"

"Hey, now that you mention it...it HAS been a while." Placing his magazine onto his bed, Gin decided to go and see what the hold-up was with Old Man Yama. With the slit-eyed scoundrel gone, it was up to Aizen to keep the two kids in line, or at least Grimmjow in line...much to his despair.

"I'm never skipping school again, unless it's really necessary!"

"Like if there's a big test and you didn't study?"

"Yeah! Exactly!"

"You're going to be a failure for the rest of your life if all you do is run away."

"YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH ONE YOURSELF! YOU DON'T EVEN CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY; YOU JUST ABSORB ALL THEIR GOOD WILL TOWARDS YOU LIKE A GREEDY SPONGE WITH AN UGLY MULLET!"

"Hey! I'm...working on improving myself...for real."

"YEAH, RIGHT! DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE THAT LITTLE PAUSE BETWEEN 'I'M' AND 'WORKING', YOU LAZY-ASS!"

"Listen here, you-"

Before the argument could escalate into a full-out brawl, both Grimmjow and Aizen were swiftly smacked across their faces by a rather apathetic Ulquiorra.

"Stop yelling so much. It's annoying." ordered the young man.

"S-Sorry..." Aizen had never felt so much shame as he rubbed his wounded cheek, "Gah, just look at me! I'm an adult, yet I'm letting myself be bossed around by youngsters, and then getting upset about it...and I always thought I could keep a cool head no matter the situation. I guess even I have my limits. Still, it hurts my pride to act immature. I blame this all on teenagers, because I just can't like them; they're such assholes these days."

Grimmjow grunted, rubbing his own cheek as well. "Tch, you sound like an old geezer."

"I think you're confusing 'sounding like an old geezer' with 'being unabashedly honest'."

"No, I don't think so."

Gin finally returned at this point, although he wasn't smiling anymore. In fact, he looked quite troubled. "I found Old Man Yama hanging around in an alleyway out back without any clothes on and setting a bag of garbage on fire while muttering things about a 'Winter War' under his breath. It doesn't look like we're getting anything done anytime soon."

"Shit! He forgot his medication again, didn't he?" Aizen cursed.

"I did take some cash from his wallet, though, so we're set for the rest of the week."

"Sweet!"

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were having their first real look into the life of adults...and it wasn't pretty. By the end of the day, the two of them vowed never to skip school again.


	5. Rooftop Conversations And Arguments

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This chapter is even more focused on dialogue than the last one, but it won't always be like that. This one just happens to mainly be one long and crazy conversation between Aizen and Gin.

* * *

_Late on a Saturday night..._

When Gin Ichimaru stepped into the apartment room that evening, just after a rather long and personal talk over the phone with his girlfriend Rangiku, he had expected to see Sosuke Aizen waiting there for him. He was usually in bed around this time, as he liked to sleep in late and wake up early. This time, however, Aizen was oddly absent from the scene. Even his bed covers were still neat and clean, which meant he hadn't come in, vomited all over the sheets, and then crawled back downstairs to get more drugs just like last week. Gin tilted his head slightly sideways like a bewildered puppy dog.

"Hmm...where's Captain Aizen? I figured he would have at least left a voice message if he was going to be back late...and it's not like he has any other real friends beside me or some kind of secret lover, since I look through his dairy and he hasn't written about it yet, so what would he be doing? Getting high? Why would he waste money on drugs that I could provide for free? Hmm, how eerie...why am I talking to myself?"

Suddenly, Gin felt his cellphone vibrate inside his pocket. He peered through the slits of his eyes to see that it was a text from Aizen. There was only a single word: 'ROOFTOP'.

Gin smirked.

* * *

Aizen was suckling on the long strand of hair that hung in front of his face when Gin found him lying on the rooftop of the apartment complex. The stars were twinkling brightly overhead, illuminating the night sky with their beauty.

"Ha ha...two young men alone on a roof together in the middle of the night? Sounds like the wet dream of a yaoi fangirl," remarked the silver-haired man as he sat down beside his friend.

"Hey, you know that this is the kind of thing I like to do once in a while. I'm not gay, I just like to appreciate nature with people I'm comfortable around."

"Still, the mullet and your total disinterest in a cute little chick that obsessively wants your boy-bits is a bit suspicious..."

"I have my own preferences when it comes to hairstyles and love, dammit!"

"Whatever you say, Cap'n Unbeatable Butterfly."

""What the hell does that mean?"

"Oh, nothing."

The two men stared up at the sky in silence for about several seconds.

"...This is boring," Gin remarked.

"If you don't like it, go back inside."

"Nah, there's nothing good on TV, and we don't have a TV anyway, so I'd rather just be here."

"Hmph. Whatever."

"By the way, why are you chewing on our hair?"

"It tastes like cocaine for some reason."

"Can I try?"

"Hell no. I don't want your disgusting saliva all over my beautiful locks!"

"No fair, man! No fair!"

"You think hanging out on the roof together is gay, but wanting to suck on my hair isn't it?"

"Ehh you got me there."

"Damn straight I did! You can smoke that weed all you want, but ain't none of it being made from my hair!"

"...Too late for that..."

"You bastard! I'll kill you with my bare hands!"

"I bet you would like to try, Captain Unbeatable Butterfly."

"There you go again! I knew you called me that earlier!"

"You wanna fight?"

"I don't see why not, you big-titty-loving bitch!"

"There's nothing wrong with big tits."

"You bet there isn't! Let's fight anyway!"

Aizen and Gin both began to stand up, their fighting souls burning with determination, but then they collapsed backwards.

"Bah, forget it...Saturday isn't a good day to fight. Plus, we're grown men; we should be able to handle our problems with words." Aizen sighed as he returned to sucking on his hair.

"Also, we're on top of a roof, and if we fall off we could seriously injure ourselves," Gin added.

"Do you have any health insurance?"

"Of course not. Can't afford that stuff, no way, no how. What 'bout you?"

"Nada."

"We need more money, Captain. Why aren't you racking in the dough?"

"It's hard to get a job with the economy in such a state right now; nobody wants to hire a drop-out with a lazy attitude like me, even if I am smart," Aizen replied, but then he retorted, "Besides, what are YOU doing to help our financial situation?"

"I'm not the kind of man who would stoop so low as to ask for money from his own girlfriend, so I work at a convenience store downtown."

"No way. Really? Why didn't you ever tell me about this?"

"B-Because..."

"Because?"

"It's...it's because I tend to freak out the customers with my facial expressions. The store's sales have worsened since I joined up."

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"It's not funny! It makes me doubt myself! Rangiku tells me I'm handsome, but now I'm beginning to think she just has weird tastes in men..."

"Geez, I never thought a guy who always smiles like you would have such petty emotional problems,"

"I smile because I think about funny things all the time so that I don't fully acknowledge just how far I've fallen in life."

"At least you have some things, like a place to sleep, food to eat, (barely) any money to spend, and a woman who loves you...be grateful for that, Gin."

"I know I should be, but it's harder than I thought. What do you think is the best way to handle this, Aizen?"

"Eh, I dunno."

"Tch. Thanks alot."

"You're welcome."

A small airplane passed by overhead, its destination unknown to those without the wings to follow it. Aizen was no longer chewing on his own hair. As he tried to think up of a new topic for conversation, his mind began to drift back to memories of that bizarre dream he had not too long ago from that overdosing incident.

"Gin..."

"What is it now?"

Aizen was about to tell Gin everything from that dream; the world of Shinigami, the Hollows and the Arrancar, the boy with the orange hair and the black sword who kept dying, seeing people in a dream before even meeting them in real life...but there was no way it would make any sense no matter how he explained it. Not even Aizen himself understood it all. There was a chance that his twisted, drug-influenced dream was trying to tell him something, but maybe now wasn't the time to reveal it to others. There was also no point in confusing Gin, anyway.

"Umm, did Rangiku tell you when she was coming back?"

"In a week or so, most likely. When that happens I'll be staying over at her place."

"You always stay over at her place when she's back in town!"

"Can you really blame me?"

"I guess not...but she never lets me hang around! I don't think your girlfriend likes me very much."

"Well, you did call her a 'bimbo' over the phone once..."

"I WAS DRUNK, OKAY? DRUNK! I EXPLAINED THAT TO HER SO MANY TIMES BUT SHE JUST WON'T ACCEPT IT!"

"And the time you grabbed her tits..."

"I WAS DRUNK THEN TOO!"

"And you tried cuddling with her."

"I WAS HIGH THAT TIME!"

"Admit it, Captain; you're jealous that I have the girl you want most as my girlfriend. You're either that, or have some secret perverted side that only appears when you're under the influence."

"I'm neither, you fool. I just get nervous when meeting people and I tend to get high or drunk beforehand so I can handle the situation!"

"That's pretty lame, Aizen."

"It's just the way I am."

"You can't use that excuse for every little thing you do wrong; it makes you look childish."

"Everyone has faults, even the Gods."

"It makes you look even more childish to compare yourself to omnipotent deities."

"You're the one who still likes to read Shonen Jump, Gin!"

"So do you-"

Suddenly, a familiar voice called out to the two men from behind them. "Ah, there you two idiots are...I have something I need to tell both of you..."

Aizen and Gin stood up and turned around to see their landlord Old Man Yama now standing before them, a wide smile on his ancient, wrinkled face.


	6. Enter Tousen

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Hmm...I hope the content of this chapter doesn't imply racism, even though it has nothing to do with Tousen's skin color. This chapter is also a little shorter compared to earlier ones.

* * *

"...A new roommate?"

Aizen and Gin watched in awe as a muscular giant of a man (his name-tag read 'Jidanbo') attempted to force an entire mattress through the small doorway of their apartment complex. The new bed was being set up against the eastern wall of the room, right across from Aizen's and to the side of Gin's. A short, fat man with a chipped tooth and bizarre sideburns that were curved like elephant tusks was holding up a very hefty box with just a single hand. He was followed by a fellow the same height as Jidanbo, who had large hands and a monk-like appearance. Old Man Yama gave a curt nod to the movers before turning his attention back to Aizen and Gin.

"Yes, that's right. Our apartments are all filled up lately, so we're being forced to make some changes."

"That's great and all that you support change," Aizen stoically replied, although he was truthfully raging inside, "But isn't it a bit unfair and disrespecting to the original tenants to force them to live with yet another person without so much as asking for their opinion on the matter?"

"I didn't see a need to."

"Why not?"

"Because when you two first moved in, I had you sign a legally-binding contract that gives me full rights to decide what to do with your room as I please." Yama's smirk made the creases on his face stretch out, which only aided in making him appear even more frightening.

"But...but we didn't read that on the contract!" Gin exclaimed.

"Ha ha! That's because I made it too small for the human eyes to see without the aid of a powerful microscope!"

"You...you sneaky old bastard! How could you?"

"Besides, I know you two took money from my wallet, so it's only fair. Don't worry, though," Yamamoto began to turn around and walk down the hallway, "He says he's an old friend of yours, so it won't be too awkward between you three. Although it might be, if he's lying or if he's some stalker who thinks he's an old friend when he's really just a freak...ah well, you'll find out for yourself soon enough."

Aizen and Gin gave each other puzzled looks. "An old friend...?"

Aizen blinked.

Gin blinked...sort of.

The memories of their childhood came rushing back.

"Wait a minute...it better not be HIM..." Aizen murmured, "I told him never to show himself around us ever again,"

Suddenly, a man of about 23 years of age stepped out from around the corner, dragging a suitcase alongside him. He was a dark-skinned youth, with long dreadlocks and an orange rope-like accessory coming from his right shoulder running across his chest to under his left arm. Oddly enough, he was wearing sunglasses even though he was inside a building. His lips curled into a smile upon seeing Aizen and Gin.

"Hey, guys! Long time no see! It's me-"

"TOOOOOOOOOOUSEEEEENNNNN!" The man known as Kaname Tousen was sent reeling backwards as his two friends' fists collided against his face.

* * *

Despite the rather savage beating he had just endured, Tousen was grinning happily as he began unpacking in the apartment room. Aizen and Gin were watching him pensively. The air was thick with tension between them.

"It's kind of funny you two guys still dislike me as much as ever," he exclaimed.

"We used to be friends once, but after your betrayal, we cut off all ties with you. You left us to die, and we still never got to 'repay' you for that day until now." Gin replied.

"Yeah...I know...I'm so sorry about that..." Tousen's grin gave way to a crestfallen expression. That was quickly replaced by another smile though. He had to keep himself composed in front of these two, after all.

"Don't worry. We won't need to hit you again."

"Thank you for telling me that!"

Aizen shook his head and asked, "Okay, we'll talk about the past later. Tell me...just what are you doing here, Tousen?"

"I came to Karakura Town because I want to become a lawyer, and be able to dispense my own justice upon the criminals of this city! If the people who deserve to be punished are not punished, then everyone is at fault!" Tousen struck a valiant pose, but it only made him look like more of an idiot.

"Tousen, you've held this whacked-out view on justice ever since you were a kid...just drop it already."

"W-WHAT?"

"Oh snap!" Gin snickered, "Captain Aizen be tellin' it like it is!"

"Shut up, Gin." Aizen shot an angry look at his silver-haired friend. Gin shrugged and looked away.

"It was by pure luck that I happened upon this apartment complex first and learned that you two were also staying here. I accidentally mentioned to the landlord that I knew you and he ended up sticking me into your room. I guess we just have to make the best of it, huh?" Tousen seemed to be avoiding eye contact as he said this.

'That means Old Man Shitbag LIED to us!' Aizen and Gin mentally cursed an early death upon their landlord.

"And...about our past together...I know I did a terrible thing to you guys, and I deserved the punches you gave me, but that was nothing compared to what happened...you all would have died because of me...so I thought this was also a good chance to redeem myself, and maybe be able to become your friend again. Can you give me a chance, please?"

"Hmm..." Aizen crossed his arms over his chest as he mulled this over, absorbed in thought, "I dunno, Tousen...how do we know you won't chicken out on us again? We're having alot of trouble in our lives without you as it is."

Digging into his pocket, Tousen revealed a pair of sealed white envelopes. He handed one envelope to Aizen, and the other to Gin. "I know this isn't much," Tousen said while bowing, "But it's the least I can do to show how truly sorry I am."

Aizen opened his letter first, and once he saw that there wasn't anything outrageous concealed inside it, Gin followed suit. The true contents of the envelopes, however, made it feel like beams of holy light were shining right in their faces. There was even some woman's voice merrily singing 'Hallelujah' in the back of Aizen's mind. It was money. Lots and lots of money for the both of them. There must have been about hundred bucks. M-O-N-E-Y.

Aizen couldn't even speak. He was dumbfounded by Tousen's bizarre generosity. 'This...this guy...is he an idiot? Is he really an idiot? Is this man truly an idiot? He must be an idiot, right? Definitely, this guy cannot be intelligent in any way! He really cares that much about our old friendship that he's willing to pay us back with actual money, and so much of it at that! He's an idiot through and through! A super huge idiot! Maybe he's gay? Nah, I'd rather say he's an idiot! However, he's an idiot with money...so...'

Tousen anxiously waited for them to respond, fearing they would reject his offer to renew their friendship, but he was pleasantly surprised when Aizen gently patted him on the shoulder. Gin was busy counting over the bills again and again to make sure his eyes were not fooling him.

"It's good to see you again...Kaname Tousen."


	7. Talking About Television and Drugs

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews/favs/story alerts. I appreciate it.

* * *

_The next morning, around 10 a.m..._

"HMM...IF YOU ASK ME, FOLKS, THIS SMELLS LIKE BAD SPIRITS! BOHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"

Sosuke Aizen swiftly snatched the remote out of Ichimaru Gin's hand and turned off the television.

"Oi!" Gin cried out, "What did ya do that for? He didn't even get to finish laughing yet! That's the best part!"

"Like I've said many times, Gin, that show is nothing but a pile of rubbish and stupidity. It's even worse that you choose to watch it in the beginning of the morning, too."

"We share this TV, Captain. I have as much right to watch what I want as you do,"

"...I was pretty sure I blocked this channel so you couldn't watch it anymore..."

"Ha! I knew it was you! I unblocked it a few days ago, you bastard!"

"What? How can this be? I made sure to make the password something you never would think of."

"The password was 'MULLETMAN', wasn't it?" Gin smirked proudly.

"..." Aizen's silence, along with the look of pure shock and agitation on his face, told Gin that he was right.

"It worked, though, and I wasn't surprised, Captain. You try to act cool, but you're secretly a loser. It's fine with me; we're all losers here."

"Gin..."

"...Captain?"

"I shall swear to you this, my friend; If you ever have a daughter with that Matsumoto woman, then I'll do everything in my power to ensure that she and my son will fall in love and get married. Then I will make your life a living hell, but you will have to put up with it because I'm the father of your new son-in-law! And if you have a son instead, then I'll make sure to have a daughter!"

"That's a...a very odd threat."

"Hinamori will be the factory that will produce the revenge using the materials currently residing within my gonads. Even if she knew that I was only using her and her ability to give birth as a means to an end, she wouldn't care, because she loves me too much. Do you understand me, Gin? I am a meticulous planner, and I always make sure to have the upper hand despite how impossible it may be logically."

"Now you're just talking freaky!"

"I'll enjoy watching you squirm as an old man, Gin! All your children will have long hair and be saying 'Just as planned' by the age of 3!"

"I think you might have been sleep-huffing again, Captain...this is the third time this month."

"Is that bad?"

"It is if the stuff you were huffing was mine."

"I think it was crushed Cinnamon Toast Crunch in a plastic bag."

"Gasp! Oh, wait...I had the Lucky Charms. Yeah, that was yours. No worries, then."

"Uh...what's going on?" Tousen had returned from his quick trip to the bathroom to find his two roommates arguing about sons-in-laws and drugs in front of the TV, and he wasn't sure at one point he should jump in with some (hopefully) witty commentary of his own, but he decided it should be soon or else they would forget about him again.

"We were having a conversation about what to watch on TV." Aizen replied.

"We were? Oh yeah, that's what we first started talking about..." Gin had totally forgotten.

"Can we watch one of those Law and Order shows? I love them!" Tousen suggested as he proceeded to sit down between the two other men.

"God, Tousen, you're so boring," Gin smacked his palm against his face so hard his nose started to bleed, "Oww...shit...how the hell did that happen? Uhh, anyway, as I was saying, you should watch more interesting programs from time to time instead of fueling your fetish for justice."

"F-F-Fetish?"

"If you keep watching the same show over and over again, you'll become stuck in a rut, and never give yourself a chance to see what's truly out there."

"Ha! This is coming from a man who has been watching Ghost Bust for the past three years!" Aizen interjected.

"I watch it for the intricate plot and likable characters."

"It has no plot or other characters except him running around and exorcising things we can't even see! That idiot doesn't even act like he has any idea what he's doing half the time!"

"You just can't see that he's suffering with guilt on the inside!"

"HE'S SUFFERING?"

"He looks so depressed whenever he finishes exorcising a lonely ghost, and then he explains the sad and tragic past of the spirit when it had been alive."

"I'm pretty sure the producers hired writers to make up those stories. It sounds like a bunch of cliche crap anyway; the kind of stuff that would never happen in real life except once in a full moon."

"No way!"

"Sorry, Gin, but I have to agree with Aizen here," said Tousen, waving his hand, "Ghost Bust doesn't deserve the massive fandom it has. It uses the same generic formula for every episode, and it's on its fifth season already! It's just obnoxious, really."

Gin let out the loudest gasp he could manage. "You...you people are all so cruel! How dare you insult Ghost Bust without a care in the world! Bawwwww!" Burying his pale face into the palms of his hands, the young man sped out the door and slammed it violently behind him.

Aizen and Tousen exchanged glances and shrugged.

A few moments later, Gin returned, looking slightly annoyed. "Tch! My plan didn't work; you guys didn't even chase after me to apologize or nothing! Heartless bastards, the both of ya...!"

"I think it's pretty heartless of you to want to try and mess with our emotions." Aizen scolded his friend.

Gin waved off the instigations and knelt down beside his bed, taking out the small shoebox he had hidden underneath it. He removed the cover of the box and peered inside...and his eyes snapped wide open. 'N-No way...this...this can't be...'

"Oh yeah! Aizen, what kind of shows do you like?" inquired Tousen to his senior by a single year.

"Uh...I like prime-time television and soap operas that never seem to go anywhere for about twenty episodes or so."

"...That's even worse than my Law and Order...you shouldn't put down the interests of other people when you know that yours sucks the most..."

"Yeah...I-I'm sorry..."

Suddenly, before Aizen could apologize further over his bad tastes in television programing, he was quickly pulled aside by a rather haggard-looking Gin. "Oh Gin," Aizen blinked, "Is there something the matter?"

"C-Captain...look at this...we're...we're out of drugs..." Gin held up the shoebox near Aizen's face. Indeed, they were out of drugs.

"OH SHIIIIIIIT, BITCH! WE'RE OUT OF DRUGS!"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"

"Wait...you two are druggies?" Tousen had not been informed of this development in his friends' lives.

As Aizen and Gin began to gather their things to head out, the mullet-haired man offered Tousen to come with them. "You never know; your money might prove itself useful...I mean, you might prove yourself useful. Yeah, you...not your money..."

"Hey! I never said I would pay for your sickening addictions behind some filthy alley or in the darkness of a shipping pier!"

"Ha ha! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll like where we're going!"

"What is it?" Tousen gulped.

Aizen snickered, and was about to reveal the surprise, when Gin suddenly said, "It's a lesbian club. That's where we get our poppers."

"...Huh?"


	8. Miss Soifon

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I guess it was obvious considering what I've written in the past that lesbians would come into play at some point in the story, huh?

Sorry if this chapter is not as well-written as the others. There was alot more description this time, and it's a bit difficult for me although I'm working on it.

* * *

_Much later that day, as nightfall began..._

The most popular lesbian club in Karakura Town (out of the only two) was run by one Shaolin Fon, who currently chose to go under the abbreviated form of her name: 'Soifon'. Although she ran a questionable side-business, Soifon was also the head of a major construction corporation, and quite wealthy because of it. There were rumors circulating about her past that she had once been trained in the ninja arts, but this had yet to be confirmed. What was known, however, was that she was incredibly popular with the ladies, although she never let any relationship go beyond a one-night stand or the like, for personal reasons. She was still deeply in love with a woman who had abandoned her many years ago. She rarely allowed her true feelings to rise up to the surface, although after a few beers she had a tendency to yap on and on about unnecessary things.

"So that's the person you guys are going to go meet? This Soifon woman? An influential member of our city is secretly a drug dealer?" Tousen asked, baffled, as he followed Aizen and Gin into the downtown area of Karakura. The crescent moon was shimmering brightly in the sky above, although it did little to make the scene comfortable. Many of the more risque businesses were opening up for business at this time, and they were accompanied with dazzling neon signs and grumbling old hobos asking for change. Trash littered the streets and sidewalks. Despite this, there were many people, ranging of different ages between young and old. As it fortunately turned out, their destination was on the more well-kept side of downtown Karakura.

"Yep! She owes me big-time for helping her start up her club. We go way back...although I can't really recall how we met in the first place." Aizen replied.

"How exactly are we supposed to get into a lesbian club anyway? We're missing the most obvious requirement of being lesbians! Hell, we're not even women in the first place!"

"Don't worry your dreadlocked little head," Gin chuckled, "We're friends with Soifon, and so she lets us in without any problem, as long as we don't harass the customers. Even though we're mainly there for drugs, there's the bonus feature of getting to watch REAL lesbians REALLY make out for FREE; none of that crap you have to pay for on the Internet can beat the real thing. I consider it to be a win-win situation."

"It still doesn't feel right..."

"Tch! You're always griping about something...!"

"B-But I've only been with you guys for less than a full day so far..."

"If you're so upset then you can leave."

"Okay! I will! I'm gonna go visit my friend Hisagi and watch him play Final Fantasy XIII instead! I heard he almost beat chapter 11!"

"No, you're coming with us. You betrayed us once when we were kids, and you wouldn't want to run off again if you're really as willing to make amends as you say you are!"

"Dammit..."

After walking a little further and around the bend, the three men arrived in front of a building about as half as tall as their apartment complex. Women in groups of two or three were entering and exiting the front doors simultaneously. A heavy scent of smoke and berries filled their nostrils as Aizen, Gin and Tousen drew closer. Various insignias plastered all over the structure indicated that it was 'Onmitsukido', which was, while a rather odd title for such a place, Soifon's club for lesbians by lesbians. Two large men dressed in black suits stood by the entrance-way, obviously bouncers.

"Yo, Omaeda, Hachigen! How're things with you two? Enjoying yourselves in this little paradise that truly deserves the phrase 'water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink'?" Gin waved to the bouncers upon approaching them. They were both quite hefty-looking, and the one on the right had pink hair and mustache of all things. Omaeda raised his shades from his face, revealing his squinted eyes.

"The hell are you talking about?" he grunted in response.

"Ever try to grope one of 'em while they're walking by? C'mon, you can tell me...I'll report you to the police if you tell me, though, so maybe you should lie about it."

"O-OF COURSE NOT! STOP BOTHERING ME WHILE I'M AT WORK!"

"Ah! You're lying!"

"I'M TELLING THE TRUTH, YOU MORON!"

"We are only here because we are in debt to Miss Soifon," Hachigen's voice was deep yet calm, "We have told you that many times already, Ichimaru Gin."

"Yeah, yeah...whatever, guys. We're here to see your boss to pick up some you-know-what, so let's hurry this charade up."

"Of course. Follow me."

Hachigen kept his arms crossed behind his back as he ushered Aizen, Gin and Tousen into the club. The front door opened into a small hallway that split off in two directions at the end. Whereas the corridor to the right led visitors to the club room, the left corridor was for employees or special guests only, which was a hidden lounge where Soifon could be met with personally. The room had a set of two large couches with giant pillows, perfect for many sorts of occasions whether it be simple conversation or something on the more perverse side. Any girls willing to wait on line long enough and/or pay enough got a chance to spend the night with the rich, emotionally-broken (although she kept that part of herself hidden) young woman; this time it was nurse Kotetsu Isane and secretary Honsho Chizuru. When Aizen and the rest finally entered the room, it seemed like the 'date' was almost over.

"You...you wanna know somethin'?" Isane slurred as she swung an empty beer bottle over her head, "I...I tryyyy to get Doctor Unohana to notice me...I really do, but she'll never...I never...she never...that bitch never notices me! She ignores me I tells ya! I wan' her to love me! I...oh god...why...why won't she love me like I love her? Goddammit! She's my whole fucking world!" Gin watched with apparent glee as the silver-haired woman broke out into tears and started sobbing loudly. She was wearing a gothic lolita outfit and had cat-ears on her head.

A small, lithe woman with charcoal-black hair sat in between Isane and Chizuru. She wore a pink feather boa over her shoulders and a cigarette dangled from the corner of her mouth. The expression she wore was one of pure disdain. She was the person that Aizen and Gin had come to see. Hachigen bowed his head slightly forward and then left.

"Both of you, out...now! I have guests who I need to discuss IMPORTANT MATTERS with!" With that simple order, Isane and Chizuru quickly gathered their things and rushed out the door. Aizen and Gin took their seats on the couch opposite of Soifon. Tousen remained standing, as he still felt uncomfortable being in a lesbian bar and meeting with a drug dealer. A tense silence gradually drifted by without a word to break it, but then...

Soifon took a long whiff of cigarette smoke before speaking. "Well, well...you boys are back pretty quick. If you keep going through those drugs so fast you'll end up dead. You got to be careful with that shit, ya know?" she smiled playfully.

"How have things been for you, Soifon?" Aizen really didn't give a damn, but he thought it was polite to ask that anyway.

"Oh you know...kicking ass and doing it for the shorties, it's all the same...although I feel so empty inside because I still miss Yoruichi."

"Yes, we know you miss Yoruichi. You tell us that every time we come to see you."

'D...DOING IT FOR THE SHORTIES?' Tousen thought to himself; he had no idea what that meant.

"I still can't believe she would leave me for a MAN...and a man like that bastard Urahara of all people...how could she, that witch? She played with my heart, and then threw me away when she got bored...but I still love her so much..."

"Ah."

"I heard they're even running a store together now. Why must my life be so miserable...?"

"Okay, okay, I got it; you're emotionally torn about the situation that happened several years ago. Get over it and move on. She wasn't worth your time if she decided to act like a bisexual slut. That's not the point, though! Where are our drugs? We got enough money to pay for them!"

"How can you people even think about getting high when I'm so...so miserable!"

"Can somebody please sober this lady up first before we try to have a coherent discussion with her?"

'This woman is very odd...' noted Tousen.

* * *

_An hour or so later...  
_

"Ahhhhh, there we go," Soifon breathed out a sigh of relief as she returned to her original position on the couch, "I feel much better after that ice-cold shower and those pills. So you guys are here for the drugs, right?"

"What kind of stuff are you looking to purchase from me this time? I just got a new shipment in recently."

"Well, you know that Gin and I are pretty old-fashioned," Aizen explained matter-of-factly, "We're not interested in any of that new-fangled chemical crap all the kids are huffing these days. It's all way too risky for us. We'll just have the usual orders, if you would be so kind."

"That's just as risky too, ya know!" Tousen pointed out, but as usual his words and his presence were treated as non-existent by everyone in the room.

"Alrighty, then. I'll have the boys drop it off at your place in a few days, since we're a bit swamped with orders lately." Soifon took out a small notepad from behind her and began to scribble down something. She really did seem to know Aizen quite well.

"Thank you very much."

"You know the price, don't you? I like my seedy deals to be paid up front."

"Just like your women?"

"I sell drugs and building contracts, not booty calls."

"Maybe you should start. You love money just as much as you love Yoruichi, don't you?"

"Tch...you may act like a gentleman in public, but you're a total bastard, Aizen."

"It's not nice to insult the man who can rat you out to the police at any time, Miss Soifon."

"...Heh..."

After the transactions had been made (Aizen and Gin used the money Tousen had given them earlier), the three men bid their farewells and excused themselves without much further discussion. It was just like every other meeting in the past had ended. All alone in her private room now, Soifon leaned her head back to stare up at the ceiling. Her lips slowly twisted into a wry grin.

"Aizen, I swear the next time you insult me like that...I'll definitely have a hydrogen bomb shoved up your arse and your mullet shaved off...and who the hell was that whiny guy with the dreadlocks?"


	9. Attack of Nemu 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This time the focus will be shifted from being on Aizen, Gin and Tousen to some of the more minor characters for a few chapters. I apologize if many of you don't really like the story very much; I'm trying my best. I'll work on writing other stories as well.

* * *

_Late at night, on the second floor of Karakura High, with the moon their only source of light without drawing attention, were two boys working diligently in the science lab..._

"Come on, Szayel," a young man with pale-white skin and messy blue hair stood over the counter as he mixed red and green liquids together in a vial, "Haven't you finished dissecting that frog yet?"

"I'm trying, but...I...I just can't...I can't do it, Mayuri!" The other boy, a bespectacled teen with pink hair that hung down to his shoulders, hesitated to thrust the tip of his scalpel into the underbelly of the small frog lying before him. Tears were swelling up in Szayel's eyes.

"We need its guts for our experiment, Szayel! We're almost complete with our greatest creation yet: an artificial creature! You don't want to make all this hard work and sneaking into the school at night go to waste, do you?"

"I know that! I just can't cut him open! He was my pet for five long years! I loved him! Even if he's already dead, I can't bring myself to sully his corpse further!"

"Hah, really? You loved that little insect-eater? He always told me how much he hated you."

"W-What?"

"Yeah, he went on and on, croaking like a republican redneck on welfare how much he wished you would die in some kind of freak accident. He said you never gave him the right kind of flies he liked, and your pink hair made you look like fruity."

"There's no way he would say such horrible - Wait a minute, frogs can't talk like people do, you bastard!"

"Obviously they can't. You fell for it for a second there, though; I can't believe you're almost as smart as me. Seriously."

"Shut up! I was really distressed so I fell for your tricks easily; it's not nice to mess with someone when they're saddened over the death of a loved one even if it's in the name of Science! Besides, I'm not ALMOST as smart as you! According to our I.Q. tests, we have the SAME intelligence!"

"At least I have better dress sense."

"WE BOTH DRESS LIKE CRAP AND YOU KNOW IT! I think mine has a more pronounced effect though."

"You're talking out of your ass, fool!"

In his rage, Szayel momentarily lost control of his own actions, and thrust his scalpel deep into the frog's chest and sliced it open, revealing its heart and other organs. The pink-haired man let out a squeal of horror. "OH GOD, I MUTILATED LUMINA'S CORPSE! Oh well, at least I still got Verona, although I'll have to buy her a new friend soon..."

"You see? The sooner you do it, the quicker the guilt goes away." Mayuri rolled his eyes at his friend's inexperience.

"Yes...in fact, I enjoyed it...oh ho ho ho...maybe I should dissect Verona too..."

"Ugh, I should never have bought you that scalpel for your birthday."

After gathering the necessary intestines, Szayel carefully handed them over to Mayuri, who dumped them into a beaker of boiling hot water. He then added a single drop of green liquid, which caused the water to turn a dark shade of blue. He threw in a few more items, and stirred them together for five minutes, and then he took out a small green lizard corpse from his pocket and dipped it into the odd concoction. A wretched stench slowly filled the room. Several other procedures were hastily performed, but with Mayuri's back to Szayel, he could not see what they were. There were even some flashes of light, shards of bones falling on the floor, and the sound of a drill tearing through flesh. Whatever was left over was dumped into the mouth of a small rat that Mayuri had operated extensively on. All they had left to do now was to wait.

'This seems more like dark magic than science to me...'

"Mayuri...do you really think this will work? Creating an artificial being does not sound like something that two high schoolers, nay, not even a team of incredibly talented scientists could accomplish just yet in this age and time. I fear that this will all be nothing more but a great waste of time. And if it comes out half-assed, then it was pointless too. We need it to be perfect!" Szayel exclaimed.

"...Do you really believe that, Szayel?"

"Eh?"

Mayuri's eyes were bloodshot as he turned to face his friend. "Do you really believe that unless you can achieve perfection out of something, then all attempts are considered worthless?"

"Uh..." Szayel was about to reply, but before he could come up with a reasonable retort, he he saw something growing behind his friend, "Uhh...uh, Mayuri?"

"Let me tell you something that I have come to acknowledge ever since I first started working my way up to becoming a scientist; perfection is a curse. I spit on perfection. If something was perfect, it means that nothing more can be done to it, and no improvements can be made in the long run, which renders people like you and me utterly useless. Do you want that, Szayel? Do you want to be utterly useless?"

"M-Mayuri, shut up for a moment and turn around!"

"Yeah, I do talk too much sometimes, don't I? But I personally think of it as part of my charm."

"LOOK BEHIND YOU, MORON! YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE KILLED!"

"What? You mean the artificial being has actually been successfully created? The one I shall name 'Nemu'?"

"THIS CAN'T BE POSSIBLE! SCIENCE, AS WELL AS REALISM, HAS BETRAYED US! OH GOD, WHY DIDN'T I LET THAT DRUNK GIRL HAVE HER WAY WITH ME THAT ONE SUMMER NIGHT WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE? AT LEAST I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DIE A VIRGIN, EVEN THOUGH THAT DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR THE FACT I''M GOING TO DIE!"

"Quiet, you-"

The creature pounced the very instant that Mayuri came face-to-face with it, and his high-pitched screech echoed dully throughout the empty building...soon followed by Szayel's own screams.

Nemu was on the loose.


	10. Attack of Nemu 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Right now I'm just having a bit of trouble thinking up of other stories to write...I'm very sorry. Do I even need to apologize, really? I guess I will, though, since I've been stuck with just one story lately.

* * *

_The next day, morning time..._

Tia Halibel let out a yawn as she made her way along the winded path to Karakura High School. The skies were devoid of clouds and the sun was shining radiantly over her head. 'I dunno what inspired it,' she thought drowsily, 'But that dream I had last night about running around in the skies and shooting giant waves of water at a bunch of guys with swords was kind of cool...why was I dressed like such a skank, though?'

"Hey, Halibel! Good morning!"

Halibel stopped in her tracks and glanced over her shoulder to see her three friends (and fellow swimming team members) dashing towards her: Apache, Mila-Rose and Sun-Sun. Whereas Apache and Mila-Rose wore the same uniforms as Halibel, Sun-Sun had hers custom-made with longer sleeves so as to hide her mouth from view with her arm, but she never explained why she did this. Although the three of them argued from time to time much to Halibel's chagrin, they were all still great friends. They weren't as close to Hinamori as Halibel was, however; in fact, they were a little afraid of her.

"Hey...what's up?" Halibel gave a slight wave. She was still feeling rather tired.

"Did you hear about what happened this morning when the teachers got to school?" Apache grinned.

Shaking her head, Halibel replied, "No, I haven't. They didn't find that old man in the chicken suit sleeping on the roof again, did they? I heard last time he had a gun with him."

"It wasn't anything like that! Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Szayel Aporro Granz were hiding in the Janitor's Closet since last night, and they were covered in bad wounds! They're in the hospital right now, but judging from our informant, they'll be okay. I wonder what had happened, though...and why were they in the school?"

"They had probably formed a tryst as forbidden lovers to meet in the school after-hours, but they did not realize Mayuri's homophobic father was following them. When he discovered the two boys about to embrace, he let out a mighty yell and, his mind being fueled with alcohol, beat them half to death..." Sun-Sun muttered aloud, scribbling in her notebook as she spoke. She was rather open about her love for all things yaoi.

"I really, REALLY doubt that's what happened. Those two have nothing but science on the brain, and despite being friends they hate each other's guts! Stop trying to make everyone gay in your twisted little head! It's so gross!" criticized Mila-Rose.

"I don't make everyone gay...just the boys."

"No one will ever love you if you keep acting like a pervert."

"I doubt anyone will love you either, with all that filthy hair growing out of your armpits and your-"

"G-Go back to your boy-love fantasies and shut up for a while, will you? Just shut up!"

"Right-o. At least I'm not ashamed of my faults."

Mila-Rose knew it would not be wise to continue further arguing with Sun-Sun, as it would only result in her own aggravation. As the four girls continued their walk to school, all of them conversing on different subjects, Halibel was very curious as to what could have happened to Mayuri and Szayel. The blonde woman always had an interest in mysteries and logical explanations, and this was the first time something so strange had happened in her life, aside from being convinced by a mullet-haired stranger to allow him to take over her job as a babysitter for a day. She wanted to ensure that things will be safe for her and her friends, so no sacrifices would have to be made on account of foolish decisions.

'What were those two doing in the school so late? How did they get injured? Shouldn't this kind of thing be under more investigation? Is it safe for us to be going to school right now? Maybe I should ask the Principal about this, just in case...but would he tell me? Probably not; I'm just a student. Still, he has a disturbing love for girls my age, so maybe he would be more willing to dispense information just because I have big tits! God, adults are so corrupt these days...'

Upon arriving at the front gates of the school, Halibel and her friends were suddenly confronted by the soccer club twins, Kaien and Aaroniero. Gathered around the twins were also two younger students Ulquiorra and Grimmjow, as well as the bulky upperclassman Yammy Rialgo.

"Hey, tits - I mean, Tia! N-nice weather we're having, isn't it? You wanna hang out sometime?" Aaroniero grinned sheepishly after making such a fatal mistake in his wording.

"The day has just started and you're already failing to hit on me? Just cut it, okay?" Halibel instructed, her tone bitter, "I already rejected you once; what in the world makes you think I won't reject you again. I'm sure that if you really try, you can find a nice girl who'll love you for who you are, as long as you fix up your perverse nature. Oh, and change your name too; it sucks and nobody can pronounce it correctly."

"Huh? You...you really think so?"

"Of course. Now I've got things I need to do."

"Hold on! I didn't get to hit on you yet!" Kaien pointed out; Grimmjow and Yammy nodded in agreement. Ulquiorra just shrugged.

"You all fail for lots of obvious reasons!" Halibel brushed past the boys as she and her three friends entered the school. The dejected mob could only watch on in defeat as her nimble frame vanished within the bustling crowd of students. Soon, they were gone; out of sight, but not out of mind.

Throwing his beanie onto the ground, Yammy groaned exasperatedly. "Bah! I didn't get to pull off any smooth moves at all! At this rate I'll never find a girl who won't ignore my girth! Screw you guys...I'm going home!" He proceeded to stomp down the hill in a huff, effortlessly smacking anyone or anything out of his path.

"Wow...he really is going home..."

"WAIT, WE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! NOT EVEN A SINGLE LINE OF IMPORTANT DIALOGUE!"

* * *

_After homeroom, Halibel quickly excused herself, claiming to have to use the bathroom, but in reality..._

This was the first time Halibel had ever gone into the Principal's office on her own accord. She wasn't a troublemaker, although she did once beat up a rather daring classmate who attempted to grope her breasts. Since what she did was for self-defense purposes only, she only received a light punishment. As she carefully approached the office door, she read the name on the glass aloud in her head: 'Principal Kyoraku Shunsui'. From her personal experience with the man, he was incredibly lackadaisical regarding his work, although Vice-Principal Ise Nanao made sure to keep him in line when needed.

"Umm...Prinicpal Kyoraku?" Halibel gently rapped her knuckle on the door, but there was no answer. She repeated her earlier action, but still no one came. She jiggled the doorknob, and discovered that it was unlocked, so she pushed the door open and stuck her head inside. The Principal, lazy-ass that he is, was spread out on his desk, sound asleep. Halibel sighed. She had forgtten that he takes his daily nap around this time.

'I guess I'll just come back later...'

Halibel heard someone...or something...growl deep from its throat behind her. She turned, and found herself face to face with the monster.


	11. Attack of Nemu 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I'll get to work as soon as I can with coming up for good ideas for other stories as well.

* * *

'Oh my god...this...this is...'

The creature named Nemu was essentially a twisted, humanoid mesh of flaky green skin, patches of greasy black fur, throbbing red boils, disjointed limbs and a gaping maw filled to the brim with razor-sharp teeth. Standing on its hind legs, the monstrosity reached at an impressive 6 full feet in height. Its head was the largest part of its body, with the rest of its figure being unnaturally slim. Its stringy, opaque drool dribbled all over the blonde girl's hair, face and shoulders. A rancid smell emitted from its mouth, and it made Halibel's stomach turn. She tried to let out a cry for help, a scream, anything at all, but nothing would come out; she felt paralyzed. As the creature gradually inched its jaws down over her head, Halibel awaited the sharp, agonizing pain that would engulf her for just a single moment, and then her death would come. She knew she would die eventually, but she never expected it to be so soon, or in such a bizarre manner like this.

She stared blankly down into its throat, and saw nothing but darkness...all-consuming darkness. She could hear it beckoning for her.

'This must be...what attacked Mayuri and Szayel...'

Suddenly, just as Halibel was about to admit total defeat to the beast's hunger, a loud boom erupted from behind her, followed with shattering glass. The creature shrieked in agony as it toppled backwards, greenish-blue blood gushing from a tiny hole in its left shoulder. It fell against a filing cabinet, knocking it over and sending stacks of paper flying all about. Vice-Principal Nanao Ise opened her own office door partway before closing it again in fear and screeching, the beast struggled back onto its feet and dashed out the room and down the hallway. Several cries could be heard in the distance.

Only an instant later, a strong, yet hairy, arm wrap itself tightly around Halibel's waist, and pulled her backwards, all the way into the office. She found that her ability to move and speak had returned to her, and she glanced upwards to see that it had been Principal Kyoraku who had saved her. In his right hand was a Jericho 941 pistol that looked so clean that it had just been taken out of its case. This was her first time seeing a real gun up close.

"Are you alright?" Kyoraku wore a playfully shrewd grin despite what had transpired.

"You...you saved me. Thank you." breathed Halibel in relief.

"You're welcome. The sudden appearance of that monster must have caused you to freeze up on the spot like that. It's understandable, though; when we find it again, you'll be able to handle it."

"I really don't get this at all, so can you...umm...can you let go of me first? This is really uncomfortable for me."

"Aww, do I have to? You're so soft!"

"Yes!"

"Argh..."

Kyoraku was reluctant to release his grip on the teen, but he did as requested nonetheless. Halibel felt her heart thumping heavily in her throat; she had been dangerously close to actually dying just a few seconds ago. Kyoraku was beginning to leave the office, most likely to pursue the monster. Once she calmed down, though, she realized that at this point there were even more questions to be answered than before!

"What is going on? W-What was that thing?" Halibel demanded to know. Much to her surprise, Kyoraku shrugged his broad shoulders in response.

"Beats me. I saw it for just a moment when I arrived at the school today, so I decided to try and lay in wait for it by pretending to sleep. You ruined it by coming here, ya know."

"That's a ridiculously stupid plan, and it makes you look less cool and more of an idiot! That thing could have very well gone after anyone else in this school, like it did to Mayuri and Szayel! You were just taking a nap, admit it! Plus, why in the world are you carrying a gun?"

"It's because of this that you're still alive, isn't it? As for why I have it, what if I get attacked? I need to be able to protect myself!"

"A gun might be a bit much for a high school principal to have on him, ya know!"

"Really? I never thought that..."

Their conversation was abruptly cut short by the intrusion of Vice-Principal Nanao Ise, who was understandably pale in the face. "K-Kyoraku! I just called the police over here! What...what in the world was that?"

Kyoraku hesitated a moment before replying. "I'm not really sure, Nanao. Please make sure everyone in the school gets out safely...Halibel and I will go and take care of this."

"What? Why do I have to go with you? I'm just a student!" cried Halibel.

"I can't fight to my fullest unless I have a pretty girl by my side; since it would be too dangerous of a risk for my darling Nanao, you'll have to do."

"YOU'RE SO SELFISH! AND ENDANGERING A STUDENT ON PURPOSE IS AGAINST THE LAW!"

"Listen a minute," Kyoraku's brow furrowed, "Don't you want to find out more of what that thing is? The only way you can is if you come with me. I've seen your swimming club practice in the pool after classes; you might be able to fight this thing too."

"I...I don't understand...this isn't making any sense!"

"Look, you're strong, and you have a high potential of kicking ass. That's what I want you to do, got it? I want you to help me kick that thing's ass, and then we'll find out what it is."

"Well, fine, for the sake of my fellow students and my curiosity, I shall help you!"

"Don't say such embarrassing things out loud."

"...I'm definitely blocking this whole scenario out of my memory once the day is over..."

"Good idea! I'll do that too!"

While Nanao went to work at evacuating the building, Kyoraku and Halibel headed off to find the monster before it had a chance to hurt anyone else...although they had wasted alot of time just talking already...

* * *

"EN GARDE!"

Luppi Antenor was the self-proclaimed 'greatest fencer to ever grace Karakura High', and he was not over-exaggerating; it had been because of his help that the fencing club won the last three tournaments in a row. He was swift and precise, and he always put enough force in each of his hits to knock the breath out of his opponent even if they were armored. He was popular with many female students, although he never seemed able to stay committed to a relationship. At this very moment, he was busy protecting a group of first-year students from reptilian monster, which was still in great pain after being shot in the shoulder. It seemed to be quite disoriented with its surroundings.

Luppi swung his thin blade, and it cut a thin line on the monster's forearm, which made it recoil in fear, but then it let out a low, angry growl. It was sick and tired of being picked on like this. It didn't like it. Not one bit.

"GRAAAH!" With a single swipe of its giant hand, Nemu smashed Luppi against the wall so hard that he spit up blood before losing consciousness. His beloved fencing sword laid in pieces at his feet. For the next few months, his right arm would be stuck in a cast.

Nemu was about to attack again when three figures suddenly approached from the left-wing annex. They were three of the strongest teachers in Karakura High: Dordonii Alessandro Del Socacchio, the Dance teacher, Cirucci Sanderwicci, the Math teacher, and Gantenbainne Mosqueda, the football coach. It wouldn't be long until the police arrived, but for now the monster had to be kept busy at least.

"It's not nice to start fights," Dordonii smiled devilishly, "My ugly little nino..."

Nemu snarled, and then leaped at its new foes.


	12. Attack of Nemu 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This is probably the weirdest, most nonsensical mini-arc of the whole story, and there's still one chapter left. Sorry about that; I realized I sort of fucked up with this scenario. I'll do better for upcoming chapters; don't give up on me just yet, please. I'll try to get some new shoujo ai/yuri stuff done too hopefully. New yuri-fic ideas are hard to come by these days. I guess I'm just still having some trouble writing.

* * *

_At the local hospital..._

"Gasp!"

Mayuri Kurotsuchi's eyes snapped wide open, and he shot up into a seated position on his hospital bed. He was covered in so many bandages that he was almost indistinguishable from an ancient mummy. Having stared intensely at his IV drip for the past two hours made him suddenly realize that he had forgotten to initiate the final step in successfully creating his artificial being. It was for that reason that it became a hideous, violent monster. Funnily enough, the missing ingredient was something quite easily obtainable.

"Water..." he murmured, "I was supposed to add water...even ordinary tap water...then it would have been complete, and possibly even stronger and more intelligent. As long as it doesn't get any water on it, then it shouldn't be too hard to kill."

He wondered why, with all his intellect, that he only remembered something so important NOW of all times.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at Karakura High..._

Dordonii let out a mighty cry as the sole of his shoe slammed against Nemu's chest. Droplets of phlegm spurted from the creature's mouth and onto the tiled floor. Quickly regaining its composure, the monster attempted to strike back at his assailant, although its long claws had only nicked the man's chest before another attack came flying at it from the side. It was Gantenbainne, wielding on his fists the clawed brass knuckles he once wore as a delinquent in his youth. He punched again and again in the location that he assumed was it's ribcage. Flakes of oily green skin flew into his face, but he didn't slow down. Nemu screeched in a fit of agony, its lanky arms flailing about wildly.

"KREEEEEHH!"

"URGH!"

Gantenbainne's body failed to react in time before, in the midst of its tantrum, Nemu's nails pierced deep into his shoulder. He could feel the muscle tissue snap and rupture with ease. Streams of dark-red blood trickled down his arm and chest, like spilled paint. He struggled to shake off the claw even a little, but the searing pain within warned that any foolish mistakes could cost him his entire arm. Dordonii ran as fast as he could to his friend's rescue, and he leaped high into the air for another flying kick. Its mind steadily adapting to the situation, Nemu spun around quickly enough to toss Gantenbainne right into Dodornii's path, sending both men crashing to the ground.

"Are you two gonna sit there on the ground and roll in each other's blood all day or what?" Cirucci shouted, charging at Nemu with a small, hand-held chainsaw she took from the wood-shop class. It was able to tear through Nemu's skin like a knife through butter, and pretty soon the monster's tail had been detached from it with one swift slice. Blood was spewing all over from the stump of a tail, drenching both Nemu and Cirucci in a wet, scarlet sheet of liquid. Cirucci dodged back and forth and struck out again. Oddly enough, she seemed to be enjoying herself.

"As much as the idea of doing something like that appeals to the violent sadist in me," Dordonii replied with a roll of his eyes, "I have much more important things to do at the moment!" After setting the injured Gantenbainne down in a safe spot away from the fight, he hurriedly went to Cirucci's side.

Luckily he arrived in time to catch the young woman, who now had large claw markings on her shirt. She could only force a weak smile before drifting out of consciousness. Dordonii glared at the monster as it watched them from afar with its beady, lifeless eyes; it didn't seem to be weakened at all despite being hit hard several times. In fact, it looked a little sturdier and taller than when it first attacked them. The rubbery flaps over its mouth curled backwards to reveal the sinister grin it wore.

'We'll need a demon on our side if we are to hope of beating this accursed nino...wait, what does nino mean anyway? I thought I was Japanese!' Dordonii thought to himself with a grimace.

Nemu arched forward, its hands and feet poised, its mouth drooling, and it started to pounce...only to be sent tumbling over into a set of lockers by a flying metal chair. The chair was soon followed up by Tia Halibel. She grasped one arm onto the wounded monster and pressed the barrel of a small pistol against Nemu's forehead. She fired about six times, and then pulled back. When she was finally done, her sailor-suit uniform was stained all the way through with the creature's blood. Dordonii assumed she must be the demon he was hoping would save them.

"EVENTUALLY, WITH PEOPLE CONSTANTLY POPPING IN OUT OF NOWHERE TO HELP FIGHT, ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO HAVE TO BE USEFUL!"

Principal Kyoraku came running behind her with a bloody nose and a black eye. "Wow, you really kicked its ass after all. Still, did...did you really have to punch me and take my gun?" he whimpered.

"I'll tell you why," Halibel replied coldly, "Because you touched my butt, you disgusting old man."

"What? I did no such thing! I was getting a fly that was on there!"

"That still means you were looking at my ass though in the first place!"

"Okay, I did wrong...but a simple slap across the face would have sufficed, ya know?"

"Well, I'm the type of girl that likes to be violent, so-"

"Aha! You admit it! You're violent! That's why you hit me so hard! You have anger issues!"

"Maybe so."

"You admitted to that too! I have evidence now! EVIDENCE! I'll tell Nanao on you!"

"Tch. How immature of you."

"I have difficulties remaining serious for extended periods of time. I'm a laid-back kinda guy."

"That's certainly obvious..."

"Still, as your principal, I have the authority of punishing you for your lack of respect."

"Eep! I forgot!"

"Ha ha; you look so cute when you're embarrassed!"

"OH, SHUT UP!"

Not fully thinking straight, Halibel threw Kyoraku's pistol across the hall, and the very moment it hit the ground, it fired a single shot upwards. Unfortunately, it happened to hit the fire alarm. The sprinklers proceeded to activate without delay, dowsing everyone in the vicinity with a spray of luke-warm water. For Dordonii, after such a dangerous situation, it was quite refreshing. Kyoraku's favorite suit was now ruined, however. Letting bygones be bygones, both principal and student hurried to help the injured.

Some of said liquid landed on Nemu's corpse, and a few seconds later, it started to twitch violently. Its scaly skin molted off, wing-like appendages emerged from its back, and its whole body took on a more human appearance...a young woman, to be exact.

'I AM...NEMU.'


	13. Attack of Nemu 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: The story will go back to being about humor and Aizen and such after this chapter, just so you know. I'll put the story on a brief hiatus to get other stuff done first. Thank you!

Sorry about the weak ending too, but I was getting kind of tired when I wrote it.

* * *

"I AM...NEMU."

All of the sudden, Halibel felt a cold chill shoot up her spine. Something was staring at her back at that very moment...something unnatural and evil. The air itself was suffocating; it was as if a knife was being held near her throat. She spun around to see what was causing these bizarre sensations, and her mouth fell agape. Kyoraku did the same.

What had once been a horrific, reptilian beast was now a beautiful, naked woman with long black hair. She was slender, but with large breasts and wide hips. Four leathery white wings had sprouted from her back, giving her an angelic appearance. Slowly, her eyelids parted, revealing her irises to be completely white. Despite her beauty, this bizarre being radiated nothing less but pure evil.

"I am Nemu...and I now have the power to destroy you all." the creature stated, getting right to the point.

"W-W-What the heck?" Kyoraku exclaimed, "It was near-impossible for us to beat that thing as it was, but now it's somehow come back even more powerful and with wings despite suffering major injuries? That's just not very fair, if you ask me. Certainly not something worth drinking a bottle of sake to."

"It's like something out of a super-typical shounen manga with an overpowered villain...who has a mullet." Halibel agreed.

* * *

Over in his apartment, Aizen let out a sneeze.

* * *

Nemu raised her left hand and pointed accusingly at Halibel, Kyoraku and Dordonii. "You all attacked me, hurt me for no reason except that you thought I was dangerous just because of the way I looked."

"You attacked several students and teachers!"

Nemu paused. "...I will kill you and eat your bodies."

"Don't change the subject just before you're forced to admit the obvious truth that you deserved to be attacked!"

"I will kill you and eat your bodies."

"Now you're just repeating yourself...stop it. Please. I liked it better when you couldn't talk and looked like a giant lizard."

"I am an artificial being, but I am still mightier than a normal human...although I lack a heart to truly feel."

"Now you're trying to make us sympathetic towards you?"

Nemu threw her head back, and let loose a mighty, inhuman roar that caused all of the windows in the hall to shatter. She swung her hand forward so fast that Halibel had only realized what happened after Kyoraku collapsed to his knees with a pained look and blood splattered all over him. A medium-sized vertical chunk of his waist was now missing. It wasn't enough to put him into immediate danger, but it hurt like hell, and he was losing alot of blood quickly. Smirking, Nemu opened her palm to reveal a blood-stained clump of skin and muscle.

"Aww, damn...that smarts..." Kyoraku grunted through clenched teeth.

Halibel gasped. "P-Principal Kyoraku!"

"Then again, without feelings, I don't have to feel bad about mutilating you all." Nemu casually tossed the fleshy ball into her mouth, swallowing it whole.

"SO YOU'RE HAPPY ABOUT IT, THEN!" Halibel cried in retort, but she stopped herself before continuing further. This was no time to be playing the straight (wo)man; she was about to be killed! Dordonii was still injured, and Cirucci and Gantenbainne were unconscious, so they weren't able to be any help. She cursed herself for having thrown the gun in the first place.

"I'll eat your breasts first, because they look so plump and juicy," Nemu licked her lips. She slowly leaned in, and long protruding fangs sprouted from the top of gums.

'Normally I would be offended, but right now...I'm just scared...'

For the second time in a single day, Tia Halibel braced herself for an oncoming demise. Oddly, and ironically, the monster's breath smelled of fresh strawberry milk. Halibel hated that drink even more now than before.

'Besides,' she thought, 'This was the same scene from earlier, too, wasn't it? How long does it take this damn monster to eat someone? It's so annoying...if I was fated to die today, stop making it so dramatic and hurry it up! I wanna die without feeling too much pain! So, c'mon...just hurry...'

"I...FORGOT...MY...MATH...TEXTBOOK! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?"

Suddenly, in the very last second, just when there didn't seem to be any other way for Halibel to cheat death again, and Nemu would finally cause a casualty, a shimmering spark of hope arrived...in the form of Yammy Rialgo.

"I FORGOT MY MATH TEXTBOOK! MY MOM IS GONNA KILL ME! I HAVE TO FINISH ALL THOSE MATH EQUATIONS OR I DON'T GET DESSERT TONIGHT!" Yammy screamed at the top of his lungs as he rushed down the hallway, in Nemu and Halibel's direction. Without any hesitation, upon seeing that the strange-looking woman was in his way, Yammy reached out and tore off two of her wings. Both Nemu and Halibel screamed at the same time, one in agony and the other in shock. Despite getting blood on his face, Yammy wasn't phased in the slightest.

"Y-Yammy...you..." Halibel gasped.

"Where's my textbook? Where's my textbook?"

"Shut up about your damn textbook! You're the only one strong enough to kill Nemu thanks to your incredible retard strength, so please do it!"

"Huh? Nemu? Who the hell is that? And why is my strength retarded?"

"Uh...well, you see-"

"KREEEEEEEEH! YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU TEAR MY BEAUTIFUL WINGS?" Nemu leaped out from behind Yammy and dug her nails deep into his back. Halibel quickly ran for the pistol lying at the end of the hall, her heart racing. Nemu began to laugh at her easy victory, but then she realized something...she could feel his heartbeat through the nerves in her claws. Yammy was still alive. Not only that, but he was smiling.

"Damn, that hurt," Yammy chuckled, "But you'll have to do better...than that! I was born a giant, and I got the power of one!"

Reaching behind him, he grasped one hand tightly onto Nemu's outstretched arm, and crushed it with ease.

"GYAAAAAH! YOU..." Nemu's insults were cut short as Yammy punched her hard across the face. She felt both her nose break and her jaw crack. It hurt so badly.

'How...how am I being hurt like this? Torn apart so easily?' she wondered to herself, 'Is it because, despite my significant increase in power from before, I only just took this form recently and so I haven't adapted yet? It can't be because I'm weak; I need some better excuse to push all my blame onto! Whatever the case is...I might die here. I might actually die. No, in retrospect, I'm being too positive. With things going like this, I WILL die.'

Nemu used her remaining hand to catch herself in mid-fall and flip up back to a standing position. She transformed what remained of her other, shattered arm into a giant spike, and struck. It slashed open Yammy's chest, leaving a wide bloody gash, but he only staggered slightly before steadying himself. Nevertheless, the over-sized teenager was starting to look a little worn down, which heightened Nemu's mood. She swung again and again, each attack wounding the giant man further. Just a few more hits and then...

"Die!" Nemu felt something cold press against the back of her head, and then an intense pain sent it rocking back and forth. Her vision faded in and out, and one of her eyes was no longer working. She felt strange, like she was falling almost. Slowly creaking her head around, Nemu saw Halibel holding a gun at her, smoke flowing from its barrel. There was a brief silence as the two of them stared into one another's eyes.

"You're dead now...aren't you?"

Nemu twitched violently...and collapsed. She was still alive, but barely. She passed away a minute later after muttering the name of her creators under her breath.

"Oh yeah, I gotta get my textbook...and get these wounds disinfected..." Suddenly having remembered his original reason for coming back to school, Yammy made his way down the hall to where his locker was located.

Halibel threw a weak smile in his direction. "T-Thanks for saving me, Yammy, even if you didn't intend it,"

"You owe me a date for this. I need a chance to act smooth in front of a lady for once." Yammy remarked.

"D-Do I really have to?"

"YES!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll do it...I'll...go out with you...just once!"

"Sweeeeeeeeet~!"

And thus, the monster known as Nemu was defeated. Not long after, the police and ambulance finally arrived. When asked why they were late onto the scene, it turned out that Police Chief Zennosuke had gotten his afro caught in a car door and needed the entire force to help him get out. The police lost a great deal of its respect from the townspeople that day. School was closed for a few days to clean up the blood and make repairs, and numerous students were stuck in the hospital. After Principal Kyoraku healed up, he was arrested for purposely placing several students and faculty in danger. Mayuri and Szayel were also questioned by the FBI regarding the successful creation of an artificial being. Halibel and Yammy went on a date, and contrary to her expectations, she had a nice time.

* * *

"Hey, Aizen...did ya hear what happened at Karakura High recently?"

"Not really. I don't care."

"Oh...well, okay..."

"Go get a haircut, Gin."

"Stop telling me what to do!"

"Hmph...you're such a child..."

"We're only a year apart."

"Ah."


	14. Hair Curl 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Since it's been a while since Aizen had the spotlight, this will be another little mini-arc story I suppose, but much shorter compared to the last one. Probably only two or three chapters. I'll still work on other new stuff too.

* * *

One day, Sosuke Aizen woke up as usual. He climbed out of bed as usual. He tripped over an issue of Ichimaru Gin's Jump magazine as usual. He mumbled curses at Gin under his breath as usual. He lazily dragged himself into the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind him as usual. He looked at himself in the mirror first thing as usual...but this time, his hair curl was missing.

"GWAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Oi! oi oi oi oi oi!" Gin kicked open the bathroom door without any consideration of what Aizen was doing in there, "I thought we agreed you wouldn't shout 'Gwaaaaaaaaah' early in the morning anymore! It's incredibly disrespectful to those still trying to sleep - uh, wait a minute, Captain...are ya crying?"

Indeed, there were streams of tears pouring down Aizen's stoic face. "Gin..."

"What?"

"I've...I've been robbed of my beautiful hair curl..." Aizen slowly turned to face Gin to reveal that his hair curl was absent. Gin's eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

A tense silence befell the two young men. Neither of them could find the strength of will to speak up now. Tousen stepped into the bathroom out of curiosity, as he had been woken up as well by Aizen's screaming.

"Hey, you guys, what's going on? Huh? Oh, Aizen, your forehead looks really big for some reason; it's like you're suddenly missing some essential part of your hair style that helped hide the fact from others! I wonder what it could be though..."

"...Must you be so blunt?" Aizen scowled.

* * *

A little while later, Aizen, Gin and Tousen were sitting cross-legged in a circle on the floor of their apartment. While Gin and Tousen were looking a bit more worn-out than normally, Aizen was wearing a large sombrero atop his head and eating tortilla chips dipped in peanut butter. They had to think up of a way to deal with the situation of the exalted hair curl now missing. The only one seriously upset about this whole thing was Aizen himself.

"You know, Aizen, we already saw ya without yer hair curl...you don't have to wear that hat to cover it up," Gin remarked.

"I don't care. I need something to help me stand out. Every person, no matter their social standing, needs something, anything, about themselves that keeps them interesting and noticeable to others at all times. It could be a personal quirk, a bizarre accent, or even a specific physical description. My hair curl was like my trademark, and without it, I am just another boring old jobless loser with a mullet. This hat helps me keep my identity for now, but if I do not retrieve my hair curl soon, I may lose my soul in the next 30 hours."

"Do ya seriously believe that?"

"Better safe than sorry, Gin."

"Whatever you say, Captain..." Gin rolled his eyes behind his closed eyelids, so really it didn't look like he had done anything at all.

"Okay, Aizen," Tousen said with a notepad and pencil out in front of him, "Let's try to get down as much information as possible to help us in our search. So...where was the last place you saw your hair curl."

"It was on my head, you idiot."

"Yes, of course. Did you have it with you last night before going to sleep?"

"I did."

"Hmm...I would say that this leaves us with two options: either you are now suffering the start of male pattern baldness, or...someone has literally 'robbed you of your hair curl'!"

"Y-You mean, it was STOLEN?"

"That's exactly what I mean!"

"How in the world is something like that possible? That means someone..."

Aizen glanced over at the front door, and saw that it was broken off its hinges. Somehow none of the three men had noticed this problem until now.

"...Oh shit. We've been robbed!"

"Yeah," Gin nodded, "But after checking everything out, it seems the only things stolen were a pair of your dirty underwear, five dollars, and your hair curl."

"Those are some very odd items to steal. I mean, the money part makes sense, but the rest...I just don't understand."

"I think the thief was fan of yours, Aizen, or just retarded," Tousen pushed himself up to a stand, "However, in any case, it is my duty to deliver justice where it must be served, and I know the proper equipment that I require for such a task...bring me a wiffle bat, a wiffle ball, and a tasty batch of Eggo Wiffles!"

"I THINK YOU MEAN 'EGGO WAFFLES', YOU DUNCE! AND DON'T YOU DARE MAKE SUCH POINTLESS PUN-BASED JOKES EVER AGAIN, PLEASE!" Aizen wanted nothing more at the moment than to strangle the poor dread-locked man for his uselessness.

"Wait a minute, Tousen...you said a fan of the Captain's must have stolen his hair curl and his underwear, right?" spoke up Gin.

"Yes, I did say that, right, Aizen?"

Aizen nodded, still infuriated.

"Good! I just wanted to make sure I'm not imagining things."

"Which means...we need to find who Captain's 'fan' is...or more like 'psychotic stalker', really..." Gin concluded with a smirk.

Almost immediately, the name of the most likely suspect for this theft flashed in Aizen's and Gin's minds, but Tousen didn't know about her yet.

'IT WAS HINAMORI, FOR SURE!'

* * *

The very moment Aizen (still wearing the sombrero) stepped into the Momo Family Flower Shop, Gin flanking his right and Tousen his left, a small screaming figure with a toy sword pounced at him from above. Without even blinking, and with incredible speed, the mullet-headed man reached out, grabbed his assailant by his messy snow-white hair, and placed him gently on the ground. It was Toshiro Hitsugaya.

"H-How did you do that?" Hitsugaya and Tousen both exclaimed in astonishment.

Aizen shrugged. "It's a gift. If thousands of children started raining down on our heads at this very moment, I could probably catch about 76% of them with ease. That's how good I am. The rest can go to hell for all I care."

"Woooooow..." Hitsugaya was impressed, although now Tousen was just annoyed and Gin didn't even care in the first place.

"Is Hinamori here? I need to speak to her about something."

"I think she's in the back room like usual."

"She's not doing anything weird back there, is she?"

"Hmm...I'll check."

Hitsugaya ran over to the door and peeked inside for a few seconds before returning to Aizen and the others.

"She's covered in peanut butter while humping a photo of you and wearing a ball in her mouth."

"...We'll just wait until she's done..."

"Okay."

"Does she ever do any actual work around here? It doesn't even seem like this place has any business from the few times I've been."

"Hey, I'm just a kid; I don't keep tabs on the majority of her personal life."

"Hmm...good point. Sorry I asked."

"It's fine. But tell me why you're wearing a sombrero."

"You'll understand when you're older."

"Oh...by the way, I still hate you."

"Ah! I was waiting for you to say that! You caught me off-guard! Good show, boy, good show!"

"Thanks!"


	15. Hair Curl 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Writing that Reborn yuri fic, as overly sweet and sappy that it may be to some, has made me alot more interested in trying to write shoujo ai and stuff again, so I'll do my best to come up with ideas!

* * *

_A little while later..._

"What? You think I stole your hair curl AND a pair of your dirty underwear?"

Momo Hinamori looked quite taken aback by this accusations. As the sexually-overbearing, Aizen-obsessed teen that she was, such a criminal act seemed like an obvious one for her to commit. She had far more determination and willpower to obtain what she most desired than most people her age, so resorting to theft wasn't out of the question. Besides, she would try and do anything to be closer to the man she loved so dearly and without reason, wouldn't she?

"Oh, Aizen, I would never take anything that was in your possession, especially not your beloved hair curl," Hinamori exclaimed, "It would be nothing less but my greatest sin to intentionally ruin your great beauty. While I can't deny the idea of having an article of your clothing would make me jump for joy and probably wet my panties, I would never do anything to your physical state; I want to keep you fully intact for our future as husband and wife, after all."

Ignoring all of the ridiculous compliments sprinkled within Hinamori's explanation, Aizen shook his head and sighed. "As much as I'd like to believe that, Hinamori, I just can't. Out of all the people I know, you seem like the only one crazy enough to go and steal my hair curl and my underwear." While the two of them were having their conversation, Gin, Tousen and Hitsugaya were checking out the various flowers and plants available in the store.

"I didn't do it; you need to believe me! I may be head over heels for you, but I've learned how to respect a person's boundaries after going to therapy! And to tell the truth, there actually is someone I know who might just be crazy enough to do that...she used to be my friend." Hinamori cast her eyes down at the floor as she spoke.

"Who is it? What's her name?"

"Her name is Loly Aivirrne...and currently she is my rival for your affections,"

"...Seriously?" Aizen couldn't believe what he was hearing; how in the world was he so damn popular with all these wacko chicks? Aside from good looks and the ability to fake a charming personality, he didn't have much going for him. He felt kind of bad about it, too.

Hinamori nodded. "Loly used to be one of my closest friends, along with Halibel. We both fell in love with you at the same time, the moment we laid eyes on you and your adorable mullet. From that point on a rift between us began to grow, swallowing up our friendship and leaving nothing but envy and scorn for one another. She hated me for being able to talk to you so much, and I hated her for looking at you more as an object than a real person..."

'You kind of treat me as an object too...an incredibly sexy object you want to rape...I'm still afraid of you regardless.' Aizen thought.

"These days, she's become kind of mentally unstable, and she was arrested once for sending several threatening letters to myself warning me to keep away from you. I heard she even constructed a bust in her closet that resembles your face. Her only friend now is Menoly Mallia, who sticks with Loly for god knows what reason, since she doesn't seem to have any feelings for you like Loly and I have. I'm fairly certain Loly is the one who stole your hair curl and your underwear."

"Hmm..." Aizen furrowed his brow, deep in thought. It really wouldn't be in Hinamori's character to lie, especially to him, so he could probably accept her words as truth. He had no idea who this Loly girl was, though there were no other leads at this point. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to meet someone who obsessed over him more than Hinamori does. Still, for the sake of his hair curl, he had little other choice but to go straight into the lion's den. He just hoped he could make it out of there in one piece afterwards.

"Hinamori...I need you to tell me where Loly lives..."

"You're not going to have sex with her, are you? She'll probably poke a hole in the condom, you know! Then, when she gets pregnant, she'll make you feel so guilty that you'll be unable to leave her!"

"OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. I JUST WANT MY HAIR CURL BACK."

"Oh, okay then! I'd go with you three but I need to stay here and run the store, and Shiro-chan is far too young to lay witness to that horrible girl, so I'll just tell you the directions..."

"Uh, that was more exposition than necessary, but thanks."

* * *

As it turned out, Loly and Menoly resided together in the same apartment building as Aizen, Gin and Tousen, although the room was located two floors below theirs. They were still teenagers, although the majority of their expenses were paid through work or by their parents. Tousen didn't really want to have anything to do with the rest of this predicament, so he went over to Hisagi's place instead. Poor Gin had to be literally dragged back to the apartment complex before he finally agreed to go with Aizen to talk to the two girls.

"Should we beat her up first, or get the bitch curl back and then beat her up?" Gin asked.

"I'd rather avoid being charged for violence against a defenseless young woman, and it's a HAIR curl, not a bitch curl."

"Suit yourself. I brought the whipping chain just in case, though."

"If you hit anyone with it, I'll claim you were drunk in front of the courts."

"Oooh, so scary, Captain, so scary...by the way, what's up with Hinamori? She seems a bit...whacked in the head, if you ask me..."

"I would assume it's because, aside from her abnormally strong feelings of sexual depravity, she was also home-schooled, which may in turn give her a different, less-informed view of the world in comparison to someone who goes to school every week and spends time with all different types of people. She is a bit of a sheltered girl; I blame her parents personally."

"Huh, really? Wow, Captain, even though you say you hate that girl, you sure seem to understand her well."

"I do that with everyone, Gin. I always judge them to the fullest extent to try and figure out the reasons behind their personalities and quirks."

"Ha ha, yeah, that's true! You can't do that with me, though...right?"

"You're a disturbing man on the inside and the outside, Gin; I'd rather not know what goes on in that head of yours."

"Fair enough."

As Aizen and Gin approached Loly's apartment room at the end of the hall, they became aware of a pair of female voices shouting back and forth between one another.

"I'M NEVER GIVING IT BACK TO HIM!" cried one voice.

"YOU BROKE THE LAW, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK AT LEAST! EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING SO MEANINGLESS AS A DAMN HAIR CURL, YOU STILL COMMITTED THE CRIME OF BREAKING .?docid=8966061D ENTERING!" exclaimed the other.

Aizen picked up the pace upon hearing this. He leaped up and stuck his left leg out forward, smashing down the door in the process with his flying kick. "That was payback for the door back at my place, bitches! Now give me back my bitch curl...I mean, my hair curl!"

Gin smirked.

"I-It's not funny, Gin! I sad 'bitch curl' by accident!"

A girl with black pigtails and another girl with short blonde hair were frozen on the spot as they stared at the two men who had suddenly barged into their apartment. The room itself was illuminated by dark-purple fluorescent lights, with various posters and photographs hung all over the walls and ceiling. A tank of baby scorpions sat at the eastern edge of the room. A rug with Rick Astley's face stitched into it adorned the floor. Clutched tightly in the pigtails girl's fist was a long strand of brown hair: Aizen's hair curl.

"Y-Y-You're..." The pigtails girl, whom Aizen assumed to be Loly, could barely get her words out.

Aizen held his palm out to her. "Listen here, you stupid girl...unless you wish to destroy me, unless you wish to damn me to hell, unless you wish to eradicate my very being from both this world and the next...then give me back my hair curl NOW." His expression was serious, although the sombrero he wore partially ruined the effect.

Loly nervously placed the hair curl in Aizen's hand, who let out a rather high-pitched guffaw before dashing out the door with Gin in tow. 'That was easier than I thought!' They ran and ran until they made it back to their own room, where Aizen quickly locked himself in the bathroom with his hair curl and a tube of super-strong glue.

Loly and Menoly exchanged bewildered glances.

"Since this is already awkward enough, I don't think it will be of any harm now to say I love you more than anyone else." Menoly stated with a straight face.

"I didn't expect that..." A blush formed on Loly's cheeks.

Aizen had forgotten the dirty underwear, too.


	16. Mister Strawberry

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I know I said back in the first chapter that there was no Ichigo Kurosaki, and this guy just looks like Ichigo and that's all, so technically that means he isn't Ichigo Kurosaki...right? He's sort of like the mad hatter.

Also, this chapter contains seriousness and foreshadowing, so be warned.

* * *

"Wake up, Sosuke Aizen."

Ever since that long, drug-induced dream he had suffered a while ago, Aizen had been plagued with bizarre nightmares from time to time. Many of them involved curious things like Shinigami, Zanpakuto and Arrancar. He even once dreamt he killed Gin for betraying him, but why, he wasn't sure. It seemed like his brain was not willing to let him simply forget that dream, as if it held some important information he couldn't lose knowledge of. He had expected tonight's nightmares to be the same. However, this time it was something very, very different.

"I hope you realize that glue you used to put back on your hair curl washes away easily in the shower,"

Aizen's eyes snapped wide open. He was lying on a red velvet couch in what appeared to be the middle of a swanky, high-class bar. He was wearing what looked like a tuxedo for a wedding, or maybe a funeral. A black piano sat alone on the stage in front of him. The lights from the ceiling were shining down on him from all sides. Large lion statues protruded from the walls, both imposing and vaguely frightening. There was a bar with a counter and open bottles lying around, but there weren't any customers or a bartender. In fact, there wasn't anyone around at all. At least, there didn't appear to be...until a man appeared from the shadows.

"I'm glad you're awake...do you recognize me?"

The man was rather tall and lean, and he looked young, with strands of messy bright-orange hair that poked out from underneath his top-hat. He wore a black tail suit, as well as black shoes and white leather gloves. In his hand he carried what at first appeared to be a cane, but it was in fact a long, thin sword the same color as his clothes: black as night itself.

"You!" Aizen said, "I recognize you..."

"Oh? What do you think my name is?"

"You're from my dream. You're I-"

"My name is Strawberry."

"No, I think it's Ichig-"

"Strawberry."

"You look just like a kid in my dream who had the last name Ku-"

"Strawberry, and nothing else."

"I'm pretty sure it was...ICHIGOKUROSAK-"

"Say the whole name and I'll kill you."

"But-"

"My name is Strawberry. Nice to meet you." The odd man removed his hat and bowed. He was determined to pretend the entire argument just before never happened, so Aizen went along. He didn't feel like arguing much, although he didn't like the guy's name at all.

"That's a pretty fruity name..." Aizen mumbled under his breath, but when he acknowledged the fact he had made a groan-worthy pun, he slapped his palm against his face.

"Ha ha! You're a riot, Aizen, a real riot...! I'll have you know that despite my 'fruity name', I have a harem of women with over-sized breasts and short tempers."

Aizen, who had been standing up, sat himself back down on the velvet couch, and sighed.

"Well...don't you want to ask what's going on?" inquired Strawberry.

"Not really. This is just another one of my weird dreams. I'll wake up soon enough the same as ever."

"Well, actually," Strawberry swung his black sword through the air in a circular motion, "This time it's a bit different."

"Huh?"

"You see, Aizen, I am you...but at the same time, I'm not."

"I don't understand."

"I expected you wouldn't. You see, ever since that dream you had a while back, I've been growing stronger and stronger within you...taking in all of your new experiences and feeding from them to gain power."

"What, are you some kind of tapeworm?"

"Ha ha, no, I'm not. I am a manifestation of your past self, Aizen; the self that you abandoned. I also know more about everything than you do, funnily enough. The dreams you've been having are far more than simply dreams, although I cannot go into further detail about this or else the higher-ups will get mad at me." Strawberry wore an eerie grin, the kind you would see on a deranged rapist before he violated his helpless victim. It sent a shiver down Aizen's spine.

"This is way too bizarre...this has to just be a normal dream..." Aizen wiped his face with his hands.

"Do not fear me, Aizen. Truth be told, I am your friend. I wish to help you. I want to help you remember your true self. You are much stronger, bolder and ferocious than you make yourself appear to be. You are cunning and evil and willing to go great lengths to get what you want. You are akin to a demon in human form, at least you once were...when you had been with the Vizards."

A flood of memories came rushing back to Aizen all at once, and they were all bad memories. "You...you really should stop talking...I've never met a more obnoxious figment of my imagination than you..."

"You're trying to stay on this pitiful, worthless path of life on purpose, Aizen. You could be a great man if you really tried. You could defeat all of your enemies. You have the intelligence, but you do not possess the drive. I can grant you the abilities you need. I am your true power."

"I really need to stop taking drugs to get to sleep...and why do you appear now of all times?"

"It was that dream...the battle over Karakura Town...it awoken me. It even brought out a few friends of mine."

Strawberry snapped his fingers twice, and three white rabbits hopped out from the shadows behind him. Each one wore a name-tag: Tiger, Princess and Glasses. Aizen blinked, clearly bewildered by the sudden appearance of these animals. The rabbit named Princess leaped into Strawberry's arms and nuzzled its head against his chest lovingly. Tiger and Glasses seemed much less participative.

"I really don't believe any of this bullshit you're spouting to me." Aizen snarled. He was growing increasingly annoyed with this strange fellow.

"That's understandable. In any case, I'll simplify it for you: I am a form of your inner-self, and the true power that you possess, even if it IS kept at human limits. Whenever you need my help, I'll be there, but at the same time I'll slowly come closer and closer to reverting you to the past self you abandoned many years back. The latest altercations in your life have brought about these changes in your personality, and your hold is weakening because your friendship with others has grown. In the end, I'm a double-edged sword."

"...Am I seriously that mentally unstable?"

Strawberry nodded.

"Geez!"

"It's more like you're a bit of a schizophrenic."

"Dammit, that's not good either!"

With one final laugh, Strawberry turned his back to Aizen and began to walk away into the shadows, as if he was actually apart of the darkness. "Just remember, Aizen, in your time of need..." he looked over his shoulder at the mullet-haired man, and before vanishing completely, a white mask with three red stripes running vertically on its left side formed over his face, "I will be there to help you. And I'll make you remember what you gave up, whether you like it or not."

Aizen felt himself break out into a cold sweat; he didn't know why Strawberry's cryptic words unnerved him so much, but they did.

Suddenly, there was a loud thump, and a shout from within the darkness. "Oww! Shit! I can't see a damn thing in here! God, I really need to get some lights installed in this part of the bar...ugh, my groin..." stated Strawberry's voice.

When Aizen woke up that morning, he decided not to mention any of this to either Gin or Tousen. It was simply just a dream, and nothing more, he told himself. Pretty soon, he forgot about the whole thing, although Strawberry's words never left his mind. There was no way he could believe them, yet at the same time, it seemed totally plausible. Aizen didn't like feeling this confused about anything, especially when it has to do with his own mental health.

'I'll make you remember what you gave up...whether you like it or not...wait a minute, that kid in my dream who looked just like Strawberry had this same exact problem, didn't he?'


	17. Sunglasses Don't Make You Macho

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: About the previous chapter; it was an important plot point but one that won't be touched on much except during the more serious mini-arcs.

Anyway, I hope Aizen dies in the manga soon...he's been around too long as it is, and he's gotten to be a bore.

There seemed to be some kind of problem when I first uploaded the chapter, so I did it again.

* * *

Aizen felt like he needed something to help himself unwind after that bizarre dream involving Strawberry, so he decided to go to the local coffee shop and hang around for a while. However, it was during his walk to the cafe when he came across something strange. Lying alone in the middle of the sidewalk, with a small crack evident in its left frame, was a pair of black sunglasses. Aizen picked them up and gave them a quick look-over. There didn't seem to be anything particularly wrong with the glasses aside from the crack, and it was barely noticeable as it is. He was about to put them in his pocket, most likely to sell them to a pothead for a few bucks later, when he heard a voice call out to him.

"Hey...hey, buddy, over here..."

Aizen glanced to the right, and saw a shadowed figure standing in the alleyway between two houses. He had a rather flat, distinctive hairstyle with a thin mustache and he wore black sunglasses the very same as the ones Aizen had just picked up.

"Uh...my mommy told me never to talk to strangers," Aizen replied with a straight face.

"DON'T TRY AND ACT LIKE YOU'RE SOME ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KID! YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY AN ADULT!" The man snapped back.

"Still, I can't deny that she told me never to talk to strangers,"

"Well, you obviously broke her instructions. Think about all the people you know in your life, and all the people you talk to from time to time; they were all total strangers to you at one point, weren't they?"

"...Holy shit."

"SEX."

"What?"

"Now that I've got your full attention, come over here so I can talk to you in private."

Deciding to just throw fate into the wind, Aizen followed the man's request, and stepped into the alleyway with him. Fortunately, the glasses-geezer wasn't a rapist, or even a flasher. Upon closer inspection, he was wearing the kind of brown jacket the protagonists of detective novels usually wore. He glanced back and forth to make sure no one was watching them from afar before he continued speaking.

"My name," said the man as he removed a police badge from within his coat pocket, "Is Tetsuzaemon Iba. I'm a freelance detective, and I've been one for about twenty years now. It's a good job. I get paid alot and I can eat fried dumplings any time I want, or better yet, SUBWAY SANDWICHES!"

"Ah...that's, uh, cool." Aizen muttered. "What did you want to talk to me about anyway, old man?"

"I saw you pick up those old glasses of mine just a moment ago. You must really think they're macho, huh?"

"Not really."

"Ha! Don't be so modest! You just passed the test I set up every few months to choose my next apprentice! Aren't you the lucky one?"

Aizen made a disgusted face. "I did what now?"

"Those glasses will only be noticed by those who truly understand the meaning of 'macho', and thus, is the type of person I am looking to work by my side during my investigations! Congratulations!" Iba grinned widely, showing off all his teeth.

"Damn, you're insane. I'm out of here!"

Aizen turned around, and began to walk away, but then he heard the clicking of a revolver with its safety lock being removed. Through the corner of his eye he could see the barrel of a gun being held near his head. Using his free hand, Iba took out a cigarette, slipped it in between his lips, and lit it. The stench of smoke soon filled Aizen's nostrils.

"Sorry, guy, but you really CAN'T refuse such a great offer as getting to work side by side with a genius detective like me. Besides, if you left me here like this...I might cry."

'I'm the one who might cry...although I'm too mature for that!' thought the mullet-haired hostage.

* * *

Somehow, Aizen found himself sitting in the front passenger seat of a police car as Iba drove down into the more seedy area of Karakura Town, where a majority of the town's crimes took place. Aizen really didn't want anything to do with this crazy bastard, but as long as that gun still had bullets in it, he couldn't escape without risking the chance of being shot. He cursed himself for not following his dear mother's orders. He also cursed himself for foolishly leaving his cellphone back at the apartment.

"What's wrong, guy? Cat got your tongue?" Iba asked rather casually despite the situation.

"Actually...I'm just wondering where you're taking me...and isn't abducting someone and forcing them to work for you illegal? You're basically kidnapping me."

"I've received word that a band of drug-dealers are meeting up in one of the old run-down warehouses at the edge of town, and I'm going to go and get the jump on them ahead of time! And about your second question..."

"...Yes?"

"Just don't worry about it."

"I can't just not worry about it! Tell me why the hell I have to do this with you!"

"Because," Iba chuckled, "You found the glasses. I can't do this thing alone, and a single look at you was all I needed to tell that you are most fit to be my apprentice and help me!"

"Look, I really don't want to have anything to do with this, okay? I don't even know you. Just let me out-"

Suddenly, without warning, a single tear leaked out from behind the dark lenses of Iba's sunglasses and rolled down his cheek. Aizen hadn't expected this.

"I'm really, really sorry I dragged you into this against your will, guy," Iba spoke with some difficulty as a deep sob arose from his throat, "I should have told you this first, but...you reminded me so much of my son when I saw you pick up those glasses. He and I were a team once; we went on many investigations together and solved mysteries that left even the smartest men in the police force stumped. There was never a dull moment in our lives. We thought we would be able to do this together forever...until the cold hard facts of reality came hitting me square in the face. My son was shot through the heart while chasing after a criminal on my orders. It killed him instantly, and I didn't find him until an hour later lying in a puddle of rain and blood, with a sad smile on his lips. I can't deny that it's my fault he died. I want to just do this last drug bust, the one my son and I were going to do together, and I need someone by my side or else I won't be able to succeed...I promise I'll make it up to you when this is all over."

"...I...I see..." Aizen was at a loss for words.

"You even look just like him, if you were a foot shorter, weighed about 30 extra pounds, had curly blond hair, a flat nose and wore glasses..."

Aizen's compassion for the weeping geezer flew right out the window after that comment. "So basically I don't look anything like him, and you just chose me at random."

"Hey, now that you mention it, that's exactly right!"

"Ugh..."

* * *

It did not take much longer before Aizen and Iba arrived at the warehouse. Having been abandoned a good number of years prior by the logging company, the storage building had become quite debilitated in appearance. Most of the roof had collapsed in on itself, and many of its windows were broken. The exterior coloring of the warehouse was a light-gray of what had once been a bright shade of blue. Even the entrance gate was stuck halfway open because of rusted gears. The stench of rotting wood hung heavily in the air.

"This is the place...we made it," Iba murmured for the fifth time in a row. He slowly got out of the car, and he motioned for his 'apprentice' to do so as well.

"Are you sure?" Aizen replied, "I don't see any other cars parked here..."

"It's here, no doubt! These drug-dealers are a inconspicuous bunch; they most likely had been dropped off here so as to make it look like the place was deserted."

'Hmm...I hope Soifon isn't apart of this...she'd definitely break my balls if I got her arrested...' thought Aizen as he hastily followed his captor to the eastern side of the building.

"Okay, guy," Iba began his instructions, "this is it. I appreciate you for sticking by me in my time of need. We're macho brothers for life, okay?"

"Okay..."

"Do you understand?"

"I understand!"

"That's what I wanna hear! Okay, you flank 'em from the right, and I'll attack from the left! If we're about to die, we take out as many as we can before we pass on to the great blue beyond! Sounds good, don't it? Alright, let's do this, friend!"

The two of them waited for a short while before Iba suddenly ran around the corner of the warehouse and knocked down the back-door with a swift kick. He screamed like a madman as he pounced inside, brandished his pistol, and fired wildly. Aizen didn't know what he was exactly supposed to do to help, but that was the least of his worries when he realized that there wasn't even the sound of a gunshot after Iba pulled the trigger. Iba fired again and again, except nothing happened; he had no ammo in the gun in the first place. Aizen peered into the warehouse, seeing it was completely empty sans a few rats.

'What the...?'

"Freeze, you bastards! Get down on the floor now, motherfuckers! Booyah! Your cruel words, sharp knives and armor-piercing bullets don't hurt me, because I am a full-blown MACHOCHIST!" Iba was hoping back and forth while laughing. He started to remove his clothes for some reason too.

Aizen proceeded to walk away without a word.

Later that same day Aizen saw a report on the news that an inmate from the local asylum had escaped. The escapee was a former sunglasses-maker named Tetsuzaemon Iba, and should be considered highly dangerous and mentally unstable. As it turned out, only the second part was right about him.


	18. Avoid Justin Bieber At All Costs

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Like many other people, I don't like Justin Bieber either. This is mainly based after how Matsumoto likes to act all flirty with younger kids like Hitsugaya, even if she is just joking around.

I greatly appreciate all favs/watches/reviews/hits/views/whatever. Also, for anyone who doesn't realize it yet, this story mainly is a bunch of one-shot chapters that share small connections together with the occasional mini-arcs or two-parters.

* * *

Ichimaru Gin had hoped that he had just misheard his girlfriend Rangiku Matsumoto over the phone the first time. What she was asking him was the most difficult request he had ever been given. He would run over hot coals in bare feet, swim through ice-cold water, and even resort to senseless violence for the sake of this woman...but something like what she wanted him to do now was just ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE.

"W-What did you say, Rangiku...?"

"I said I wanted you to pick me up the new Justin Bieber CD for me when I come and visit you guys later this week!" replied Matsumoto's voice with a tiny giggle.

"Ohhhhhh...err, why?" Gin wondered if the gods had forsaken him for acting like a sneaky little creep.

"Because, Gin," Matsumoto exclaimed, "He's such an adorable little thing! I think it's so cute he sounds like a girl when he sings! Besides, I'll be sure to pay you back in all the ways you like! You'll buy it for me, won't you?"

Gin really wished his girlfriend didn't have this disturbing complex for young boys; he was just lucky she didn't go turning into a pedophile. "I...I'll try my best...for you, Rangiku..."

"Oh, thank you so much, Gin!"

"Heh heh...n-n-no problem...sob..."

"Huh? Are you crying?"

"No! I'm not! Umm...I gotta go! Talk to you later!"

"Okay, bye-"

As soon as he slammed his cellphone shut, Gin rolled up into a fetal position and just laid like that on his bed for the next half-hour.

"Are you gonna be alright?" Tousen asked him.

Gin looked up at his friend with a pitiful expression. "I will be if you'll buy a Justin Bieber CD for my girlfriend."

"Hmm...good luck with that."

"Bastard...!"

* * *

Gin entered the music store later that day with only one thought on his mind: buy the Justin Bieber CD and get out of there as soon as possible. However, he would have to carefully maneuver his way past several dangerous obstacles if he wished to succeed without damaging his social status. One of said obstacles was walking over to the CDs section and picking up a Justin Bieber album without anyone nearby seeing him do so. Next he would have to bring the CD up to the counter and pay for it; that was where things got really difficult. The cashier, Shiba Ganju, was one of the only employees Gin had ever seen working in the store, and had become friends with him over time. Ganju always talked too much about the type of music Gin purchased, and although the silver-haired man hadn't minded it before, this time he would probably be traumatized with embarrassment. A little bit of luck was required for everything to work out well.

'Alright, let's see...what category of music would Justin Bieber be under? Hmm, probably pop or R&B...these genres have really gone downhill these days...'

Gin eventually located the specific disc he was looking for exactly where he had expected it. It was the only copy left of Justin Bieber's new album. However, there was something he hadn't expected; there was a small dark-red stain on the bottom left corner of the CD case. Gin looked a little closer and realized that it was blood. There was even more blood on the backside of it. He still kept up his fox-like expression even though he was freaking out on the inside. He was a meticulous planner, but some things he just never expected.

'Blood? Why is there blood? Why in the world is there blood on this thing...?'

He glanced back and forth down the aisle to ensure no one was watching him; he was actually the only customer in the store at the moment. Carefully, he put a little bit of his saliva on his thumb and tried to wipe off all the blood. Unfortunately, the blood on the case was already dry and it was unable to be removed with simply spit. Gin was getting nervous now.

'I have no idea why there's blood on this case,' Gin thought, 'But I just need to calm down. The fact that it has blood on it is of no consequence; I should just pretend it's not even there. I'll take it up to the cash register and purchase it, just like Rangiku wants. If Ganju points out the blood then I'll act like I never noticed it and I can get a blood-free copy as a replacement. Yeah, that sounds good. It sounds real good. Still, I don't want him thinking I like Justin Bieber or anything either. All of his respect for me will go flying out the window if that happens. I gotta act like a snake, with no emotions and a vicious appetite who will strike down any prey without hesitation. I cannot let him get the upper hand in the conversation this time. I must outwit him swiftly but at the same time get him to replace the CD cover. I never imagined I would have such difficulty buying a CD like this, but drastic times call for drastic measures!'

Not wanting to waste further time, Gin bolted for the cash register to make his purchase. Shiba Ganju was absent-mindedly flipping through a pornographic magazine when Gin approached him.

"Oh, hey, Gin! Long time no see! It's been a while since you came here to buy anything, especially now that people can download songs for free and all that!" Ganju proclaimed with a cheerful grin.

"Uh...yeah, hey...I'm gonna buy...this...CD...here..."

Gin very, very slowly placed the Justin Bieber CD on the counter. He made sure to have it facing on its back so that Ganju would see all of the blood.

"Ah, let's see here," Ganju lifted the CD case into his hand and looked it over carefully, apparently oblivious that most of it was stained in some person's necessary bodily fluids. Gin tried to keep a straight face as he anxiously awaited for Ganju to hurry up and print out the receipt already so he could just pay and leave. If he couldn't get a new clean case, he was just going to have to take it as it is for now and replace it himself. There was no way he would let Rangiku have something so befouled as a gift.

"Hey," Ganju blinked, "this CD...isn't this Just-"

"Here's 10 bucks. You can keep the change. Just give me the CD and I'll leave." Gin interrupted, taking out a ten-dollar bill from his wallet as he spoke.

"I think you might have picked the wrong CD, man, because this is-"

"Stop."

"Maybe it's because your eyes are always like slits, so you probably picked up the wrong CD by accident-"

Gin couldn't take it anymore. "Look, I know who it is, Shiba Ganju. I know damn well who it is. I will tell you know that I do not like him. I am buying this CD filled with his crappy music for the sake of my girlfriend, who has a complex for much younger men. I would rather do anything but come here and buy this stinkin' CD, but I have little other choice. I'm sacrificing my pride for someone I deeply care about. Do you understand me, Ganju?"

Ganju was silent for a moment, then he nodded. "Y-Yeah...I understand ya. Ever since my sister lost her arm in that accident, I've been doing my best to help her anytime I can, even though she always says she doesn't want it, and treats me badly...but I know deep down she appreciates what I do, and it's my job as her brother to be there in her time of need. You gotta put your pride on the line for those you love."

"Umm...your case is a little different from mine, but I'm glad we have come to a compromise. Now before you say anything else, hand me the CD, take my money, and allow me to depart."

"Okay, but I should let you know...this is a Justin Bieber CD." Ganju said while placing the CD into a plastic bag.

"...I'm never coming here again...and by the way the CD case is covered in blood..."

Ganju laughed. "Oh, that stuff? It's just from THAT...it's been here for a while now, and we can't get rid of it, so we just have to accept it. It said it revived itself by reverting to its original form, but I have no idea what means...its name is Nemu, by the way. I'm sure your girlfriend won't mind thinking you had to kill someone to get this for her, right? It's total devotion!" He pointed up towards the ceiling. Gin only briefly saw something with glowing red eyes stare back at him through the ventilation shaft before it disappeared. He couldn't think of anything more to say.


	19. There's Always Someone A Dog Hates

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Even though he looks like a dog, Komamura is actually a wolf. I noticed this chapter starts off pretty much the same as the previous one did; I'll try to avoid doing repetitive things like that. I apologize. Alot of characters being introduced lately, too. And about Nemu coming back despite being shot in the head and being declared dead in the text, well...it's kind of like how Pell somehow survived that bomb explosion in One Piece, if you know what I mean. If you don't, you can look it up I guess. Either way she's now in her lizard-like form.

* * *

_In a small woods clearing..._

Kaname Tousen cursed himself under his breath for having taken the long route to the apartment that day. He hadn't expected it to unexpectedly start raining so hard without warning, and all he really wanted to do was just get a bit of exercise after hanging out with Hisagi. Tousen wondered why the forecast didn't mention anything about rain today, but then again he knew that there was always the chance they could be wrong. Still, had they been right in the first place, then Tousen would have brought an umbrella ahead of time. His clothes and hair were soaking wet, as was the rest of him obviously. He tried running at top speed to pick up the pace, but it just tired him out quickly.

"Dammit..." he muttered, feeling overwhelmed by both exhaustion and the freezing rain, "This is so annoying...why the hell did this have to happen to me?"

Suddenly, he heard something let out a small whimper near him. He looked over at what appeared to be a large heap of samurai armor slightly hidden behind the shadow of a large tree. The rain droplets made a hollow tapping sound as they bounced off the armor pieces. Why there was something so valuable lying in the forest just outside of town like this was anyone's guess. There was something wet and shaggy-looking curled up inside it. Tousen peered deeper inside, and was sent reeling back by a wretched stench.

It was an old, hairy man. A hobo, to be more precise. "Eh? Whadda ya want, bitch?" the pitiful human being grumbled. "I was trying to sleep here in the full-body suit of the great Kokujō Tengen Myō'ō when you came and woke me up!"

"I...I'm sorry...I didn't know you were in there..." stuttered Tousen in response.

"I lost my house due to being unable to pay my bills and my wife ran off with her seamstress to become pole dancers in Hawaii! I'm feeling really depressed right now, and this rain and cramped living space aren't helping! You're just making things even worse!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"I have nothing left to live for, you know! Hell, I could commit any crimes I want and it won't matter because either way I'll be a dead man! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Tousen threw his hands in the air, afraid of he was about to be mauled. "I'm really, really sorry! It's just...I heard something crying and I wanted to check out what it was."

"Hmm, I finished crying a few hours ago, so it must have been this little fella," The hobo lifted a small, light-brown puppy out from underneath the cluttered armor.

"...Ah."

"Do you want it?"

"Err, well...I live in an apartment, you see, and I don't know if we can keep pets there..."

"You DON'T know?"

"I don't."

"So you're saying there is a slight possibility that you can keep pets there?"

"Hmm, well, when you put it like that, I suppose that is what I was saying after all."

"Then take him."

"OKAY! I WILL!"

* * *

"...And that's how I ended up with this puppy. I named him Komamura after the man who saved my life several years ago," Tousen concluded, holding the panting little puppy in his arms while Sosuke Aizen and Ichimaru Gin gave him disapproving looks.

Finally, after several tense seconds of silence, Gin spoke up. "It's a wolf."

"What are you saying?"

"It's not an ordinary puppy...it's a wolf. I can tell just by looking at it." explained Gin.

Letting out a gasp, Tousen held the innocent-looking mammal away from his body at arm's length. "R-Really? Oh my god, it's not going to kill me, is it? I'm afraid of being killed today for some reason, but still...it's not going to kill me, right?"

"I don't think so, but that's not important here," Aizen shouted, "You brought that filthy little mutt into our place without even asking us! Do you not know how unsanitary that is? It was living outside with a hobo for crying out loud!"

"I figured you would bring that up, so I left part of the story out just in case to answer later: the old man told me the dog had only been there since earlier this same day, before it started waiting. It was brought over to the woods by its owner and then left there all alone...it's really quite sad now that I think about it..." Tousen gently rubbed his palm against the puppy's head.

"Well, it's good to know he's pretty much clean...but it's against the rules to keep pets of medium to large size in the apartments." Aizen was desperate to come up with a good enough excuse to get rid of Komamura; the dog kept giving him a nasty look that was making him feel rather uneasy.

Suddenly, most likely on cue, the front door swung open to reveal Old Man Yamamoto. Standing beside the ancient man, with a thick booklet in his hands, was his long-time business partner and close friend, Chojiro Sasakibe. All of the color drained from Aizen's and Gin's faces.

"Actually," Yamamoto spoke with a placid expression, although there was a hint of malicious intent in his words, "I'll give you three special permission to own a pet in your room as long as you can properly train it. I believe that sounds like a good deal, don't you?""

"Y-You were listening in on our whole conversation?" Gin cried out.

"Why the hell would you let us keep this thing? Of all people! We're drug-addicts; this is not a safe environment for small animals or even senior citizens like you guys, so leave!" Aizen provided his input as well.

"I am doing this to torment you two on purpose." Yamamoto stated without hesitation.

"AH-HA! I KNEW IT! BUT WHY?"

"Because you took money from my wallet when I was going crazy,"

"Dude, that was a hell of a long time ago, back when we were babysitting Grimmjow and Ulquiorra! Why is it that you can remember that but not my actual name?" Gin demanded to know.

Yamamoto simply waved his accusations away. "Whatever you say, Gintoki. Whatever you say."

"C'mon, guys," Tousen said, "It'll be fun having a pet! I'll buy all the stuff for him; I make alot of money from my three jobs after all!"

Aizen and Gin both threw a hateful glare at their roommate. 'What in the world are your three jobs anyway?' they wondered.

Yamamoto lifted Komamura out of Tousen's hands and smiled at it, "Besides...can you really say 'No' to a cute face like this?"

Gin stared long and hard at Komamura. It stared back, its eyes like two black pearls. For a brief instant, the fox-faced man could feel himself connecting with the dog on a deeply spiritual level. He didn't know how it happened, but it did. It sent a cold shiver crawling down his spine. The dog seemed to be smiling at him. After a little further hesitation, Gin slowly reached out and pet the dog.

"Dammit, Gin, don't get sucked into the cuteness again like you did with Matsumoto!" exclaimed Aizen desperately, but it was already too late.

"It's so cute, Aizen...just look at it..."

Sighing, Aizen looked at the puppy. There was a short silence before the dog let out a deranged snarl and pounced upon the mullet-haired man in a fit of rage. "OH GOD, MY LEG!"

Yamamoto cackled. "Ha ha! This is one smart doggy! I like 'em!"

And thus, the living quarters of Aizen, Gin and Tousen became a little more crowded.


	20. Enter Matsumoto

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Even though I have most of this story planned out, some things may be added or changed for jokes or reference or new characters depending on what happens in future chapters of the Bleach manga series.

* * *

Aizen, Gin, Tousen and Komamura (who was happily wearing his new collar and leash) were walking together to the train station early that Saturday morning. Last night Gin had received a call from his girlfriend Rangiku Matsumoto that she'd be arriving in town the next day after an all-night ride on the express train. She had her modeling agent accompany her on the trip, since he was so paranoid that he refused to let her go alone. She was going to need alot of help with carrying her luggage, which was the main reason Gin dragged his two roommates along with him. Komamura wanted to go on a walk too.

"I can't believe we have to help you take care of your girlfriend AND her agent...what the hell is up with that?" Aizen complained.

Gin shrugged. "Hey, I didn't want her agent around either; he's gonna do nothing but cock-block me the whole time he's here, I just know it..."

"What's his name, anyway?"

"I think it's Izuru...Izuru something...hmm...oh yeah, Izuru Kira, that's it! I heard his voice a bit over the phone, and he sounds like one hell of a depressing guy."

"ugh, I really hate pessimistic people."

"You're one to talk, Captain Unbeatable Butterfly."

"Hey, I haven't heard you call me 'Captain' or 'Unbeatable Butterfly' in a while..."

"Yeah, I kinda forgot about those nicknames for a little while, to be honest."

"Ah I see. Well it's good to know it's back."

"Whatever you say..."

Tousen eventually decided to jump into the conversation. "What kind of person is your girlfriend, Gin? I'm the only one of us who hasn't met her in person before."

"She's..." Gin furrowed his brow, "Well, it's a bit hard to explain since we don't get too see each other much often these days...she's certainly a sweet young woman who loves me..."

"Don't listen to this fox-faced fool, Tousen. She's basically a ditsy redhead with a giant rack. Pure eye-candy to the more perverse of us." Aizen stated with a straight face.

"One day I'll make you blow up from the inside." Gin scowled.

"If you do that, I shall come back more powerful than you can possibly imagine. Fear is necessary for evolution."

"Hmph! You wish, Captain! You just wish!"

"That doesn't provide me with any information at all beside some questionable stuff..." Tousen muttered, sighing. Komamura barked in agreement.

Aizen and Gin went on and on with their pointless argument all the way to the train station. There was hardly anyone around except for a few station employees, and not a single train had arrived as of yet. It was a bit unnerving for the train station to be so empty like this; there was a good number of citizens who commuted to other cities for work after all. Gin glanced at his wristwatch to check the time. Komamura yawned and laid down beside Tousen's feet for a quick rest. Aizen started to undo some tangled strands hidden in his mullet. Minutes slowly crawled by, and still nothing happened.

Aizen looked over at his silver-haired companion as he glanced at the time once more. "Gin, your bitch is late. Can I slap her later?"

"I swear that I'll push you onto the train tracks if you don't shut the hell up."

"I'm an arrogant, obnoxious man, Gin; it's just how I roll. Ha ha ha."

"Even if you stab me or tear off my limbs, I'll still kick your ass, you mullet-haired loser!"

"More hair equals more power, my friend!"

"I wish you would both shut up right now! Your petty little yelling matches are getting old!" Tousen snapped all of the sudden, prompting both Aizen and Gin to fall silent in shock. Fortunately enough, the train they were waiting for finally pulled into the station soon after Tousen's outburst.

Gin couldn't help the excitement he felt; it had been so long since he had a chance to speak face-to-face with the woman he loved. It had been so long since he was able to hold her in his arms. It had been so long since he was able to feel her lips press against his own. Even though he had a creepy outer-appearance and a love for violence, Gin was still a romantic at heart.

The train doors slowly slid open, and stretched out his arms to prepare an embrace as he watched Matsumoto step out...and she tripped, causing her giant breasts to smash against his face and send him flying into the pillar behind him. He slumped forward and crumbled in a bloody heap. Matsumoto and a tall blonde man with hair over his left eye cried out in unison.

"Hmm...that's not good...somebody better help him..." Aizen said without a hint of concern in his voice or his expression.

* * *

_A little while later, at one of the tables at the station..._

"Oh my gosh, Gin, I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine, Rangiku...it's...it's fine..."

Despite the agonizing pain, Gin kept up his usual smile as Izuru Kira and Tousen were applying bandages to the bleeding spot behind his head. Sitting beside a clearly distressed Matsumoto was Aizen and Komamura, who were so busy glaring hatefully at one another that they weren't paying any attention to the conversation going on in front of them. In a way, it was a true stare-down between man and beast. Of course their "battle" isn't very important to the plot at all.

"Gin...are you really sure you'll be okay? Is there anything I can do? Are you really sure you don't want to break up with me?" Matusmoto was a bit hysterical sometimes when things went wrong.

"I love ya, Rangiku, you know that; I don't want to break up with you. It's a good thing I have a hard head, though." Gin forced a chuckle, which made a searing pain shot through his skull.

"Gin, you're so sweet to me! I love you!" She jumped up to give him a hug, but then she realized that it was because of her boobs in the first place he got injured, so she sat back down and sighed.

"I told you time and time again, Rangiku," Kira spoke disapprovingly at the young woman, "You need to wear stronger padding to keep your breasts from sticking out so far like that. It's just thankful that this fellow wasn't standing near the edge of a cliff like the last poor sap!"

"But...but the main reason I'm such a popular model is because I have big boobies!" Matsumoto grasped onto her luscious bosom and shook it for emphasis. Even after she let go it was still bouncing up and down. A trail of blood trickled out of Gin's nostril and down his chin, which made his head hurt even more.

Kira's face turned bright red. "Y-Y-Yes, I know that, but still...in public, you need to be careful...you pushed a senior citizen into open traffic once too, remember?"

"Just how many accidents did you cause with your...umm, big assets, Matsumoto?" Tousen asked.

Matsumoto shrugged.

"About six now, counting this one; I have to be extra careful when I'm walking close to her," Kira answered instead.

"Oh geez," Tousen winced at the idea of that many accidents being caused just by a pair of melon-sized tits like Matsumoto's.

At this point, Aizen had somehow taught Komumura to give his paw without even saying anything.

"Anyway, after you guys help me bring my stuff back to my place," Matsumoto pointed at the tower of luggage beside her, "I thought we should go and do something fun together to catch up! How does that sound?"

"That sounds good to me, Rangiku! What do you have planned in mind?"

"Well...I was thinking about going hiking!"

"Hiking?"

"I haven't done it since I was a little girl, and it's been so long since I've been up in the mountains...I really miss it!"

"Alright then," Gin smiled, "I guess there's no harm in a hiking trip."

However, as it turned out, the mountains near Karakura were no longer as safe as they once had been...


	21. Follow Your Dreams If It Pays

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This is just a little story to take a break from the main plot-line, and an idea I've had since the beginning. Basically, it's canon filler, or something like that. After this, I'll work on finishing up some other things, and then the next mini-arc will begin. It'll have some serious moments and action like the Attack of Nemu, but I'll do my best to make it good and keep in humor too. Just felt I should give a heads-up to be fair.

* * *

"Hey, Rukia, have you seen Captain Kuchiki anywhere today?"

"Tch...Renji...I told you to refer to me specifically as 'Officer Kuchiki' when we're on the job!"

"Oh yeah? Well, call me 'Officer Abarai' then!"

"Nah, it sounds too formal."

"Then why should I call you 'Officer Kuchiki'? Besides, you're my best friend, Rukia; it's different from how I call your brother Captain Kuchiki without a problem!"

"What? Just because I'm your friend means I don't deserve the respect of being an officer in your eyes? Ugh, you're such a pig..."

"Hey, cut that out! Look, I was just asking if you know where you brother is. I haven't seen him around town or at the station all day."

"Huh? Stop for a moment. I...I see him now...he's talking to that guy in front of the pumpkin stand..."

"Isn't that Zommari Leroux? The guy who keeps getting arrested for selling pumpkins without a permit, and NOT because he's black?"

"Yeah...I think it is...hey, were you trying to avoid implying any sort of possible racism just because we're police and he happens to have a darker skin color?"

"You can't be too careful these days."

"Too true, too true..."

* * *

Police Captain Kuchiki Byakuya and Zommari Leroux stood before one another, simply staring. Zommari was standing in front of his beloved, although somewhat run-down, pumpkin stand with his hands held together in a meditative position. Byakuya tipped his hat slightly to hide his eyes from view. The tension between them was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"...Zommari,"

"Yes, Officer?"

"I know that you are good friends with my wife, Hisana, as well as the teacher of the weekly yoga class she attends...but that still doesn't mean you're allowed to be above the law."

"I never thought of myself as having diplomatic immunity, Officer. Also, your wife has threatened me several times that she would 'sic the whole police force on my ass' if I tried touching her even though I never had any intention of doing so in the first place."

Byakuya sighed. "Then why are you here again? Why do you have that crummy little stand of yours standing here, blocking sidewalk traffic and being a general eyesore to the public? Are you trying to be a pain in my side, Mr. Leroux?"

"That's rather rude for you to say, don't you think, Officer?"

"I'm a Captain, actually."

"That does not matter to me or to anyone else, because no matter your title, you are still a man who upholds the law for the good of society," Zommari spoke without a hint of emotion, "As I was about to say before you interrupted me, I do not think that I am as troublesome as you imply. As far as I am aware, no one has ever filed any compliments about me to your station. I have not harmed anyone or threatened anyone. I am a part-time yoga teacher, part-time pumpkin farmer, and that is how I choose to make my living. Only during the Halloween months am I able to sell my pumpkins to market, so the majority of the time I am forced to set up shop outside and hope that an interested passerby will be willing to make a purchase. I am a good person through and through, Officer. I am a humble human being."

"You talk far too much, Mr. Leroux...but I do see the point you're getting at. That still does not explain why you cannot take the time to go to city hall and get yourself a permit to sell these pumpkins, and then you wouldn't have to deal with us."

"If I obtained a permit, then I would be charged a monthly fee just to grow and sell my crops...a large one, at that. I am poor, and I would inevitably be unable to pay this tax as I do not make a steady income, much to my personal disappointment. That is why I do not buy a permit. I have to live this way if I want to survive in this world."

"...I see..."

Byakuya sat down on the curb beside Zommari, who soon copied his action. The two of them stared off into the distance for some time, unaware that Officers Renji and Rukia were watching them from afar.

"I understand what you're going through, to be honest," Byakuya admitted.

"Oh?"

"I am a respected member of the Karakura Police Force, and yet...in all honesty, I'm not happy with my state of affairs, but I go through with it because I know it's the only way my wife and I can survive."

"You've never told me something so personal before in our many meetings together, Officer."

"I guess I've just grown to consider you a close acquaintance of mine, Mr. Leroux. My wife may seem to be in good health, but in reality she is quite frail. She uses your yoga classes as a way to help keep her strength and flexibility up. She needs me to help provide her with food, clothing and a roof over her head. I became a police officer because it was a childhood fantasy of mine, and because it paid well. As time went along, I began to realize that I didn't want to be a police officer as much as I thought I did. I have a different dream job, but it wouldn't be able to pay the bills or help me take care of my beloved Hisana."

"May I ask as to what dream job you are speaking of, Officer?"

For the first time since his honeymoon with Hisana several years ago, Byakuya blushed. "I...I want to be a manga artist..."

"A manga artist, you say?"

"Yes," Byakuya dug deep into his pocket and pulled out a small folded piece of paper, "I even drew up my main character for it. His name is the Seaweed Ambassador."

Zommari unfolded the paper and saw what resembled a bizarre, cartoonish leaf-like creature with long, thin arms and short, stubby legs. It had a cocky smirk on its face. Zommari felt a little sick to his stomach just gazing at the twisted monstrosity. He wasted no further time in handing the drawing back to its creator.

"Hisana would just laugh at me if I told her about it. I would lose all the respect of my fellow officers if I told them about it. You, Mr. Leroux, a man I hardly know, have now become the sole possessor of this knowledge beside myself. I gave up the desire to do what I really wanted for the sake of those around me, and for my own sake. In these times, money is the most important thing in the world."

"I...I see...that's a good thing I know about this then, isn't it? Isn't it?"

"Indeed. I just hope you don't plan on TELLING my wife about our talk here...understand? It would be very bad for both you and your pumpkins if you happened to go and tell her about the Seaweed Ambassador during yoga class. If you do, you might wake up one day with far more than a pumpkin or two missing from the patch. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING-"

Zommari nodded.

"Okay! Good! Now, Mr. Leroux, I shall be kind for this one day and allow you to go on selling your pumpkins until 10 p.m.."

"Oh...uh, thank you, Officer."

"Have a nice day, Mr. Leroux."

"Y-Y-You too, Officer."

And with that, Byakuya stood up and walked away. Zommari had no idea what just happened.

* * *

"So, Renji, what did the Captain say? You can read lips, can't you?"

"...I'll never look at Captain Kuchiki the same way again..."

"What happened? You gotta tell me what happened? What did my brother say?"

"You really don't want to know..."


	22. The Mafia Is Watching You In A Mountain

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I know I said I'd put it on a short break, but I realized that with move-in day for college approaching and all that, I won't have as much time to write as I did during the summer, and I'm the kind of person who likes to get ideas out quickly while they're still fresh so that I can continue working. In any case, here's the next chapter.

* * *

A little further past the forest clearing where Tousen and Komamura first met, there was a man-made path that lead even deeper into the old woods. This path eventually stops after a mile's walk in front of a wooden bridge that allows travelers to safely cross over the river below. A sign warned to step slowly and carefully over the bridge so as to not cause any accidents. Past even that is a beautiful landscape of open woods that curved upwards slightly and then down into a basin that was filled to the brim with river water, to its left an open field and to its right was another vast expense of trees. Many types of flowers and plants unseen in town grew in this area, and small animals made their homes in the trees as well. All of these assets of nature resided together in a single location by the base of a tall, rocky mountain. The whole mountain overlooked Karakura Town and beyond. There was a feeble little cottage located on the highest edge of the mass, although no one ever dared to go near it. In fact, hardly anyone walked in that section of the woods anymore, as many rumors of mysterious disappearances had begun to surface recently.

However, Matsumoto had not been around in town at the time the rumors started, and Aizen and Gin were not the types to believe gossip without cold hard facts to support them. Komamura was just a dog so he had no legitimate opinion. Tousen and Kira, however, were a bit more adamant about the idea of a hike. While they did voice their concerns regarding the dangers of being up in the mountains, they still went along for the trip anyway.

"You know, I never thought a ditsy chick with big knockers like yours would be interested in hiking of all things," Aizen remarked callously as he followed after Gin and Matsumoto, who were ahead of the rest of the group. They had only planned on taking a single walk around the mountain and to enjoy the scenery, so they did not bring much supplies. Everything they had was contained inside the exceptionally large backpack poor Gin was struggling to carry; Matsumoto had offered to carry it herself earlier on, but Gin didn't even give her the chance.

Ignoring the insulting remarks, Matsumoto gave the mullet-haired man a soft smile. "I don't think there's anything wrong with exercising and getting to explore the world around you at the same time. I quite enjoy it."

"I guess you have a point...still, it kinda freaks me out." Aizen shrugged in response.

"Heh heh, if it'll make you feel better, I'll let you play with my boobies!" Matsumoto smiled as she gave her breasts a shake.

"Gah! Cut it out, woman! You're that fox-faced freak's girlfriend, remember? Has all the alcohol you've consumed over the years raddled your brain?"

"Yeah, Rangiku, you're my girl," Gin spoke up, "Besides, Aizen likes flat-chested chicks anyway. They remind him of young boys without him having to feel dirty."

"...I'll kill you one of these days, Gin..." Aizen scowled, his passive expression hiding the fury deep inside.

Gin chuckled. "You keep saying it, Captain, but I don't see it happening!"

"I'll do it right now!" Picking up a nearby stick, Aizen charged for his silver-haired friend without another word, although the look in his eyes radiated blood-lust. Gin responded by placing their supply bags onto the ground and picking up his own stick just in time to parry Aizen's attack. Aizen swung at Gin's right thigh, only to be blocked again. Each attack that followed was successfully blocked until Aizen grew annoyed and just kicked Gin in the stomach to knock him over. Matsumoto was laughing the entire time.

Meanwhile, Kira and Tousen had remained far enough behind the others so they could speak privately amongst themselves. Komamura was with them too.

"Are your friends always acting like this?" Kira asked.

"Sadly enough, yeah." Tousen sighed, "I think it's actually gotten worse since Matsumoto arrived. There's some kind of animosity between Aizen and Gin that only becomes most apparent when the subject is about her. I wonder why that is..."

"Hmm...me too...hey, are you a fan of Blue's Clues?"

"What? No, of course not. Why would you ask that?"

"I just thought you looked like someone who probably owns a green stripped sweater in your closet..."

"I...I don't have one! Really! Not at all! Don't ever say such random things to me again!"

"...Riiiight..."

Aizen and Gin brawled for a little while longer before they both grew tired of it and continued walking with the others. The two of them proceeded to act like their previous scuffle hadn't even taken place; it was probably for the best. They still didn't even look at one another for the next hour and a half, however. Things just got worse when Aizen realized that Matsumoto had filled most of their water bottles with strawberry-flavored sake.

During that whole time, Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Kira and Matsumoto never realized they were being watched from afar.

* * *

_High over their heads, inside the lone cabin on the mountain..._

"Oi! Oi! This isn't good! This isn't good!"

A muscular man with long red hair and tribal markings all over his body was staring out the broken window, a pair of high-tech binoculars held in front of his face. A short black-haired youth stepped up behind him and tapped his shoulder.

"What's wrong, Avirama? Is one of those imaginary assassins you claim that only you can see coming after the boss again?" he asked, his words dripping with cynicism.

"Not this time, Ggio! There are some people walking up the hiking trail for the first time in the past few months...and one of them has a mullet and the only chick has giant tits!"

"...So?"

"Guys with mullets and women with big boobs are the least trustworthy people out there! Hurry! Go warn the boss! We need to receive our orders on what to do with these new intruders!"

"But he's taking his mid-day snooze right now. If I wake him up he'll chop me to pieces with his axe!"

"That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make!"

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!"

Suddenly, a man with long blonde hair poked his head into the tiny room. "I would implore you two numb-skulls to quiet down while the boss is napping. His health has been failing him lately, and the last thing he needs is to be given a headache by all of your ridiculous screeching."

Avirama and Ggio both looked equally ashamed of themselves as they bowed their heads. "We're very sorry; the last thing we want is to upset our boss."

"I'm glad you two understand. If you wish to deal with these suspicious people like you have with all the other hikers, then do it yourselves. All you need to do is kill them; it's not like the boss has to tell you that every time." The blonde man then quietly closed the door as he left.

"So, then..."

"I guess we should go take care of them ourselves."

"Too bad all we were able to smuggle with us were these crappy swords...if we had guns, then things would be alot easier. It sucks the boss's son was able to get a gun though."

"Eh, we got to adapt to this way of killing instead. Let's go."

Picking up their sheathed swords from off the floor, Avirama Redder and Ggio Vera headed out to go and confront the intruders. Of course, they were going to need a bit of strategy, too; probably making them get separated would be best. They had no idea who these people were, but one thing was clear: they couldn't allow them to go further up the mountain or see what was inside their cabin. If that happened, then their secrecy would be ruined. Failure was worse than death itself for them.

They were the last remaining remnants of the great Luisenbarn Mafia, and they had to protect their boss at all costs.

* * *

_At that same time, in one of the rooms inside the cabin..._

"Starrk...you'll...you'll protect me, won't you?"

"Of course I will. You're my little sister, and as far as I'm concerned, the only real family I have."

"...Thank you so much..."

"It's my pleasure."

Coyote Starrk gave his younger sibling Lilynette a gentle pat on the head as he watched her quickly drift off to sleep. He wanted her to be able to smile happily again more than anything in the world, and the only way to do that was to escape this dreadful life in the mafia...but because he was the boss's last living son, his fate was sealed. Lilynette was considered a liability by the others due to her illness, but so far she was safe because she was the boss's daughter. Not for much longer, though, because she'd probably be eliminated despite Starrk's protests the moment his father passes away.

'If only I could do something for you, Lilynette...to help you...I'm just a no-good loser...'

Sighing, the middle-aged man lifted his rifle up from the counter-top and made his way outside. He was tired of being cooped up in this dirty little cabin; he needed to take a breather and clear his head for the time being. It would be a while before a worthwhile plan to rescue both himself and his sister from this hellhole would pop up in his head. He was also a little interested in checking out these intruders Avirama had spotted, as well.

"Okay...let's go..." he murmured to no one.

"Can I come? PLEASE?" asked a very desperate Charlotte Coolhourne.

"No."

"Awwwww..."


	23. A Man Can't Be A Nun

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Avirama and Ggio have suddenly become some kind of old-style comedy duo for unexplained reasons. I'll try and keep doing chapters to finish up this arc when I can. I just hope school doesn't impede me too much before I lose interest in writing again. I just hope Heat the Soul 7 has all the ressurecions and vizard shikai playable like it should, or else it would seem a bit unfair to have to wait so long for new game that doesn't provide much. I hope for the best anyway.

* * *

_So far the group had gotten a little further through the forest..._

"...Did you hear something?"

Aizen glanced away from the trail ahead and slowly looked around the vast expanse of trees that surrounded them.

"Yeah, I heard something; it's called 'nature'," Gin quipped.

"It sounded like someone laughing..."

"Laughing? You mean like 'ha ha ha'?"

"No, more like a 'ho ho ho'..."

"A 'hee hee hee'?"

"Maybe a 'hum hum hum'."

"Or possibly was it a 'bwa ha ha ha ha'."

"What in the world are you two doing?" Tousen cried, already at his wit's end due to the blazing heat and multitude of bugs swarming everywhere. Kira wasn't faring much better; he felt like he was about to faint from dehydration, and because Matsumoto only brought alcohol with her, there was nothing he could really do. He was trying to quit drinking, after all.

"In any case, I am positive I heard someone laughing from nearby," Aizen nodded his head up and down.

"Really? Where?"

"Uh...over there." Aizen pointed at a shrub, and slowly, Avirama Redder and Ggio Vega bashfully emerged from behind it.

'I can't believe they found us...and so soon! The chapter isn't even past 400 words by this point!' Avirama thought in despair.

'Shameful!' Ggio cursed under his breath as he thought, 'This was utterly shameful!'

"Whoa! Who the hell are you two?" Gin asked; he really hadn't expected anyone to be there. He was clearly distraught by the scene.

Avirama was getting nervous now. "We're, uh...we're..." he stammered.

"We're traveling nuns! I'm Ggio Vera and this ugly bozo is Avirama Redder!" Ggio suddenly blurted out. Avirama slapped him in the back of the head.

Gin scoffed. "Nuns? You don't look like nuns. You're not even women."

"Not all nuns are women! That's just a stereotype!" snapped Ggio. Avirama slapped him again.

"Actually, it's true that only women are nuns...men are monks." Aizen suddenly interjected from behind Gin. Matsumoto took a quick swig from her sake bottle and belched loudly in a rather unladylike fashion. No one paid any attention to it. Kira seemed to be fondling something in his pocket as he carefully watched these two strange men. He didn't trust them at all.

"Well, really, we're just hikers like you guys! We were just kidding before!" chuckled Avirama, nervously fingering the hilt of the blade he hid in the back of his shirt.

"You should have said that first."

"Ha ha ha...y-yeah, I should have. Sorry about that. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Shut up."

"...Okay."

An awkward silence filled the air.

"So..." Ggio reached for the small sword he kept hidden in his right pant leg, "Now that we all had a chance to talk and get acquainted with one another..."

"Hey, do you guys want to join us on our hike up the mountain path?" Matsumoto abruptly offered, her common sense slightly addled by alcohol.

Ggio tore his hand away from his weapon, and forced a grin. "Yeah, that sounds...good! It sounds good, doesn't it, Avirama? Let's go with them!"

"...I really want to kill them all..." Avirama grumbled.

"Just be patient, idiot!"

"Rangiku, I know you're a bit tipsy right now, but we can't just let these two random freaks join our walk! We don't even know anything about them aside from their names and that they think male nuns exist!" Gin said, patting his girlfriend on the shoulder.

Avirama looked like he was about to pounce for the kill, as the last thing he wanted to be called was a 'random freak', but Ggio successfully held him back. "C'mon," he said, "There's no harm in letting us tag along a little while, is there? We can be friends, right?"

"Maybe...but first you need to provide us with your birth certificates, all of your legal documents, your phone numbers and addresses, copies of your house keys, the names and ages of all your family members, as well as your social security numbers."

"That's way too much personal info you're asking for! We can't give you all of that! Don't be so damn paranoid!"

Gin shrugged. "Fine! Give me a tragic, emotionally-heavy backstory instead."

"That's none of your business either! Why must you question us so much?"

"It's...it's gonna make me cry...you keep picking on meeeeee! Wah wah!" Avirama bawled, hiding his face behind his hands.

"See? You're gonna make Avirama cry! That's not nice!"

"Gin!" Matsumoto exclaimed in a serious tone, "You should apologize to the scary, weeping man right now!"

With little choice, Gin bowed his head and muttered, "I'm...very sorry for offending you two..."

"Aizen! Tousen! Izuru! You bow your heads too!" Matsumoto added, turning to the other three men.

"WHAT? WHY?"

"Just do it! Fools!"

"Ugh...fine..." And with that, Aizen, Kira, Tousen, Komamura and Matsumoto all bowed their heads along with Gin. Avirama and Ggio exchanged uncomfortable glances.

"Should we kill them now?" Avirama whispered to his partner-in-crime.

Ggio shook his head. "Not yet. It's far too soon. We should at least try and find out their motives for going up the mountain first and to ensure that they cannot call for back-up. We need to make sure the boss stays safe."

"Ah, I gotcha. Better to pick five strawberries instead of ten."

"I hate your bizarre analogies."

Once the proper apologies had been made and accepted, Avirama and Ggio joined the group and followed them along the trail. It would take the 'intruders' about another hour or so before they would reach the base of the mountain, and they would most likely notice the cabin located on the peak. No matter what, Avirama and Ggio could not let that happen. They would stake their lives on their success, or else their boss would force them to slit their throats as punishment.

"So what exactly are you guys going up to the mountain for anyway?" Ggio asked aloud in an attempt to sound as friendly and unsuspecting as possible.

"I've been out of town for a long time, and I really wanted to go walking up around the mountain side like I used to with Gin," Matsumoto explained.

"Is that because it's the place where you and your boyfriend made hanky-panky for the first time?"

"Umm...what's hanky-panky? I've never heard of that expression before. Have you, Gin?"

Suddenly, Ggio felt something sharp poke him in the back, and Gin's sinister voice whispered in his ear, "You ask her any further questions about that and I'll kill you, understand, you perverted little bastard?"

"S-Sorry, sir..."

The next hour passed agonizingly slow without a word to be said for it.

"Seriously, though, why are you guys walking this way? I mean, we know why we're going this way," Ggio pointed to himself and Avirama, "But we hardly know anything about your intentions..."

"We're just walking, kid; there's nothing secret about it." Aizen impassively replied.

"But-"

Aizen held the jagged end of his fighting stick only an inch away from Ggio's left eyeball. "I said there's nothing secret about it."

'THESE GUYS ARE SCARIER THAN MOST MAFIA FLUNKIES!' Ggio thought, his eyes brimming with tears.

"They're telling the truth, don't worry; we're just walking is all because Gin's girlfriend wanted to go up here." Tousen hastily explained to the frightened Ggio. While it really did seem to be the case that they were just ordinary hikers, Ggio and Avirama still couldn't let any of them live. Especially not that scruffy little dog; it was giving them the 'evil eye'. All they needed was the right moment to strike.

Suddenly, Kira stepped up to Ggio and Avirama and removed his glasses, revealing his empty blue eyes. "As it turns out, though, it seems Komamura has a better nose for sniffing out dangerous people than any of us,"

"Huh?"

"It wasn't until I looked into your eyes up close without my glasses on that I realize you two hold a great murderous intent, don't you?"

"How the heck did you know that? I mean...uh..." unsure of what else to do, Ggio and Avirama unsheathed their blades, "OH, WHAT THE HELL! DIE, YOU FOOLS!"

Before their blades could even come close to cutting Kira, the two mafia men were both sent flying by a series of rapid punches to the chest.

"How can I be Matsumoto's modeling agent," Kira asked no one in particular, "If I can't even protect her from a pair of fools like you?"

'Hey...what about my deadly fighting stick?' Aizen thought, clearly disappointed.


	24. Do A Barrel Roll

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Kira is probably like the eighth most physically powerful character in this AU of Bleach (Ninth if you count Matsumoto's breasts at maximum power). And I threw some quotes from Star Fox 64 into this chapter for no reason, too. Sorry that this chapter is a bit on the short side and not as good as compared to earlier ones. It just sorta happened somehow. Oh well. I'll do better next time.

* * *

"W-What the hell was that...?"

Avirama skidded to a halt on the heels of his shoes, and grabbed Ggio by the arm to keep him from falling backwards. Kira held out his arms in a fighting stance, moving one leg slightly forward. He vaguely reminded the others of someone from a martial arts fighting anime. The tension in the air was thick, and the only sound to be heard was the coo-cooing of a morning dove from afar. A gentle breeze blew past, causing the hair that dangled over Kira's face to flap in the wind. Eventually, a minute passed with nothing happening.

"I learned how to fight from watching the old episodes of Dragon Ball Z multiple times over," Kira suddenly stated.

'THAT EXPLAINS WHY HE'S JUST STANDING THERE AND GLARING AT US FOR SO LONG! THIS GUY'S AN IDIOT!' Avirama and Ggio gasped.

"Hey, Gin, what's this that's happening now?" Aizen inquired with a teasing smirk, "It looks like that agent guy is showing you up right in front of your own girlfriend! How does that make you feel?"

"I'd rather him face against a pair of dangerous thugs with swords than me, you know," Gin replied, stone-faced.

"Hmm...you make a good point."

Avirama let out an annoyed grunt. "Gah! We shouldn't be afraid of this idiot! We have weapons, incredibly sharp and lethal ones at that, while he's fighting with his fists! We just let our guard down before; he should be easy to kill!"

Although still shaken up from Kira's previous attack, Ggio forced a grin and nodded. "Y-Yeah...you're right!"

"Isn't there a peaceful way to settle this dispute?" Tousen cried, "I'm studying to become a lawyer, and it's my responsibility to ensure that justice is served fairly and equally-"

"SHUT UP!" snapped Avirama.

"No! I will not shut up! I will go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about justice until you concede-"

"Shut up, he said." This time it was Aizen, and he held his fighting stick near Tousen's throat, not a hint of hesitation regarding slicing his throat wide open if he said another word. Tousen stopped talking this time, and sat down by a pile of rocks with Komamura. He was very depressed.

"You still like me, don't you, Komamura?" Tousen asked hopefully, petting the dog on the head.

Komamura didn't reply.

"Izuru...are you sure you don't want our help? This is...well, uh, this is a incredibly stupid and dangerous thing you're doing!" Matsumoto exclaimed. She was clearly worried about the safety of her good friend and modeling agent. Kira glanced over his shoulder at the busty strawberry-blonde and smiled at her.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine...I've been training myself so I can protect you. Of course, I had only planned to fight off your mentally-unstable fanboys, and not some psychos like these!"

"...I'll admit that I do hate how he's trying to act so cool and shit..." Gin muttered.

"Ha ha!" Aizen laughed, "I knew you were jealous of him!"

Ggio charged at Kira with his sword swinging high. Kira side-stepped to the right just before the blade struck, and slammed his knee against Ggio's ribcage. Coughing violently and groaning, Ggio made another attempt to slice off the man's head. Instead, he was quickly stopped with a powerful uppercut. As Ggio tumbled over, his sword's tip got caught on Kira's suit, tearing it wide open. Underneath, it revealed that Kira's body was covered in old scars and bruises all over, most likely from his intense training regime. It was the first time Matsumoto had ever seen them. Avirama attacked as well, but he was easily pushed aside.

"Just so you all know the truth...I got these wounds when I fell down the stairs yesterday," Kira suddenly stated.

'THIS GUY HAS GOT TO STOP MAKING HIMSELF LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT BY SAYING SUCH RANDOM FACTS ABOUT HIMSELF!'

Kira punched Ggio another time in the leg, causing the young man to lose his balance. There was so much power behind the punch that it almost shattered Ggio's knee.

Ggio was down, but he wasn't out just yet; as soon as he regained his composure despite the aching pain in his side, he swung once again, this time at Kira's legs. The blonde martial artist simply jumped over it and kicked Ggio in the face, effectively knocking him unconscious. Blood spewed from his nostrils and all over the ground.

"Cocky little freak!" Avirama roared as he moved in for the kill. He thrust the tip of his blade for the back of Kira's neck. However, he was quickly stopped by the sudden interference of Aizen and Gin, who were eager to actually be of some use.

"CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, AVIRAMA!"

"I'M GONNA BUST YOU UP REEEEEEAL GOOD!"

Avirama cursed loudly, struggling to free himself from their grip, but it was no use. He was too worn out, Ggio was already defeated, and his left foot ached really badly. He couldn't stand it much anymore. He only had one chance now to eliminate the enemy. Reaching into his back-pocket, Avirama revealed a small grenade he had been carrying the whole time.

"I'll blow you all up along with me," he screeched with an insane look in his eyes, "If that's what it takes to keep you away from Barragan Luisenbarn!"

"FUCKIN' A-" Kira leaped at the man, even though he knew that he would not be able to make it in time despite his speed. The sudden rush of adrenaline throughout Avirama's body gave him enough strength to knock Aizen and Gin away as well.

"I'll kill you all!"

Before Avirama could even pull the safety pin off of the handheld bomb, however, he felt something sharp pierce him from behind. The mad adrenaline he earlier felt was now being overcome with immense drowsiness, and he was unable to fight it back. Avirama glanced over his shoulder to see a familiar man stepping out from the foliage. Then, he collapsed with a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his back. The grenade rolled out of his grasp and laid there harmlessly. Kira, Aizen, Gin and the others were speechless. Komamura was the only one who didn't look like he cared.

"You were lucky these two guys were idiots," the man remarked, his dead-pan eyes drifting over the unconscious forms of Avirama and Ggio, "Normally I'd tell you folk to get the hell out of here as quickly as possible, but after watching the way you handled the situation despite the serious threat to your lives, and your incredible strength...I think a bunch of crazy, daring people like you all could be of use to me. Besides, it's only fair to repay me since I saved your asses." He brushed off some dust from the shotgun he was carrying and hoisted it into the sling over his shoulder.

"Thanks for the help, anyway. We were in a spot of trouble." Aizen said, making it sound like the biggest understatement of the century. "Not that we couldn't have handled it ourselves, mind you..."

Kira sighed. "Uh...before we even THINK about going further into this whole mess, maybe we should at least know who the hell you are first?"

The man's facial expression remained eerily solemn as he replied, "My name is Starrk. I'm a member of the mafia."

Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Kira and Matsumoto were already half-way gone before Starrk even realized it.

"H-HEY! WAIT A MINUTE, DAMMIT!"


	25. Just As He Planned

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: It's too bad Heat the Soul 7 didn't deserve all of the hype it got, since they totally left out alot of content that should have been put in or made playable. And I'll have to think of a way to implant the current events of the manga without actually killing off this story's Aizen since he's the main character in this fic after all, if not a very fitting one considering his personality.

* * *

"Many years ago, the great Luisenbarn mafia was known as the most dangerous and powerful criminal organization in all of Spain. Even the government itself was forced to obey their demands or else face serious retribution. Unlike many other traditional mafia who ran through several generations, the boss of this group refused to choose an heir for himself; he is my father, Barragan Luisenbarn, who also created the Luisenbarn mafia with his very hands. He is a very arrogant man who believes his power and intelligence is akin to a god. However, multiple crises as of late have resulted in forcing what remained of the Luisenbarn mafia to flee from Italy and take up hiding in another country, namely here in Japan. My father fell into a dangerous situation with his health, and at the request of his advisers, he has reluctantly chosen me to take his place as the boss after his passing. However, I want this accursed mafia business to end for good when he dies, and I have a little sister who is also in bad health because she is generally neglected by everyone but me. I need your help in rescuing her from that cabin up on the mountaintop and bringing down the remaining members of the Luisenbarn mafia and turning them over to the police."

Aizen sighed. "Oh shit, son...that's alot of stuff I REALLY don't care about that you just told me."

Starrk lifted his rifle and blew Aizen's fighting stick to pieces with a single shot. The tiny splinters scattered all over the ground.

"M-MY FIGHTING STICK! BABY, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!"

"So, you're seriously apart of some long-lost Spanish mafia...and ya want our help to take down said mafia? Are you out of your freaking mind?" Gin furiously exclaimed, jumping to a standing position off of the tree stump he was sitting on. "We just wanted to go on a hike and now we have to be dragged into something really dangerous because a bunch o' stupid daddy issues you have?"

"It's not just 'daddy issues'! He's a cold-blooded murderer and he takes joy in ruining the lives of others and torturing people and their loved ones! He doesn't deserve the life he's been given!" Starrk snapped back. "Even worse, he had my mother killed after she gave birth to my sister, and I was there when they did it! I want to stop him for good, but I can't do it alone..." He held out his hand to Gin, "I need your help, mister hiker."

"...Why should I help you if you don't even know my damn name?"

Starrk sighed; he hadn't wanted things to come to this, but he was going to have to resort to threats. "You know, I am the son of the leader of a mafia, and my father doesn't know that I plan to betray him...I could just as easily go back to him right now and have you all gunned down on the spot. Either you let that happen, or you help me."

"Umm...as much as I don't like this, I think we better do what he says for now, Gin," remarked Matsumoto with a distressed expression. Gin nodded to her, and then gave Starrk's outstretched hand a firm shake. Tousen was frightened for his very life, but he remained composed-looking on the outside. Komamura was barking at a fly that was buzzing over his head, as if mocking him.

"I thought I was the main character...I should get to make all the important decisions..." Aizen murmured as he solemnly watched on. He was feeling quite neglected as of late.

Suddenly, Kira poked his head out from behind a tree. "Uh, I finished peeing on the heads of the two guys you knocked out. What do I do to them next?" he wanted to know.

"...No one ever told you to do that in the first place."

"Oh. I guess it was because the little gnome inside my brain told me to do it. He's always saying crazy things, mainly about setting people on fire, but this time it was different."

"Yeah...I'm sure it was...just stop talking and making yourself look like an idiot, okay?"

"Okie-dokie. In any case, since we don't have any choice, we will have to help you take down the rest of the Luisenbarn mafia. Are the others a bunch of idiots like these two were?" Kira asked, pointing over to the unconscious forms of Avirama and Ggio behind him. Starrk sighed again.

"Unfortunately, no. Findor Carias and Charlotte Cuuhlhourne are the most ruthless of them all, the most physically powerful and most intelligent men whom still serve under my father. Even though I am the only one with a firearm, I had to use up my last tranquilizer dart to stop Avirama from killing you guys. It won't be easy to take them down, that's for sure,"

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Tousen cursed.

"We'll need to come up with a strategy if we're going to succeed in the coming fights," Starrk explained.

"A strategy, eh? I know all about strategies!" boasted Aizen with a cocky grin, "I'm the man who took private lessons from the man who invented the phrase 'Just As Planned'! He's dead now after trying to become some kind of insane god with some super-evil notebook, but oh well...in any case, I know how to trick my opponents into doing exactly what I want them to do!"

"How are we going to do this, then?"

"Well, first we'll need another person who can help us and can actually fight. Matsumoto and Tousen don't even want to be apart of this, so they're out, and Starrk here can trick the enemy into thinking he's still on their side, but other than that he's useless. Listen, Gin, I never told you about this, but one day, when I got really high, I was wandering about an abandoned nuclear plant when I found...HIM..."

"Uh...who's 'him'?" Gin asked; he was starting to suspect Aizen was high at this very moment.

"He's a true powerhouse; way stronger than Mr. Emo-Bitch and Mr. I-Got-A-Gun-So-I'm-So-Cool..."

Starrk and Kira had a lingering feeling that the mullet-haired scoundrel was mocking them.

"He told me that during the weekdays he likes to wear a big suit he made out of a bunch of animals he killed once."

"Okay, dude, now I know for SURE you're high as a kite!"

"Too late! I already called him over."

"WHAT? WHEN?"

"When you weren't looking."

"OH FU-"

Suddenly, the tranquil sounds of nature were overtaken by a loud, deafening roar. Aizen was smirking like some kind of proud idiot. There was a bright flash, a scream, and Gin just barely jumped out of the way as a large motorcycle landed directly in front of him. Riding on the automobile was a large, bulky figure that hardly appeared human. Its head was hidden underneath the skull of some sort of antlered creature with a long brown mane, and it had long furry legs with hooves for feet, and a long scale-covered tail. The reason why it was at a nuclear plant where Aizen found it was instantly explained: this thing was a mutant.

"His name is Ayon." Aizen stated, patting the strange monster on the shoulder.

'THIS AIN'T GOOD AT ALL!'

As Matsumoto stared in horror at the being known as Ayon, she couldn't help but feel a chill, like she was looking into the depths of a bottomless pit...


	26. A Random Strategy

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Crazy times equal crazy things happening, just so you know.

* * *

Up in the little shack on the mountain top overlooking Karakura Town...

"This isn't good at all. Avirama and Ggio haven't returned yet, and neither has the boss's son...and none of them are answering their phones..." Findor Carias snapped his cellphone shut and stuck it back in his pocket.

"Hmmm...you seem quite upset about this," Charlotte Cuulhourne tried to appear serious despite the fact he was wearing an elegant red dress, lipstick and a blonde wig at the moment, "Should we go and check up on them ourselves? Maybe that'll calm down your nerves...my little honey."

"Enough with the 'my little honey' crap! I already told you; I was drunk that night, okay? None of those things I said or did actually meant anything. I like WOMEN and only WOMEN, do you understand?"

"Ha ha...sure you do, honey, sure you do..."

"Argh! Look, the main thing is we gotta figure out how to properly handle this situation without getting the boss all riled up...his heart is bad enough as it is, and becoming more stressed out will just do worse! What if they were...you know, killed or something by those intruders they spotted earlier?"

"I doubt the boss will care if Avirama and Ggio died, but his son is the heir to everything he worked his entire life to build. He's the one we need to make sure is alive."

"You're right. We can't depend on the boss's daughter; that girl was born sickly just like him, and she'll probably be dead not long after the boss passes away, or if we're lucky, before him. Then nothing will stand in our way of training Starrk to becoming the ultimate mafia boss and leading the Luisenbarn mafia back to its former glory for the sake of his father! We can just use his beloved little sister as a hostage to force him to work! It's all so perfect!" Findor couldn't help but let out a small cackle over his sinister scheme.

Charlotte winked seductively at the blonde man. "It's that evil personality of yours that made me fall in love with you, after all!"

"Shut up!"

"You'll come around eventually, honey!"

There was a loud coughing that suddenly came from behind the door of the room down the hall; Findor and Charlotte cried out in unison and ran to their boss's aid with a glass of water and some pills on hand.

"BOSSSSSSSSS...! DON'T DIE ON US!"

* * *

"Okay, so here's what we'll do: when we reach that little shack up on the mountain, Starrk will approach the remaining henchmen with Gin and I in tow, making it appear as if he had captured us. Since Matsumoto and Tousen are wusses they'll stay on watch-out at the base of the mountain. Starrk will demand that the prisoners be brought inside so that he can present their bodies as an offering to his ailing father. While the henchmen are busy donning their tribal masks and using war paint to draw markings over their bodies, as the rules of the ritual demand, Allon and Kira will set fire to the whole house, throw a few booby-traps by the entrance, and then we run away. If they chase after us and throw their spears and rocks at our heads, just remember to run in a zig-zag pattern. That's about it."

Starrk face-palmed. "They're not some kind of uncivilized tribe, you idiot! They're mafia!"

"Oh?" Aizen blinked, "Well, that's one good plan down the drain."

"Even if they were tribesmen, it's still a terrible strategy nonetheless! I thought you said you were good with this kind of thing!"

"Okay, okay, give me another chance. I haven't done anything like this in a while, and the tribesmen one was something I just pulled off the top of my head."

"I really think he's been high this whole hike so far..." Gin muttered in Tousen's ear. Tousen nodded in agreement. Komamura whined softly, and nipped at an insect crawling over a small rock in front of him.

"Don't you guys think it's kind of dangerous to just be standing around like this? We don't even know if those Findor and Charlotte guys are gonna come looking for their friends or not!" Matsumoto cried, jumping to her feet, clearly distressed. She expected someone to agree with her worries, but Gin placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and smiled warmly at her. She waited for him to say something reassuring, but he didn't, so she just sighed and sat back down in defeat. All she really wanted was to just go on a simple hike; was that really too much to ask?

"Hey, Starrk...can I ask you a question?" Kira was pretty bold to call the son of a mafia boss by his first name, although none of the others knew what else to call him.

"What is it?" replied Starrk.

"Are you really sure we can't just call the police?"

"Do you really think the police would believe us if we told them that there was the remains of the most powerful mafia in the world hiding up in the shack on the mountaintop? No, I don't think they would! Besides, they would only complicate things further with their presence,"

"Hmm...I guess you're right..."

Just when it seemed like all hope was lost on coming up with a feasible plan, Aizen finally made it his time to shine. "How about we do this? Ayon and Kira, our strongest guys, will sneak up on the enemy from behind by scaling the opposite side of the mountain, and Starrk will keep them distracted by pretending Gin, Rangiku, Tousen and I have all been captured, and when Ayon and Kira are close enough, we'll jump them and knock 'em out quick, and then go after the big boss! Komamura will remain on look-out at the base of the mountain."

Starrk blinked. "That," he tried to form his feelings into words, but it was difficult, "That sounds alot like your first plan, but actually a bit more sensible. With a bit of luck and careful planning, we could pull it off...as long as none of you go and fuck it up!"

"I told ya I learned from the best of the best."

Gin shrugged. "Well, I learned from the best too, but he went and got himself killed from sitting around hunched-over and eating sweets all day, I think...either that or a heart-attack. All we really did was sit around and play video games, though."

"That explains why you can't put that down that damn PSP even when we're in bed together," Matsumoto muttered scornfully under her breath.

"OH SNAP! BUUUUUUURN!" Aizen and Tousen exclaimed in unison.

Starrk was starting to regret asking for their help.

"By the way," Aizen suddenly stated, "I have someone else coming to help us, but it'll be taking her a while longer since she needs to get prepared,"

"Huh? Who is it?"

"It's a secret for only me to know and you to find out. That's how I roll."

"You should probably tell us, since it would be better for the rest of the group if you didn't keep such an important secret."

"Nope. Not gonna say."

"I bet it's Soifon." suggested Gin with a shrug. Aizen tried to remain suave on the outside, but he was literally freaking the hell out inside.

'HOW DOES HE KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME...?'

With a plan now set, it was time to go and put it into motion! Oddly enough, Ayon said nothing for the entire conversation. He just sat there, staring off into the distance, although it was not known what he was looking at since his face was hidden behind that horrific mask. Only Matsumoto seemed to notice how eerie it all was...


	27. The Demon Of The Mountain

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

It was already almost evening by the time Aizen, Starrk, Gin, Matsumoto, Kira, Tousen and Komamura reached the base of the mountain that overlooked Karakura Town. Looking up, the mullet-haired man could easily spot out the small shack that stood at the top. It had a rather ominous presence. The air was thick and heavy with tension, none of them saying a single word, as if they all knew what the other was thinking: 'Once this shit is over with, we can finally go home, for crying out loud.' Komamura was left behind with his leash tied to a tree and a ball to play with. It was far too dangerous for Tousen to let a small dog come with them. Matsumoto didn't want to be left behind so she went along, although she seemed more eccentric now than earlier. Ayon and Kira had already darted over to the opposite side of the mountain to begin their long climb.

With the wind flowing through his hair and the brave spirit of a warrior in his heart, Aizen boldly took a single step forward...and then grabbed Gin by the arm and pushed him in front of him. "Good luck, buddy. You should know I'm not stupid enough to put my own neck at risk by going first." he said.

"Why, you dirty little-"

"Look, you guys, it doesn't matter who goes first!" Starrk said, "I'm supposed to make it look like I captured you guys anyway after knocking out Avirama and Ggio. I have to stay in the back with my shotgun so that I can keep you from running away, at least for the sake of appearances. Gin can be the lead, since he's already standing there."

"Well, okay, but after this, I get to be the leader! It's only fair!" snapped Aizen.

"What? Okay, fine, sure, whatever you want."

"I'm glad you agreed to my demands."

"Whatever you say...just please don't do anything stupid. I know you try to act intelligent but the majority of your plans usually fail, don't they?"

'HOW DOES HE KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME...?'

Starrk used some rope he always carried with him (just in case he got into trouble, he explained, although Gin had a feeling he was a bit suicidal) and tied everyone's wrists together, but loosely enough so they could break out of the restraints with ease. Aizen and Gin concealed their new fighting sticks in their pant legs, while Matsumoto kept a taser deep inside her cleavage, and Tousen had a Swiss Army knife.

"Why do you get the most dangerous weapon?" Aizen asked the pleased-looking Tousen.

"It's because I sent in all the boxtops from the cereals I ate! I got it for free thanks to that!"

"They still do that obnoxious little gimmick? And why would they give out something that could mortally wound someone?" Aizen had a hard time believing that General Mills would allow something so outrageous to be going on.

"Beats me. Glad I have it, though."

The five-person group steadily made its way up the winding path towards the peak of the mountain, Starrk treading behind with his empty shotgun pointed near the back of Tousen's head for the sake of appearances as mentioned earlier. As they drew closer and closer to their destination, it became apparent that there was some odd smell present in the air. Aizen scrunched up his nose in disgust.

"Ugh...what's that smell? It's not a revolting stench, but it's so potent it's making my eyes water..."

"Yeah," Gin sneezed, "Me too! What is this?"

Matsumoto sniffed the air, tilting her head slightly sideways. "Hey, I recognize this! It's a popular, but strong-smelling, perfume that's all the rage with old rich women these days! I saw an ad for it on TV once! I've even smelt it once, but this...ooh...oh, shit, it's too much...crap, I feel like my nose is going to fall off!" Matsumoto gagged loudly, covering her face with her hands.

'I get so turned on when she curses like that...' Gin thought idly.

Starrk took out a napkin from his pocket and held it over his nose. "What you are smelling right now is the amount of perfume that Charlotte Cuulhourne uses every day to keep smelling clean and fresh!"

"Fuuuuuuck, that guy has issues!" Tousen shouted for no apparent reason.

"Tell me about it; he's also a flaming homosexual and transvestite, but you don't really need me telling you that to understand it. All you have to do is see him once, and it's obvious."

"I'm scared, Mr. Starrk; can I go home and take a nap?"

"You know you don't have any choice. You're doing this whether you like it or not."

"Can I have my one free call, then? I want to tell my parents I love them and that I'm sorry I didn't get married to that crazy karate girl Tatsuki back in high school like they wanted."

"Once this is over with, you can make all the calls you want."

Aizen spat on the ground. "So unfair, man! So unfair! I'm telling you, I really hope you aren't leading us to our deaths here, man!"

"Don't worry; as long as we do what we're supposed to, everything will work out just peachy." Starrk shrugged his shoulders as he spoke; he really didn't seem to be totally into this like he should be.

"What about that Findor guy you mentioned, too? What's he like?"

"He's a bit harder to figure out than the tranny, that's for sure," Starrk shrugged again, "Findor's been working as my dad's right-hand man since he was a little kid. He treats my dad like a real father and even as a personal god, and in turn he's treated more like a real son by the old man than me. If it wasn't for me being born, he'd probably be made the heir to the Luisenbarn Mafia, although his main goal in life is to serve my dad. He acts friendly to me, but it's obvious he holds contempt towards my sister for being born so ill, even though it's not her fault in the first place. He's a wily one, so be careful!"

"Alright! Got it!"

They were on the last stretch before reaching the cabin's entrance when Findor Carias and Charlotte Cuulhourne stepped outside to greet them, their swords strapped to their waists. A difficult and dangerous fight was about to begin. Starrk's goal was to rescue his sister, while it would be up to Aizen and the others to hold off and try to knock out Findor and Charlotte. All that was left now was for Kira and Ayon to hurry up and make their surprise attack from behind to start things off...

* * *

_Meanwhile, on the other side of the mountain..._

Kira and Ayon had been climbing for some time now, and so far neither of them had said a single word. Kira mainly because he was frightened to death of Ayon's appearance, and Ayon because it didn't seem like he really had anything to say. It wasn't too difficult scaling the rocks, so eventually Kira decided to break out of his comfort zone and start up a conversation with the bizarre-looking creature.

"So...uh, is Ayon your real name?" Kira asked.

Ayon did not reply.

"Do you have any family or close relatives?"

Ayon did not reply.

"Are you and Aizen really friends? He's not forcing you to do this, is he?"

Ayon did not reply.

"Did you steal that motorcycle you were driving earlier? Do you like driving motorcycles? I've always been kind of interested in them myself."

Ayon did not reply.

"What do you look like underneath that mask? Is it even a mask?"

Ayon did not reply.

"What's your favorite food?"

"I DEVOUR THE FLESH AND SOULS OF THE SINFUL...THAT IS MY ONLY PURPOSE." Ayon said in a deep, gravely voice.

"Oh..." muttered Kira. He wished he had kept his mouth shut.


	28. Family Issues Are Between Family Only

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

"Oi, Starrk, hey! Welcome back! Got worried you were in a spot of trouble down there! Looks like you brought some friends..."

Findor Carias flashed a disturbingly friendly smile as he greeted the younger man with his 'prisoners' in tow. Charlotte Cuulhourne gave a seductive wink in Starrk's direction, causing him to cringe. Aizen, Gin, Tousen and Matsumoto hadn't totally believed everything Starrk had told them about the transvestite mafia man at first, but now they saw the cold, hard facts right before their very terrified eyes. Findor looked more pleasing to the eye, but he was even more scary in truth.

"These guys are the intruders...they attacked Avirama and Ggio but were left weakened after knocking them out, so it wasn't very hard for me to finish it," Starrk explained, glancing down at the forlorn-looking Aizen. Charlotte's lustful eyes slowly and reluctantly drifted away from the mullet-haired man and fell upon Matsumoto's busty form. His eyes grew as wide as dinner-plates. Findor crossed his arms over his chest and nodded.

"You did good, Starrk. Avirama and Ggio will be sorely missed, but it was a necessary sacrifice to protect our boss from harm."

"They're not dead, just unconscious."

"Then I'm sure they can find their way back once they wake up."

"I guess you're right, but that's still mighty cold."

"Oh, stop whining with that fake western accent of yours; it's not fooling anyone! In any case, as the heir to the mafia, what do you think we should do with these intruders?"

Suddenly, acting on what inadvertently put a major dent in Aizen's strategy, Charlotte took a step forward and unsheathed his blade. "I say we kill them all right here and now." he snarled in a manly voice.

'WHAAAAAAT?' thought Starrk, Aizen, Matsumoto, Gin and Tousen all at the same time.

"I don't like the way they look...especially that red-haired chick with the obscenely huge tits. It really pisses me off." Charlotte's words were dripping with scolding-hot envy towards the young woman. He wasn't very happy about Aizen's long, silky brown locks either, or the way that fox guy kept smiling at him like that.

Findor sighed, rolling his eyes. "You're always griping about how much you hate people that look better than you-"

"NO ONE LOOKS BETTER THAN ME! I JUST DISLIKE UGLY PEOPLE!" retorted Charlotte. He was like a little child throwing a tantrum.

Findor would have liked nothing more than to point out how flawed his partner's logic was, but seeing that murderous look in the transvestite's eyes made him think otherwise. Tousen gulped as he nervously eyed the long, sharp sword in Charlotte's hand. The last thing he wanted was to be sliced and diced to tiny pieces. Who would take care of Komamura if he was gone? Certainly not Aizen or Gin.

"Are you sure you wanna kill us? We die really easily; it wouldn't be much fun for you." Aizen casually remarked.

"I'm not looking to have fun. I'm looking to cut that pretty face of yours right off!"

"Oh dear...!"

"I think I should be the one to kill them," Starrk spoke up, "If I am going to be the next boss of this mafia, then I need to be able to become comfortable with taking lives, don't you think so?"

Findor's brow furrowed slightly for the briefest of moments. "Hmm...yes, you're right. You should be the one to do it. Shoot them once in the head each."

"Good. I'll just go to my room and get some real bullets. I ran out of tranquilizers already. I'll be right back." Findor's light-grey eyes intensely tracked Starrk's movements all the way until he disappeared past the front door of the small shack. Then, the blonde man removed his own sword from its scabbard and swung it once through the air. Matsumoto gulped.

"What're you doing?" Charlotte blinked in confusion, his long eyelashes sparkling in the evening light.

"I'm going to kill these intruders."

"What? But you just told Starrk-"

"That boy isn't going to kill them. He was always against the idea of killing people, so it would make no sense for him to suddenly be so willing. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was lying too. If anything, I'd suspect he's gone and planned some kind of secret plot with these strange people," Findor snarled through clenched teeth. He brought his sword down with its tip barely an inch away from the base of Aizen's neck. Gin was starting to lose composure; he didn't give a damn what happened to Aizen, but he loved Matsumoto and Tousen had alot of money. Unfortunately, at the current moment, the situation was not in their favor. There was nothing he could do without the risk of being cut down instantly.

"So what should we do?"

"We kill these intruders, and then confront Starrk. We do not know what he's planning just yet, so we just be careful with what we say or what we do to him. The boss is not the kind of man who would let even his own son get in the way of his supremacy; if Starrk is betraying us, he will be punished with death, as all other traitors have been."

"You didn't have to explain it so dramatically."

"Shut up; it's what I do, and you know it! I am doing this all for the boss! We must destroy everyone and everything that stands in our boss's path! He is our king!"

Findor pulled his sword back, and prepared to swing, only to realize that he could not; a large hand had grasped tightly upon the sharp steel. It was Ayon. A loud crack punctured the short silence as Ayon's other fist smashed hard against Findor's face, sending the man sprawling across the ground and into a nearby tree. Charlotte cursed loudly, and he too was knocked over by a surprise kick to the back courtesy of Kira. Aizen, Gin, Matsumoto and Tousen hastily undid the ropes tied around their hands and removed their own weapons from their respective hiding places.

Findor and Charlotte jumped back onto their feet with ease. "BASTARDS! DON'T MESS AROUND WITH US SO CARELESSLY!"

"Sorry," Aizen cackled like a maniac, "We're not dying today, my friend! Especially not by your hand!"

'It's not very fair that you get to act so cool like that...you didn't even do anything...' Gin thought in annoyance.

* * *

"Lilynette...? Lilynette? If you hear me, please answer back..."

Starrk quietly tip-toed down the old hallway, painstakingly trying to avoid causing the floorboards to squeak loudly underneath his feet. He also fought back the urge to cough as dust and tiny particles of mold filled his nostrils and his lungs. He really hated being in this crummy house, and he knew that it wasn't good for Lilynette's health either, but he really was the only one who actually cared about her. She wasn't just a little sister or a living reminder of Starrk's long-dead mother, but she was his first true friend. The one who had rescued him from the loneliness. For those reasons, even if he had to die to make it happen, he wanted to ensure that Lilynette will be able to live a happy, healthy life.

"Lilynette..." Starrk whispered again.

Eventually, he reached the door into his younger sibling's room. Carefully, slowly, he opened the door with the back of his palm. Upon stepping inside, Starrk gasped. Lilynette was still asleep in her bed, just like Starrk had left her, but now...her father, his father, the boss of the Luisenbarn Mafia, was standing over her with a solemn expression in his tiny eyes. Barragan Luisenbarn had left his room for the first time in three weeks, and it was to see his daughter. For a moment, Starrk felt sympathetic towards Barragan, but he shook that thought from his mind: his father never gave a damn about Lilynette before. What in the world was he doing here NOW? Then Starrk noticed the giant black axe that Barragan held in his left hand, faint stains of blood covering every inch of it.

"Dad..."

"Hmph...so you came to take her away from this place, huh? Take her away from the mafia...take her away from me..." Barragan's voice was rough and gravely, like as if he had been chewing on nothing but sandpaper all his life. He did not look away from Lilynette as he spoke, his mouth barely visible underneath the thick white mustache that adorned his face. Starrk knew it was foolish to stand there in the doorway with a dumbstruck expression, but his father had a powerful way of leaving people frozen with his presence alone. Age had not deterred his fearsome influence.

Starrk sighed; it was now or never. "Yes, father...I'm taking her away from this place. And I am leaving as well. Lilynette and I are not meant for the type of living that you are so accustomed to. We don't want to be apart of this mafia business. It's time to finally let the Luisenbarn mafia come to an end. I...I hope you understand."

Finally, Barragan raised his head to look at his oldest son, and the only son of his still alive. "Idiot," he let out a snort, "You've said those same words to me three years back, and my answer now is the same as my answer then. You will inherit this family as your own, boy, and you will lead the Luisenbarn Mafia back to the greatness it once held so long ago!"

"And my reply is the same now as it was then: No."

Barragan, surprisingly, chuckled at that remark. "Then, I guess my beatings from that time did little to change your mind, after all. How unfortunate. This time, I will not hesitate to kill you, boy, and even if you die, I will simply use that woman you brought to us outside and have her give me a new heir to raise and teach before I pass on. I've seen that whole fight down on the mountain path with the telescope, although I will keep the fact that you aided the enemy from Findor and Charlotte. If you survive and continue to complain, then it would be best to remove that which you are so determined to save," He gave a curt nod to the slumbering Lilynette after the last sentence. The sleeping pills he had slipped into her water earlier on really worked well.

"Last time you gave me a machine gun. How am I supposed to protect myself now? You have that custom-made axe with the strength to cut even steel in half...and I have a rifle without any bullets."

"So do you suggest we play a children's card-game instead? Or maybe checkers?"

"Well...that certainly would make things easier...but what do I do?"

"Hmph...I guess you'll have to figure out something for yourself, eh, son?" And after that, Barragan attacked with the swiftness of a wild animal pouncing onto its prey.


	29. The Grim Reaper Is A Mortal

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I'll have to come up with some way to make a reference to Aizen and Ichigo's most recent 'forms' in the manga without actually having it happen in this story, since it can't. The Findor/Charlotte fights went by pretty quick, but Barragan won't be as easy.

* * *

_As a battle between father and son begins inside the cabin, Aizen and the others are holding their own against Findor and Charlotte..._

"WACHACHACHACHACHACHA-"

Without even blinking, Gin whacked Charlotte Cuulhourne in the nose with his fighting stick as hard as he could. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I..." Charlotte coughed, "I was practicing a pre-fighting ritual. Avirama taught it to me. He said that by doing it, I can increase the chances of coming out victorious by as much as 30 percent!"

"...You actually believed that idiot? You're even dumber than he is!"

"Gah! You're...you're right! Oh, I'm such a fool! I've humiliated myself completely and utterly! It's almost as bad as the time I went skipping down the block in a speedo singing Lady Gaga songs because Ggio spiked my drink! That was a long explanation..." Charlotte got down on his knees and buried his face into his palms, weeping loudly.

"Don't worry. I won't make fun of you." Gin patted the sobbing transvestite on the shoulder.

Charlotte sniffled. "R-Really?"

"Yeah. Instead, I'll just kick your ass." Gin bonked Charlotte on the head, kneed him twice in the face, and then kicked him in the abdomen. Gin was enjoying himself a little too much. Matsumoto stood by and watched the spectacle unfurl, since Aizen, Kira and Ayon were busy taking care of Findor, who was surprisingly able to hold back all three of them. Tousen had gotten worried about Komamura so he ran back down the mountain to go and check on the young dog. None of them were taking these life-or-death fights very seriously.

"GRAAAAH! CUT IT OUT!" Sick and tired of taking such abuse for someone as beautiful as himself, Charlotte Cuulhourne flipped backwards onto his feet and swung his sword. Gin moved out of the way just in time as the tip of the blade sliced open his shirt. Matsumoto gasped.

"Gin! If you beat this guy, I'll let you wear the Justin Bieber shirt I purchased earlier today to replace that ruined one!"

"I'D RATHER DIE, WOMAN! Oh yeah, that reminds me, I bought you the new CD like you asked."

"Oh, Gin, you're always so good to me!"

"SHUT UP, YOU OBNOXIOUS LOVEBIRDS!" Charlotte screeched like a banshee screaming into a megaphone. Using Gin's momentary lapse of attention to his advantage, the purple-haired man prepared to bury his sword deep into his opponent's chest...when he was suddenly hit in the face by a different chest. Matsumoto's chest, that is.

The strawberry-blonde had run over to help save her boyfriend, but she accidentally tripped on an upturned tree root. For the first time her gigantic, juicy tits had done something for the good of humanity instead of hindering it like usually. She then jabbed Charlotte in the stomach with her taser at full power several times, sending waves of spine-tingling electricity throughout his body. She watched in childish glee as the mafia man's face twisted in agony. She kicked him once in the nuts and three times against his shins before letting him drop to the floor in a crumbled heap. Gin was rendered speechless but slightly amused. They were both sadists, after all, it seemed.

"Okay, now let's go get you that shirt!"

"I said I'm not wearing it!"

Matsumoto flashed the taser dangerously close to Gin's face. She wore a blank expression as she did this, although the darkness could easily be seen within.

"Uh...yeah, I guess I can wear it for a little while until we get back...if it'll make you take that thing out of my face..."

"Good! It has a big picture of his adorable face and everything!"

"Ugh...still, for some type of big-time mafia flunky, this guy was pathetic."

"I guess we were just lucky he was as big of an idiot as those other two guys."

"Yeah, I suppose so."

Meanwhile, at that same time, Findor was becoming increasingly irritated by the fact that he has failed to kill even one of these damn intruders so far. Aizen was jumping back and forth and in circles like a hyperactive ninny who forgot to take his medicine, Kira was dodging the incoming blows with little effort while making pointless remarks about his personal life, and Ayon was howling at the top of its lungs for no apparent reason. Findor couldn't take the stupidity much longer. He had already been punched three times and smacked by a fighting stick twice, and yet he was still unable to hit anyone. He knew he had to remain calm, but it was so difficult. He was just so angry.

"HOLD STILL, YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT!" Findor was so upset that he could not focus his swings like before, and he just slashed randomly in the air with hopes of cutting something or someone in half. He looked over to Charlotte for help, but cursed when he saw the other man was already defeated. There was no way for them to win...no way...

"You're fighting with sticks and fists!" Findor took in a deep breath and bellowed, "I have a sword! A frickin' sword! Why won't you bastards die?"

"Hey, hey, I think you should calm down. It's not good to get so stressed; you could end up with an ulcer." Aizen warned.

"Be quiet! I...I will kill all of you! I won't let anyone harm the boss!"

"Why do you care about that guy anyway?" asked a puzzled Kira.

"Yeah," Aizen interjected, "From what Starrk told us, he's a big douche."

"Don't say that! Don't you ever say such insulting things about the man I respect the most! He took me in when no one else would! He's like a father to me!" If there was anything Findor hated more than losing, it was hearing insults aimed towards the boss of the Luisenbarn Mafia.

"Yeah? Well, he's Starrk's real father, and yet he would have his own family members killed if he thought they were worthless!"

"That's exactly why I am going to kill you three right here and now! Starting with the mullet-haired bitch!"

"WHY MUST IT ALWAYS BE ME WHO GETS PICKED ON...?"

Suddenly, there was a loud crash as the entire front wall of the shack came crashing down in front of Findor, Aizen and the others. The timber collided together and shards of bark and metal scattered about into the air. Everyone present stopped what they were doing and looked at the shocking scene. The motionless body of Starrk laid in the middle of the rubble, his face and chest drenched in his own blood. His beloved rifle was clenched tightly in his left hand despite the fact it had been snapped in two. Standing over him was his father, Barragan Luisenbarn. There was a tiny cut on the old man's cheek, but he had no other visible injuries aside from this.

Findor breathed a sigh of relief. "B...Boss..."

"Tch. Stupid brat. I gave you several chances to refill your ammunition with real bullets, but you never did it. Even though you claim to hate me, you can't even kill me. You're nothing but a lazy, foolish child. Whether you still live or not from this point on is of no concern to me. Just be glad that I felt a bit merciful today." Barragan snarled at his unconscious son before spitting upon him. He looked over at Charlotte, and saw him lying in a fetal position on the ground. He then turned his attention to Findor.

"Findor...you and Charlotte haven't killed any of the intruders?" he asked.

"I...I'm trying to, boss, but..."

"Findor. You're not like Starrk here; you have no problem with killing people or obeying my every order. All of these people should be dead already."

"I know, boss! I want nothing more than to please you! I would even die for you-"

"If that's how you feel, then go ahead and die already for being so useless in this dire situation."

"Huh?"

In an instant, the axe had vanished from Barragan's hand, and then Findor collapsed on his back. The curve of the giant weapon was now lodged deep into the upper-right of the blonde man's head. Blood gradually leaked out from the mortal wound and spilled over onto the grass, staining it bright crimson. No one could bring themselves to speak. Even Ayon had stopped its thunderous clamoring. Barragan swung his hand casually through the air, and his axe came hurtling back into his grasp. A small chain had been attached to the hilt of the axe long ago, allowing it to become a projectile weapon of sorts. Barragan took out a small cloth from his back-pocket and wiped off the small clump of blood, brains and flesh that was still clinging to the axe.

"Alright," Barragan looked incredibly menacing, his own visage comparable to the deadly Grim Reaper's, "It seems that I can no longer trust anyone but myself! I will kill you all and rebuild the Luisenbarn mafia by my own hands with the help of your woman friend's ovaries."

"W-What a statement to make...!" gasped Kira unnecessarily.

"I may be old and out-of-shape, but I still have more than enough strength to mangle a bunch of no-good brats!"

'This guy,' Aizen thought with a serious face, 'Is a far better villain than I could ever be, if I wanted to be one anyway. Of course, killing off one's own ally for no good reason is not a very smart idea...and yet I feel like I am guilty of doing such a thing. Ah, whatever.'


	30. A Glimpse of Hopelessness

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This fight will be a little drawn-out in some ways, but at least in a way that I hope is more reasonable than what happens in the actual Bleach series. The Barragan fight will probably only last up until chapter 31 or 32, and then this arc will be over. Of course, some unnatural things happen in this story too, monster-Nemu having been one of them. BTW, I realized it's actually 'Baraggan' and not 'Barragan', but it's too late to change it now, so it'll stay like that.

* * *

"So, then...which one of you wants to die first?" Barragan swung his axe threateningly in the air.

Aizen thought about it for a moment. "Uh...Gin, Tousen and Matsumoto want to die really badly, yeah. But not in that order. Kill the big-boobed bimbo first!" he exclaimed.

"YOU DIRTY SON OF A BITCH!" shouted the mullet-haired man's friends in unison. Tousen suddenly noticed the Justin Bieber shirt Gin was wearing and started to laugh, but then was punched in the face by the silver-haired man. Komamura whined his disapproval regarding such actions.

"That won't do. I need that woman alive to give birth to my future children, and your friends haven't annoyed me enough for them to die just yet," Barragan grumbled, shaking his head, "In fact, I think you should die first, you blithering idiot!"

Aizen sighed; today just wasn't his day at all.

Barragan took a single step forward, and released his grip on his axe as he swung it, letting it fly through the air and towards Aizen's head. Aizen shrieked and quickly ducked. The rotating axe zoomed over his head as it barely grazed the tip of his mullet. Gin, Tousen, Kira and Matsumoto charged at the old man, seeing that without his weapon in hand he was basically defenseless and an easy target. Ayon had disappeared from the scene a short while back. However, they had not taken Barragan's incredibly physical strength in account.

"I told you I'd kill you fools later."

The gigantic old man swiped his hand and effortlessly batted both Gin and Tousen aside. Gin tumbled across the ground and into a tree while Tousen nearly plummeted over the edge of the mountain if Komamura hadn't pulled him back to safety in time. A loud snap in Gin's right arm told him that it was now broken. The aching that soon followed was almost unbearable to withstand. Barragan reached out to grab Matsumoto by the neck, and she almost felt his large fingers tighten around her throat, but his open palm was quickly slapped away by Kira's intervention.

"Tch..." Barragan grimaced, "You really are getting on my nerves, you know that?"

Barragan tugged on the chain attached to his axe, returning the giant, cleaving weapon back to his side. Kira shouted boisterously as he landed a rapid series of punches to Barragan's abdomen, but they didn't even faze him in the slightest. Kira tried kicking at him, but that did little next to nothing as well. This was the first time he had ever faced such a seemingly invincible opponent. Barragan sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Are you done?"

"I-" Kira was bashed hard across the face by the metallic wristband on Barragan's hefty arm before falling backwards. Blood was gushing from his broken jaw and several shattered teeth. Matsumoto screamed out Kira's name, although she had little chance to say much more before Barragan kicked her in the abdomen with the tip of his shoe. The strawberry-blonde woman's face gradually turned a light shade of pale, and then she lurched forward and vomited all over the ground.

"Oh, please, woman, I didn't hit you THAT hard. I just need you to shut up for a while. You'll have to clean off the puke on my shoe after this, you know!" Barragan snapped.

Suddenly, Gin had leaped onto Barragan's shoulders, the rage he felt towards the man who had harmed Rangiku far greater than the searing pain in his broken arm. Barragan remained rooted to the spot, perfectly silent like a statue. Gin used his other hand to take out the small Swiss Army knife he borrowed from Tousen moments earlier and stabbed the dull blade as hard as he could into Barragan's back. Nothing happened.

"...S-Scary stuff..." Gin cursed through barred teeth.

"I'm wearing bullet-proof armor underneath this shirt, boy," Barragan replied, turning his head so his beady eyes could look up at Gin, "It's more than thick enough to protect me from a pathetic little blade like that. And by the way, that Justin Bieber shirt makes you look like you bat for the other team."

"Your face isn't protected, though, is it?" Gin tore the knife out of Barragan's back and swung at the old man's face. This was something Barragan himself had not anticipated, and soon the vision in right eye was stripped from him as Gin sliced a long vertical line down over it. It was the first time in many years that Barragan had been inflicted an injury, and his calm yet serious facade from earlier was now shattered.

"GRAAAAAAAAH! YOU...YOU DARE HARM ME, YOU BASTARD?" Barragan furiously swatted Gin away with a slap as blood poured down one side of his face and onto his clothes. He was about to swing his axe to chop off the unconscious Gin's head when he was blocked by Ayon. The chimera-like creature screamed furiously before tackling Barragan.

"I WILL DEVOUR THE FLESH AND SOULS OF THE SINFUL...!"

Aizen, meanwhile, was still standing all by his lonesome, off to the side. He didn't want to admit it, but he was afraid. He saw how easily Gin, Tousen, Kira and Matsumoto were beaten around; what help would he be? Not even his fighting stick would make things any easier. It seemed like Ayon was getting the upper-hand except that was just thanks to his surprise attack; he would get defeated too soon enough, Aizen figured. The earlier fights had been easy, but this Barragan guy was on a whole different level. Even the old bastard's own son didn't know how strong he actually was. It made even less sense for Barragan to be this powerful because he was such an old fart, too! Aizen would have run away if he could, but then he would probably get beheaded by that giant flying axe.

'Tsk, tsk, Aizen,' said a familiar voice from within the depths of Aizen's psyche, 'I can't believe you're actually afraid...you seemed so confident just moments ago. This is really pathetic, even for you.'

'You're Strawberry, aren't you? I haven't heard from you in a while.'

'Yeah, well, I've been busy training for three months in the time-span of a couple of hours. In any case, I'm here to help you. I can unlock your inner power, remember that.'

'You can, huh? Can you turn me into a horrific beast with a sword for a hand, tentacles, giant wings with skulls that shoot bombastic lasers, and a face like one of those Xenomorphs from Alien?'

'No, but I can give you the Final Getsuga Tensho.'

'Oh, please, I have no use for that, and you know it. Just help me however it is you can.'

'Alright...for the next five minutes, you will become the almighty fighter you once were...when you were a member of the Vizards.'

Ayon threw its head back and roared again, its giant yellow eyes now peeking out from underneath its long dirt-brown mane of hair. Ayon swung its left fist at Barragan's face, only to have it sliced off by the twirling of the axe. Not even bothered by this, Ayon proceeded to attack with its other hand, and that one was severed as well. With no arms left, Ayon tried using its head. Barragan simply kicked the monster out of his way.

Barragan took a deep breath and shouted, "I AM BARRAGAN LUISENBARN, THE BOSS OF THE LUISENBARN MAFIA, AND I WILL NOT FALL TO ANY OF YOU PATHETIC INTRUDERS!"

Finally, Aizen decided to attack.


	31. Timely Interventions Are Always Welcomed

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Even in AU, Aizen still cannot escape the well-known cliches of Bleach, although mainly it's for the purpose of humor or parody. Lots of Barney references and other stuff too because I felt like it, and it seemed random enough. He really wouldn't have won without Soifon's help, though, since Barragan's a nasty motherfucker.

* * *

'For five minutes, I will give you the same power that you had held back during your time with the Vizards...'

'Why five minutes?'

'That's all I can do for now. As the madness progresses through your mind, you will be able to unlock further power and for longer time, but also bring back the dark memories. These are even memories beyond working with the Vizards, I should warn you.'

'Well, as long as I can make it out of this alive, then I can deal with a few unpleasant memories.'

'You're an interesting man, Sosuke Aizen. Just remember this one thing: be wary of the memory that lies deepest within your heart. It will destroy you and everything you know.'

'Whatever.'

An instant later, Aizen felt something deep inside of him begin to change. It was hardly noticeable at first, but then his head suddenly started to ache, like it was going to crack wide open. His breathing became labored, and his body wouldn't stop shaking. All of these bizarre symptoms abruptly stopped after half a minute, and Aizen suddenly felt calm. Calmer than he should have been, considering the situation. Not only that, but he felt strong. He looked over at the unconscious forms of Kira, Matsumoto and Gin lying prone on the floor. Gripping his fighting stick tightly in one hand, he charged straight at Barragan Luisenbarn.

"Ugh...are all of you bratty teens completely suicidal?" Barragan remarked, shaking his head. However, when Aizen shoved the blunt side of his fighting stick into his stomach, he didn't expect it to hurt as much as it did. It had actually torn its way through the bullet-proof vest he was wearing. AND IT WAS JUST A BLOODY STICK, OF ALL THINGS!

"Y-You..."

Aizen glanced upwards, and his eyes met Barragan's. Aizen's light-brown eyes were devoid of all negative emotion, and any hints of reluctance, hesitation or fear. It was the look of someone driven solely by a desire for victory. It was the same kind of look Barragan himself once had in the days of his youth. Just seeing his own dirty, aging face drenched in blood being reflected in those eyes made Barragan's blood boil. He was the leader of one of the most powerful mafia in all of Europe, and he deserved nothing less than absolute respect. It was only fair, after all.

"BOW TO ME!" Barragan lifted his gigantic axe effortlessly over his head and swung down at Aizen, only to slice thin air instead. The mullet-haired man was now standing behind him. "F...Fast little bastard, aren't ya...?"

"TAXES." Aizen replied.

"What?"

"YOUR TAXES ARE DUE BY THE ELEVENTH. DON'T SKIP OUT ON THEM AGAIN. WE WILL HAVE THE LOCH NESS MONSTER KEEPING WATCH AT ALL TIMES."

"What in the world are you-"

"I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE ALL A HAPPY FAMILY!"

"Don't you dare be making fun of me...!"

"BABY BOP, YOU'RE GONNA BE JUST LIKE KIM KARDASHIAN WHEN YOU GROW UP, AND SHE'S A CRAAAAAAAZY WHORE WHO LOVES LITTLE BOYS! SHE'S STILL KINDA HOT THOUGH...BUT YOU'LL BE THE FURRY EQUIVALENT OF HER FOR SURE!"

Barragan swung again with the intent of slicing Aizen in two, and he missed just as before. Aizen countered by whacking Barragan across the face twice with his fighting stick. Barragan's focus was staring to become a little disoriented; he was losing alot of blood still due to the wound over his right eye. Aizen was now standing about five feet away away from him and jogging in place for some bizarre reason. Something in his brain had definitely snapped. Barragan wiped his face against the backside of his arm to remove some of the blood, but that only got his arm covered in the red liquid as well. His axe was becoming difficult to wield due to the sweaty coating on his palms.

"B.J., DOES YOUR NAME STAND FOR BLOW JOB? DO YOU GIVE THEM FOR FREE? I SURE HOPE SO! NARF!"

"You are one obnoxious kid..." Barragan grumbled.

"YOU MAD? YOU MAD? YOU MAD?"

"As a matter of fact...I AM!" Barragan roared in agitation as he ran at Aizen, who was whistling now. He reached out and grasped onto a handful of the young man's mullet just as Aizen was moving out of the way. Barragan pulled on the clump of hair as hard as he could; he tore out most of the mullet in an instant, leaving Aizen with messy, short hair and a noticeable bald spot. However, Aizen did not curl up into a fetal position and bawl like a baby as expected. Instead, he just stood there grinning like someone who sniffed a whole tub of glue. It was really unsettling on so many levels, but Barragan did not want to admit that it bothered him.

"IF LOGIC EXISTED IN THE MANGA WORLD, EVERYONE WOULD HAVE PULLED THEIR STRONGEST ATTACKS OUT RIGHT FROM THE START!"

Barragan had never faced such a strange opponent before; he was unsure how to properly handle this situation without losing his own sanity in the process. He took one step forward, and Aizen took one step back. Barragan took another forward, and Aizen took another back. Forward, back, forward, back. This process continued for about two minutes. It would only take on more step backwards for Aizen to tumble over the side of the mountain. Smirking with pride, Barragan stepped forward once again. Aizen didn't move.

Aizen laughed. "I'M NOT THAT STUPID, JUST SO YOU KNOW! YOU THINK YOU KNOW IT ALL, BUT REALLY KNOW IT ALL IS YOU! I WILL BE THE SHAMAN KING, AND NO ONE ELSE, BUCKO!"

Barragan cursed under his breath. He had hoped for too much, after all.

Moving at a speed not possible for most people, Aizen ran up to Barragan and kicked the old man as hard as he could under the chin. Barragan could literally hear his own jaw crack. Aizen then grabbed onto Barragan's black leather belt and slapped him in the face three times before tossing him over his head with little visible difficulty on his part. Barragan collided face-first into a small mud puddle, and the blood from his facial wound became mixed into the brown sludge. He had to tell himself over and over to remain calm, or else his rage would get the best of him again.

Barragan slowly lifted himself up to a stand. Aizen charged to deliver yet another strike, but this time Barragan was ready. He grabbed hold of Aizen's face, and bashed him against a nearby tree. He repeated this action over and over again, but the brat didn't even lose consciousness. Aizen scooped up a handful of splinters and a chunk of wood in mid-air, throwing them in Barragan's face, momentarily blinding him. This gave Aizen enough time to escape from the older man's grasp and move a safe distance from the swing of his axe as well. Although blood was pouring down Aizen's face from the injuries he just sustained, he didn't seem any worse for wear.

"I NEED A DISPENSER HERE!" Aizen bellowed, "DISPENSER HERE! DISPENSER HERE! HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDIN' IF YA DON'T EAT YER MEAT? WE WILL MISS YOU AND YOUR WORK, SATOSHI KON!" He placed a hand over his face and performed the moonwalk right then and there.

'This isn't working...' Barragan thought, 'I just can't hit him with this damn axe...but I have nothing else better to use...there's no way I can lose to this idiot, though...I am Barragan Luisenbarn!'

The two fighters exchanged several more blows, neither of them giving in. Aizen's fighting stick eventually shattered against Barragan's hard head, and he was forced to resort to fists alone. It almost seemed like the battle would go on forever, although Aizen was less than a minute away from returning to his normal state of mind.

"HEY, BUDDY, DO YA KNOW WHAT MY POWER LEVEL IS?"

"...Over 9000, I'm guessing? Even I know some things that all the kids are talking about these days!"

"NAH, IT'S A BIT BELOW THAT!"

"Damn you!"

Suddenly, a noise in the distance slowly approached Barragan from behind. It was the sound of propellers spinning rapidly. He slowly turned around to see a black helicopter now hovering a little away over the forest. The violent wind being summoned by the twirling chopper blades of the flying machine nearly knocked Barragan over on his backside. The side-door of the helicopter was pushed open to reveal Soifon, along with her two bodyguards/bouncers Marechiyo Omaeda and Ushoda Hachigen. Sitting idly to Soifon's right was an RPG-7 anti-tank rocket grenade launcher.

"Hey, Aizen!" Soifon shouted over the sound of the helicopter, "Remember that you owe me for this! You're gonna help me get Yoruichi back! If you don't hold your end of the bargain, then the next missile I fire is going up your ass!"

"HIYA, NICE LADY!" Aizen waved with a childish grin.

Soifon lifted the hefty RPG-7 launcher onto her shoulder with Omaeda's help, and aimed it directly at the spot in front of Barragan's feet. "I call this little guy my 'Jakuho Raikoben'! It's a LITTLE more powerful than your average RPG missile!"

She fired the rocket-powered grenade from its hold, and Barragan could only blink once before he was engulfed in a sudden explosion. Dirt, smoke, fire, wood and mud flew all about. The entire mountain shook violently in response. Komamura barked his approval and did a back-flip. Barragan screamed in agony as the blast lifted him off of the ground and sent him crashing all the way back into the wreckage that was his shack. He stumbled out from underneath a pile of logs slowly before collapsing. Hachigen called the cops next as Soifon instructed him.

No longer insane as he was moments ago, Aizen took a cigarette out of his pocket, lit it on one of the falling ambers, and smiled. "I love it when a plan comes together...wait a minute, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY MULLET? OH MY GOD, IS THAT A BALD SPOT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW? IT IS! IT'S A FREAKING BALD SPOT! OH EM GEEEEEEEE..."

"Hey! I...I didn't do anything..." Tousen exclaimed from the sidelines. "I didn't even get to provide fight commentary..."

"Yo, boss," Omaeda whispered in Soifon's ear, "Maybe we should get out of here before the cops come and see that we're using a helicopter and an RPG-7 illegally. My dad may be the richest man in Karakura, but he ain't gonna pay all of our bail."

"Hmm...good idea. Let's make our leave, gentlemen!" And with that, the helicopter turned itself around and departed from the scene as quickly as it had came. The crater left behind in the missile' wake would eventually become one of the few great mysteries of Karakura. Some people even claimed that it was the result left over by a mysterious life form crashing down to Earth. The truth was never made public.


	32. Farewell to A Father

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: And thus, the first big arc for this fic comes to a close. There's still like two or three more planned before the whole story ends. Some other characters will get their chances in the limelight again as well. I hope making Starrk cry isn't too much. I'll try to come up with other new stories to write, too.

* * *

_A half-hour passes..._

Barragan Luisenbarn groggily woke up to see a police badge being shoved into his face. A tall, young man with long raven-black hair and a stern expression was standing over him.

"My name is Police Captain Kuchiki Byakuya," the man introduced himself, "And you are under arrest." Barragan saw that the officer was holding out a pistol in his other hand. He turned his head just slightly, and watched as Charlotte Cuulhourne, Avirama Redder and Ggio Vega were stuffed into the back of a police car one after another. Findor was being carried away on a stretcher, a white blanket draped over his motionless form. Barragan's trusty axe was nowhere to be seen either. In that instant, Barragan realized that he had lost. He would not be able to save himself or his pride. The Luisenbarn mafia was done for. Oddly enough, instead of pure overwhelming rage, he felt at peace. He no longer had to worry about anything anymore.

"So..." Barragan coughed, "I-I've been caught, eh? Heh...heh heh heh..."

"We only just found you here. Once we find out more information about you, then we'll see what happens. For now we need to take you to the hospital to get your wounds checked."

"I see..."

"Yes. I advise you not to make any suspicious moves for now. We found alot of injured people on this mountain without any proper explanation, and you're the only one with an actual weapon. It's highly likely that you are the one responsible. You don't look like anyone I've seen living around Karakura Town, either."

"Ah...well, in that case, can you do something for me, boy? A final request?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Tell my son that he can do whatever the hell he wants now. I don't give a damn. He can take that worthless sister of his too. Hell, all my men are free."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, and follow this one last instruction. It's very important. It's...it's something I've been debating for a while, but I was too damn proud to say anything about it." Barragan reached into his pocket, and took out a small envelope that he handed to the bewildered Byakuya.

"Sir...you...you know I can't do that-"

"Just do it."

"But-"

"Be quiet. I'm tired. So very tired. Please...let me rest."

Closing his eyes, Barragan just laid there on the ground with his arms spread out like wings, a look of simple happiness on his face for the first time in a long while. Soon, Byakuya saw the blood leaking out of the old man's mouth.

Instead of allowing himself to face arrest and consequently execution for his many crimes throughout the years, Barragan Luisenbarn bit off his own tongue.

* * *

_Two days later...at Karakura General Hospital..._

"Umm...excuse me, sir?"

Sosuke Aizen turned to face the nurse who had called out to him. A large sombrero adorned the top of his head. Until the mullet wig he ordered online arrived in the mail, he had no choice but to resort to wearing this obnoxious hat. The poor man needed a way to covering up the large bald spot left behind after having most of his hair torn out of his scalp. As the nurse approached, Aizen recognized her as Kotetsu Isane, one of the many local lesbians who frequented Soifon's company.

"You...you're not allowed to wear hats like that in the hospital. It can be a bit of a hazard to both the employees and the patients. I'm sorry but I'm afraid I have to ask you to remove it."

"If you make me remove this hat, then I will tell everyone in this hospital that you're a carpet-muncher and you want to get in Doctor Unohana's panties."

Isane froze up on the spot, all of the color draining from her face. She was utterly speechless. Aizen couldn't help but smirk as he turned around and proceeded to walk down the hallway. He oh so loved being an asshole from time to time. However, Aizen was not done getting on peoples' nerves just yet. Not by a long shot. He soon arrived at the hospital room where his friends were staying to have their wounds treated.

"Here ya go, Ginny-boy!" Aizen shouted happily as he shoved a large assortment of Justin Bieber-based apparel in the face of his bed-ridden friend.

Gin punched Aizen in the nose. "I DON'T WANT IT!"

"Oh! I'll take it! He's such an adorable little boy!" Matsumoto called out, sitting up in the bed right next to her boyfriend. Rolling his eyes, Aizen sighed and tossed the bag over to the strawberry-blonde, who was more than happy to receive it. "This is great, since I'll be getting out of the hospital soon, because they just wanted to make sure there wasn't any real damage done to my organs after getting beaten around like that."

"If you ever get arrested for child molestation or caught cheating, I wouldn't be surprised at all," Aizen remarked callously under his breath.

"Oh, come on, Aizen, you should know personally that I'm no pedophile, or a cheating whore despite my appearance! I just like to appreciate the more attractive men that exist in this world of ours!" smirked Matsumoto, licking her lips seductively for emphasis. Aizen opened his mouth to reply, but he was unable to come up with a witty comeback. Instead, he turned his back to her and stared out the window in an awkward silence. Gin looked back and forth between Aizen and Matsumoto; he didn't understand what had just transpired at all.

Aizen sighed. "Where's Kira? I haven't seen him at all yet."

"He's in a different room than us. When we last talked to him, he seemed really upset that he couldn't protect me from getting hurt...I wish I could think of something to say to make him feel better..." Matsumoto shook her head.

"Starrk and his sister?"

"They're being taken care of as well, although Starrk is also being questioned by the police."

"Oh yeah, and what about Ayon?"

"Well, uh, apparently he...he regrew his arms really quickly, like a lizard or something. After that, all he's done so far is sit outside Kira's room, waiting. He hasn't moved from that spot since two days ago."

"He's really grown attached to that emo guy, huh?"

"I guess so. Kira isn't an emo, either! He's a bit of a pessimist, true, but he's not an emo!"

Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal a distraught-looking Tousen. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink since that life-or-death confrontation with the mafia. "H...Hey, guys..."

"I'm gonna go to a local rave tonight, and slip a few date rape drugs in the drinks of some guys' girlfriends and get the guys arrested for attempted rape just for laughs, and then-"

"I SAID, 'HEY GUYS'!"

"Oh, hi, Tousen."

Tousen slumped over into a nearby chair and buried his face into his hands. "...How are you and Matsumoto?" he asked Gin.

"We'll be good. It'll take a while for my arm to heal, though."

"That's great...I'm glad you'll all be fine. It's lucky we survived such a dangerous encounter, huh?"

"Yeah..." Aizen mused, "A little TOO lucky..."

"The reason I came here, is because I wanted to tell you all that I'm thinking about going on a journey to change myself," Tousen suddenly admitted out of the blue.

"...Eh?"

"Actually, to be more precise, I'm going to get trained on how to fight by our landlord, Mr. Yamamoto, through his special teaching program."

"THE OLD GEEZER? YOU'RE GONNA ASK FOR HIS HELP?" Aizen and Gin shouted in unison. "AND WHY LEARN HOW TO FIGHT? HOW MANY FIGHTS DO YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA GET INTO? WE'RE NOT ADVENTUROUS PEOPLE, YOU IDIOT! AND HOW LONG CAN WE SPEAK AT THE SAME TIME LIKE THIS WITHOUT MESSING UP?"

"I know it might sound pointless, but i would like to be a little bit more helpful in times of crisis, ya know?"

"Hmm...yeah, you really weren't much help fighting Barragan," Gin noted.

Aizen nodded his head in agreement. "You sucked ass. Even the boobie-lady here did more than you, although it was still totally unhelpful all the same."

"For god's sake, don't rub it in! I know I was of no help whatsoever! That's why I want to better myself, okay?"

"Yeah, we got ya..."

"That's why I won't be around for some time. It's basically a short leave of absence."

Aizen and Gin exchanged worried glances, both of them thinking roughly the same thing. "If Tousen's out of the game for a while, then we're gonna need someone to fill in the 'straight man' position of our little joking trio, Gin," stated Aizen.

Gin replied, "Yeah. How can we make lots of humorous comments without someone nearby to correct our silliness every time?"

"Kira might make a good replacement."

"Eh, I dunno...he's an idiot, too, and it would just be weird if we had a 'Three Stooges' thing going on."

"You know, why do we use so many American references when we're actually Japanese? Last chapter was chock-full of 'em."

"Huh...never thought of that...I think it's because people who read this would understand them better than if we talked about Japanese celebrities or singers or actors..."

"ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY WORRIED ABOUT THAT?" snapped Tousen in his defense.

"Oh! Tousen! Nobody can replace you! Come back soon, buddy-boy!" Aizen was bawling as he pulled his friend into a tight hug. Gin sniffled a little, but not much else. Matsumoto just rolled her eyes and returned her attention to her new Justin Bieber photo album.

"Thanks...Aizen...but why are you wearing that sombrero?"

"Uh..."

* * *

Starrk stared unblinkingly at the white tiled ceiling of the hospital room. The two officers who had been interrogating him, Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia, had departed for the day to report on their new information. He had told them that his father was Barragan Luisenbarn, once the boss of the most powerful mafia family to ever exist. He told them of how his father once had all of Spain held under his thumb. Starrk wanted to tell them even more, but he kept many things out, including the fact that Charlotte, Avirama and Ggio were conspirators. He knew that they were not bad people, just a bit misguided, and they deserved a second chance. After saying all of this, Starrk was then told in an unenthusiastic response that Barragan had committed suicide moments before his arrest.

Now, back to the present, Starrk was left alone to think. His mind was racing. He had hated his father, despised him for what he was, what he had done and what he planned to do, but he never wanted him to die. Nonetheless, he could understand why his father did that: Barragan had abandoned everything that made him human for the sake of power and respect, and by the time he realized how foolish that all was, it was already too late for him to change. Barragan always acted like he was in control, like he was a demon in living flesh, but the reality of the matter was that he had the least amount of control out of anyone. He was just afraid of being forgotten, and this fear overtook him to the point of insanity. When it finally occurred to Barragan that he had lost all hope of ever reclaiming his former glory, he gave up on life. He must have felt so free in those last moments to know the shackles of his past were gone.

Not wanting to feel further sympathy for the pitiful man that was his father, Starrk sighed. He shifted his inner musings over to his little sister Lilynette. It had been revealed that her illness was actually a problem that could easily be fixed with proper surgery. If everything went well, then she would be better than ever. She would be able to run, and laugh, and play for the first time in her life without any danger. The surgery was expensive, however, and Starrk had no idea how to pay for it. It would take him the rest of his life just to procure enough money for it. As her older brother and last living family member, it was his responsibility.

Later that same day, Starrk found out that the surgery had been paid for in full by the bank account of one 'B.L.'. The usually stoic middle-aged man was no longer able to stop the tears as they flowed down his cheeks. And thus, the Luisenbarn Mafia had come to an end.


	33. The Second Father Story 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: There was never any official confirmation about Ukitake having tuberculosis, but since it's heavily believed he does because of the symptoms shown, I'll just use that for the sake of the story because it takes place in a normal world.

BTW this is the shortest chapter yet. I know it's a bit troublesome to have ANOTHER mini-plot-line involving a father and son, but this is alot different from Barragan and Starrk's thing.

* * *

_At the local prison, even though a blanket of night had fallen over the world, one man still laid awake on his bed. His demands for rest were left unanswered, as if some sort of supernatural force was preventing his sleep, taunting and mocking him..._

Kyoraku Shunsui let loose a heavy sigh. It felt like it had ages since he was thrown in jail like this, and stripped of his job as high school principal. It was all for purposely endangering the lives of both students and faculty when that monster Nemu was running about. He sorely missed getting to see his darling Vice-Principal Nanao-chan, even if she did hate him, and that sexy teenage girl Tia Halibel, even if she hated him too. He missed all of the others too although he never bothered to remember any of their names. He only really cared about Nanao and Halibel.

"Ha ha...you're not going to start crying again, are ya, Kyoraku? It's already been a month since you got here; you should be used to 'lights-out time' by now."

The voice belonged to Ukitake Jushiro, Shunsui's cellmate and an unnaturally friendly person for a criminal. He sat in the bed opposite of the wall from Shunsui, but in the pitch-black darkness, he was practically invisible to the naked eye. When he could be seen, however, Ukitake possessed no noticeably unusual features except for his hair; it was so long that it hung down his entire back, and it was as white as snow. He also had a tendency to spit up blood from time to time. Ukitake explained the vomiting of blood was because he was suffering from a disease known as tuberculosis, which he contracted randomly in prison, although it was diagnosed by the doctors who had examined him that he wasn't going to die anytime in the near future. Apparently this meant Ukitake was just naturally white-haired. He didn't like going into detail regarding his health issues very much. He never spoke about why he was in jail, either.

"It's not that, Ukitake, I just miss getting to be with the people I care about..." Shunsui replied in a hushed tone.

"Don't we all?"

Shunsui nodded. There was brief silence, and then the man mustered up the courage to ask something that had been nagging him. "Hey...Ukitake, is there anyone back in Karakura Town you miss? I never asked you much about your life, I don't think." he asked.

"Me?"

"Who else would I be asking?"

"Well," Ukitake shifted onto his side and stared blankly at the wall, "I guess there isn't much point in hiding it from you, Shunsui; I had a wife, and she was about 6 months pregnant with my son before I got arrested."

"I bet she's still waiting for your return, huh?"

"No, she's not. She divorced me the moment I was convicted, and married another man about half a year later. She didn't like me very much before then either: she was always a bit of an angry woman of sorts. She didn't even want to take my last name when we married. I tried being helpful around the house or take on some responsibilities aside from just my job and she claimed I was usurping her position in the family. She even made our son take on her last name of Toshiro. I started to realize just how much of an unreasonable person she was when I came to this prison."

A shiver shot up Shunsui's spine suddenly. "T...Toshiro?" he murmured, "Uh, Ukitake, do you know what your son looks like?"

"Unfortunately, no. My ex-wife refuses to bring him to visit. She tells me that it would be too confusing for him to find out about his real father so early in life, since I was already here by the time he was born. All I wanted to do was give him some candy or something as a present."

Shunsui remembered having seen a small white-haired boy walk alongside Tia Halibel to school many times in the past. When he had mistakenly accused her of having a child at her age of all things, the busty blonde explained in response that she was just a babysitter for Toshiro. The kid enjoyed swinging around a silly wooden sword and challenging various people to fights, but no one ever took him seriously. It seemed strange that a child would have such odd color of hair, but if he really was Ukitake's son, then that explained it. Shunsui wasn't sure what to say.

"Something wrong. Kyoraku? You got all quiet all of the sudden."

"O-Oh! I'm fine! I'm fine! Just...uh, just a bit tired is all!"

Ukitake smiled softly. "Ah, I see. Well, we should get to bed then. We got alot of work to do tomorrow with community service." And with that, the white-haired man buried himself underneath his covers and soon had drifted off to sleep.

Shunsui did not follow his friend's actions just yet. His mind was formulating an idea. Ukitake did not seem like a bad guy at all, and whatever he had done to be put into prison, it shouldn't mean that he can't see his only child at least once in his entire life.

'Hmm...I guess there's only one thing I can do,' Shunsui thought, 'I will have to get Ukitake and Toshiro to meet!'

Shunsui blinked.

'...Once I get out of jail myself, of course.'

Little did Shunsui realize that he would be getting out of jail much sooner than he expected...in fact, it would be the very next day, when three new prisoners were brought in...


	34. The Second Father Story 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Even the filler characters get important roles in this fic. These chapters will probably be a little bit empty in terms of jokes to speed things along so I can think up of more stuff to try and get more into the story again while writing it. Something like that, I suppose...

* * *

_The next day..._

"Avirama Redder."

"Ggio Vega."

"Charlotte Coolhorn."

"IT'S CUUHLHOURNE, YOU SEXY BASTARD!" Charlotte Cuuhlhourne furiously screamed at the guard who led them to their three-person cell, "MY NAME IS CHARLOTTE CUUHLHOURNE!"

The guard sighed and shrugged. "Alright, I'm sorry, Mr. Cuuhlhourne...damn, that's hard to say..."

"Thank you! Now...SHOW ME YOUR GENITALIA!"

"WHAT?"

"Sorry, that's just his catchphrase, don't mind him." Ggio quickly slapped his hand over Charlotte's mouth.

"Uh, yeah...I'll just throw you guys into your cell and leave ya'll there..."

"Hey! He's got an accent! An accent! I love accents!" Charlotte screeched in absolute joy as his two former partners-in-crime dragged him away, "Let me just whisper sweet nothings in his ear for a little while! Please!"

"No!"

"Oh yeah? Well, just be careful about dropping the soap next time we have to take showers, boys! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!"

"I swear if you try anything then I'll have to kill you in your sleep," Avirama rolled his eyes.

It was a tie between the two of them of who had made the more deadly threat. In the end, Avirama was voted to be temporary leader.

* * *

It did not take long before every prisoner around knew about these three former mafia men that now joined their ranks. Kyoraku Shunsui and Jushiro Ukitake were not sure what to make of them; they seemed rather disturbing, to say the least. The one called Avirama had a tendency to pick fights, and his little friend Ggio was always kicking people he didn't like in the groin. Charlotte Cuuhlhourne was someone generally to be avoided especially in crowded areas. Being the overly friendly person he was, however, Ukitake decided to go and make himself acquainted with them. Shunsui was reluctant, but he came along as well to make sure Ukitake wasn't attacked.

"Hey, there! I heard you guys are new! My name is Jush-" Ukitake was cut off by a swift punch to the face, courtesy of Avirama.

""UKITAKE!" cried Shunsui in horror.

Avirama unwrapped a small ball of tobacco-flavored gum and tossed it into his mouth. "What do you guys want, anyway?"

"YOU SHOULDN'T ASK THAT AFTER PUNCHING SOMEONE!"

"Oh, really, now?"

"Like I said just before, we heard you guys are new," Ukitake explained as he lifted himself off of the ground with a bloody nose.

"Yeah, we are," Avirama motioned over to Ggio and Charlotte, who were busy torturing some a prisoner with unkempt bluish hair, throwing dirt in his face and kicking him around, "Of course, we're already setting up plans on escaping this dump."

Ukitake and Shunsui gasped in unison. "EH?"

"Hey! Bring the guy over here!" Avirama barked at his two companions, and they quickly halted their battering of the poor man and dragged him across the ground and into the conversation. The man was forced onto his feet, and Shunsui instantly recognized him as Shusuke Amagai. The introverted young man was pretty shy and usually kept to himself in the corner while smoking a cigarette. He never wanted to socialize in any way or form. He didn't look like he understood what was happening to him either, so frightened as he was.

"W-What the hell is going on here...? You...you bastards just a-attacked me out of nowhere!" Amagai stammered.

"We heard that you can make explosives for us." Avirama stated in reply. Amagai gasped, but after glancing around to make sure the guards weren't watching, he nodded his head to confirm it. Shunsui and Ukitake were speechless.

"Ggio, Charlotte and I are gonna need your help in blowing open a hole for us to run out of...and since you're helping us that means you have to come with us,"

"As long as you don't get us all killed, I'm game."

"Oh, and because you guys are listening in, you have to come too. Either that or die." Avirama told our two protagonists, who were still too speechless to say anything about the absurdity of the situation.

Ggio gently nudged Charlotte in the shoulder. "Hey," he said, "Is it just me, or did Avirama's intelligence actually increase since we came here?"

"Hmm..." Charlotte blinked, "You might be right..."

Avirama wore a malicious grin on his lips, showing his jagged, white teeth in full view. He was enjoying himself a little too much.

* * *

Somehow, some way, Shusuke Amagai was capable of building a small, portable bomb utilizing nothing but a handful of condensed dirt, some clay from the pottery room, three electric wires, and a chunk of his own hair, after about five long hours working hunched-over on the top of his bed. He let no one watch the process unfurl, leaving it a total mystery. Needless to say, it piqued everyone's interest quite a bit. By the time the bomb was complete the skies were a dark orange hue and a cold wind had descended upon the earth. They didn't have much time before the guards would lock them back into their cells for the night.

"Okay, we only got one chance to do it, so we got to do it right!"

"By doing it right, you mean that we have to succeed?"

"OF COURSE! WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE?"

"Okay! Just checking, is all!"

Things went far too smoothly than Shunsui would have expected for a medium-security prison with some maximum-security tendencies. Ggio was able to sneak into the database of the prison and erase all files concerning the members of their little 'escape squad' from the record. Charlotte had already located the best area to detonate the tiny bomb among the many cracks and holes that riddled the brick walls surrounding the main structure. Avirama had fashioned himself a sword using old eating utensils and duct tape. Meanwhile, Shunsui and Ukitake stood by and watched.

"Once we're out of here," Avirama said, "What's the first thing you guys would want to do as free man once again?"

In any other time or place, Shunsui would have said he'd visit his darling Nanao-chan first, but instead he gave a short glance at Ukitake before replying, "...I want to help my friend here get to meet with the son he never had a chance to raise. After that, I'll need a good, long time to think about my next plan, ha ha."

"Kyoraku..." Ukitake gasped, deeply touched by his friend's generosity.

Avirama snorted incredulously. "Seriously? Well, while you two are busy with your touchy-feely crap, we got to find out what the first orders our new boss Starrk has for us-"

"WE HAVE TO HELP THEM OUT!" Charlotte suddenly interjected.

"What? Why?"

"Well, you see, I've been keeping a secret from all of you," Charlotte nodded to both Avirama and Ggio, and then cast his gaze downwards, "I understand quite well how this poor man feels, being separated from his children when he cares so deeply about them. The truth is...I actually have two daughters who are currently living in Tokyo, both of them around their teenage years by now, if I am correct."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? HOW CAN THAT BE POSSIBLE? YOU'RE...YOU'RE GAY!"

"Unfortunately it was during a time when I thought I was straight that I accidentally found myself getting a woman pregnant. I came to terms with my sexuality soon after, and she never wanted to see me again. I'm really a terrible person. I ruined her life."

"We knew you were a terrible person the moment we saw you rape that hobo who was just asking for change a few months back." pointed out a rather stoic Ggio.

"Oh yeah, those were good times...that hobo and I shared a few drinks afterward. He was pretty nice about the whole thing too-"

Charlotte's disturbing recollections of his past actions as a sex offender were thankfully cut short by the appearance of Amagai. "Everything has been set up properly."

"Sweet! Let's get this show on the road, you bastards!" Avirama cackled.

"Don't insult us..."

"Sheesh, you people are so sensitive."


	35. The Second Father Story 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: The whole little scene with Yylfordt in the beginning of this chapter may seem utterly pointless, but it'll have its consequences as well. Also, I kind of sped up the whole scene of them escaping the prison since I'm lazy and more important things need to be focused on. I'm sorry if it annoys anyone. To tell you ahead of time, Hitsuganya is essentially a tall version of canon Hitsugaya.

* * *

"SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

The plan had essentially worked, but it also failed as well, because somehow in the confusion Avirama ended up dragging one of the prison's security guards along with them. Avirama seemed unnaturally reluctant to simply drop the guy and keep running. They traversed over hills made of jagged rocks and giant thorn bushes. Ggio was almost tackled by a guard dog. The sirens were blaring loudly from behind them. Bullets zoomed over their heads. Several times Shunsui had really thought he was going to be killed.

Eventually Shunsui, Ukitake and the others found themselves in a small woods clearing a good mile or two away from the prison compound. Thanks to the dense clusters of leaves on the trees, they were able to keep the passing helicopter from locating them. As soon as the escapees had stopped for a catch of breath, the guard hastily broke free of Avirama's grasp and unsheathed a pistol. Unlike many of the other guards at the prison, this man was surprisingly young, with wavy blonde hair and unnaturally good looks. It sort of pissed Charlotte off just to look at him.

"You...you bastards! What the hell do you think you're all doing?"

Avirama casually grabbed the man's gun and threw it away with surprising ease. "Answer my question first, punk! Who the hell are you?" he demanded to know.

"Err...I'm Yylfordt Granz."

"Ah I see. The name is Avirama Redder. Nice to meet ya." Avirama stuck out his palm. It seemed like he wanted to shake hands.

Reluctantly, Yylfordt started to reach over with his hand, only to have Avirama grab his wrist and squeeze it so hard it felt like it might shatter. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" The red-headed man snarled through barred teeth.

"WAAAAAAAAH! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER WITH PINK HAIR! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN COMFORT HIM WHEN PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF HIM, ALTHOUGH I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY THEY THINK HE'S A CLOSETED HOMOSEXUAL!"

"Geez, you're obnoxious!" Avirama wasted no further time in knocking out the guard with a single blow to the lower abdomen. Yylfordt Granz moaned loudly in agony before he collapsed onto his side. After dumping the blonde man's unconscious body behind some foliage, the prisoners resumed their fleeing from the police. Ggio picked up Yylfordt's gun and took it with him, just in case. They needed to be as careful as possible when entering public areas now that they were on the run.

"Where do we go now?" Amagai asked. He was afraid of being forgotten because of some personal issues he was dealing with. He would most likely flip out if any of these guys forgot he was apart of all of this.

"We have to find this guy's son! We promised him!" Charlotte replied, pointing at Ukitake as he said this. In the distance, a massive array of shimmering lights could be seen; it was Karakura Town.

"What the hell? Really? Isn't that kind of...you know, risking our lives?"

"I sympathize with him! And if I sympathize with someone, it means I will do whatever I can to help them! If you don't help this poor, ailing man get the chance to see his only child at least once, then I will rape you!"

"You better do as he says...he never lets any threat he makes go unfulfilled," Avirama advised the blue-haired man.

Amagai gulped.

"How do we find this kid, anyway?"

"I have no idea; just keep running around randomly until we run into him by coincidence!"

"Well, sounds good to me!"

Suddenly, the six men realized they had just run off the edge of a small cliff, and tumbled downwards. They had little time to stop their painful, rolling descent along the rock path and into the suburbs below.

* * *

Tia Halibel couldn't believe that she had to be stuck babysitting Toshiro Hitsugaya yet again, and on a school night too. The white-haired brat was laughing pompously as he bounced around, waving his little wooden sword over his head. He had only moments before finally succeeded in defeating Halibel in a battle thanks to Hyourinmaru, even if all he did was smack her in the shin and she just gave up on purpose. Of course, he didn't know that, and so he was quite pleased with himself. At the moment the two of them were walking along the sidewalk, back to Toshiro's place so he could go home.

"Ha ha...I am a winner! A winner! No one can stop me now!" Toshiro cackled, "And now I shall defeat the evil God-King and make Hinamori my queen! Bwa ha ha ha!"

"You really need to lay off the sugar and corn syrup, kid. You're too hyper!" Halibel remarked.

"What? No way!"

Halibel chuckled despite herself. "Besides, do you really think you're actually 'unbeatable' after winning against me? There are lots of tough people in this world, ya know."

"Oh? like who?"

"Well...do you want to know something about Hinamori? She's not exactly the sweet, Aizen-obsessed young woman you think she is."

"Huh...? What are you talking about? Stop confusing me! Do you want me to lay the beat-down on your shins again?"

"She begged me not to tell anyone, but you see, she used to-"

Suddenly, a group of shadowy figures tumbled out in front of the pair. They were all men in orange jumpsuits, breathing heavily and riddled with scratches and bruises. Hitsugaya gasped and got into a fighting pose with his toy blade held out in front of him. Halibel would have cried out for the police right then and there, or take Toshiro and run, but she noticed that one of these men looked disturbingly familiar. The shaggy stubble and long brown hair gave it away.

"P...Principal Kyoraku?" Halibel felt like she had suddenly stepped into some kind of awful, twisted dream, "Is that...is that really you?"

Rubbing his head, Shunsui glanced up. He immediately started to drool with glee. "TITS...I MEAN, TIA!"

"I HATE HOW EVERYONE CALLS ME THAT BY ACCIDENT!" Halibel snapped, "AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN JAIL!"

"I...I..." Shunsui struggled to explain what had happened; he was too busy staring at Halibel's massive bosom.

Suddenly, Ukitake pushed himself up to a full standing position, and he stared at little Toshiro Hitsugaya with his mouth agape. "...You're..." he muttered. So overcome with emotion was he that his entire body had started to tremble like mad.

"Huh? Hey, mister, who do you think you are, with that white hair? I'm the only one who's supposed to have white hair, ya know? I'll beat yer shins for this injustice!" roared Toshiro with a furious grimace. Avirama, Charlotte, Ggio and Amagai took this as their chance to make their leave, since they had apparently succeeded in reuniting father and son like they had agreed to do. Now, they needed to locate Starrk as quickly as possible!

"Hey, I gotta know...who is this freak with the white hair? He isn't some kind of pedophile is he? I mean, he's giving Toshiro 'the look' and all..." Halibel whispered to her former high school principal.

"Ukitake is this really nice guy I met in prison. He and Toshiro are actually father and son..."

"Say what now?"

The two of them looked over to witness this long-awaited reunion between a man and the son he never had the chance to meet...until now. "Umm, who are you?" Ukitake suddenly asked.

Shunsui died a little on the inside when he heard this. Halibel blinked in confusion. Toshiro shrugged, since he had been asked that many a time in the past, for one reason or another.

"U-Ukitake? What the heck are you saying," Shunsui had gone pale in the face, "Toshiro...this kid, Toshiro, is your son, isn't he?"

Ukitake shook his head. "Nah. My son must be at least 19 or 20 years old right now. I guess I forgot to mention that part...although I can't deny that this boy looks alot like me too."

"Ukitake, just how old ARE you?"

Toshiro gave a gentle tug on Ukitake's shirt to get his attention. "I don't like ya, Mr. white-hair, but I think you're talking about my brother, Toshiro Hitsuganya," he said, "Mom says he's studying at a college overseas in America right now."

"Ah, yes, that must be it! Ha ha ha ha ha! How funny!"

"But then...why do I look like ya?"

"Hmm, I'd say it's because...umm, I did donate some sperm once, and your mom said she wouldn't even have sex again after our honeymoon...that's the best explanation I can think up of, but wow, what a coin-ki-dink! Isn't it funny, Shunsui?"

"THIS ISN'T SOMETHING TO BE LAUGHING ABOUT!" Shunsui smacked Ukitake in the back of the head with his shoe, "I BROKE OUT OF JAIL FOR YOUR SAKE, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOUR OWN SON ISN'T EVEN IN THE SAME COUNTRY AS US RIGHT NOW?"

"Ha ha...ow...ha ha ha...ouch, that hurts! Hey, I can - ooph! - I can still give him some candy, right?"

Unable to take it anymore, Shunsui fell to his knees and broke out sobbing. The police sirens were already capable of being heard in the distance.

Toshiro walked back over to Halibel. "Hey, what's 'sperm' and 'honeymoon' mean?" he titled his head slightly sideways in confusion.

"I'll...I'll tell you when you're older..."

"Sounds good!"


	36. Project: Guilt Yoruichi to Come Back 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: To be honest, I don't really like Yoruichi X Urahara or Yoruichi X Soifon, or Yoruichi in general, but they're just fictional characters so I can't hate them that much. Sorry that the chapter is kind of short.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this, Soifon? I mean, really? You want to break up a family for the sake of your sexual desire for some crazy chick you liked a while back? That's pretty selfish, ya know?"

"Don't you dare call Yoruichi some 'crazy chick'! She's...she's far too wonderful for such a insulting description! Do you want me to shoot a RPG-7 up your ass? I'll do it! I mean it, bucko! I'll do lots and lots of terrible things to you!"

"N-No...I don't...I really don't...I guess I'll...I'll have to see what I can do to help you, then...if anything..."

"That's what I wanna hear, Aizen!"

To enlist Soifon's help in saving them from the likes of Barragan and the Luisenbarn Mafia, Aizen had promised to accompany her to visit the household of Yoruichi and Urahara, in some sort of pathetic attempt to talk Yoruichi back into being Soifon's lover. Oddly enough, Soifon believed she could actually make this happen, although Yoruichi and Urahara had been married for about two years already. They even adopted two kids named Ururu and Jinta from the local orphanage. It didn't really seem like Yoruichi was interested in women any longer, but Soifon refused to listen to either Aizen's or her bodyguards' warnings. Regardless of the situation, Aizen found both the worst and the perfect chance to try out the new mullet wig that arrived in the mail yesterday.

"What kind of store is the Urahara Shop anyway? What does it sell?" Aizen asked.

Soifon scoffed loudly. "I have no idea; there's no way I would go and buy anything from a place run by the son of a bitch that stole my lover from me!"

"Hmm...I've been itching to find a way to use up some of the money I took out of Tousen's wallet, after all..." He must have taken about 100 dollars or so just for his own evil purposes. He was also secretly paid an extra 20 to leave Gin and Matsumoto alone in the bedroom for the rest of the day. It seemed like things were working out quite well for EVERYONE. Of course, Aizen decided to still be a cock-blocking bastard and threw out both the condoms and Matsumoto's birth control pills.

We're almost there now. Try and look like you're actually an intelligent gentleman for at least once in your life. We're going to need to pretend we're dating and very disappointed in each other, particularly our sex lives! There's no way I can get her to come back to me through pure emotion, so I have to go down a terrible and selfish road, which I already explained, by the way."

"You're going to try and guilt her or blackmail her into going back to you, isn't that right? That's...that's really awful coming from someone like you, Soifon,"

"Shut up, you mullet-haired piece of trash! I have a few back-up plans as well! I need this woman, okay?"

"Fine, fine. No need to start insulting me now. I don't like doing this, but I can't argue against it either." Aizen sighed, and spat in his palm, using the saliva to straighten out his hair curl. He was already wearing a formal black suit that Soifon had provided him with.

The Urahara/Shihouin residence was a small, quaint two-floored home. A black cat laid asleep on the front porch, but it quickly sat up alert as Aizen and Soifon approached. Soifon recognized it as the same cat she had purchased for Yoruichi as a pet when they were dating. Tears began to swell up in her eyes, and she reached out to pet the cat's head, only for it to chomp onto her fingers. Aizen snickered.

"FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-"

The door suddenly swung open, and a slender, tan-skinned figure pounced out and slammed the heel of her shoe against Aizen's face. It was Yoruichi Shihouin.

* * *

_A short while later...in the living room of the house...  
_

"I'm really, really sorry, Soifon...I truly am...I thought someone was trying to break in! I didn't mean to hit your boyfriend in the face!" Yoruichi grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.

Aizen's voice was slightly muffled by the tissue she held to her bleeding nose as she replied, "I'm the one you should be apologizing to, but...oh no...it's fine...! It was just an a-accident after all!"

"This whole plan is already gone down the shitter because of you..." Soifon whispered into Aizen's ear.

"It's not my fault!" Aizen hissed back.

"In any case, Soifon," Yoruichi nodded her head, looking over at the tiny woman in front of her, "It's been a long time since we last saw each other, hasn't it? A few years, I think."

Soifon had to push down the urge to pounce onto the older woman and fuck her brains out. "Yes...it has been. Only a few terribly agonizing, emotionally-shattering years that I've suffered by not being by your side, Yoruichi. By the way, where is your HUSBAND, Kisuke, at?"

"Huh? You sounded a bit angry when you said 'husband'...and there was that whole thing you said before that too..."

"You're just imagining things."

"Well, in any case, he went to pick up the kids from school."

"Ah yes...the kids..."

"Yeah, Kisuke and I are really proud of them. They're both doing really well in school. Ururu has a tendency to be kind of shy around new people, but she's made a few friends too. I'd love it if you could stay around long enough so you could meet them. I'll just tell them that you're an old friend of mine, of course, if that's alright with you."

Soifon started crying totally out of nowhere.

"Uh...Soifon?"

"E-Excuse me!" Covering her face behind her hands, Soifon jumped to her feet and ran in the direction that she hoped had the bathroom. Yoruichi heaved a deep sigh. Aizen wasn't sure what to say, so he remained silent for his own sake. A brief silence passed without interruption.

"By the way, you're not really Soifon's boyfriend, are you?" Yoruichi asked.

Aizen shook his head, responding, "I know what you're thinking, but I'm straight. The mullet may seem gay except you're wrong. I...am...straight. For real. Totally. I'm not saying it over and over to convince myself or anything. No way, no how. I enjoy the co - I mean, I enjoy women genitalia."

"I never intended to bring your sexuality into question, but I know for a fact that Soifon is 100% lesbian; she has no interest in men sexually." Yoruichi explained, and Aizen slapped his palm to his forehead, cursing under his breath. He really WAS straight, but he had such a tough time getting people to believe that.

"...You saw through our disguise quite easily, Yoruichi..." the mullet-haired man commended the woman all the while trying to pretend his earlier rant had not taken place.

"It wasn't very hard. I'm gonna go and talk to Soifon."

As Aizen watched Yoruichi walk out of the living room, he decided it was time to follow the next step of Soifon's plan: search the house for valuable information! If they couldn't coax Yoruichi into being with Soifon again through guilt, then maybe blackmail would work. Everything Soifon had done so far was for the sake of giving Aizen the chance to search around.

Soifon and Aizen were a manipulative duo worth fearing.


	37. Project: Guilt Yoruichi to Come Back 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Eh, this mini-arc ended up not working out as well as I intended, and that's really my own fault. I'm sorry. I'll keep working on doing better with what I write. It'll be a little while before the next long arc starts. Thanks for all the favs/reviews/story alerts and such.

* * *

Sosuke Aizen quietly tip-toed his way down the upstairs hallway of Urahara and Yoruichi's home. He knew that there was nobody else in the house, and Soifon was busy keeping Yoruichi preoccupied, but he couldn't be too careful when in enemy territory. As expected, the bedrooms of both the parents and their children were located upstairs, as was a bathroom and an extra closet for storage space. The floor was carpeted and the walls were painted a light shade of white. Aizen hadn't been in such a normal-looking house since he used to live with his parents.

'Hmm...that reminds me that the family reunion should be coming up sometime soon...' Aizen thought, tugging playfully on his hair curl, 'I kinda don't want to go, but maybe I'll feel less uncomfortable if I drag Gin and the others along. Argh, what am I doing? Enough of this inner musing, dammit! I gotta search for blackmail...!'

Entering the master bedroom, Aizen began to search all over. The first thing he noticed was a photo of Urahara and Yoruichi on their wedding day. For some indescribable reason, Aizen instantly despised Urahara the moment he saw what he looked like. It was a sort of unexplained hatred that nestled deep within his soul. He could probably blame Urahara for many of his troubles and in his view it wouldn't be a lie.

'That laid-back expression...the hair on his chin...that unkempt blonde hair...I want to kill him so badly!' he fumed.

Next, he checked their closet, in which he found a large collection of bondage gear, an open jar of peanut butter, a tribal mask, as well as a pair of blood-stained wedding dresses. He quickly closed the door without a word. There wasn't anything incriminating on the counter-tops or inside any of the magazines on the nightstand either. He then got down onto his hands and knees and peered underneath the bed. There were some shoes and a violet-colored lace bra. Aizen pulled the bra out from its hiding place and looked it over. Slowly, a grin began to spread out on Aizen's face. The initials 'S.K.' adorned the left strap, which obviously meant it belonged to someone else.

"Heh heh...what do we have here now?"

He never considered the possibility that there wasn't any blackmail in the first place, but he had actually found something that would work quite well for Soifon's evil scheme. If they couldn't blackmail Yoruichi into leaving Urahara, then they would have to make Yoruichi leave Urahara by her own volition...

* * *

Soifon was already wiping away her tears when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. It was Yoruichi, just like she had planned. She knew that Aizen was most likely searching around the house at the moment. It wouldn't be long before Urahara would arrive home, either.

"Soifon? Soifon? Are you alright in there?"

"I...yes, I-I'm fine, Yoruichi, thank you..." Soifon pretended she was sniffling as she spoke. She was very skilled at manipulating people into feeling bad for her; it was one of the main reasons she had become so rich in the first place. Normally, the young woman would never do something as humiliating as making herself cry these days. It proved how far Soifon was willing to personally degrade herself to get back her beloved Yoruichi. There was also the fact that she wanted to tear apart a family as well that should be taken into account.

"What's wrong, Soifon? I know you liked me alot back when we were dating, but it really seemed like you had moved on with that Aizen fellow...did I say something wrong?" Yoruichi said.

Soifon sniffled again. "I just wanted to see you again, Yoruichi...that's all I came here for..."

"I know, Soifon, I know." Yoruichi sighed.

"...Although, really, I want to be your lover again too..." Soifon murmured under her breath.

"I KNEW IT!" Utilizing the strength of her legs alone, Yoruichi kicked down the bathroom door and stormed right up to Soifon until their faces were barely a few inches apart. Soifon's cheeks became flushed when she realized she could practically smell her idol's hair and feel her breath brush against her skin. It sent a series of erotic chills crawling up and down her spine. Yoruichi, however, did not look happy in the slightest.

"Is...is something the matter?"

"Soifon, we've talked about this so many times in the past! I want you to accept that we can't be together again and go on living your life! You're not helping anyone, especially not yourself, by keeping up this charade! You kept pestering me and Kisuke multiple times after we got married because you were upset about it, and I had to get a restraining order on you! I only took it off recently because I still want to be friends with you, but our time as lovers is over! Why...why can't you understand? It's so simple!" Yoruichi shouted, her emotions a mixture of both frustration and sadness towards the woman she cared about like family.

"But I love you, Yoru-"

"You'll never end up happy if you keep holding out and expecting me to come back to you, Soifon!"

A short-lived quiet followed between the two women.

"Y-Yoruichi..." Soifon was at a loss; she had always kept some glimmer of hope that she could get Yoruichi back some day, but after hearing all of this, her heart ached for the love she once had. She wanted to cry for real this time.

"Soifon," Yoruichi sighed and pulled the shorter girl into a tight hug, "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I will always remember our time together no matter what happens. However, that time is something that must be left in the past. I love Kisuke Urahara now, and I'm happy with him. I love you too, but now it's more as if you're a little sister than anything more or less...okay?"

Soifon nodded. She buried her face into Yoruichi's bosom, and wept in silence.

"Plus, I miss our little training sessions together...I want to see whether you've really become a great fighter like you said you wanted to be,"

Soifon continued to sob. She truly missed this loving warmth she felt when Yoruichi held her in her arms. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

"It's fine..."

This touching moment was abruptly cut short by the sudden intrusion of one Sosuke Aizen, who was childishly waving about a ridiculously large bra over his head. Soifon cursed under her breath, and Yoruichi slowly raised one of her fists.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I FOUND IT! I FOUND IT! UNDENIABLE PROOF THAT-" Aizen began to shout, but, as expected of karma, he was interrupted when Yoruichi smashed her fist into his face. It was quite painful.

"What the hell are you doing with that?" she demanded to know.

"I...I found something that proves that your husband is cheating on you!" Aizen coughed. He coughed again and a single tooth fell onto the floor. He tossed the bra over to Soifon, who saw the initials 'S.K' imprinted on the strap.

Soifon blinked. "S...K...?" she read it aloud.

"For one, I've already cleared up the issue between me and Soifon just before you came running in! And two, Kisuke isn't cheating on me, you dumbass! That's one of my friend Shiba Kuukaku's bras; my boobs are way too big for the bras they sell in the stores! I'm still waiting for the custom-made ones to arrive in the mail!" Yoruichi snapped at the mullet-haired idiot, grasping her cleavage and giving it a good jiggle to emphasis her point. Aizen couldn't believe his foolish mistake; the majority of the women in Karakura Town were unnaturally busty, after all.

Before anything else could be said, the front door unlocked and opened to reveal Kisuke Urahara, followed close behind by Jinta and Ururu. The two children carelessly tossed their backpacks aside and ran over to their mother. Soifon didn't feel so sad anymore, and she couldn't help but smile seeing how much they loved Yoruichi. The heaviness in her heart was finally gone after all these years.

Aizen and Urahara stared back at one another. 'This man...he feels like someone very important!'

* * *

_A while later..._

"So...we failed to get Yoruichi to come back to you, but you look alot happier than before." Aizen casually remarked as he and Soifon walked along the pathway to the limousine that was waiting for them.

"I am."

"Hmph, that's good. You would be a pretty big bitch if you actually broke apart a family to get what you wanted."

"I know."

"You're a lot more likable when you're happy, I think, Soifon,"

"Stop acting like you're some kind of good-natured, smooth guy or something; it's really creepy coming from you."

"C-Creepy...?"

"Also, if you think that talking that way will get me to lower the price on your purchases from me, you're dead wrong! In fact, I'm going to increase the price of your next shipment of drugs by ten-fold."

"WHAT?"

"...I'm just kidding."

"Oh."

"Didn't my facial expression give it away?"

"No. Not at all."

"...Bastard...after all of this, I'm going to need alot of beer and a sexy young woman with large breasts in a nurse's uniform to make me feel better..."

"Can I join?"

"NO!"

"Damn...lesbians always know how to have kinky, sexy fun..."

"That's just a stereotype! Although I'll admit that I personally think it's true."

"Ah-ha! See! I was right!"

"Ugh, whatever."

When Aizen returned to his apartment later that day, he was immediately assaulted by the sight of Matsumoto and Gin on top of one another in compromising positions. They had gone and bought condoms while he was gone.


	38. A Love Between Monsters

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I'll see if I can come up with any new ideas for yuri/shoujo ai stuff in the future, hopefully...

* * *

The sun gleamed brightly over Izuru Kira's and Ayon's heads as they ran their daily afternoon jog around the neighborhood that day. Since Kira had gotten out of the hospital, Ayon was almost always by his side.

At first, Kira was quite against the notion, and felt very uneasy in Ayon's presence, but it did not take long before he actually found himself growing to like the bizarre monstrosity as a close friend of sorts. Sure, he didn't say much, but he was always willing to listen to Kira whenever he had problems or needed to get some things off his chest. Unlike Matsumoto, who got bored easily, or Tousen, who wasn't even around at the moment, Ayon was more than happy to hang out. Kira still had no idea what the hell Ayon was, though.

"Hey, Ayon, what's our time so far?" Kira asked.

Ayon did not reply.

"Uh...did you bring the stopwatch like I asked?"

Ayon did not reply.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Ayon did not reply. Kira had an idea just then.

"...What's your favorite food?"

"I DEVOUR THE FLESH AND SOULS OF THE SINFUL!" Ayon shouted boisterously enough to cause a group of birds in the tree overhead to flutter away.

"Good boy!"

Ayon's snake-tail wagged happily in response to Kira's praise.

Suddenly, a large, reptilian-like creature went speeding past the two of them, and it leaped high into the air, landing upon the roof of a house. Ayon could only catch a glimpse of the mysterious being before it went on its way. It was covered in patches of greasy black fur and green scales, tall and lean and terribly frightening. A scream could be heard in the distance as the monstrosity darted further away. Kira was lying on the ground, pale-faced and foaming at the mouth in utter horror. At that instant, Ayon started to slap his palm loudly against his chest, due to the sudden pounding he heard coming from his heart. He broke out into a cold sweat and he felt flushed. He had never felt this way before in his whole life.

It may or may not have been fate, but Ayon had fallen head over heels in love with Nemu.

* * *

Aizen, Matsumoto, Gin and Komamura all gave Kira very unconvinced looks after the situation at hand had been explained to them all.

"You want us...to help hook up Ayon...with some monster chick he saw?"

Kira nodded.

"HELL NO!"

"Oh, come onnnnnnn...how can you say 'no' to his adorable face?" Kira whined, and pointed over to Ayon, whose large eyes were literally bugging out from underneath his brown mane, and drool was trickling down the side of his chin. He didn't exactly look 'adorable' in any sense of the word. The fact he seemed to be staring lustfully at Matsumoto's chest didn't help any.

Gin scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well, what did this thing he fell in love with look like?" he asked.

"It kind of looked...like a lizard..."

'OH SHIT, IT WAS THAT THING FROM THE MUSIC STORE NAMED NEMU, WASN'T IT? IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION!' Gin made a distressed expression similar to someone who was heavily constipated.

"Ayon," Kira cried, "Tell these guys just how badly you want to see her!"

"IF SHE IS SINFUL, THEN I SHALL DEVOUR HER FLESH AND HER SOUL! IF SHE IS NOT...THEN I SHALL GIVE HER LOVE AND CUDDLES!"

"Aww...how sweet, although a little frightening!" Matsumoto giggled.

"So what exactly do you expect us to do?" Aizen folded his arms in front of his chest and sighed. "I haven't dealt with love since my senior year of high school."

"Is that the reason why you're so bitter all the time?" asked Gin.

"No! Of course not! It's just ONE of the reasons why I'm so bitter all the time!"

"Oh, I see..."

"It's pretty simple what we need you guys to do," explained Kira with an elaborate motion of his hands, "If anything, we need to be able to find that thing and let Ayon talk to it...whatever the hell it was..."

Reluctantly, Gin raised his hand. "Uh, I don't really want to say this, but think I know where we can find that thing...HER name is Nemu, by the way..."

"NE...MU..." Ayon smiled as he muttered his crush's name to himself.

* * *

_A little while later, at the music store..._

Upon seeing Gin, followed up by Aizen and the others, step into the store, Shiba Ganju broke out laughing almost immediately. "Ha ha! I knew it! I knew you would be back one day because we're such good friends-"

"We're just here to speak with Nemu, you idiot."

"...Oh. She's in the back-room eating some roadkill she picked up on one of her walks."

"Thanks."

"Don't even think about trying to take some for yourself though; she won't hesitate to attack you."

"Why the hell would I want roadkill?"

"I'm just giving you a warning that I've come to learn from certain personal experiences."

Gin proceeded to walk towards the backroom as he was no longer interested in listening to Ganju ramble on. Ganju welcomed Aizen, Matsumoto and Kira with slight friendliness, but he nearly lost control of his bowels when he witnessed Ayon lumber past the counter. A wretched smell filled Gin' nostrils as he drew closer to Nemu's location. Honestly, Gin wanted nothing to do with any of this, but if he turned back now Ayon wouldn't hesitate to crush his arms. He really didn't want to have to go through that kind of pain again anytime soon.

"Well...here it is..." Gin sighed heavily. He opened the door to the backroom, and nudged Ayon inside before slamming it shut behind him.

"W-What the hell did you just do?" Kira asked, his face pale.

"Eh, it's something I've always wanted to try, with locking two people in a room together until they stop arguing, but instead they end up as lovers."

"THAT'S INCREDIBLY IDIOTIC!"

"It worked for me and Matsumoto after a fight over dried persimmons."

"Well...that's...that's odd..."

"In the end, she ate all of them."

"Eh?"

"I'm tired of waiting here, so let's check up on them!" Gin opened the door, and everyone let out gasps of disgust. It turned out that Ayon's snake-tail was actually his penis. And that Nemu liked being on top. There was also large splashes of blood EVERYWHERE.

"THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE HAD TO SUFFER SEEING THIS KIND OF THING IN TWO CHAPTERS ALREADY!" Aizen bawled.


	39. Training Arcs Are For Wusses

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: There will probably be a Halloween chapter later on when it comes close to October 31. Also, to be honest, I kind of forgot that Aizen and Gin use drugs, since it's actually not a very big plot point aside from what happened in chapter 1. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I had trouble making it better.

Also, even in this AU world, Yamamoto still has to be a bad ass in some aspect. ಠ_ಠ

* * *

It was a late Saturday afternoon, and Sosuke Aizen and Ichimaru Gin were lying on their beds with the windows wide open. Aizen had just finished rolling himself a joint, while Gin was testing out a new bong he had purchased a while back. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the air was warm, but they had no interest in going outside.

Aizen stared pensively at his completed thai stick. "Hey, Gin?"

"What is it?"

"Where did you say Matsumoto and Kira went off to, again?"

"Eh, I think she wanted to go shopping for some new bras, since her current ones were getting a little tight. I'm both incredibly thankful and incredibly jealous that she took Kira with her instead of me."

"Hmm...I see..."

"Eh? This bong isn't working at all! Those bastards at the store told me this thing was in mint-condition! It's a good thing I saved the receipt, so I can take this back and beat their skulls in with this shitty thing before getting my money back! Geez!"

"...Hey, Gin?"

"What do you want now?"

"How do you think Tousen is doing with his training under Old Man Yama?"

"I'm sure he's fine."

"I'm really bored, and I feel like saving this joint for a later occasion...wanna go check up on him?"

"But...but the bong...it does nothing! Nothing at all! You know how I feel about bongs that don't do anything!"

"You can take care of that anytime."

"Huh. Yeah, I guess you're right. Let's go."

"I bet that geezer is making him give him a sponge bath! Bwa ha ha ha!"

"Aizen...that's a DISGUSTING mental image you've just given me...I'm gonna go vomit."

"Shit, you're right...I'm so sorry...I'm...I'm the worst human being in the world to ever say that kind of thing..."

"You sure are!"

* * *

Old Man Yamamoto lived in a small single-floored building located directly behind the apartment complex. Anyone in the apartments who wanted to report any problems or disturbances immediately reported to this worn-down structure. New tenants also received their keys here. It was a tad nostalgic for Aizen and Gin to knock on the front door of Old Man Yama's humble abode, as they had not done so since they first moved in.

"Hey," Aizen called, "Anyone...is anyone in there?"

Suddenly, the door swung open to reveal Chojiro Sasakibe, carrying a tray of assorted sweats and cups of hot tea in his other hand. He did not seem surprised by Aizen's and Gin's sudden arrival. In fact, he was expecting them.

"Would you two gentlemen like something to eat...or something to drink? Maybe you would like something SO HOT THAT IT'LL BURN OFF YOUR TASTE BUDS?" offered Sasakibe. He sounded a tad cynical at the end.

"Aren't you more curious as to why we're here?" Gin remarked over Aizen's shoulder at the much older man.

Sasakibe shook his head. "I was instructed to place bugs in your room a few years back."

"BUGS? DO YOU MEAN THE KINDS OF BUGS I THINK YOU MEAN?"

"To listen in onto all of your conversations, of course."

"THAT'S AN INVASION OF PRIVACY!"

"...Come inside..."

"DON'T IGNORE ME!"

Since it did not seem that Sasakibe was going to delve any further about wire-tapping their room, Aizen and Gin had little choice but to follow him into the building. The interior was rather plain; it resembled an ordinary house, with a living room, a kitchen, a bedroom, a bathroom, and a few other doors, most likely closets. It was so plain-looking that it made Aizen's mullet temporarily lose its luster. It still looked the same as it did when he first came here to rent an apartment room.

"Where are Tousen and the geezer?" asked Gin. Sasakibe, still balancing the heavy tray on a single hand, led the two men to the basement door. A small sign hanging on the doorknob read 'KEEP OUT'.

"They are down there..." he replied, a twinkle in his pale-white eyes.

Aizen was about to say something, when a loud sound eerily similar to a man screaming bloody murder emitted from within the basement. Aizen and Gin exchanged nervous glances. With a soft chuckle, Sasakibe unlocked the door and carefully descended down the creaky old stairs and into total darkness. Even the echo of his footsteps were soon unable to be heard.

"Uh...this isn't going to be some kind of 'Silence of The Lambs' thing, is it?" Gin muttered aloud to no one in particular.

Aizen sighed. "Listen, Gin, if you keep pirating subtitled American movies, pretty soon you'll become paranoid about every little detail in life."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" the silver-haired man snapped back.

"You know what I mean!"

"No I don't!"

"Hmm...I suppose it makes sense that only I would know. After all, I'm a genius!"

"You've been pretty stupid lately, if you ask me."

"Excuse me," Sasakibe's voice called out from the bottom of the stairs, "But I do not have time to stand around and listen to you two bicker all day. Please hurry yourselves."

What Aizen and Gin saw in the basement of Yamamoto's little home was the very last thing they had expected. It was a desert riddled with gigantic rocks and hills of sand. The ceiling had been painted to resemble a clear blue sky, and a giant fluorescent light served as a replacement for the sun. Over-sized fans were installed into the walls to give the sense of a gentle breeze throughout the room. Aizen was beginning to regret not smoking that joint after all.

"H-Hey..." Gin slowly turned to a smirking Sasakibe, "What...what the hell is all of this? Where in the world are we?"

"It is the basement, of course."

"BULLSHIT! THERE'S NO WAY THIS CAN BE A BASEMENT!"

Suddenly, something crash-landed into a small sandy incline only a few feet away from Aizen and Gin. As the dust cleared, it turned out to be Kaname Tousen, blood trickling down the left side of his face. Lying uselessly at his feet were various cracked shards of what had been a steel sword moments ago. Tousen's right arm was hanging limp to show that it had been broken. He speedily leaped out of the way as a speedy figure charged straight towards him. Old Man Yama was actually fighting Tousen.

"This looks like something out of a manga..." murmured Aizen, feeling terribly bemused.

Sasakibe chuckled. "This is Master Yamamoto's ultimate training course. With the occasional break to replenish themselves, Tousen must fight against Yamamoto for a whole week and land a single hit on him with one of the many blades scattered throughout the room to complete step one of his training. As you can see, so far he has not been able to do so, or even come close. Master Yamamoto is incredibly powerful for someone his age; it won't be an easy thing to do."

Aizen and Gin watched on as Yamamoto swung his blade so fast that it was nothing more than a brief flash. For a moment, nothing happened, and then Tousen realized several of his dreadlocks were falling apart. Yamamoto reached out with his free hand and punched Tousen in the chest. Tousen cried out in agony as he tumbled across the vast expanse.

"Ever since he saved my life back in World War II, I have been forever in debt to Master Yamamato. I have been through thick and thin at his side. In fact, you could say I love him...in a totally platonic sense, of course." Sasakibe stated, although it went totally ignored by everyone present. Letting out a sigh, he decided to just go and call the girl from the flower shop and take up her offer for a date. He was so sick and tired of seeing that old geezer without a shirt.

In the end, Aizen and Gin also made their own important decision: instead of embarking on their own training arcs, they'd rather just sit around and smoke weed for the rest of the day.


	40. Don't Trust A Hungry Cannibal

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: These two haven't done anything since chapter 4, so they're long overdue at getting another appearance. This isn't the greatest chapter, but at least it's something, although it moves kinda fast. I was just having a bit of trouble writing due to alot of other things keeping me busy.

* * *

For the past week or so, a stubborn Grimmjow Jaegerjaques and a melancholic Ulquiorra Cifer had been consistently tailing the local butcher of Karakura Town, Edrad Liones. Their reason for this was because Grimmjow had somehow gotten the impression that Edrad Liones was hiding something 'dark and disturbing', or so he claimed. When Ulquiorra pressed him to give some sort of evidence, he just said it was a gut feeling he had. However, Ulquiorra suspected it had to do with the fact that Grimmjow always became a little excitable when he neglected to take his Ritalin for several days in a row.

"C'mon, Ulquiorra, you gotta believe me! This time I have proof that he's up to something! I saw him carrying a bag dripping with blood to the curb this morning! I didn't get to see what was inside it, but-" The blue-haired youth exclaimed as he and his one and only close friend walked home from school that day.

"He's a butcher, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra replied sternly, "It's not a big surprise for him to have to deal with alot of blood."

"If you'd let me finish...I think I saw it move a little."

"Huh? You must have been imagining things."

"No, I don't think I was. It was really moving, but then it stopped! It was really weird! Not only that, but it looked pretty big for a bag filled of rotten animal meat...and he had to wash his chainsaw too. I'm really curious to find out what's going on!"

"I'm sure you're just being delirious."

"C'mon, Ulquiorra, can't ya give me the benefit of the doubt?"

"Of course not."

"Goddamn it...look, I promise I'll call this whole thing of if you come with me on one last information-hunt later tonight!"

"Well, what do you have in mind? If we have to sneak into that strip club again, then forget it."

Grimmjow reached into his pocket and pulled out a small silver key. "We're going to search around in his house while he's not home, of course."

"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?" Ulquiorra exclaimed, his stoic facade briefly dropped to express his astonishment.

"I snatched it off him when he wasn't looking!" chuckled Grimmjow with a cocky grin.

"There is no way that we are going to break into his house, you idiot," berated Ulquiorra, "Even if we're not stealing anything or breaking anything, it's still unlawful entry, thus making it illegal."

"We just need to make sure we don't get caught then!"

"Just don't do it."

"Oh, c'mooooooooooooooon...!"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"No."

"PLEASE?"

"No."

Suddenly, Grimmjow took out a cupcake he had saved from lunch. "Do you want this cupcake...?"

"Sure." shrugged Ulquiorra.

"I'll give you this only if you agree to come with me-"

Before Grimmjow could even finish speaking, Ulquiorra was already eating the cupcake. "Very well. If we get caught, though, I'm letting you take all the blame." the raven-haired youth replied. Grimmjow was dumbstruck.

'He's...he's pretty easy to manipulate...but then again, he's an emo. They're always listening to shitty heavy metal bands and buying clothes from Hot Topic.'

'I'm not an emo. I'm a goth. And I go to Old Navy with my mom. Not Hot Topic.'

'...Holy shit...'

* * *

_Later that day..._

"Okay...one more turn of the key, and...we're in!"

Grimmjow gently pushed the front door open, and stepped aside to allow Ulquiorra to walk in first. However, his friend wasn't so easily taken by this unusual politeness.

"What are you doing?"

"Well," the blue-haired youth chuckled sheepishly, "In case there were any alarms or traps set up, it'd be alot safer if you went in before me...heh heh..."

Ulquiorra sighed. "You're a bastard, you know that?" he grumbled.

"It didn't bother me when my parents said it, and it certainly won't bother me when you say it!" Grimmjow retorted, sticking out his tongue.

Nonetheless, despite their argument, Ulquiorra went into destination unknown first. After seeing that nothing bad was happening to his friend inside of the house, Grimmjow followed suit. There was a faint smell of something rotten in the house, but they didn't give it much mind just yet. The boys fumbled around for a short time trying to find a light-switch, but eventually Ulquiorra located one by the staircase leading to the second floor. The lights came on and Ulquiorra and Grimmjow gasped together in conjunction.

Edrad Liones was standing right in front of them. Whatever color there still was in their faces quickly drained away.

"You two...you're the brats who've been watching me, aren't you? What the hell do you think you're doing? How the hell did you get in here?" Edrad demanded to know.

"Uh..."

"Well? Answer me, you tiny people!"

"Uhhhhhh..." Grimmjow had been stunned into incoherency, and Ulquiorra just didn't have anything to say. Edrad groaned long and loud with despair.

"Damn, this is bad! This is really bad!" Edrad exclaimed without thinking, "All I did was step out for a smoke, and I find these kids rummaging around, seeing the dead bodies in my basement, the paintings I made out of my victims' blood, and all the organs wrapped in tinfoil in my fridge. This just isn't my day at all!"

"Dude, we just got in here before you showed up!" Grimmjow slapped his palm to his face.

"What?"

"All you would have had to do was just give us a stern talking-to or something and then throw us out, but instead you revealed that my suspicions that you were an absolute psycho were actually true!"

"...Seriously?"

"Yes!"

"This really ISN'T my day!"

"Exactly!"

Despite the situation at hand, Ulquiorra remained calm beyond all expectations. "So, what you're saying is, you're not only actually a mass-murderer, but a cannibal? Do you sell human meat to people in your butcher shop too?"

Edrad recoiled in disgust. "What? No! Of course not! As if I would share any of my stuff with my customers!"

"This is just too messed up to even comment further on...let's go, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra swiftly made his way for the door, only to have Edrad block his path. Obviously, the two boys had intended to inform the police of Edrad's horrific confessions. There was no way that Edrad could risk letting that happen. The bulky man thrust his hand into the wall beside him, and pulled out a large, blood-stained kitchen knife from the newly-made hole. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra exchanged bewildered looks.

"You know...I just realized that I've never tasted the flesh of young teenage boys before...heh heh heh..."

"I NEED AN ADULT!" bawled Grimmjow.

"I AM AN ADULT!" Edrad responded, swinging the curved edge of the blade at the Grimmjow's neck. Ulquiorra grabbed his friend by the back of his shirt and pulled him to the floor just in time to avoid being decapitated.

Edrad made another attempt at severing Grimmjow's head from his body, but he was thwarted with a swift kick to the abdomen. Grimmjow and Ulquiorra darted past him and out the door into plain view of a police car that just happened to be passing by. The driver was none other than the head of the police department, Zennosuke Kurumadani. One hand was on the steering while and the other was holding up a steaming-hot cup of black coffee. He only had a brief time to witness a pair of figures leaping at him before they were flying through his open window.

"SAVE US FROM THAT MANIAC!" Grimmjow and Ulquiorra pleaded at the same time.

"What the hell?" Zennosuke gasped, and subsequently splashed his own coffee against his chest. "OH, BLOODY MOTHERFUCKER-"

Edrad, in his childish fit of rage, paid no attention to the fact that he was charging straight towards the car of a police officer while brandishing a knife and screaming at the top of his lungs.

He soon realized that that was a mistake.

* * *

"Well, Ulquiorra, I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I must say that was a thrilling adventure...!"

"What was so thrilling about it? We almost got killed by a psychotic cannibal and then had to explain ourselves down at the police station..."

"It's different from our daily lives, wasn't it?"

"Not in a good way!"

"Oh, that's just your opinion."

"You practically pissed your pants when that butcher came after us with that knife...in fact, I think you DID piss your-"

"That's enough of that."

"You had to get a spare change of pants and-"

"I said we're done talking about that."

"You were the one who brought it up in the first place-"

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!" Grimmjow screeched.

Ulquiorra glanced away, no longer interested in poking fun.


	41. Halibel's Obsession 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This chapter was based around an earlier Halibel fic I wrote. This is probably the only time this side of Halibel will be shown, or maybe not...who knows? She's an important secondary character, along with Hinamori, Hitsugaya, and others.

* * *

It was on a late Tuesday afternoon when a heavy rainfall covered the entirety of the poor, defenseless town of Karakura. Anyone without work or urgent business wisely chose to remain indoors. Tia Halibel was one of these people. The loud pitter-patter of rain carried throughout her house in an almost ominous way. She had just finished the third to last equation of her math homework when, her eyes glancing up at the clock on the wall, she realized something. She let out a gasp; her all-time favorite television show Ghost Bust would be on in less than fifteen minutes. Although the show involved people interacting with the spiritual world, that kind of cliche plot and the special effects was of little interest to her. The only reason Halibel truly watched such a ridiculous show was for one reason and one reason only.

'I have to see Don Kanonji!'

Despite her image as a tomboy and a serious type of person, Halibel had a large and illogical crush on the lead actor and only recurring character of Ghost Bust, a rather flamboyant man who went under the moniker of 'Don Kanonji', real name being Misaomaru Kanonji. Halibel had never told a single soul about these feelings, not even her best friends, although Hinamori had found it out on her own. Halibel had accidentally seen a short commercial for Ghost Bust about a year back while hanging out at Sun-Sun's place and was instantly taken by Don Kanonji's 'good' looks and boisterous personality. She just couldn't get him out of her mind.

She purchased loads of his different merchandise over the years, from photo albums and posters to bobble-heads and underwear. Whenever her friends came over, she would hide the items, but once they were gone she would hastily take them out again. Fortunately, she could feel relief with the knowledge that she wasn't as obsessed with Don Kanonji as Hinamori was with Aizen.

'Hmm, I doubt the teacher looks too close at our work...and I can't let anything distract me from the show...I better just scribble something down,' Halibel wrote down whatever numbers popped into her head and then darted out of her bedroom and down the stairs. Her heart throbbed at the prospect of being able to see her beloved Don Kanonji again. Fortunately her parents were still at work so she had the whole house to herself, and didn't need to bother hiding her obsessions. Bouncing into the living room, the well-endowed blonde sat herself on the couch, picking up the remote and pressing the power button.

However, the television did not turn on.

"...What?"

Halibel clicked the power button again. Nothing happened. Yet again she pressed it. Still nothing. A few more clicks on the remote, and the television continued to remain off. The poor girl started to break out into a feverish sweat. There was still 12 minutes until the show started.

'What the hell is going on?' she wondered, 'Why isn't the television working? Are the remote's batteries dead? Did something get unplugged? Is the power down? Somebody...anybody...please tell me what's going on before I have a freaking heart attack here!'

She opened the back of the remote to see that the batteries were indeed dead. There was no time to bother looking for batteries, so she simply went over to manually turn on the television. The TV refused to turn on even this way. Halibel looked behind the television to see that one of the main cables had been chewed right through, possibly by a mouse. She wanted to scream bloody murder, but she restrained herself with noticeable difficulty. She had to see this new upcoming episode of Ghost Bust or she would be left in a terrible depression for quite some time. For some reason she wasn't satisfied enough with all the pictures and clips she had saved from the show; nothing beat actually watching it on television.

'Oh god...oh god...oh god! What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?' she had a habit of repeating her words whenever she was stressed.

Suddenly, she remembered that Apache, Mila Rose and Sun-Sun all had televisions in their homes. Much to her disappointment, it was still raining heavily outside, and all she had to travel quickly was her old bicycle. However...she could not be deprived of her Don Kanonji.

* * *

A little while later...

"I dunno why these guys keep blabbing on about light, darkness and hearts...and they look like girls! What a bunch of pussies! I'm definitely returning this game to Sun-Sun tomorrow..."

Apache had just turned off her PlayStation 2 when she heard the doorbell ring. She found this to be quite odd especially considering the bad weather. A cold shiver crawled up the back of her spine. The doorbell rang several more times; whoever it was at the door was terribly desperate for someone to answer. Apache remained seated with her eyes glued to the door, as if waiting for it to open all on its own.

"Um...is someone there?" she called out.

There was no answer.

"Hello?"

"...Pleeeeease..."

Apache gasped. There was someone...or something...looking in at her through the window. It was so dark and wet outside that she couldn't clearly make out who or what it was. It actually looked like the cannibalistic butcher who had been arrested a few days ago. All of the color drained from the young woman's face.

"Please...I'm begging you...let me in...it's me..." begged the blonde, tan creature from behind the pane of glass. Despite the vague familiarity, Apache had no idea who it was. Apache ran for her parents' closet and took out the safety shotgun. She didn't really know how to use it, but it was good at scaring off any intruders.

Halibel quickly ran away before anything potentially dangerous could happen. She had to get to Mila Rose's house now for a television, and fast!


	42. Halibel's Obsession 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Tia Halibel couldn't believe how hard it was raining outside. She could barely see a thing in the pitch-black darkness, and her jacket was already soaked all the way through. Every once and while her path would be illuminated by the headlights of a passing car, but aside from that, she was virtually helpless. Still, she had walked to her friends' houses so many times before that the directions were practically etched into her memory. She was shaking from head to toe, but she couldn't give up. She wanted to see Don Kanonji so badly. Of course, there was the chance she would catch pneumonia before then.

Mila Rose was the only one of the three friends who had any siblings. In this case, she had two little sisters and a little brother who was only about three years younger than her. Her parents were usually working throughout the night, so it was up to her to take care of them after school. Sometimes Apache or Halibel would even come over and help out. Sun-Sun had a strong aversion towards children for some reason, so she never had actually been inside Mila Rose's house before. Nonetheless, Halibel had no interest in taking care of a bunch of bratty little kids; she just needed to borrow her friend's television for a half-hour. She swiftly banged her fist several times on the front door.

"Mila Rose! Mila Rose! It's me, Halibel! You gotta let me in! Hurry!"

The door soon swung open to reveal Mila Rose, who was wearing a pair of oven mittens on her hands. She hastily looked Halibel up and down, and felt her face grow flushed when she saw how drenched her friend was, and the fact that her bra was almost visible underneath her jacket. She had a little bit of a crush on Halibel, but she would never admit it, not even to herself. She was initially attracted to her friend's strong personality, but it didn't hurt that she was so physically curvy either. Mila Rose's two little sisters, both of them only 3, peeked out from behind their big sister's legs to see who it was that had come to visit at such a time. They soon darted off into the living room.

"H-Halibel..." Mila Rose covered her nose with her hand to hide the trail of blood peeking out of her nostril, "What're you doing here...and in this awful downpour, too?"

"I...I need...I need your TV!" Halibel cried. With her disheveled hair, weather-torn clothing and bulging wide eyes, she looked rather insane.

"TV?"

"Yes, your TV! I need to use it right now!"

"Umm...well, the kids are watching one of those little educational videos my parents bought them, actually...it's good at keeping them distracted for a while, which helps alot when I need to cook dinner." Mila Rose admitted with a sheepish grin.

Halibel rolled her eyes, snapping, "So? You have it on DVD, don't you? They can watch it anytime!"

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"What?"

"Look, why don't you come inside, and...I'll help you change out of those clothes..."

"Why are you blushing?"

"Uh, never mind that! I'm just saying you can't watch TV right now!"

"But, you gotta understand-"

"I' sorry, but if you want to use the TV, you'll have to wait until they're done."

""I can't wait, don't you get it? I cannot wait even a few minutes more!"

Why not? What's so important about using the TV? You must have set a recording for it, right?"

Halibel was about to say that she wanted to see Don Kanonji, but she stopped herself before the words left her lips. She never wanted to let her friends find out about her feelings for the third-rate actor; it would simply destroy her reputation and everything she had worked so hard for. Unfortunately, she was unable to think up of a better excuse for wanting to watch something like Ghost Hunt of all things. So, without a word, she turned around and went running off, leaving Mila Rose very confused.

'She could have at least accepted my offer to come in or something...she looked a bit off...'

Since Apache and Mila Rose were of no help, Halibel had to depend on Sun-Sun now to provide her with her weekly dose of Don Kanonji goodness.

* * *

'Ghost Hunt will be over in 15 minutes...I still have a bit of time left...' Halibel thought, utterly exhausted, after a quick glance at her watch.

Sun-Sun's house was located just around the corner. It stuck out like a sore thumb in the neighborhood of brown houses with its bright yellow finish. Halibel took a deep breath as she stepped up to the front door and knocked. There was no answer. Halibel knocked again. Still nothing. She knocked yet a third time, and finally the door opened. Sun-Sun poked her head out; in her left hand was one of her favorite SasuNaru doujinshi. She had a very disinterested expression on her pale face.

"Halibel? What do you want?" Sun-Sun softly inquired.

"Sun-Sun...I gotta use your TV! Now!"

"Huh?"

"There's this...well, there's this show I REALLY like that's just about to end, and my TV is broken, and since Apache and Mila Rose are no help, I came to you, hoping I could just borrow your television set for just a few minutes!" Halibel cried out in a single breath. She was just so sick and tired of all this running about in this heavy downpour.

"Oh my, that's quite a situation you're stuck in, my dear friend," Sun-Sun didn't look nearly as concerned as she tried to sound.

"Yes...yes it is."

"Hmm."

"So, can I PLEASE come in?"

Sun-Sun glanced briefly over her shoulder. "...No, you can't."

"WHHHHY?"

"I'm having some fellow members of the Yaoi Lovers Club over right now, and we're busy working on some new hentai manga; it's a very delicate process...!"

"But you're not using the TV, right?"

"We are. We need to watch various yaoi anime to help us get ideas. We have to figure out the right way to structure our plot so that it doesn't seem too cliche."

"Oh, come on! Don't make it sound like drawing gay porn is such a complicated process!" Halibel slapped her palm to her face.

"But it is!" retorted Sun-Sun.

"Isn't there enough yaoi on the Internet for you people already? How many more fictional men do you need to see butt-fucking each other before you're satisfied?"

"There can never be enough...! There are some pairings no one has ever even drawn before! You must understand this, Halibel!"

Halibel cried out in total frustration before taking her leave. She had forgotten just how frustrating her closest friends could be sometimes. Sun-Sun shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly as she watched the retreating woman and slammed the door shut.

As the violent winds continued to rage and the rain continued poured down heavily upon the Earth, Halibel began to feel true hopelessness. Apache thought she was some kind of monster, Mila Rose was too busy using television to distract her younger siblings, and Sun-Sun was watching gay porn. Not one of them had let her use their television set to watch Ghost Hunt before it ended. Now, with a half-hour worth of time long past, the episode was already over. She had missed her chance to see Don Kanonji for the first time since she became a fan of his show. A rush of memories of her past moments watching the show flashed in her head, and it shook her to the very core.

Halibel's legs finally gave way, and she collapsed onto the wet pavement on her hands and knees. 'I've...I've failed you, Don Kanonji...'

Suddenly, she realized the rain was no longer hitting her back. She looked up, and saw Hinamori standing beside her, an umbrella held over both of their heads.

"You know, you're the only person who I could think of that would be running around in this weather just to see Don Kanonji. I like Ghost Hunt too, albeit for different reasons, and I tape all of the episodes...you can come over to my place." Hinamori pointed out with a tiny smirk.

So touched that she was by her last friend's generous offer, Halibel couldn't even bring herself to speak. Instead, she jumped to her feet and pulled the smaller girl into a tight hug, temporarily cutting off Hinamori's oxygen supply with her large breasts.

* * *

"Ah...Don Kanonji...! I love the way you spin that cane around!"

"I really don't see what you like about him...he seems kinda gay to me,"

"What? How can you say that?"

"He's just so FLAMBOYANT!"

"Hmph, I could say the same thing about that Aizen guy you have a sick obsession with!"

"After your story about how you went to all of those houses and begging people to let you use their TVs, I think your obsession is just as bad as mine, so you shouldn't talk..."

"At least I wouldn't try to slip date rape drugs into his tea."

"...Touche..."


	43. Portect The Important Stuff With Gusto

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Sorry about the update delay; I had several other things to finish as you have possibly seen. I'll try to finish up the next two or three chapters (including this one) quickly along with other stuff. Alot of school work and stuff lately been keeping me busy.

* * *

_About a day after the heavy rain storm in Karakura finally passed..._

"You know, I don't think I mentioned this before, but back when it was raining really hard, I could have sworn I saw some chick running around outside with just a shabby jacket on."

"Ha ha ha ha, are you serious?"

"Yeah, I was kind of surprised too. She must have been seriously desperate about something to have gone out in such bad weather...she looked a little familiar too, but I couldn't see her face behind her messy blonde hair..."

"That's kinda sad but hilarious at the same time."

"Definitely. I wonder what she was doing out there, though?"

"Probably trying to find her lost puppy dog."

"Bullshit!"

Suddenly, Aizen and Gin's meaningless conversation was cut short by a loud knock on their door. The two men exchanged bewildered glances before going to see just who was paying them a visit so early in the morning. Aizen walked up to the door and peered through the tiny glass hole in its center. Standing out in the hallway was an intimidating-looking, lanky man with a pair of dangerous-looking henchmen flanking either side of him. A badge on the thin man's suit read 'SHAWLONG KUFANG - CLASSY REPO MAN'. Aizen slowly took several steps away from the door in a fright.

"What's wrong? Who's there?" asked Gin.

Aizen grabbed hold of both of Gin's shoulders to keep himself balanced. "It's...it's...it's the repo-men!" he gasped for a breath of air.

Gin gasped. "WHAT? OH SHIT! THEY MUST BE HERE FOR-" Through the slits of his eyelids, Gin looked over to the brown paper bag he had lying near his bedside. Something very special to both Aizen and himself was inside it.

"It's definitely that thing! We can't let them have it! We gotta hide it!"

"That won't work! They're repo men, you got to understand; they can practically sniff out the items they're sent to repossess!"

"Then...then our only choice is to run away with it and hope they'll eventually give up!"

"Let us pray that your theory is right!"

"We talk really weird sometimes..."

"Too true, too true!"

The knocking on the door came again, prompting Gin to let out a small cry.

"There is one problem, however, that I had failed to keep in mind until just now," Aizen remarked.

"What is it?"

"There's no way out of this room except the front door."

"FUCK!"

Suddenly, without warning, a large hand burst through the wooden door. It groped around blindly before finally taking hold of the doorknob and turning it to open the door. Shawlong and his associates calmly made their way into the room while Aizen and Gin stared on in utter speechlessness. It was unknown if any of the damages done to the door would be paid for. However, it was very unlikely they would. Gin slowly shuffled towards his bed and the brown paper bag.

"Thank you for doing that, Nakeem," Shawlong gave a swift nod to the fat, slow-looking individual to his right.

Nakeem grunted in response.

"My name is Di-Roy, in case you wanted to know!" The green-haired youth on Shawlong's left side waved his hands wildly in the air.

"Soooooooooo..." Aizen tried to remain calm despite the situation, "What are you people doing here?"

Shawlong sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "Please don't try to make yourself look even stupider than you already do. You know why we're here." He looked over at Gin, who was clutching the bag to his chest, "There's something you wanted to return but for some reason have not yet done so, yes? We're just here to make things easier for you and bring it back instead."

"We told the guy we changed our minds!" Gin spoke up.

"It was too late by then. Once we get hired to do a job, we do it. That's how we roll."

"We also sometimes roll in various directions depending on the weather! It's really fun, I-I tell you what!" Di-Roy pointed out rather unnecessarily. He seemed to Aizen to be somewhat mentally challenged. Shawlong just threw his comrade a wayward glance that was oozing with contempt. An awkward silence momentarily filled the room.

"In any case, hand it over. Now."

"Ne...Ne..."

"Ne? Speak sensibly, boy!"

"NEVAH! I MEAN...I'LL NEVER GIVE YOU THIS!"

With a triumphant roar, Gin spun around, and threw the bag right out of the window that just happened to conveniently be open at the time. Aizen's, Shawlong's, Nakeem's and Di-Roy's mouths hung agape in perfect unison. They had not expected this sort of development to arise at all. Feeling unnaturally proud of himself, Gin smiled that sinister, yet devilishly attractive grin of his. The bag spun wildly as it plummeted towards the street below, but fortunately it was saved from shattering the contents within by landing into a trash bin by the sidewalk.

Aizen slapped Gin across the face in an attempt to wipe away his smirk. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Quickly!" Shawlong barked to his subordinates, so excited was he that his temples throbbed with tiny veins, "We can still obtain it and fulfill our duties as repo men! The goddess of repossession has seen us fit to be given a second chance! We cannot dare let ourselves falter before her now! I will stay here and keep these two occupied!"

"Right-o, boss!" Di-Roy gave his superior a boisterous salute before dashing out the door with Nakeem close behind.

Aizen scoffed incredulously at his enemy's boasting. "You think you can get away with that, huh? Gin, you go and fetch it! I'll take care of this snooty bastard!"

"Why me?"

"Because you threw it in the first place!"

"Oh...right..."

"Go!"

"Okay, okay, I'm going..." Gin rolled his eyes, "Jeez, you can be such a bossy little prick sometimes, you know?" And with that, he too stormed off in a hurry. The repo men already had a good head-start compared to him, so it would be a difficult trek. Aizen and Shawlong stared down one another without a word between them. Gradually, the seconds passing them by slowly turned into minutes. Boredom soon struck as swiftly as a lightning bolt.

"So..." Aizen started.

"Huh?" Shawlong raised a crooked eyebrow in confusion.

"N-Nothing."

"I want you to tell me what it was you wanted to say. I want to know. You had something to say, didn't you?"

"It was nothing, really."

"C'mon...you can tell me...I'm your friend..."

"No, you're not."

"Fine. I'll be your friend if you tell me."

"I don't want you as my friend."

"Just tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No!"

"Tell me."

"Do you not understand 'no'? It's the thing a girl shouts at you when you're trying to force her into doing sexual things that she doesn't want to do with you, among other things!"

"Ah. I knew that, though. What I don't know is what you were about to say."

"Just give it up already! I'm not telling you anything!"

* * *

Meanwhile...

Di-Roy and Nakeem were both extremely out of breath and dripping with sweat by the time they had reached the ground floor of the apartment complex. Poor Nakeem looked like he was about ready to collapse right then and there. The man at the counter gave the pair an odd look, but he said nothing. The other pass-by did likewise.

"Why the hell...were there...were there so many stairs...?" Di-Roy coughed.

"I think I'm gonna hurl..." groaned Nakeem, wrapping his arms around his midsection.

"Don't you dare go all vomitty on me!"

"I'll...I'll try not to...ugh..."

Looking up, Di-Roy saw none other than Gin Ichimaru walk past him with the brown bag held in between his hands. He had taken the elevator instead.

"GIVE THAT TO US, YOU LITTLE SNEAK!"

Di-Roy's sudden burst of adrenaline allowed him to effortlessly pounce onto Gin's back, sending him crashing to the floor in an instant. Gin elbowed Di-Roy in the face, knocking him off, but didn't have the chance to get back onto his feet when the much heavier Nakeem piled on top of him. Nonetheless, Gin's hold on the brown paper bag did not waver in the slightest. A woman nearby was already starting to dial the police with a frightful look on her face. Nakeem kept Gin pinned to the floor while Di-Roy kicked the silver-haired man in the face over and over.

"Excuse me, sir..." Di-Roy heard a soft, feminine voice speak up from behind him, and a hand rested onto his shoulder.

"What do ya want, bitch? Can't ya see I'm busy here?"

"I just wanted to tell you something."

"Yeah? What is it?"

Di-Roy felt his shoulder blade be snapped out of place. "HOLY SHIT, THAT HURTS! GAAAAAAAAH!" Clutching his shoulder in bitter agony, the green-haired repo man collapsed into fetal position and rocked his body back and forth, screaming his head off at the same time. Nakeem's pudgy face was drained of the little color it had left as a buxom, red-haired young woman slowly stepped over Di-Roy and approached him. Her light-blue eyes were devoid of anything resembling human emotions except pure and absolute hatred. It shook him to his very core. Nakeem was knocked away with a simple kick in the nose.

"M...Matsumoto..." Gin groaned, his face riddled with bloody cuts and bruises courtesy of Di-Roy's cleats. He had expected his loving girlfriend to help him up to his feet, but she did no such thing. She just stood there, glaring at him.

"You said you wouldn't need me sticking up for you anymore,"

"Matsumoto...I...I..."

"You said you could take care of yourself. You said you could protect yourself. You said all of those things...and yet here you are, lying on the floor looking like a mess! What the hell is up with that?"

"Look, what happened was-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses anymore, Gin! You're supposed to be a man! A man is capable of taking care of himself, you know!"

"But-"

"Gin, how do you think I would feel if something bad happened to you? I would be so...so devastated! I don't want to lose you, Gin...I love you...I love you...it makes me so sad when you get hurt! You have to protect yourself, Gin! You have to protect yourself...for me!" Without warning, Matsumoto fell to her knees, sobbing profusely into her hands.

"...You've been drinking, haven't you?" Gin asked after a brief silence.

Matsumoto nodded. "By the way, what's in the bag...?"

"Oh, this?" Gin reached into the bag and pulled out a bong, "It's the bong that I thought wasn't working a while back. I fixed it, but the repo men still want it back."

"Fighting over a bong? You're such an IDIOT, Gin!"

"It's a good bong when you use it right!"

Gin did not get very far into his explanation when he was knocked out by the unconscious body of Shawlong Kufang dropped on top of him by Aizen.

"Ha," the mullet-haired man sneered, "That bastard didn't last very long in that tic-tac-toe match against me, that's for sure! Oh hey, there's the bong we were trying to save!"

Matsumoto punched him in the face in retaliation.

For the rest of the day, while waiting for Gin to regain consciousness, Aizen and Matsumoto sat together in his bedroom and smoked that bong like it was the last bong in the entire world. Aizen lost interest in it after that and threw it out, completely defeating the purpose of their valiant struggle to save it in the first place.


	44. Paranoid Friends Are Not Very Friendly

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Izuru Kira was taking his daily jog early one morning when his cellphone suddenly rang. It was the theme song of the Samurai Pizza Cats, which Matsumoto had personally chosen for him, since apparently it 'contrasted with his stoic personality', or something of that nature. Kira didn't like their theme at all, but he knew Matsumoto would be upset if he changed it, so he had little other choice but to keep it as it is.

Flipping his cellphone open, Kira held it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hello there...Kira." sneered a voice on the other line.

"Is this you again, mother? I told you to stop calling me all the time. I'm not a little boy anymore!" Kira snapped.

"What? No, I'm not your mother, you idiot!" replied the voice.

Kira gasped. "Then you must be my father! Or are you the man on the fishing boat that tried to steal my peanuts when I was a little kid?"

"Holy crap! Stop talking! Listen, it's me! Ichimaru Gin! Matsumoto's boyfriend!" the voice shouted, which Kira now recognized as belonging to Gin.

"Oh! How are ya, Ichimaru?"

"Listen...there's something Aizen and I want to talk to you about in private, so come over to our place right away. You know where it is. That is all." With those final words, Gin hung up.

* * *

Kira pondered to himself just what it was that Gin and Aizen wanted to speak to him about as he slowly approached their apartment room at the end of the hall. Although the uptight modeling agent hadn't told anyone his cellphone number in the first place, he suspected that Gin must have obtained it from Matsumoto. Even though he didn't like his cell number being given out without his permission, Kira saw this as a good chance to get to know Aizen and Gin better. Aside from the few adventures they had together, Kira felt a little ignored by them compared to Matsumoto or Tousen. He wanted to be their friend as well.

"Hey?" Kira gently rapped his knuckle against the door, which had several planks hammered into it to cover up the large hole left by the repo men, "It's me, Izuru Kira. You guys wanted to see me about something?"

The door slowly creaked open to reveal it was completely dark within the room. Kira remained rooted to the spot.

"...Are you guys in there?" he asked.

No answer.

"Hello? Aizen? Gin? Anyone home?"

"...Yes, we're here." Gin's voice sighed.

Kira let out a sheepish chuckle. "Ah-ha, that's good, that's good! Uh...why are all the lights off in your room?"

"That's not important."

"Hmm, are you sure?"

"Just come inside."

"You're not going to do anything creepy to me or anything, are you?"

"..."

"...Well?"

"No, we're not going to do anything bad at all. We just wanna talk, that's it."

"That sounds good enough to me!" Kira stepped inside, and was immediately knocked unconscious by a blow to the head.

* * *

_A short while later..._

"HEY...HEY...HEY...HEY...HEY...HEY...WAKE UP, YOU SWINE!"

Kira jolted awake when a a bucket-full of ice-cold water was splashed against his face. Sputtering, he wildly looked around to see he was now tied to a wooden chair, a bright light hanging directly over his head in the middle of ink-black darkness. He had no idea where the water had come from.

"W-What's going on here? Let me...let me go! Please!" Kira cried in desperation.

Suddenly, Ichimaru Gin stepped out of the shadows and into the small circle of light surrounding Kira. "I can't let you leave yet," the slit-eyed man spoke without emotion, "I told you that there was something we wanted to talk to you about, remember?"

"That's right, you did say that, but why tie me up like this?"

"It's because, if I'm right in my thinking, then I wouldn't want you trying to escape your punishment,"

"P-P-Punishment?"

Gin sighed, shook his head, and then looked off to his right. "Hey, Aizen, can ya bring me a stool or something?"

"Get it yourself, lazy ass!" Aizen's voice shouted back.

"What the hell? You can just toss it over here or something, ya know? It's right there!"

"No can do! You didn't ask me to throw stools around!"

"For the love of..." Gin grumbled the rest under his breath as he walked away, soon returning with a small stool in hand. He placed it firmly on the floor and sat himself down. Kira had no idea what was going on.

Coughing into his fist, Gin began, "Kira, I brought you here today to ask you a very simple question...are you trying to bone my girlfriend?"

"I BET HE IS! I'M THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED HE WAS TRYING TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Aizen blurted out from the sidelines.

"Shut up! Let Kira answer the question!"

"I'm not interested in Matsumoto in that way at all!" Kira exclaimed, his face pale, "It's against the company's regulations for an agent to form a romantic relationship with his or her model, anyway! She's just a good friend to me and nothing more!"

"Oh, so she ain't good enough for you?" Gin snarled.

"Her TITTIES ain't good enough for you?" chimed in Aizen.

"I'm not saying that at all! I'm just saying that I don't want to sleep with her! After all, she's your girlfriend, Gin!" Kira explained as hastily as possible.

Gin cocked an eyebrow, puzzled beyond belief. "...Are you gay?" he inquired.

"I'M NOT GAY, EITHER! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND, GIN? YOU NEVER ACTED PARANOID ABOUT MY FRIENDSHIP WITH MATSUMOTO BEFORE!"

"It wasn't until Aizen brought up the possibility that you were going to woo her away from me," shrugged Gin nonchalantly.

"Are you saying you don't trust Matsumoto's love for you?"

"I do! I do trust her! I just don't trust YOU."

"I...I just wanted to be your friend..."

"Hmm? Really?"

Kira had no idea where in the room Aizen currently was, but if he could, he would have shouted at him. The first thing he had to do was break out of these ropes, and there was only one way to do that.

"Yeah, that's all I wanted to do was to make friends. Matsumoto talks alot about you two when we're hanging out, so I figured you guys were very important to her, especially you, Gin. Even though you're both jobless drug-addicts with bad personalities, I would be willing to put up with you...for her sake. Matsumoto's friends are my friends."

"That's both insulting and touching."

"I know."

"I still have some trouble believing what you say, though."

"Why?"

"Because you're sitting before me tied to a chair and being interrogated."

"...But you're the ones doing this to me..."

"Ha, you figured it out! Alright, since you're such a sap, I guess I'll give ya the benefit of the doubt and let you hang around with Matsumoto for about five more years..."

"What happens after five years?"

"We'll see."

"Huh..."

The instant that Gin, who had foolishly let down his guard, undid the ropes, Kira pounced forward and punched him in the stomach. Aizen had run away long ago to get himself a soda. He had no idea what was happening.

"I really got to convince Matsumoto to get better friends."

Despite this incident, Gin and Kira became better acquainted with each other, and they both agreed that they secretly despised the mullet-haired bastard they were forced to put up.


	45. An Incognito Mission 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Despite the fact that he was rather unfriendly and he liked to keep to himself, Aizen somehow ended up helping total strangers again and again regardless of whether he wanted to or not. The fact that he actually goes out of his way to accomplish these tasks anyway proved he was more trustworthy than expected. Most of the time, though, he wouldn't do anything until his life or something important was put on the line.

What it was that drew others to him was unknown; maybe his mullet glowed with some sort of special light of hope that only the lost and downtrodden could see. Needless to say, Aizen was someone you could count on. Of course, he was still a difficult person to deal with. Things will only get tougher from there on out for everyone involved...

* * *

Sosuke Aizen glanced upwards; all he could see was gray, with what little rays of light there were filtered through a shredded lacework of solemn clouds. He hoped it wouldn't rain again so soon.

'I can't believe this...' Aizen thought, sighing, as he carried several large grocery bags in his arms, 'I should never have bet shopping duties on whether or not Gin knew my favorite color...how could he tell it was white? Hmm...just thinking that makes me sound kinda racist...' Most of the food the two men purchased were cheap snacks, but there was also dog food for Komamura (he was currently staying at Matsumoto's place) and a magazine with Justin Bieber's face on it for the busty strawberry-haired woman whenever she came around to visit. They had to be careful with spending until Tousen could provide them with more money again.

He was less than a block away when he saw a black stretch limousine sitting idly in front of the apartment complex. Limos were a rare sight to see in Karakura Town, as were most types of automobiles in general. There weren't many people rich enough to afford something like a limo either. In fact, there was only person in particular that Aizen recalled actually owning her very own limo. It wasn't someone he wanted to see, either.

'...It must be Halibel's! No wait, it's Soifon...yeah, that's right, Soifon owns a limo...but why is she here? Ugh...I really hope she isn't here to see me...I mean, we can't be like the only people she knows, right? We can't be...it just wouldn't be fair...I don't want to deal with her again...'

Much to his dismay, upon returning to his room, Aizen saw Soifon, Hachi and Omaeda standing there alongside a pale-faced Gin. Surprisingly, Soifon was dressed in a rather handsome business suit this time, tie and all. She really did look like a small, effeminate man, but Aizen kept that thought to himself lest he be dangled upside over a bridge for his insolence. Considering the looks on their faces, Gin, Omaeda and Hachi were all thinking the same thing.

"Dammit, Soifon, what do you want from me THIS time?" Aizen snapped in a fury, but he immediately shut his mouth when the older woman pulled out a pistol and aimed it at his face. Without thinking, he dropped the bags of groceries onto the floor. Gin shook his head despairingly to himself. Hachi and Omaeda remained silent.

"Listen, Aizen," Soifon snarled, "I've talked with you about this several times in the past, but you never actually understand what I'm telling you. Yet again, you failed to pay your debts for all of the drugs you've purchased from me. I was alright with letting you go anyway for the first two or three times, but now I'm sick and tired of it. You and your friend are going to need to do something for me to make up for your negligence."

"Can it be a written apology?"

"NO!"

Can it be something easy, at least?"

"I'm afraid not! Unless you get punished properly, you'll never learn."

"Why do we have to put up with your bullshit, anyway? We're human beings; we have rights! We're allowed to make our own choices!"

"Yeah," Soifon rolled her eyes, "But I'm the one with the gun...and thus, for the sake of your own life, you should follow me."

"But I didn't mean to-"

"You don't have a say in this."

Having his logic soundly beaten and so easily, Aizen cursed under his breath. He never found out that the gun Soifon brought didn't even actually work. At the very least, he was given some extra time to put away their newly-purchased food before he and Gin were dragged into Soifon's limo.

* * *

"Okay, so here is what I have planned for you two wastes of space-"

"I resent that title, I'll have you know!"

"As I was just about to say before being RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I have a very important mission that requires both your fool-hardiness and your tenacious personalities..."

"What is it?"

"I need you two to infiltrate a meeting between several drug dealers who are trying to put me out of business, and have them killed...or at least arrested."

Aizen, who had just been about to help himself to a glass of cherry wine in the backseat of Soifon's limousine, quickly slammed the bottle down in front of him. "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?"

Soifon shook her head.

"But...but that's...that's just insane! We're the last people that should be doing something like that" Gin spoke up, his voice quivering, "I mean...I mean...what the heck are you thinking?"

"I would have them arrested myself, but who knows what kind of weaponry they could be carrying with them? Plus, it is not confirmed information; we need to prove they're gathering together down at the pier to discuss drug sales first. I make alot of money through this side-business of mine, and I need it to keep my night club for women who love women up and running...among other things."

"I...I don't wanna do this...I really don't..."

"I'll be willing to let you have as much free drugs as you want if you do this for me."

"You know, at this point, I'm getting a bit sick of drugs..."

"Then do this for me for no other reason than because otherwise I'll have to take everything you own to repay for the merchandise you've swindled from me. Either way, fulfilling my demands will be to your benefit, no?"

Aizen and Gin looked at one another helplessly, hoping they could together come up with some way to get out of this mess. Not a single idea came to them. A tear trickled down the corner of Gin's face. Soifon smirked proudly; everything was going exactly as she had planned so far.

"I guess we have no choice," Aizen let out a heavy sigh, "We'll do whatever you want."


	46. An Incognito Mission 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I'm sorry about it taking so long for a new chapter, but alot of things have been keeping me busy, although I still intend to try and completely finish this fic eventually.

* * *

_In one of the backrooms of Onmitsukido, Soifon's lesbian club and bar..._

To be able to sneak into the meeting, as well to hide their true identities, Aizen and Gin were forced to go incognito. However, the costumes provided to them were met with much criticism. Although really it was only Aizen who complained.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

Soifon smirked inwardly to herself. "Is there a problem?"

The bathroom door flung open to reveal Aizen wearing a large spherical afro atop his head, along with a sparkling purple disco-styled outfit and a handlebar mustache. The fact he put it on BEFORE starting to complaining about it seemed to have soared right over the mullet-haired man's head. Soifon, Hachi and Omaeda struggled hard not to burst out laughing as the infuriated, and very reluctant, 'undercover agent' stormed up to them.

"There is no way I'm wearing this...this ridiculous get-up!" Aizen snapped, "It's humiliating!"

Gin, who was wearing the same costume except with a silver-colored afro and beard, gave his friend a reassuring pat on the back. "C'mon, man, it ain't that bad,"

"Easy for you to say! You actually FIT the look!"

"I just know how to wear my shit well, that's all. I have a license to pimp, after all."

"What? You do?"

"Yep."

"Let me see it."

"I do not have it on my person at the moment."

"...You're nothing but a bloody liar! Anyway, back to the situation at hand, I cannot wear this!"

Soifon brushed away Aizen's pitiful whining with a wave of her hand. "You don't have a choice, you know; besides, it does work quite well in hiding your identity."

Although he wouldn't admit it, Aizen knew that Soifon made a valid point. His shining, glorious mullet would never be seen under such a spherical mass of unkempt hair, even if it was just a stupid comedy wig. It was his best bet at protecting himself. Of course, not even an afro and a flashy suit would protect him from a storm of bullets if he made a foolish mistake.

"Can I at least bring a gun for myself?"

"I don't have any guns to spare." Soifon shrugged.

"STOP LYING TO ME, ALL OF YOU!"

Hachigen took a brief glance at his watch, then said, "We can't waste any more time bickering like this. We need to hurry down to the meeting place, and fast!"

"Okay, then...everyone, do you know what you have to do?"

Aizen and Gin shook their heads.

"Dammit, we'll explain it all in the car! Get your gross, pale man-asses moving!"

"...That's a disturbing image..."

* * *

_A little while later.._.

"Huh? This is..." Aizen's eyes grew wide. The location of the meeting between Soifon's competitors in the drug business was being held at a warehouse. It was the same warehouse Aizen had gone to with a certain insane ex-detective with a love for sunglasses. Whether this was coincidence or some sort of twisted karma, Aizen would probably never know. In fact, he didn't want to know.

"Okay," Omaeda peered out of the rear-view window, "It looks like we made it here a little earlier than the others."

"Good job. We'll be dropping you two off here now. You know the plan NOW, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"..." Soifon's brow furrowed.

"I mean...yes, I do?"

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Laughing heartily, the rich and very sadistic lesbian clapped her hands twice with pride.

The limo door swung open, and Soifon booted the two men out with a swift kick to their behinds. Almost immediately afterward, Soifon slammed the door shut and the limousine drove off down the pathway. Aizen mumbled a curse word under his breath, brushing off the dirt on his pants. The gray clouds from earlier above had parted slightly to let some sunshine cover the Earth. A sweltering heat hovered all around them. Sighing in conjunction, Aizen and Gin darted over to the warehouse in question. They had to make themselves look like they were waiting for a long time.

It didn't take long before three conspicuous black cars pulled up to the top of the little hill that overlooked the warehouse. A single figure stepped out of each car. All three of them were well-dressed young men; one with slicked-back blonde hair and thick glasses, another with a handsome face and short brown hair, and the last was a jovial fellow with an awkward smile on his face. The man with glasses was carrying a large suitcase in his right hand. As soon as they came close enough to Aizen and Gin, the three men bowed their heads.

"My name is Yasochika Iemura," the bespectacled man stated.

"I'm Harunobu Ogido," the brown-haired bishounen flashed a smile that gleamed brilliantly like the morning sun.

"Gwa ha ha," the cheery man laughed boisterously with his tongue dangling out of the corner of his mouth, "I'm Makizo Aramaki, but you can call me Maki-Maki!"

Aizen and Gin looked at one another quizzically. "Okaaaaaaaaay..."

"You two must be Samuel Adams and James Smith Gerard. The man in the trench coat was right about how you two would have a fucking crazy sense of fashion...but I like it. It's retro."

"Hmm."

"Let's go inside and discuss business, then!"

As the small group entered the warehouse, Aizen and Gin made sure to stay a little further back so as to whisper amongst themselves.

"Which one of us is Samuel Adams?" Aizen asked, "I hope it's me. He was a real person, you know."

"Like hell if I know! Who cares, anyway?" retorted Gin, "Soifon never mentioned anything about names, and she might not have even known, but at least they trust us for now..."

The five men sat down in a huddled circle on the cold, hard floor, apparently ignoring all of the dust that had accumulated there over the years. Yasochika placed the suitcase in the middle of the circle, and removed the safety lock. Inside of the case was a large supply of various allergy and common illness medicines. There were a few containers of vitamin supplement pills as well. Aizen's mouth fell agape, his face as white as a sheet. Gin made the same expression.

'THESE AREN'T THE DRUGS WE'RE LOOKING FOR! It never is...it never is...'

"So...how are we going to get this medicine down to the orphanage without anyone finding out?" Yasochika asked to everyone present.

"Even though we're doing this for the good of the children," Harunobu murmured, "We still can get in alot of trouble having stolen it from the pharmacy in the first place."

"Just because we look suspicious, people have to go and think we're up to something bad! It's an insult, I tell you!" Makizo bellowed before releasing an ungodly laugh, and then he turned to the bewildered afro-haired duo, "What do you guys think about this? You two said a week ago that you really wanted to help us out, right? You're helpful people...aren't ya?"

Gin thought hard for a long time, and then he replied, "...I think we should take all of these pills ourselves and see what happens."

"WHAT?"

"I-I mean, we shouldn't be doing something this risky. We should just return the pills from where they came, and...and hope the orphans can take care of themselves..."

"What the hell? James, why would you say that? That orphanage doesn't even have any money left."

"Then why the hell is it still an orphanage? How can they keep a bunch of children in unsuitable conditions? For crying out loud, doesn't the state have some sort of responsibility in taking care of the poor and homeless or something?" Gin shouted in a growing state of fury.

"I don't know."

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"We're just trying to help out those less fortunate than us!"

"Yeah, you say that, but what if they're stupid and take the wrong pills or the wrong doses? You have to get specific prescriptions from a doctor before you can use medicine like this! You might as well be bringing them a suitcase filled with poison!"

"It shouldn't be that difficult to get the right stuff!"

"Oh, but it is!"

Since the start of the conversation, as a natural effect due to his nervousness, Aizen had been sweating profusely. In a moment of stupidity, he removed his afro, letting his long mullet flop out, and wipe the sweat from his brow. Yasochika, Harunobu and Makizo were all staring at him with eyes as wide as saucer plates. Gin almost shat bricks right then and there.

"Huh? What's wrong? Why're you all-" Aizen asked at first, but then noticed he was holding his afro, "...Oh..."

"Samuel...your hair is removable?" Makizo rubbed his eyes.

Aizen nervously glanced from left to right. "Yes," he replied with a straight face, "It IS removable!"

"Cool!"

However, although the situation seemed safe, Yasochika was starting to shake violently. He was staring intensely at Aizen's mullet. He was slowly pulling a gun out from his chest-pocket, and then he let out an unholy yell.

"I FUCKING HATE MULLETS!" he bellowed. "THEY REMIND ME OF MY FATHER!"

And just like that, the whole meeting went to shit.


	47. An Incognito Mission 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: This is the last part for this mini-arc, then probably a three or four one-shot type of chapters before the second long arc begins. I'll try to finish chapters quicker, but lately I've had alot of work in school.

* * *

_Last time, on Dragon Ball Z...or whatever this thing is...  
_

"I FUCKING HATE MULLETS! THEY REMIND ME OF MY FATHER!"

"You already said that!"

"S-SO WHAT?"

"Aren't you going to explain why mullets remind you of your father?"

"NO!"

"What a party-pooper..."

With a small pistol clenched tightly between his shaking hands, Yasochika jumped to his feet, aiming the barrel of the gun directly towards Aizen and his mullet. In response, Aizen let out a girlish shriek. The decision about how to deal with supplying the sickly orphans their medicine was quickly forgotten by this point. Harunobu and Maki-Maki got up to a stand as well.

"Yasochika, you selfish bastard!" Harunobu shouted, "What the hell do you think you're doing? We specifically agreed over the phone that none of us would bring any weapons! We were supposed to have a peaceful meeting about this!"

"Who gives a damn about your stupid rules? Of course I wouldn't be so idiotic as to not bring some kind of protection just in case!" Yasochika snapped back.

Harunobu pulled out his own gun now, which was a Desert Eagle pistol, sleek silver. "It's a good thing I wasn't an idiot either, then,"

"Me neither. I ain't no fool except when I wanna be!" Makizo unsheathed an uzi sub-machine gun from the back of his pants. They were all aiming their guns at one another with straight faces.

'I've had way too many guns pointed at me than should be allowed for a normal person...' thought Aizen with a solemn expression. He felt a strange sense of familiarity to the scene, however.

"Yasochika...just...put...the gun...down!"

"I'm not putting anything down until that bastard over there cuts off his blasted mullet!"

Aizen reached up and removed the mullet wig he was wearing. "Is that good?" he asked.

"If your mullet was still just a wig, why wear it underneath the afro?" Gin shouted from the sidelines.

"Sometimes I forget to use common sense...I'm only human, after all,"

"How about forgetting to use common sense all of the time?"

Ignoring Aizen and Gin's small conversation, Yasochika shook the gun wildly, shouting, "Put that mullet on the floor...NOW! I said put it down! Put it down, you stinking piece of shit, or I'll shoot you! PUT IT DOWN!"

"I already did," Aizen replied and pointed to said mullet lying at his feet. Howling with insanity, Yasochika fired all ten bullets he had in loaded in the pistol at the harmless wig. Not a single shot hit.

'I should have just stayed home and watched porn of girls shitting themselves...or something a bit less disgusting then that, instead.'

Wiping the sweat from his brow, breathing heavily, Yasochika curtly nodded to himself. He then snapped his pistol in half without a single sign of visible effort, threw it across the room, and sat down again as if nothing had ever happened. Unsure of what else to do or so, everyone sat on the floor as well. Aizen was particularly upset, but he didn't dare reach out for his mullet wig, or else Yasochika might snap again. Whatever the case, the crisis had been successfully adverted...somewhat.

"So..." Yasochika muttered.

"You're a whiny little bitch!" Harunobu snapped.

"Eh?"

Harunobu gave a half-assed wave with his hand. "Never mind. You were saying?"

"Well, I was thinking that maybe we should all CALM the hell DOWN! Take it easy!"

"We did."

"Good! Now...what to do about these drugs?"

"THUGS?"

"No, I said drugs, dumbass."

"Okay, then, you want a face full of slugs?"

"Drugs! For crying out loud, your hearing wasn't bad a few minutes ago!"

Aizen folded his arms in front of his chest and, having regained his composure, stated, "W-We can't spend our whole time bickering aimlessly like this. We need to come up with a solid plan, and agree upon it as a group." The others nodded in unison.

"Actually," Gin whispered into his friend's ear, "We're supposed to get these numb-skulls arrested, remember?"

"Yeah, I know that's what Soifon wants us to do, but these guys aren't bad, just a little...eccentric. They want to help out a bunch of poor kids at an orphanage; how terrible can they really be?"

"My god, Aizen, don't tell me you're becoming a jackass with a heart of gold!"

"I'm not! I'm just considering if there's better options that'll make everyone happy and keep our asses from getting plugged full of bullets!"

"Hmm...bullet butt-plugs...sounds kinky!"

"I hope you don't plan on doing that sort of thing with Matsumoto. They can get stuck in there, you know...!"

"Yeah, that is kind of a risk, I'll admit."

"In any case, we should stop talking about this kind of thing and get back to the situation at hand! I think we should help this idiots out!"

"What do you expect to do? These guys are criminals no matter what, and Soifon will kill us if we don't do what she asks!"

"Wait a minute!" Yasochika interjected, "You two haven't exactly been talking quietly or anything, so we heard everything you said, but did you just mention 'Soifon'?"

"Err...yes?"

"The one who owns the lesbian club?"

"Is there any other Soifon in this world who does?"

"If you two are actually in cahoots with her, then that means...THIS WAS A SET-UP TO GET RID OF ALL OF US!"

"What?"

"This isn't the first time she's done this kind of thing! She wants to get rid of any possible competition! Why didn't you mention this before?"

"It was a secret, stupid!"

"You...you idiots have screwed us all over!"

Suddenly, the blaring sound of sirens became evident far off in the distance, steadily approaching them. Yasochika and Harunobu darted for the door to escape, only to find it was locked somehow. Staring in at them from one of the windows, with a sinister smirk present on her lips, was Soifon and her two bodyguards. Makizo fell over onto his back and cackled insanely. Streams of hot, salty tears trickled down Aizen's cheeks. Gin simply facepalmed.

'I knew that she disliked Gin and I, but to set this whole thing up to get rid of us as well as them...damn, she's good...'

Sadly, the orphans never received their medicine, although thanks to Yasochika and the rest's efforts, the orphanage's poor conditions were called notice to and taken care of by the town. It took a few days before Soifon willingly gave in to put an end to her 'prank' and explained the situation (and with the aid of a bribe) to get Aizen and Gin out of jail.


	48. The Boy Who Cried Autism

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: If that new guy with the long hair in Bleach has anything to do with Aizen, then he'll probably get to appear in this fic. If not, then there's nothing I can do.

* * *

"The autistic genius...?"

Aizen and Gin had been lazily flipping through the channels of their television when they came across a rather odd news story about a child prodigy who had been born with autism. He could barely speak a word, yet at only 15 he possessed more than enough intelligence to pass some of the toughest college-level exams in the country with flying colors. He could finish a Rubik's Cube in less than a minute. He even killed a yak from two hundred yards away with a single throw of a plastic fork, although that has nothing to do with his intelligence. The name of his wonder-boy is Wonderweiss Margela.

"You know," Aizen muttered, "I don't see the point of pointing out that he's autistic if he's really this much of a freaking genius; I mean, what would they call a non-autistic person who was a genius? A normal genius? Really, the media is fucked up in the head...or just incredibly lazy. Probably both. I bet both. Probably."

"It must be the end of the world," Gin replied with a hint of sarcasm.

"I'll tell ya what it really is: it's a scam!"

"A scam?"

"Yeah! I mean, look at that creepy empty stare that little bastard has on his face! There's no way he can be a genius! Nothing interesting has been going on lately so the news people got together and made up some bullshit story to try and make us poor losers feel like our lives are meaningful again, even if that feeling only lasts for about two or three days!"

"I dunno if I would write it off as a scam just yet. I mean, there's alot of mysteries and strange things that happen in this world of ours. You never know if this is real or not, unless we met this Wonderweiss bastard for ourselves,"

"Ha! Like that would ever happen!"

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Komamura, who was sitting at Gin's side and being scratched behind the ear by the snake-faced man, jumped to his feet and darted towards the sound. Due to a few recent events, Aizen had become a bit more cautious about opening the door. Very carefully, he lifted himself from his chair and walked up to the door. He wrapped his fingers around the doorknob, leaning slightly forward.

"Who's there?" he asked.

"It's Matsumoto! Kira's here too! We have this guy with us who says he's looking for you two!"

"Oh shit...he's not from the government, is he?"

"No."

"Well, alright, then." Aizen unlocked the door, and swung it wide open. Standing between Matsumoto and Kira was a young boy with messy blonde hair, buck-teeth, and freckles that adorned both his cheeks. Barking happily, little Komamura jumped into the boy's arms, as if he had known him all his life. It was also the same boy Aizen and Gin had just seen on the television. His wide, light-purple eyes seemed to be staring at something far beyond anything tangible in this reality.

"His name is Wonderweiss Margela."

"OH SHIT."

"He says he knows that his friend lives here."

"His...his friend?"

"Tousen, you idiots."

"...Tousen?"

"The guy who's been risking his life training to get stronger right now."

"Oh, yeah, him!"

Suddenly, Wonderweiss gave Matsumoto a firm slap on the buttocks, abruptly cutting her off. "You know, my dear, I can easily speak for myself. As I said earlier, the only thing I have trouble with is pronouncing my name correctly." he told her.

"Ah, yes, you're right. Sorry," Matsumoto grinned sheepishly, "Touch me again and I'll kick your ass, though."

"I'll keep that in mind, my dear!"

"I WOULD HOPE SO."

"...ulp..."

Gin immediately hated this little bastard for messing around with his girlfriend so freely like that. Kira was also annoyed. Aizen, however, didn't really give a damn.

* * *

_A little while later..._

Once Wonderweiss had finished explaining himself, Aizen and Gin briefly exchanged bewildered glances with each other. Matsumoto was busy lusting over a Justin Bieber pin-up she bought, and Kira was sorting out all of the drugs in Gin's cabinet without a care in the world. Even though this kid was supposed to be the famous 'autistic genius' on the news, he seemed fishy. The fact he had such a snobbish attitude and talked like some sort of middle-aged German man was also quite curious.

"So, you're actually an old friend of Tousen's?" Aizen asked.

"Why do you want to see him?" added Gin.

Wonderweiss leaned back on the small couch, and made a waving motion with his hand, as if he were some sort of big-shot. "You see," he explained, "I met Tousen long ago, when I was a young boy. He taught me a great many things and helped me become the person that I am today. I never had a chance to personally thank him, and I heard he was around in this area, so I came to pay a surprise visit. I had a certain gift I wanted to give him and all his friends, but now I'm starting to rethink things."

"Huh? Really?"

"Yes, really. I am not one to lie, and I see no reason to lie to you."

"I'm still kind of confused on one little detail, though..."

"Yes?"

"Are you saying he made you autistic?"

"No, you idiot, he made me smart!"

"Tousen can't even make HIMSELF smart. How in the world did he help you?"

"You lie! You lie!"

Reaching into his pocket, Aizen removed a thick wad of dollar bills, held tightly together by a rubber-band. "You see this?"

"Yes...so what? Are you going to give me money for being so smart?"

"No! Your friend, Tousen...he gave me this money, all of it, and all I had to do was ASK...!"

Wonderweiss suddenly looked extremely horrified. Staring at the money in Aizen's hand, the poor kid actually looked physically ill. "N-No way..." he stammered. "He can't be such a push-over that he would give you people that much cash!"

"He is! Accept it! Your friend is actually an idiot!"

"No! No no no! Noooooo!"

"YES! YES! YEEEEEEES! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Gin nodded. "He gave me money too...and we spend it on drugs we buy at a lesbian bar!"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo...wait, lesbian bar? What?"

"It's a long story,"

Matsumoto slammed the Justin Bieber poster on the table so hard that it actually tore apart. "What did you do when I wasn't around, Gin?" she snarled, glaring darkly at her boyfriend. Kira pretended not to notice, although he was ready to intervene just in case things got rowdy.

"R-Rangiku! They were...they were lesbians! They had no interest in me whatsoever!"

"You think I would give a damn about that?"

"That means they had no interest in me whatsoever!"

"Stop repeating yourself!"

"OH LAWD-"

Before he could even properly defend himself, Gin was tackled to the ground. However, the struggle between the loving couple did not last long before it devolved into a spontaneous fit of dry-humping, much to the horror of Aizen and Wonderweiss. It didn't seem like things could get much worse, but then Old Man Yama and Sasakibe appeared in the doorway together, carrying a large sack. The old man violently dropped the bag onto the floor and looked over at the puzzled Aizen.

"I believe this belongs to you. We have finished wit hit."

"Huh?"

"I shall say no more." And with that, Yamamoto departed. Aizen walked over to the bag, and untied it...allowing Tousen's battered body to tumble out.

"T-T-Tousen...!" cried Aizen.

"I...I finished...my training..." the poor man raised his head briefly from the floor to smile victoriously, but then he slipped into a state of unconsciousness. His arms and legs were riddled with cuts and there was dry blood splattered all over his face. All of the color drained from Wonderweiss's face as he stooped over his friend from long time past. He started to shake all over.

"Why...why is he like this?"

"Well, after he proved himself to be utterly useless in our life-or-death struggle against a bunch of mafia men up in the mountain, he went to be trained by our landlord, who happens to own a gigantic training course underneath his house that resembles a desert..." Aizen explained matter-of-factly, not realizing just how absolutely insane he sounded. He had grown so used to his bizarre daily experiences that they seemed totally ordinary in his eyes.

Wonderweiss, however, was not as out of touch. "You people...you're all bunch of freaking morons, aren't you?"

"Only sometimes!" Gin remarked.

"Whatever! Screw you guys, I'm going home! I'm going to be the lead star in a new super-hero TV show called 'Fire-Eating Butterfly Boy', and I was going to give you all guys minor parts in the show to pay back Tousen for all he's done for me, but none of you are worth that kind of public acknowledgment! Hell, even Tousen is just a foolish little pawn to you people! I am deeply offended just being in the same room as you, and the only part of this entire wasted journey I even enjoyed was smacking that busty red-head's bubbly posterior!"

"Damn, boy, you just go on and on...!" Aizen scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "Are you sure you're really autistic? You're just lying about it to get people to pay attention to your intelligence, aren't you?"

"I...I...well..."

"C'mon, it shouldn't be that hard to answer the question, right?"

Wonderweiss was so upset that he couldn't even bring himself to say anymore. Shaking his head in disgust, the blonde youth stormed out of the room and down the hallway, not bothering to avoid stepping on Tousen's back in the process. Aizen snickered. It took a bit of work, but Kira was able to pry Matsumoto off of Gin, who was quite thankful that his ribs didn't get crushed.

'He's a lying little bastard after all, huh? Just like the rest of us...' Aizen thought. While normally someone with Aizen's type of personality might try to take advantage of possessing such juicy info, but our mullet-haired asshole of an anti-hero was too lazy to do anything about it.

Although this event would soon be forgotten by Aizen and Gin, it was still somewhat meaningful in that their third roommate had finally returned. Whether the training really had any effect on Tousen was yet to be seen...


	49. Mister Strawberry 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

'Huh? This is...'

Aizen blinked. He was standing in the middle of what appeared to be a fancy ballroom, a bright combination of blazing crimson and sparkling gold. A grand piano sat in the upper-right corner of the room. A gigantic chandelier of tiny crystal-like lights dangled from the ceiling. Drapes enshrouded in shadows flowed down over the walls. Although the scenery had taken a drastic change since the last time he'd been here, Aizen still had a good idea about just what was going on. Suddenly, a voice called out from behind him.

"You're already used to this despite it only being our second face-to-face meeting? Impressive, Aizen! Quite impressive...although, to be honest, it's not THAT impressive, so I take back everything I just said...ha ha!"

It was Strawberry. As enigmatic as ever, the red-haired man stepped out from the darkness with a bow. He was wearing a handsome black tuxedo that fit well on his thin, lanky frame. However, like with the atmosphere, he looked a little different.

"Huh? Hey...isn't your hair a bit longer than before? And you look taller?" Aizen pointed out.

Strawberry chuckled, brushing back the strands of orange hair dangling in his face. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"What about that chain you have wrapped around your arm there?"

"Oh...that..." Strawberry hastily tried to remove the obvious black chain that was tied to his right arm, "This is...uh...this is just one of those little rubber bracelets the kids love to wear these days...it supports cancer awareness! Yeah, that's it!"

"It doesn't look like a bracelet to me, and why would you be wearing one when you exist inside my mind?"

"Hmm, you're right. Well, then, pay it no mind. It's nothing...really!"

The two men stood in silence, staring intensely at one another, as if patiently waiting for some kind of permission to allow their conversation to continue. The creepy look Strawberry wore so casually on his face didn't make Aizen feel much better regarding the situation. Taking a few steps forward, Strawberry chuckled softly, spinning his long, black sword around over his head. For some reason, his blade was now missing its handle.

"...Do you want to talk to me about something, or are you just wasting my time?" Aizen was starting to get annoyed.

Strawberry rolled his eyes. "You're always rushing things. If you really want to know why I brought you here, however, it's because I want to warn you of events that are soon to take place..."

"Warn me? Event? What the hell?"

"It's the truth."

Aizen pointed accusingly at the young man standing before him, shouting, "How can you know about the future when you're inside my head? I shouldn't even be acting this natural around a voice that lives inside my head, but you are really beginning to get on my nerves! You're always talking in such a mysterious way too! Cut it out!"

"Do you want me," Strawberry threatened, "To chop off your beloved mullet? I can do that really easily, you know."

"N-No! Anything but that!"

"Then shut up and listen to me as I explain things."

"...Okay...?"

"I'm not just some voice in your head. I've already explained this to you before; I have to do with the memories buried deep inside this drug-fueled noggin of yours. What that means, however, is something you'll gradually come to understand the more you utilize my help. I can bring out your full potential from your past, at least as much potential as I'm allowed. You're not ready to be told the truth until you've proven yourself. None of that is important right now, though."

"Then why bother doing a recap?" Aizen murmured, but Strawberry pretended not to have heard him.

"The reason I know what's going to happen soon is because you actually know it as well."

"Eh? Really?"

"Just look at your damn calender when you wake up."

"Ugh..."

"Aizen, you really need to get your priorities together, especially with the end coming soon..." Strawberry shook his head in disappointment, but then he gasped, realizing what he had just said accidentally. Aizen, however, had heard it loud and clear. "Oh, dear, I might have made a mistake. Please ignore it."

"Hey, just what kind of bullshit are you spouting?" Aizen shouted.

"I said to ignore it!"

"You know something about all of the shit going on, don't you? Spill it, you bastard!"

Aizen took a step forward, but Strawberry stood his ground. His three pet rabbits poked their heads out from behind one of the curtains, worried about what would happen next. A thick tension filled the air, so strong that it made it difficult for Aizen just to breath. Some sort of aura was emitting from Strawberry's body; they were like long, thick strands of paper, wrapping around his arms and legs to restrain him.

Suddenly, a strange smell wafted past Aizen's nostrils.

"Huh? What's that smell? Is that...ramen?" Aizen blinked.

"Shit...it's him again. Look, you better leave! Right now!" Strawberry ordered, waving the tip of his blade dangerously close to Aizen's left eye.

"Hey, you can't kick me out of my own mind, dammit! What's going on here?"

"I can't say much more!" A tall, mysterious figure began to emerge from the hallway behind Strawberry, carrying a bowl of steaming hot instant noodles in his hands. This strange man had long, slick black hair, and his lips were twisted into a shrewd smirk. Aizen did not recognize him at all. For some reason, the darkness seemed to be pouring out of the very pores on his skin.

"That's all, folks-"

* * *

"Ah!"

Aizen's eyes snapped wide open. He was lying in his bed in his apartment. Sunlight was shining in through the window, lighting up the entire room. Gin and Tousen were both absent from their own beds. The alarm clock on Aizen's nightstand said that it was currently one in the afternoon. Normally, he would have slept in even later, but that was the least of his worries at the moment.

'Damn...it really was a dream...but it felt so real...and who was that weird guy at the end?'

Recalling what Strawberry had said before, Aizen decided to look at his calender. Most of the days were filled in as either free or drug days, but the next Sunday coming up for him had the words 'SOSUKE FAMILY REUNION' written in the box in red ink. Aizen's face fell. He was going to have to see his parents, his twin brother, and the rest of his relatives again for the first time in years.

"...Fuck."


	50. The Ominous Ramen Man

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: There will probably only be one more long arc after this and alot of new one-shot chapters before the fic actually ends. Also, slight spoilers for upcoming Bleach chapters as well, although it's just about the ramen guy's real name.

* * *

_A few days after the previous chapter..._

Sosuke Aizen was not very fond of his family, to say the least. His parents were a little too immature for his tastes, and his twin brother was an obnoxious goody-goody. He didn't see the rest of his relatives enough to get a good idea of how they acted, but he had a ominous feeling that they were annoying too. Along with all of that, Aizen was still curious about who that long-haired man with the ramen was that appeared in his dream. Strawberry hadn't spoken to him since that time, either. A cold chill suddenly ran down his spine; maybe something bad had happened to him?

"Hey, Aizen..."

Turning his attention away from the window, the peaceful countryside zooming past at a hurried speed, Aizen looked over towards Gin and Matsumoto, who were sitting together in the row of seats across from him. Sitting in nearby seats as well were Tousen and Kira; they were busy chatting away about the current economic situation all over the world. Since Aizen didn't want to have to go alone to his parents' place, which was located a few miles outside of Karakura, he decided to just force the others to come with him. At the moment they were on a bus very early in the morning, so they were the only ones there aside from the bus driver himself. Komamura, being a dog, couldn't come, so he was being watched by Tousen's friend Hisagi.

"Did we really have to come with you to this stupid little family reunion? I mean, if you ask me, this is all pretty gay, and meeting your family is not something I would consider as a good way to spend the weekend" Gin said without a hint of reluctance in choosing his words. Aizen scowled.

"Oh, shut up; even if you didn't come you'd just be wasting your time doing some other sort of pointless activity, so be grateful!"

"It's pretty odd to see you so nervous and worked up,"

"Yeah...? W-Well..."

"To be honest, it really freaks me out."

"Once this is all over, I'll be a cocky, sarcastic douchebag again! I promise!"

"Do you swear it?"

"Yes!"

"...Pinky swear?"

"Stop being such a faggot!"

"C'mon, Gin, don't act like that," Matsumoto interjected, her arms folded underneath her generous bosom, "This could be a very interesting experience. I'm pretty excited myself; it's been a long time since I've chatted with Mrs. Sosuke. I wonder if she'll remember me..."

"She probably will; she tends to remember alot of little pointless things," Aizen rolled his eyes.

"Hey! I'm not pointless! Take it back!"

"Never! You hear me, you big-tittied bitch? Never!"

"Well, whatever. I don't need compliments from someone like you to make me feel good about myself."

"My insults...they have failed me!"

"Wait...what the hell are you two talking about?" Gin felt something very akin to fear swelling up inside of him; why did his girlfriend know his best friend's mother, and apparently on friendly terms, even? He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to that.

"I'm a bit worried that you might have inherited your jackass personality from your father, so I want to see the man who aided in your birth for myself," Tousen spoke up. Kira nodded in agreement.

Aizen scowled. "Go to hell, all of you!"

Suddenly, the bus slowly screeched to a stop, and the door folded open, followed soon by the sound of footsteps. Aizen leaned back in his chair and returned his gaze to the window. He saw a small field of tall, yellowing grass, and placed near its center was a tiny lake inhabited by a couple of geese. Aizen pondered to himself on whether fried goose would taste good or not. The footsteps on the bus drew closer. Aizen would have ignored whoever had just gotten onto the bus, if that person hadn't called out to him.

"Do you mind if I sit here? I don't like sitting in the back of the bus,"

"Hell..." Aizen glanced up; staring back at him was the man from his dream, the ramen man, with long, silky-looking black hair and an obnoxiously smug grin that was practically anger-inducing, "...no?"

"Was that a statement or a question?" the ramen man asked.

"Umm...uh...you..."

"Let him sit down! I ain't got all day, ya know!" barked the bus driver; he was a rather lanky, ugly-looking man with long arms and dreadlocks, and a name-tag that read 'Demora'. He was especially upset that day since his best friend Iceringer had gone and stolen his girlfriend from him.

"Huh?" Aizen was so distracted by the sudden appearance of the ramen man that he hadn't heard the driver's orders.

"SIT DOWN! SIT DOWN SIT DOWN SIT DOWN! DO I HAVETA SMACK YA WITH SOMETHING HARD, YA PIECE OF SHIT PRETTY BOY? LET DA MAN SIT DOWN! FUCK!"

"Okay...fine...geez, don't go having a seizure..."

Looking rather satisfied, the ramen man sat down beside Aizen, who scooted a little closer to the window. Gin, Matsumoto, Tousen and Kira were now talking amongst themselves. Soon, the bus's wheels began to roll again, and they continued down the winding path. There was a brief, but heavy silence on the bus, and then the ramen man started to speak. His voice was calm and friendly, but it also contained a sort of deeply hidden malice within it.

"My name is Ginjou Kuugo. You...are Sosuke Aizen, correct?"

"No. My real name is actually the Duke of Yellerland, and I own a mansion and a yacht," Aizen rolled his eyes; he was trying his best to keep his cool.

"Eh? Really?"

"Obviously, that was a lie."

The man named Ginjou Kuugo shrugged his broad shoulders. "You can never be too careful about what is a lie and what isn't these days,"

"Some lies should be obvious even to paranoid people, but I doubt that's the reason why you've come out of my dreams to talk to me...right?" Although Aizen had no proof whether this man was actually the same one in his dream, the expression Kuugo wore in response confirmed it.

"Oh, so you remember me? I'd be flattered to hear that, but only if you were that busty red-head over there instead." Kuugo chuckled softly under his breath.

"What do you want? Who are you?"

"I'm just an unfortunate soul who had the sad fate of discovering a terrible truth...a terrible truth regarding you, the man inside your head and all of Karakura Town. I believe his name was Strawberry, or something very fruity close to that. I don't know why I was able to find out the things I now know, and I wish I never did, but there is nothing I can do about it now but take matters into my own hand. "

"You know, this is getting freakier with every passing second. I've never even told any of my friends about that Strawberry bastard, and yet you seem to be an expert on the inner workings of my fucked-up brain. Are you sure you're not a bizarre hallucination that I'm having from eating nachos and smoking weed at the same time? And what's this about a terrible truth?"

"Hmm...well, I'd tell you more about what's happening, but unfortunately, at the moment I cannot."

"Why not?"

"It wouldn't be very fun if I spoiled everything from the get-go, now would it? I have a few more things I must accomplish before the day is done. Besides, Strawberry will make alot more sense than me if you ask him about it...and you will be able to eventually. However, I don't recommend getting too hung-up about all of this. You should have fun at your family reunion, and relax. Your last moments should be happy ones! I'm not going to kill you, I just want to show you the truth, because I think you deserve to know it most of all out of anyone."

"You're a psychotic bastard, and I highly doubt that; he's just about as much of a cryptic-talking junkie as you seem to be!"

"Ha ha ha. We'll see about that; I can't help but love to talk in a mysterious way to piss people off. We'll be seeing each other again very soon, Aizen; I just wanted to find out a little more about you through direct conversation. In any case, I best be going now...until then, good-bye."

Before Aizen could even say anything, Kuugo was gone, vanishing into thin air. Oddly enough, no one aside from Aizen actually seemed to notice.

"Uh...Gin...that guy with the long hair sitting next to me...didn't he just-?"

"Huh? What guy? What are you talking about? I thought you were Captain Unbeatable Butterfly, not some pansy worrying about invisible men!"

"N-Never mind..."

Sighing, Aizen read the flashing numbers on his digital wristwatch; it wouldn't be too long before they would arrive at their destination. The mysteries concerning Strawberry continued to pile up. Something told Aizen that this was going to be a very, very long day in more ways than one.

'Damn, my life sucks...'


	51. The Cousin In White

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: It's been a bit harder with writing these chapters. Maybe once Bleach gets a bit more interesting again I'll be more motivated or something. Also, Chrisalis' name is indeed a bad pun involving the made-up name for Aizen's first transformation. Reviews are greatly appreciated as well.

* * *

The location of the Sosuke Family Reunion was a small 'second home' that Aizen's parents had purchased, although they rarely used it themselves. In fact, the Sosuke family was actually quite rich. However, because Aizen didn't like interacting with his parents much, and because the reason he moved out in the first place was to be more independent, he chose to remain poor by his own violation. Whether this could be seen as a foolish thing to do is left up to one's own interpretation. Gin and Tousen were not allowed to find out about this for many obvious reasons.

"So...this is it, huh?"

"Yeah..."

"Hold me, I'm scared."

"Hell no!"

After departing from the bus, and after apologizing to the infuriated bus driver (although no one but Aizen seemed to remember why he was angry in the first place), Aizen, Gin, Tousen, Matsumoto and Kira found themselves at an old, abandoned plantation. Several cars of various colors and sizes were parked haphazardly on top of what was once a site for growing corn. It seemed that, despite living relatively close, Aizen was the last one to arrive. A dead tree sat nearby, with a large and menacing vulture perched on top of it, as if to represent a sort of ill omen or foreshadowing. The air reeked of death and alcohol, and also a bit of ginger ale. Truly, it was more like the scene for the climax of a B-grade horror film than a family reunion.

"I don't like this...it's way too unnerving to be a family reunion..." muttered Tousen to himself.

"What're you acting so scared for?" Kira asked, "You got personal training from that crazy old landlord and that guy who looks like a closeted homosexual, didn't you?"

"Eh...well, yeah, I did, but about that whole thing..."

"Huh?"

"Will you two be quiet?" Aizen snapped, glaring at them from over his shoulder, "I'm trying to concentrate here!"

"Concentrate for what?"

"For how I'm going to handle seeing that bunch of humiliating idiots that I have the misfortune of calling my family...!"

"That's pretty harsh, don't you think?" Kira pointed out.

"I never did like them very much."

"I think you're way too hard on your folks," Matsumoto stated, "They may be a little...eccentric sometimes, but they're not bad people!"

"That's just your own opinion!"

"You're just ungrateful!"

"I know alot more about them than you do, obviously!"

'Now I'm REALLY interested in finding out what Aizen's folks are like...!' Tousen thought to himself, his heart pounding in his chest. Although they wouldn't admit it themselves, Kira and Gin felt the same way. Aizen and Matsumoto were still arguing with each other, but when it became apparent that they could not agree, they simply stopped speaking and looked away.

"...Your mullet makes you look like a faggot..."

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Oh, nothing. Don't mind me."

"..."

Suddenly, as the group drew closer to the farmhouse, Aizen felt a chill go down his spine. He could tell that he was being watched. It was a familiar feeling. He immediately turned his eyes up towards the roof of the building. Standing there, with the sunlight pouring off of his back, was a man. However, he did not have any sort of normal appearance. He was covered completely from head to toe in white, and the outfit split off into four sections at his waist. A small black circle was evident in the center of his chest. The only thing that could be seen on the blank canvas that was his face were a pair of intense yellow eyes. With a nimble spin through the air, this bizarre figure landed before Aizen and the others.

"Well, well," the white phantom chuckled, "If it isn't Little Cheesy! Looks like you've actually gone and made yourself some friends!"

"W-Who is this freak...?" Gin whispered into Aizen's ear.

"Also," Tousen butted in, "Why does he call you Little Cheesy?"

Aizen let loose a heavy sigh. "He's my oldest cousin, Sosuke Chrisalis. I have no idea why he calls me Little Cheesy, and I doubt he does either."

"Chrisalis? What the fuck?"

"His dad, my uncle, is a heavy drinker, and he chose the name..."

"Oh. He kinda looks like a big, talking condom, don't you think?"

"Be quiet! He's really sensitive about that! He may not look it, but he's really strong, so he'll kick your ass if you say such stupid things!"

The freak named Chrisalis laughed heartily as he patted his cousin on the shoulder. "C'mon, Little Cheesy, ain't ya gonna introduce me to your friends?"

"You can ask them yourself!" Aizen snapped back, pushing the older man away with a single jab of his elbow. For some reason, he could never feel comfortable around Chrisalis.

"Alright! I'll call you guys...hmm, let's see," Chrisalis looked over Aizen's friends, "Snake-Face, Dreadlocks, Emo Dude, and Hooty McBigBoobers."

"H-Hey! Why do Matsumoto and I get lamer nicknames?" Kira spoke up, obviously disgruntled that someone he had just met was making a bad impression of him.

Of course, Matsumoto agreed. "And my nickname is just disgustingly sexist! I may have a tendency to wear ill-fitting clothes and let my cleavage show whenever I can, and I've been gifted with a rather large pair of breasts, but that doesn't mean-"

"You're saying a bit too much, love." Gin pointed out with a sigh.

"Oh no!"

Chrisalis nodded, then turned his attention back to Aizen. "Ha ha, your friends are funny! I'm sure the rest of the family will like them too...but why did you bring them in the first place, I must ask?"

"There was no way I was gonna come to this place and see you people without some kind of back-up at hand."

Tousen gasped; he had forgotten to make sure there was still one eggo waffle left over in the fridge for when he got back.

"Let's go inside!" Chrisalis started to open the door into the barn, but paused, "By the way, Little Cheesy, your dad went out for a little while. He should be back soon, so at least stay long enough so he can see you. Unlike you, I care about my family members."

"Oh please, gag with me a spoon..."

Chrisalis opened the doorways, and what Gin, Tousen, Matsumoto and Kira saw inside was the most shocking thing to them since finding out Aizen was having a family reunion in the first place. It didn't seem possible, yet it was.

"Mullets...mullets everywhere...and not a drop to drink...no wait, there's some refreshments over there," Gin murmured, his eyes actually open for the first time in days.

Tousen cringed in disgust. "It's like a mullet palooza!"

"Even the women have mullets...and that little kid too!" Matsumoto pointed out.

"I'm gonna have nightmares now." Kira shielded his eyes with his hands.

"SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY!" Aizen snapped at his four friends. Chrisalis chuckled and rolled his eyes. Suddenly, a woman who greatly resembled Aizen (mullet included) jumped up from behind and pulled the young man into a tight embrace. Although she was middle-aged, she had a very youthful appearance, and judging by the way she was acting, she was a playful sort. It was his mother.

"Aizen! It's really you! Oh, mommy has missed you so much! You never call anymore!"

"D-Dammit, mom, let go of me!"

'That's...that's his mother...' Gin and Tousen weren't sure if they could handle any more of these surprises.

Aizen's mother glanced up and noticed Aizen's friends staring back at her with bewildered expressions. In particular, she noticed Matsumoto.

"Hey, you're Rangiku Matsumoto, right? I haven't seen you since you dated my darling little Aizen here in high school!"

"Hey, Mrs. S!" Matsumoto waved.

Poor Gin had a look on his face as if he had just been informed that he was diagnosed with a terminal illness and only had a few months left to live.


	52. Protecting One's Innocence With a Mullet

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I kind of made a mistake with the family name thing, but it probably won't be mentioned anymore after this.

* * *

It took some time before Ichimaru Gin was able to come back to his senses after learning of the shocking past that his best friend and the love of his life once shared. However, although it made him want to vomit just trying to force himself into imagining it, he still greatly desired to know the whole truth. Chrisalis had already gone ahead into the building to find his uncle, while Aizen continued to force his way out of his mother's tightening grasp outside. Unfortunately for the ungrateful bastard, he was having little success in escaping at the moment. Tousen and Kira were also interested in becoming better informed about the past of their friends.

"Gin, why are you so upset? You know that we've been friends since childhood, but had to go to different high schools," Matsumoto explained, "I just didn't tell you anything about it since there wasn't anything between Aizen and I anymore. We didn't even do much together. You're the one that I love the most!"

"I know that! I just...I just can't believe that you two actually dated! I mean, what are the odds that my roommate and best friend would actually be the ex of my girlfriend? It's almost too crazy to be a coincidence!" Gin cried, waving his hands about in an erratic fashion. He was desperately trying to put it all together in his mind, but it was giving him a migraine.

Aizen sighed. "Mom...this is all your fault..."

"My fault?" Aizen's mother snapped up, now changing her hug into a chokehold around Aizen's neck, "I can't help it if I have a good memory! Besides, you and Matsumoto would probably still be together if you weren't such a big baby about taking the next step in your relationship!"

"W-What the hell do you think you're saying in public, mother? Didn't you ever learn not too reveal such private information so carelessly?" Aizen exclaimed.

"Don't you dare talk to me that way after meeting for the first time in so long! Do you think I could ever forget about how you started bawling like a baby, waking up your father, your brother and I, the moment she tried to get your pants off? You were making such a scene that it even woke up some of the neighbors for crying out loud!"

"Why did you have to remember that? Besides, I thought I was being raped!"

"Liar! He consented, right, Matsumoto?" Aizen's mother looked over to the strawberry-blonde, who nodded in response. "See? You did, right?"

"W...Well...I guess I did...but why are we bringing that up now? And I didn't think sex was going to involve what it actually dd! There was no way I could do something like that!"

"It's because you say things like that that all of the boys down the street used to call you a queer!"

"Why do we have to bring that back up again? Just...let...go...of me!"

Gin, oddly enough, began to smile. "Well, that's a relief! Although now I kind of pity you, Aizen, but at the same time, I want to laugh my head off..."

"Kira's already ahead of ya!" Tousen exclaimed as he watched his friend rolling around on the floor, struggling hard not to burst out into a crazed fit of laughter. His face was almost as red as Aizen's was, but it was for a completely different reason. The reality of it was that Kira was thinking back to a hilarious event from the past, and he wasn't actually paying attention to what the others were talking about.

"It's not funny! It was...it was a very traumatic experience for me! That she-devil bitch of yours tried to take advantage of me!" Aizen threw a glare in Matsumoto's direction, but she was not in the least bit fazed by it. "And I really wish we didn't talk about it! It was a good number of years ago anyway!"

"Don't worry, I won't hold it against you..." Gin remarked, but then muttered quietly under his breath, "Cap'n Unbeatable VIRGIN Butterfly..."

"I HEARD THAT! AND YOU HAVEN'T CALLED ME 'CAPTAIN' IN A LONG TIME!"

"Yeah, I think I forgot about that, to tell the truth."

"Me too."

Suddenly, Aizen's mother released her son from the chokehold. Although it had seemed at first that she was just playing around, there was a noticeable bruise on Aizen's neck. "Well, in any case, since you are all good friends of my son Aizen, there's no problem at all with you joining us at our reunion! I really want to catch up on things with you too, Matsumoto!"

"Ha ha, same here, Mrs. A!"

Aizen rubbed his neck, coughing. "W-Why didn't you just say that in the first place...?"

Inside the farmhouse was the other members of Aizen's family who had arrived for the reunion. Nearly everyone there had a mullet, except for a select few from Aizen's father's side. Despite the bitter man's claims to the contrary, it really did look like the kind of family that Aizen would fit into, or at least blend into. Tousen was mildly surprised at just how friendly and welcoming these people were compared to the mullet-haired bastard they're so familiar with. Aizen's mother and Matsumoto had already gone off somewhere into the crowd to chat amongst themselves.

"You know what would be really good?"

"What?"

"FLYING...PANTS!"

"Holy shit, you're right!"

'These people are a little weird...' Gin thought. 'But...I feel at ease with them all the same,'

At the same time, Chrisalis was giving Tousen a very thorough look-over, and he said, "You know, don't be offended by this, but you look like the kind of guy who could be forgotten easily..."

"I get that alot, to be honest," Tousen solemnly turned his head away.

"Oh...I'm sorry...by the way, I want you to meet my father, who's Aizen's uncle,"

"Hello there, sir. Nice to meet...uh..." Tousen abruptly lost his train of thought when he laid his eyes upon Chrisalis's father. The tall and imposing figure resembled the majority of Aizen's family, except he had no eyebrows, much longer hair, and what appeared to be butterfly wings emerging from his back.

"What the hell?"

Aizen wiped away the beads of sweat that were clinging to his brow, sighing. The heat inside the tightly packed barn was overwhelming, and the drinks available did little to be of any use. There was a large number of places he would have much rather been at at this very moment. Large crowds made him uncomfortable, and his family just reminded him of how different and out of place he really is. There was no way he would openly express his feelings about this to anyone, though. It was bad enough his friends had found out about his inability to cope with intimacy, so humiliating himself further was not a pleasant idea.

He thought back to what had happened on the bus, and that creepy Kuugo Ginjou fellow. The fact that he knew about Strawberry, who existed only inside Aizen's mind, and he was able to somehow vanish from sight as well as erase everyone's (but Aizen's) memories of him, proved without a doubt that he was definitely nowhere near a normal human being. Just thinking back to that cocky little grin he wore sent a shiver up Aizen's spine; there was definitely some malice hidden behind it.

'Damn...when this is all over, I'm gonna go and find that son of a bitch...'

"Hi, Aizen," said Kuugo Ginjou, waving as he walked past with a bowl of steaming-hot ramen in his hands. Aizen's mouth fell agape.

'I...I FOUND HIM ALREADY!'

Aizen grabbed hold of Ginjou's sleeve and forcefully dragged the man over into a secluded corner, not caring in the slightest that ramen was spilling all over the floor.

"Oi! Dude! You're fucking up my ramen!"

"Quiet, you!"

Once they were out of earshot from his family and friends, Aizen slammed his knee against Ginjou's abdomen, nearly causing the older-looking man to vomit. "Ha, it looks like I can hit you after all, so you're not some weird apparition. Now tell me what the hell are you doing here...!" Aizen snarled through clenched teeth. It took a few seconds for Ginjou to stop coughing and spitting up tiny chunks of noodles and fish cake on Aizen's shirt.

"I...I told you we'd meet again at the family reunion, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but this is way too soon, don't you think? You're supposed to wait a while longer before you show up again!"

"I'm allowed to do whatever I want. By the time this is all over, nothing will even matter anymore, so stop whining about it."

Aizen took a few steps back, giving Ginjou an odd look. "...Just who or what are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Ginjou smirked.

"Yes, I would. Please tell me?"

"I ain't telling you shit. Not yet, anyway. I gotta wait until the moment is right."

"It's not making you look any cooler by doing that, you know."

Ginjou actually looked taken aback by Aizen's insulting comment. "S-Shut up! It's my choice! In any case, my dear friend Aizen, you should be very careful, because once my comrades arrive, then things will be getting a little...hectic."

Aizen violently grabbed Ginjou by the shirt, shouting into the stoic man's face, "What do you plan to do, you son of a bitch?"

"Just ask Strawberry. Look, I can't stay and chat. I got stuff to do; toodles!"

"Wha-?" Once again, in the height of the tension, Ginjou vanished from sight. Aizen cursed under his breath; for some reason, it looked like it was his responsibility alone to ensure that nothing bad happened at this family reunion. He was about to go and do something, anything that might be helpful in preparing for whatever Ginjou had in mind, when a familiar voice called out to him.

"...Brother?"

It was a young man, somewhere in his early 20s, with short brown hair and glasses. His face resembled Aizen's to a T. He looked quite concerned about how stressed Aizen seemed. He was someone that Aizen had known since birth, and although they lived together for their whole childhoods, they operated completely different in terms of personality and interests.

"Oh...it's you...my goody-two-shoes of a twin brother." Aizen scowled.


	53. A Brief Transition Into The Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Due to being busy with other things and the like, this chapter is a bit shorter than most of the previous ones, although it gets together the main setting for the rest of this little arc in the plotline.

* * *

_Directly after what had happened in the previous chapter..._

"Ugh..." Aizen grumbled under his breath as he stormed across the room.

"Is something the matter, brother?" Aizen's twin brother called out from behind him, following just a few steps behind.

"Don't 'brother' me! You know how annoying I find you! Go away!"

"Oh come on," Aizen's twin sighed, "There's no reason for you to be like that. As twins, we should be able to share a deep mental and emotional connection, but it takes a combined effort to do so...stop being so pessimistic all the time!"

"I think YOU should stop being so optimistic all the time!" Aizen snapped back over his shoulder, "You're always looking at the bright side of things, no matter how bad the situation is!"

"Well, if I don't, then who will? Anyway, I have no intention of spending the whole reunion having to argue with you, Sosuke. However, there is one thing I want to know..."

Aizen had a good idea of what was coming next. "...What is it?"

"Eh...d-did you give Hinamori my c-c-cellphone number like I asked the last time we saw each other?" Aizen's twin looked incredibly nervous as he asked about the girl he not-so-secretly had a crush on. As usual, Aizen failed to notice the incredible irony of the situation. The mullet-haired man stared thoughtfully at his brother for a brief moment before replying.

"I did..."

"A-And?" Aizen-brother's eyes lit up with excitement. For some reason, he was the only person Aizen ever felt a bit of guilt about ruining the hopes and dreams of.

"Well, you never got a call from her, did you?"

Aizen's brother drew back, as if his heart was physically breaking apart. "N-N-No...I didn't...never..."

"She doesn't seem to be interested in you at all, even though I told her we were twins and I showed her a picture of you. She thought you looked like a rapist. I wish she fell in love with you, because that would mean she could leave me the hell alone!"

"I...I see..."

"Besides, she's not a lesbian; she isn't attracted to pussies like you!"

"That was...that was an awful joke..."

"J-Just go away! I'm not in the mood right now for this!" Aizen really wanted a drink right now, but it had to be something with alcohol in it. For some reason, his head was pounding like crazy, and he could hear a faint ringing in the distance. There was a voice too, a familiar one, but he just couldn't quite tell who it was. It was yelling.

All of the sudden, the bespectacled Aizen look-alike pulled his brother into a tight embrace. "There's no need to push yourself away from the people who care about you! We...we can help!" He was still crying on the inside over finding out Hinamori had rejected him. It was not a very pleasant experience for either of the brothers. It didn't help that Aizen's twin brother had the gripping strength of a pro-wrestler.

"Let go of me, you imbecile!" Aizen screamed, waving his arms and legs about like some kind of madman. 'Doesn't anyone in my whole family understand the concept of keeping one's hands to themselves?'

"It's so tragic! So, so tragic...!"

"Y-You're crushing...my r-ribs...gaah..."

Suddenly, the voice that Aizen had heard, the one screaming out in the distance, drew steadily closer. He recognized it immediately; it was Strawberry's. Aizen felt something deep inside his chest begin to ache. His head was pounding, his breathing became labored, and his eyes were losing focus. He wanted to scream, he wanted to run, but he couldn't move at all. In the distance, standing there with a wry smirk on his lips, was Ginjou Kuugo. Two other men were standing beside him, but Aizen had never seen either of them before. Then there were flashes of red and white. He felt like he was drowning and he couldn't keep his head up above the waves for much longer. Just what was going on?

"Huh? Uh, Sosuke, are you okay?" Aizen's brother inquired; his previous depressed state was now replaced with concern for his brother's strange and sudden silence. A low, growling moan escaped Aizen's lips. No one else seemed to be acting strangely the same way that Aizen was, nor could any of them see Ginjou and his cohorts. The ground started to vibrate violently, and the floorboards under his feet burst apart.

Then...there was nothing at all but the darkness. This only lasted for a second or two.

* * *

Aizen's eyes snapped wide open immediately. He was still standing, but instead of inside the farmhouse, he was now in what appeared to be a vast, lonely desert in the middle of the night. There were a few dead trees and lopsided stone pillars that riddled the scenery. Far off into the distance stood a rounded structure, like a castle or a mansion. The eerie silence was broken by the rumbling howl of some foreign beast, hidden from view. Aizen cursed under his breath.

"This is a little better than being stuck at the family reunion," he murmured under his breath, "But not by much..."

Then, Aizen slowly peered over his shoulder, and he saw his twin brother, Chrisalis, Gin, Tousen, Kira and Matsumoto standing there all together.

"Damn it all!"

Gin smirked proudly. 'I'm glad I'm annoying him...'


	54. The Desert's Forest

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Sorry about things being a little confusing or poorly-written; I wasn't feeling too well at the time with writing this chapter.

* * *

"What in the world is this place?"

Kaname Tousen turned his eyes up towards the illuminating moon that hung in the dark sky above their heads. It glowed with an eerie, greenish-white light; this definitely wasn't the same moon he was so accustomed to seeing many times in his life before. It looked like it might fall at any moment upon them, mercilessly crushing them underneath its massive weight. Tousen gulped. Just like all of the others, he had no idea what was going on. The last thing he could remember doing was trying to figure out how to properly react to meeting Chrisalis' bizarre-looking father. Maybe it was a good thing this had happened, after all.

"...This is a desert, isn't it? Why...why...why are we in a desert?" Aizen's twin brother stammered in utter disbelief, his face pale and his hands quivering. Ever since he was a child, he had been a little emotionally frail (much to Aizen's annoyance), so this sudden and shocking turn of events had been a little too much for him to take in right away. His heart was pounding against the inside of his chest so strongly that it seemed like it could burst out at any moment. Of course, that was completely understandable considering the situation.

Gin and Matsumoto were too busy staring at the sibling of Aizen to say anything. It didn't take long before the bespectacled young man took notice of this. Kira was too busy curled up on the floor in fetal position to notice what any of the others were doing.

"I-Is something the matter?"

"Who are you?"

"Oh! I've never gotten a chance to introduce myself to my brother's friends! My name...it's Sasuke! It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for being friends with an emotionally difficult man like my brother." Sasuke took off his glasses and bowed his head before the couple.

'WHO is the emotionally difficult man here...? And can't you refer to me as something a bit less embarrassing?' Aizen scowled as he glared at the three of them from over his shoulder.

Matsumoto giggled. "You act just like Aizen used to back when we first started dating in high school; so innocent and naive...just the way I like them," The strawberry-blonde licked her lips in a lustful manner.

"Eh?" Sasuke and Gin replied together in perfect unison.

"Just kidding!"

"Oh."

Chrisalis, who had so far shown himself to be a rather laid-back individual (with some bipolar tendencies), was actually more concerned than anyone else about the current events taking place. "This is no time to be joking around, you know?" he exclaimed, his charcoal-black eyes bulging wide, "What are we doing in a desert all of the sudden? Why is the moon up there in the sky when it was only midday back when we were at the farmhouse? Where is everyone else from the reunion? This is really serious!"

"If anything, I think we were knocked out by some sort of strong, odorless gas during the reunion, taken away in groups, and then dumped out here in this remote area...but I can't begin to fathom why that would happen..." Tousen was trying his best to come up with a logical explanation for all of this, although even he was doubtful of his own claims.

Suddenly, Chrisalis gasped, as if something very shocking had dawned upon him at that moment. "Maybe it was the FBI! Those sons of bitches have been on my tail for a while now!" he proclaimed.

"The FBI is part of the U.S. government, you know...and I don't think they would do something as nonsensical as abandon a bunch of people in the middle of a desert, you know?" At least, Tousen hooped that they didn't.

Chrisalis slapped his forehead in a comical manner. "Oh, yeah, that's right. Silly me!"

"Why is the FBI after you, anyway?"

"It's a long story. I don't feel like talking about it."

"Then don't even bother bringing it up; you're just gonna make me too curious about it to even be able to think straight!"

"I want my mommy...I want my daddy...I want my limited-edition Nappa action figure...!" Kira sobbed loudly into his palms as he continued to roll around in a small mound of white sand.

Unable to stand around and listen to their inane jabbering any longer, Aizen turned to face the group. He was about to tell them all off, most likely through the combined use of both unnecessarily harsh words and nitpicking extensively at their personal faults, but our mullet-haired anti-hero found himself unable to do so.

His eyes were immediately drawn towards the large, swirling cloud of dust that was forming about a mile away. It seemed to be gradually moving closer and closer to their position. Something was rising out from underneath the sand. It definitely didn't seem like it wanted to come over and just say 'hello'. Aizen spun around on the tip of his heels and started running as fast as his legs could carry him. The immense terror had left him without a voice to warn the others of the oncoming danger. Either that, or he really just didn't care what happened to them.

"Where the hell is he going?" Chrisalis asked aloud. Suddenly, he felt something slimy wrap around his right ankle, and he was violently pulled underneath the sand against his own will. Gin cursed very, very loudly. Something akin to an explosion soon followed, sending a massive spray of sand into the air, and knocking back everyone who was standing close by. A bizarre-looking monster, like nothing that had ever been seen before, arose from the sandy depths. It had the body of a turtle, the head of an elephant, and three lengthy noses that resembled boa constrictors. Its face was hidden behind a skull mask covered with intricate, red stripes. It was about as tall as an average-sized house, and as wide as one too.

Almost immediately, Tousen buried his face into his palms. "What the hell is this?" He had never seen anything more ridiculous in his entire life.

"Bwa ha ha ha ha! It looks so stupid! It's hilarious!" Gin was clutching his sides in pain as he laughed madly at the top of his lungs. For some reason, they weren't taking the situation very seriously, despite the fact that they had just witnessed Chrisalis be pulled under by this monstrosity. Even Matsumoto was having a hard time keeping herself from chuckling. Aizen was still running, although he tripped every now and then, as he wasn't used to the bumps and curves of the sand.

The strange creature growled indignantly, and raised one of its clawed hooves to strike down its next meal...but suddenly it froze in mid-action. Gin and the others stopped and watched in curiosity of what would happen next. The monster was overcome with a brief but violent trembling all over its scaly body before it rolled over onto its side, dead. Chrisalis crawled out of its gaping maw a few minutes later.

"Phew!" Chrisalis wiped away the blood and saliva clinging to his face, "It was a good thing I tore out its heart from the inside!" He held up a small, dark-gray sphere and carelessly tossed it off to the side. For some reason, he was the only one not impressed or surprised by his own success at killing a giant monster from the inside that had just swallowed him whole seconds ago.

"YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT A NORMAL PERSON, ARE YOU?" Everyone else shouted back at him.

"Huh?"

* * *

Aizen wasn't sure how long he had been running, but by this point the others were so far back behind that he could hardly see them anymore. As he continued to run, he started to ponder to himself on whether his choice of action during a time of conflict had really been an appropriate one or not.

'Hmm...I don't hear any bitter screams of agony and pain...does that mean no one was killed by that thing? I guess I shouldn't have run away like that, huh? Damn, there's no way I can go back now though; everyone saw me dash off, and they, especially Gin, would never let me leave it down for abandoning them and acting like a pansy. They'll probably tug on my mullet while laughing at the salty tears pouring down my cheeks. Since when have I been so descriptive? There's got to be something I can do!'

Suddenly, as if to answer his questions, the ground underneath Aizen's feet gave way, and he tumbled into the darkness below. What he saw completely shocked him: trees. Thousands of tall, silvery trees all around.

'What the - is that a forest? How the fuck is there a forest underneath a desert? What the hell? How-'

Aizen smashed face-first against the floor before he could even think another word.


	55. Birth By Sleep

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: So sorry about the long hiatus, but with things looking a bit brighter, I may be able to get in a few new chapters before harder assignments start in my classes. I also apologize about this chapter being rather short, but it's main purpose is to help show that I still intend to work on this story.

And for now, Aizen will be gone, so basically this story is no longer about his life in the time being...oops.

* * *

Sosuke Aizen was dead.

Of course, this was to be expected. No normal person could have survived such a fall, while the impact with the floor only served to snap his neck and shatter nearly every bone in his body. Locks of his silky brown mullet were caked with white sand and his own blood. His eyes were glazed over, unblinking. Shining down from the hole above that he had fallen through, a single beam of light illuminated his corpse.

Suddenly, a pair of shimmering, red lights appeared in the middle of the darkness that surrounded Aizen's motionless body. The lights lurched forward, and they were soon followed by more and more pairs of lights, each a different size and position. Very cautiously, a gigantic, bony hand reached out into the light. A low grunt could be heard coming from the owner of the hand. One of the lights blinked, and then moaned in response. A few screeches bellowed from a distance. The lights continued to argue amongst themselves, when suddenly, Aizen was lifted up like a rag doll, snatched away. Soon, all of the lights had disappeared back into the darkness...

* * *

"Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hell-"

"I think that 'push here' sign is indicating how to open the door."

"Oh! Silly me! I should have read that first! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha-"

"JUST OPEN IT."

"Fine, no need to be so grumpy."

Chrisalis pressed his palm against the wall, and the others watched in amazement as a rectangular section of the wall pulled back, revealing a darkened passageway leading inside. After a long and difficult trek across the sandy landscape, Gin, Tousen and the others had finally reached the strange castle-like structure. The building consisted mainly of a massive dome surrounded by four looming towers. It was quite eerie to find a seemingly empty fortress in the middle of a dessert, but at the moment, it was their best bet at hopefully finding out just what was going.

"Hey, Chrisalis, is it safe?" Matsumoto asked, gently nudging against the white-clad man's back.

"Why do I have to do everything? I'm just as afraid of this as you guys are!"

"What are you talking about? You tore out the heart of a monster with your bare hands from inside it...!"

"It wasn't that hard, really."

"Huh?"

"Let's just go inside."

Chrisalis hesitated for a brief moment before taking the first step inside. There was a loud click, and then a single light flickered on, revealing a long, spacious corridor in front of them. The walls and floor were caked in dust and tiny white rocks all over. Chrisalis sniffed the air like a dog; there was a faint scent of 'death' nearby...or at least, he thought it was, since he didn't smell death too often. However, he didn't bother mentioning it to the others as they followed his lead.

Sasuke gulped. "H-Hey...do you guys think that my brother went here?"

Gin and Tousen quickly exchanged expressions of doubt; even though Aizen had left his friends for dead, neither of them could believe that he would already be here considering his speed and all of the sand that made running difficult. If anything, there was a very good chance that Aizen had already fallen victim to another monster out in the desert. There was sick satisfaction to be found in that belief. Still, it was Aizen's turn to go grocery-shopping next week, so they needed him alive.

"I'm so confused..." Kira murmured, delusional with fear and confusion, "I don't understand where we are...I want to go home..."

"It'll be okay, Kira, it'll be alright," Matsumoto spoke in a gentle voice, and gave her friend a gentle pat on the shoulder.

"I'm afraid of deserts...so much sand, and the loneliness...ever since I was a kid, I've been terrified of the idea of being stuck in one..."

"There was a pretty low chance of that happening, though."

"THAT'S WHAT I WAS DEPENDING ON, BUT NOW LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED!"

Chrisalis stuck out his hand towards Kira. "Quiet. I hear something."

Everyone halted, waiting with bated breath. Straining his ears, Gin was able to make out the sound of something scuffling...on the ceiling.

"Hola!"

Tousen glanced downward, and let out a girlish scream. A creature that generally resembled a leopard stripped of its skin and muscle had spontaneously appeared out of nowhere. A skeletal bat dropped from the darkness of the ceiling and landed on the tiger's back. They both bowed their heads. Chrisalis and the others jumped back, expecting an attack, but nothing happened.

"I am Grimmjow." The leopard spoke.

"Ulquiorra." grumbled the bat.

'Wait a minute...Grimmjow and Ulquiorra?' Gin thought. He remembered being forced to babysit two kids with those names a long time back.

"If you're here to see the man in charge, then you've come at a bad time; he's currently out on important business." Grimmjow explained with what was probably the most flat expression known to man...or monster. He probably hated his job, and if Tousen had had the time to do so, he would have sat down with Grimmjow and tried to help him understand his problems a little better. Ulquiorra grumbled something underneath his breath.

"So...what should we do, then?"

"You can leave, is what I think you should do."

"But there's monsters out there! They tried to eat us! Would you really send a bunch of bright-eyed youths like ourselves out into such deadly circumstances? Have you no shame, sir? Have...you...no...shame?"

"Not really," Grimmjow shrugged, "I don't even really exist in the same reality that you do."

"Huh?"

Grimmjow shrugged, but then his eyes grew wide in terror. Without a word, he quickly darted off down the hall with Ulquiorra clinging to his tail. Sasuke was about to call out to him, although he soon realized what had frightened the creature off. A man with messy brown hair, purple markings around his slit-like eyes, and an eccentric style of clothing was hovering a few feet over Matsumoto's head. He raised a hand and waved at them, revealing his long fingernails.

He opened his mouth, fully prepared to make a speech, yet he was unfortunately cut off when Matsumoto violently thrust him face-first onto the floor by pulling his leg.

"How dare you try to stare down my cleavage without me realizing, you bastard?"

"No, I...I..." The man's nose was covered in his own blood.

"Don;t you know it ain't smart to mess with another man's girl?" Gin knelt down beside the injured man and gave his best 'gangster' impression, "If I had a gun or even knew how to properly wield firearms, I might need to...uh, I've lost my train of thought. Who are you anyway?"

"...My name is Muramasa. I happen to live here."

"Are you 'the man in charge' that Grimmjow told us about...?"

"Actually, I work for the man in charge, and he sent me to escort you to his royal chamber."

Little did any of them know that what they were about to discover would probably change everything that they had ever believed in...and it would all involve their 'friend' Sosuke Aizen.


	56. A Fast Forward In Time

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I apologize for about what happened involving 'The Life of Sosuke Aizen' having this rather long hiatus, but I realized that I had made a terrible mistake by taking a rather 'mysterious and serious' route and trying to involve 'original characters' into the matter of the story. I sort of lost my way and was unable to come up with enough good stuff, and I kind of jumped the shark, I suppose. That's why I'm going to make an attempt here by just dropping the current arc and skipping ahead in time to what was supposed to be the final part of the fic. It's also a bit serious in terms of story, but still will have humor, and it involves pretty much everyone who hasn't appeared yet, mainly 11th Division and the Vizards. I'll try to keep continuing it if readers still like it enough.

Besides, it's not like anything really noteworthy happens by the end of the arc I left off on. I'll do my best with this last one.

* * *

"Hey, look at that!"

"What? What is it?"

"It's raining outside,"

"...So?"

"Well, I just thought I should let you know, in case you were planning to go out-"

"For crying out loud! Why'd the hell you freak out over just a bit of rain? I thought you might be dying of constipation or heart failure or something! Next time, why don't you think more carefully about what you're gonna go screaming like a retard for?"

"C...Constipation? Uh, why are you so mad, Gin?"

"I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY OWN GIRLFRIEND WOULD DITCH ME TO GO WATCH SOME ANIME MOVIE WITH HER MANAGER OF ALL PEOPLE! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT? IT'S...IT'S LUDICROUS!"

"Well, she and Kira are friends, after all-"

"He's a grown man! He shouldn't be watching anime! Those little cartoons are for children!"

"Well, the people who make anime are grown men themselves, you know."

"...Dammit...you got me there..."

"Which movie did they go see?"

"As if I care! Something about...Gundam or whatever!"

"Huh? Really? The new one is out already? I gotta get over to the movie theater sometime later this week before they stop showing it..."

"I'm surrounded by adults who have fallen from grace."

"By the way, where's Aizen?"

"The last I saw him he said he was going out to pick up some things at the store."

"BWA HA HA HA HA! AND NOW IT'S RAINING! HA HA HA HA! I HOPE THAT GODDAMN MULLET OF YOURS IS SOAKED ALL THE WAY THROUGH, AIZEN!"

"Gin...it might have been a bad idea to try to get you to stop doing drugs, after all..."

Gin careened his head to look over at Tousen. Even though the fox-like man's eyes were still closed, Tousen could tell that his friend was sending him a really nasty look right now. Tousen winced and returned his attention to Komamura, who was currently chewing on one of his newest toys.

* * *

_Meanwhile, around that same time, at the local mart, as the rain poured down heavily upon the city and its inhabitants..._

Sosuke Aizen was the kind of man that could be compared to being either a glass half-empty or a glass half-full, depending on the circumstances. He had recalled looking at the weather report sometime earlier that day, and it had reported a high possibility of rain in the afternoon, but he foolishly chose not to take heed of these warnings. Now, after having bought several canisters of hair gel and an eyebrow-trimmer, he was stuck staring outside the store window as the rain flowed downward from the heavens.

"Gaah..." Aizen's mouth hung agape.

"Umm, sir?" The girl behind the cash register called out to him, as he was the only customer actually inside the store, "If you're worried about the rain, you can always buy one of our umbrellas...we're having a sale!"

"...How cruel."

"Huh?"

Aizen whipped around, his eyes bulging wide, his index finger pointed accusingly at the girl. "It's cruel of you to attempt to take advantage of my current despair just to get more money out of me! You low-income employees are truly the worst of the worst! I may still be wearing a mullet in this day and age, but I am not one to be easily duped!"

"B-But, sir...I was just trying to help?" the woman waved her hands in front of her. Aizen let out a heavy sigh.

"Yes, you're right, I suppose you can't just give me an umbrella for free..."

"Yes,"

Aizen suddenly burst out laughing like a madman. "BUT I WON'T GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION OF ME BUYING ONE! BWA HA HA HA!" he cackled. "JUST AS PLANNED!"

"Eh?" The counter girl was seriously considering to ask for a resignation.

"MY MULLET MAY SUFFER, BUT IT'S A PRICE TO PAY! SAYONARA, DIPSTICK!"

Aizen darted towards the automatic doors as quickly as his lanky legs could carry him. However, the doors suddenly slid apart to allow a young man to step inside barely a few seconds before Aizen could reach it. He was carrying a sky-blue umbrella over his head, blonde straight-cut hair hung down to his jaw, and the cheshire grin he wore revealed his predominant upper teeth. Aizen halted in front of the man; he instantly recognized the face of this seemingly inconspicuous stranger.

"What the hell? You...you're Hirako Shinji?"

The man snickered softly under his breath. "We haven't seen each other in a while, Aizen, and yet you still remember me? I guess your mullet hasn't sapped away all of your intelligence, after all, heh heh heh..."

"Hey, you used to have a hair style VERY similar to a mullet back then, ya know?" Aizen rolled his eyes.

"You still haven't changed that high-and-mighty attitude of yours, eh? I really hated that about you."

The two men glared ferociously at one another, a burst of sparks connecting their dagger-like gazes. The cash register girl was too distressed by the bizarre scene to even mention that Shinji was letting the rain in by standing in the middle of the doorway. It had been ages since Aizen and Shinji had last met, and even despite their past friendship with each other, they still couldn't stand each other. Of course, that was how most of Aizen's friends, past and present, felt about him. He was a jackass, after all.

"What're you doing here, Shinji? You don't even live on this side of town; I bet you're still running around with that little gang we set up together, acting like you're the big boss! Am I right?" Aizen leaned in close with a sneer on his lips. Shinji, however, was unfazed.

"Pretty much, yeah." Shinji retorted.

"..." Aizen blinked.

"..." Shinji blinked back.

"...You're fucking joking with me, aren't you?"

"No. Why would I be, Aizen? I tend to make it plainly obvious when I'm joking around, as you should be well aware."

Aizen fought back the urge to slam his palm as hard as he could against his forehead. "Dude, you're 26 frickin' years old, and yet you're acting like some kind of gang leader! Holy crap, and I thought I had issues! What must your mother think of you?"

"My mother loves me very much!"

"She's just too frightened that you'll get your goonies to beat her up if she tells you off for not having a job or even your own apartment yet!"

"You know that I would never do that to my own family! Want me to chop off that hideous little hair curl of yours?"

"All I'm saying is that you should be working already!"

"I'll do it soon enough! I don't need to be lectured by some careless drug-addict who doesn't have a job either!"

"You always were a small-minded man, Shinji; you never liked to look at the big picture. You kept your powers hidden away all the time, afraid of being hated for them, instead of going ahead and improving yourself into a better man. You didn't take the time to get to know me, and you didn't take the time to even fill out a proper job application form. You disgust me."

"W-What the hell are you going on about just now?"

"Just ignore all of that for the sake of your health. We don't want you blowing another blood vessel. What I really want to know actually is why you're even here."

Shinji's expression grew tense, eyes narrowed. "Aizen, it's been a long time since you left the Vizards, but we've grown in power, and have several new members, and now we're coming close to our final operation to take over the streets of Karakura. We even willingly made an alliance with two of our rival groups, the Jinouga Faction and 11th Division Company. We'll need all the man-power we can get to take down the head honcho of the streets. Usually I would just ignore you and your idiocy, but even I can't deny that your strength is needed for this. We need you to work with us again."

Aizen didn't even bother wasting a second thinking over Shinji's request. "Sorry. Not interested."

What happened next went so quickly that not even Aizen had enough time to react. Shinji reached behind his back, unsheathed a thin wooden blade, and brought the tip of the 'sword' inches away from Aizen's neck. Even though it was crafted out of wood, the edges had been sharpened down to the point where it could be able to puncture flesh.

"This isn't a request; it's an order."

"Shinji, you always were a bad negotiator, but resorting to force so quickly makes you look like a weak-minded man. You can't make me do anything I don't want to do."

"Well, like I told you before," Shinji's eyes lowered, but his sword remained ever close to Aizen's neck, "We had to form a temporary alliance with our rivals. The 11th Division Company...they went to pick up a member of theirs that had defected as well around the same time as you. I'm sure you know her well,"

Aizen let out a loud and exasperated groan. "Good god, you don't mean HER, do you?"

* * *

Momo Hinamori had just finished putting away the newest shipment of flower seeds when she heard the soft pitter-patter of rain hitting against the window. Her brow furrowed; she hadn't heard anything about it going to rain on the weather channel that morning. She had a rather strong aversion to being lied to. At the very least, it was good that the other plants outside were getting some nutrients from the rain.

'I wonder what Aizen is doing right now...' Hinamori felt her cheeks grow hot as she thought of the man who had so completely stolen her heart. As usual, her daydreams about him started off quite risque, with him walking casually into her bedroom after having showered, not a shred of clothing on his body-

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the front door. Hinamori cursed under her breath.

'Every time! Every time, something just HAS to interrupt me!'

The small, black-haired girl stormed over towards the doorway, fully prepared to tell the potential customer to come another day, as they had just closed up shop. She had been working all day and the last thing she wanted to do now was have to help yet another person who knew next to nothing about raising flowers. It didn't help that her perverse (and over the top) dream about Aizen had been cut short either.

Hinamori swung the door wide open. "I'm very sorry, but you'll have to...to...Captain Zaraki?"

An imposing figure of a man, standing at little over 6'7", smiled down back at her. The most distinct features aside from his height and muscular physique was the eye-patch he wore over one eye, and his hair jutting outwards as several long spikes. Flanking his left and right were two other men; a bald man with sinister eyes and a flamboyant man who was doing his best to protect his hair from the onslaught of rain.

Kenpachi's menacing smile grew even bigger. "Oi, Momo, we may not have seen each other in a few years, but you might as well invite us in for a little chat...right?"

Hinamori didn't know what to say. However, she did know what was and wasn't good manners.

"Y-Yes, of course. Please come right in."


	57. Fights In The Night

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

"Hmm, nice little break-room you got here, even if it's a bit bland-looking...and this tea is pretty damn good, too. And as you know, I'm not usually the tea-drinking kind of fella."

"T-Thank you. It was the only thing I had at the moment."

"Huh."

Momo Hinamori fidgeted nervously in her seat, her eyes focused on the floor. She could practically feel her former Captain's eyes glaring down at her. She hadn't touched her own cup of tea even once yet, although Kenpachi seemed to be slurping it down as if it was the first drink he had in months. As the tension continued to worsen due to the silence between them, Hinamori felt herself finally ready to take the risk, because there was a question that's been on her mind ever since he showed up. Taking a deep breath, the girl raised her head and looked the older man in the eye.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Me?" replied Kenpachi, "I'm here to get back that video I lent you three years ago."

"Oh,"

"And also to get you to join us again, too."

"WHAT?"

Kenpachi finished off what was left of his Earl Grey tea and gently placed the cup upon the table. His expression was very stern. "Momo, have you ever heard of a guy named Hanatarou Yamada?"

"I'm...I'm not a street punk anymore. I don't pay attention to those sorts of unimportant things." Kenpachi's two men, Ikkaku and Yumichika, were both mildly surprised at how casually this girl was speaking in front of their boss. It particularly irked the bald one; he had joined the 11th Division Company sometime after Hinamori had left, and he couldn't even fathom why a small, weak-looking girl like this one could be useful to their plans.

"He's the strongest guy in Karakura; even alone with just his bare hands he could take out the majority of my men and scare the rest away. Not even I can handle him. I really don't like it, but I've had to join forces with two of our older rival gangs; the Vizards and the Jiruga Faction. Even then, it's still not enough. We need you and that hidden strength of yours if we want to finally conquer the streets."

Despite herself, Hinamori felt a smile tug at her lips. "You've really become alot more like a leader, Zaraki."

"Did you expect any less? Our mascot was being a little bitch about not being smart enough to effectively lead such a large group, so I had to wise up." Kenpachi flashed a toothy grin in reply.

"Your mascot...? Anyway, is it really worth going to all of this trouble just to defeat a single man, though?"

"It's too late to look the other way about it now. He's aware of our plans, and we need to strike with as much force as possible all at the same time."

"I see."

"That's the main reason we bothered coming all the way over here to get you, Momo."

"Well, there's a problem with that..." Hinamori lowered her head again.

"What?"

"I can't join you. I'm not apart of such a violent and un-fulfilling life style anymore. I'm just a high school student who works to help run her family's flower shop. That's all. I'm sorry, but our work together ended long ago when I quit."

Suddenly, without warning, streams of tears began to flow down Kenpachi's cheeks. Needless to say, Hinamori was quite taken aback. Even Ikkaku and Yumichika were shocked by this unexpected development.

"You...you...you're really not going to help us?" Kenpachi audibly sobbed through trembling lips, covering his face with one of his hands.

Hinamori had no idea what was going on. "Umm...uh..."

"You're going to ABANDON me to my fate? A friend of yours from long time's past can't even count on you?"

"It's not like that!"

"I've been forgotten and abandoned by someone I thought I could trust! Oh, the humanity!"

"I don't really think it's the same as abandoning you, but my answer is still 'no'. I'm sorry."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Tch." Kenpachi immediately stopped sobbing, dully wiping his 'tears' onto his sleeve, and grumbled, "...So it ain't working, huh? Eh, it was worth a shot, I guess." As expected, Hinamori, Ikkaku and Yumichika were all left confused and speechless. Out of the three of them, Momo herself was the first to regain her composition. Although Kenpachi was an old friend of hers, she didn't like being tricked or manipulated like this.

"Just what do you think you're trying to do?" she shouted back at him.

Kenpachi started digging some wax out of his ear with his pinkie finger. "I was trying to see if I could win ya over with weepin' and shit; I gotta tell ya, it felt really weird. I'm not used to this sort of thing, but the brat always gets away with it, so I figured-"

"That's not the point! Why can't you just accept the fact that I want nothing to do with this? Zaraki, I'm glad to see you again, but I'm not happy that it has to do with something idiotic like this!" Hinamori slammed her palms so hard onto the table that it knocked over the teacups and sent them crashing to the floor. Kenpachi frowned at her.

"Sorry, Momo, I understand how ya feel, but I don't got much of a choice here. It's already been set into motion. We're taking you back with us...even if it's by force." Kenpachi lifted himself slowly out of his seat, and reached for the wooden sword he kept sheathed on the right side of his waist. Ikkaku and Yumichika followed suit.

The girl couldn't believe it; one of her oldest friends was really going to try and take her against her will. It was all for the sake of a group she had left behind long ago. Hinamori closed her eyes, and for a moment, she felt what was like a whirlwind of emotions rushing wildly about inside of her, an agonizing concoction of feelings, and then...she snapped.

"I'LL FUCKING DESTROY YOU BASTARDS!"

"Oh...my...Buddha!"

Poor Yumichika had little time to react before Hinamori's fist smashed into his face, sending him careening backwards. Kenpachi already knew that Yumichika was out like a light before he even hit the ground; he was tough when he wanted to be, but his lack of training (due to being afraid of messing up his hairdo) was inevitably his downfall. Especially when their opponent was the former vice-captain of the 11th Division Company.

"Y-Yumichika!" Ikkaku cried, and then turned his attention back to Hinamori, "You little bitch! You'll pay for that!"

Unfortunately, not even he was able to counter such powerful and lightning-fast blows. Ikkaku raised his sword out in front of him, in a hopeless defense, only for Hinamori's foot to snap it in half and leave a deep imprint on his forehead. The bald man then proceeded to collapse next to his fallen comrade. A trail of blood trickled out of his nose soon after.

Kenpachi came at the girl from behind with his sword already in mid-swing. Hinamori quickly scooped up Yumichika's sword and promptly blocked the strike.

"Sorry about this, Zaraki," Hinamori said, "But I'm going to have to kick your ass!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I'm glad you haven't lost your edge, you crazy little bitch!"

* * *

_Meanwhile..._

"I'm ba-"

Sosuke Aizen opened up his apartment door only to be greeted with a wet pillow to the face. Without even skipping a beat, he removed the pillow from his face and stared at it; it was completely drenched with saliva. Sitting in the middle of the floor was Tousen, Matsumoto, Kira...and a small green-haired baby. After the way his conversation with Hirako Shinji had ended, the mullet-haired young man was feeling unusually passive about everything at the moment.

"...What's this?"

The baby was wearing a white cap with a cartoonish design of a skull, and a dark-green raincoat that covered up almost the entirety of her body. She had a single red stripe that ran vertically across the bridge of its nose. Her wide, hazel eyes peered past the strands of her blue-green hair; she seemed to be sizing up Aizen out of curiosity of this new arrival. When she smiled with her mouth wide open, it revealed that some of her teeth were beginning to grow out.

"It's a baby." Matsumoto flatly replied.

"Yeah, I know that? But who's?"

"It's not mine..." mumbled Gin's voice from within the kitchen. Having seen his girlfriend walk in carrying a baby had severely rattled him, and he probably wouldn't get any better for the next few hours.

"I can tell." Aizen responded, and then he turned back to Matsumoto and the others, "Why did you bring a baby back here, of all things? Didn't you two just go and see some movie about giant robots?"

"We did, but we found this baby crawling around on the sidewalk, and there was just no way we could leave her there!" Kira explained. He lifted the baby into his arms, only for it to suddenly release an ear-piercing wail. He quickly placed her back down, and the toddler stopped crying almost instantaneously. The blonde man sighed.

Tousen tore his eyes away from the baby for a few seconds to take a good look at the distraught expression that seemed to be frozen on Aizen's face. "By the way, Aizen, you seem to be acting a little...different from usual. Is something the matter?"

Aizen didn't reply.

"Yeah, you look just like you did the time you found out you had to go to a family reunion?"

"Family reunion? What family reunion?"

"Huh...I'm not too sure what I meant by that, either..."

* * *

_At Karakura Town's only lesbian bar, Onmitsukido (the other lesbian bar in town had already been bought out by Soifon)_...

Ushoda Hachigen gave a slight nod to Kotetsu Isane as he ushered her into Soifon's private room. He was the only bouncer on duty that night, because Omaeda was being forced to attend a blind date set up by his mother and her friends. Apparently she is really desperate for him to finally get married and give her some grand-kids. Hachi himself really didn't think it was good for them to get their hopes up so high for someone with Omaeda's looks.

'Hmm?' He felt something vibrating against his chest.

Hachigen slipped his hand into his breast pocket and took out his cellphone. Flipping it open, his eyes scanned over the text message that popped up onto the screen. His mouth fell agape. His tiny eyes were completely transfixed as he reread the message several times over. He didn't know how it had happened, but his former boss had somehow obtained his cellphone number, and now was calling him back to the field. There was no way he could refuse.

'I guess it's time for me to put back on the old mask again...'


	58. Off Screen Conclusions

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: Since this chapter is sort of just an 'in-between' part for previous and the next chapters, it's a bit shorter. Sorry about that.

* * *

Aizen laid awake on his bed as his confrontation with Shinji replayed over and over in his mind. He wasn't sure what he should do. It also didn't help that he could hear Gin's bed thumping up and down from the room next door.

'That asshole, Shinji! What the hell does he think he's doing, trying to get me to rejoin him all for some stupid fight...!'

Yet, for some reason, Aizen wasn't actually as against the idea as his mind was trying to make him be. There was just something about getting into fights that really excited him. 'In a totally non-sexual way, of course!' he added. He had lived most of his life alone, his parents hardly paying him any attention. It gave him the incentive to do whatever he pleased even at the expense of others. His teenage years spent as a member of the Vizards probably also helped shape many of his strange quirks.

In the room next to him, a voice that was clearly Matsumoto's let out a high-pitched cry.

'Dammit,' Aizen face-palmed, 'This whole situation is fucked up like hell! Still, it's not like I really have any reason to bother with a street gang fight or anything that has nothing to do with me anymore...I deserve my freedom, right? Right?'

As if on cue, just as those words had finished running through Aizen's mind, his cellphone let out a tiny beep. Aizen glanced at the front screen of the tiny mobile; it was a text message from Shinji. He considered simply ignoring it, since the blonde had been nothing but a thorn in his side even after all these years. However, his curiosity still got the better of him. At least he might be able to get away claiming his mullet fed on intellectual thought.

The text message consisted of a single sentence: 'Don't stand in front of your window.'

Aizen re-read the text to ensure that he didn't mistake any of the words. 'What the-'

A few seconds later, a human-shaped figure came crashing through Aizen's window, littering the floor with shards of glass and just about waking up everyone in the building with such a loud noise. It certainly stopped Gin and Matsumoto from continuing their sexy time, at least.

"Oh my god!"

Upon turning on the lights, Aizen realized that it WAS a human. Tetsuzaemon Iba, to be exact.

"Hey, you're that fake detective guy way back in the earlier chapters...!"

His sunglasses were missing, blood was dripping from his mouth, and a piece of paper had been taped to his chest. All over his face and body there were markings of the savage beating he took before being thrown through the air like a toy. The words 'JOIN OR SUFFER' had been scribbled across the paper hastily in red marker. There was also a small image of a mask drawn at the bottom. Aizen recognized the image as the one he had made for the group so very long ago.

Suddenly, Gin slammed the door wide open with a swift kick. Fortunately he had the decency to put back on his boxers before leaving his own room. "Hey, you mood-ruining son of a bitch, what do you think you're - Holy crap, what did you do to that guy?"

"You think I did this?"

"Well," Gin sighed with purpose, "Knowing you the way you are..."

Aizen's nostrils flared. "Just what the hell are you implying? This guy was thrown through my window, for crying out loud!"

"It was still your room he got thrown into, no one else's. I don't think it's fair for you to ruin my sex time like this; I never did that to you."

"I haven't had sex in ages, you idiot, and you know that; stop trying to piss me off just because you're angry!"

"Sure explains alot, though. No sane girl would want to suck on that flimsy little hair-curl of yours."

"My hair-curl has nothing to do with this!"

Unwilling to be standing out of sight and listen to his two friends bickering any longer, Tousen finally decided to step in. "Hold on a moment, you two! You're both acting like children!"

"What did you say?" said Aizen incredulously.

"Look, there's no need to argue about stuff like who gets laid or who doesn't, okay? That has nothing to do with the current situation. This wasn't anyone's fault, either; it was all totally out of our control."

"...You're right."

"Of course I am, dumbass! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

'Why doesn't anyone help me? Why do they keep yelling at each other like idiots?' Iba wondered, a pool of his own blood already forming underneath him.

* * *

It was already midnight; the rain had finally stopped. A peaceful silence befell the city. Yet, beneath all of the quiet solitude, another storm was slowly brewing.

"Ah geez..."

The break-room behind the little flower shop was a complete mess. Pieces of shattered tea cups were strewn about all over the floor, accompanied by the powder of the tea itself. Even the table had been split clean in two. Ikkaku and Yumichika were still lying on their backs on the floor. Zaraki Kenpachi, his face and shirt covered with stains of his own blood, triumphantly stood over the unconscious figure of the young girl who had nearly beaten him into submission.

"Dammit. She snapped my arm like a twig, knocked out three of my teeth, gave me a black eye, broke my nose, tore off my cool eye-patch, and ruined my hair. I think she must be either stronger than ever, or I'm just weaker...nah, it has to be that she's stronger. Of course. Still, what a rush!"

Truthfully, the only reason Kenpachi had been able to win in the end was due to his inhuman amount of stamina compared to Momo's. He was able to take more hits than she could before succumbing to it. Had it not been for that, he would have surely found himself knocked down to the ground as well. Hinamori had certainly deserved her title as 'second-in-command' back in the day, and she still did, even now.

With his one good arm, Kenpachi single-handedly lifted Hinamori's body and placed her over his shoulder. He walked over next to Ikkaku, staring at him for a few moments before jabbing him in the rib with his foot. The bald man twitched in response.

"Hey, wake up already, dammit! We got what we came for, so open your freaking eyes!"

Ikkaku immediately sat up. "Huh? Wha - Oh, oww!" he quickly brought a hand up to his face, "Argh, I can't believe that little twit actually broke my nose...! Geez, she's way tougher than she looks!"

"Hey, she broke mine too, and you don't see me complaining! Suck it up!"

"Sorry...so what do we do now, boss?" Ikkaku lifted himself up onto his feet.

"Go and wake up Yumichika already; we better leave before anyone shows up that could get us in trouble."

Suddenly, a voice called out to them from the front doorway. "Hey, what the hell is going on in there?"

"Aw, crap..."

It was Tia Harribel, and accompanying her were the two police officers, Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia. Both of them had their pistols at the ready.

Kenpachi sighed; if it wasn't one thing, it was another.


	59. Brain Age Soup

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

"Hey, is anybody in here?"

Zaraki Kenpachi stood perfectly still. Standing from inside the back-room of the small flower shop, he could see beams of light shining through the front windows. It was still too dark to see just who was out there, or how many of them, but in his current battered state Kenpachi wouldn't be able to handle much more fighting. The fact that his only good arm was busy keeping hold of an unconscious young woman slung over his shoulder wasn't much help, either.

"Boss," Ikakku whispered in Kenpachi's direction as he gently shook Yumichika awake, "What should we do?"

"Just follow my lead."

"Okay,"

"And did you write down the recipe for that tea from earlier? I'm gonna need a cup of that good stuff once this is all over!"

"There wasn't any recipe; they sell boxes of those tea packets at the grocery store."

"Alright. We'll pick up some of it on the way back."

"If you say so."

"That's just the way things are."

"Yes."

"You agree with me too much."

"I know."

Meanwhile, outside of the store, officers Rukia and Renji were more than a little skeptical about the reasons that the blonde, tan-skinned teenager had called them for. Harribel nervously glanced back towards the two of them. Usually rather level-headed, she was feeling rather anxious about what might have happened to Hinamori. She cared about her friends almost as much as she cared about herself, possibly even more.

"Aren't you going to go inside? We need to make sure that Momo is okay! What are you two doing?"

Rukia sighed. "Look, are you REALLY sure you actually heard some noises coming from within the building?"

"Yes, I'm sure! I was just walking by after babysitting when I heard it. I know the girl who works here, and I heard her scream! And then there were some other loud sounds followed right after it! She might be in trouble! You need to go in there right away!"

"Look, Ms. Harribel, please, just calm down, okay?"

"Fine. Fine. I'm calm. I can do that. I'm...I'm calm." Harribel lied.

"You didn't go inside to check on what happened yourself?"

"H-How could I? There could be some sort of danger in there! Isn't it supposed to be the smart thing to go and call the police instead of investigating a dangerous situation by yourself?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Are you trying to tell me that it's MY fault that she could be hurt or raped or even worse? That I did the wrong thing in depending on the police to actually help people like they're supposed to?"

"Uh..."

"Just please make sure she's alright in there, will you?"

"Hold on just a second!" Renji finally decided to stepped forward, "How can we be so sure that you're not the culprit? I mean, look at you! You have blonde hair and tan skin! The only people I know of in Japan with such an unusual look are the kind who aren't totally trustworthy!"

Rukia facepalmed. "Goddammit, Renji, you are such an idiot..."

"What? What?"

Tia Harribel was already immensely regretting that she had chosen to depend on the police at all.

As the three of them continued their utterly pointless little arguments amongst themselves, Kenpachi and his two henchmen sneaked out from the fire exit. still carrying Hinamori in tow. Kenpachi knew it would be difficult to convince the girl to aid them in this final job, even if they actually had to kidnap her for it, but there was still one other trick he had up his sleeve to keep Momo around with them. Kenpachi had considered just mentioning him instead of simply threatening her, but he really was itching for a fight after so long, and he wanted to see whether Hinamori still had her amazing fighting skills. In any case, it all depended on Shinji and his gang of masked goons now.

As such, after inspecting the building, the police and Harribel were left dumbfounded by the violence of the scene of the crime, as well as Hinamori's apparent disappearance.

* * *

_The next day..._

Sosuke Aizen casually stepped over Tetsuzaemon Iba's motionless body as he headed for the door. He stopped for a moment in contemplation, picked up Iba's sunglasses, and then continued out of the bedroom. Matsumoto and Kira were already eating breakfast, and Tousen was trying fruitlessly to get the green-haired baby to drink a bottle of milk. He looked like he was about ready to burst out crying more so than the baby. Gin was nowhere to be seen.

"Why am I taking care of this baby anyway?" Tousen asked aloud, to Matsumoto and Kira, "You're the ones who brought her here; you should be helping, at least!"

"Are you saying all of that just because I'm a woman and that I'm expected to care for children?" Matsumoto glared in response. After having her sex interrupted so rudely last night, she was already in a bit of a foul mood. It had been a long time since she had gotten to do anything with Gin due to her modeling work, after all.

"N-No, I just think you're being selfish by forcing care of the baby onto me when I have nothing to do with this!"

"You wouldn't leave a baby all alone out on the street, would you? It's just the moral thing to do! Besides, you practically got Komamura the same way!"

"Hmm...I guess you have a point...but that still doesn't mean-"

"Shaddup!"

Aizen, still half-asleep, dragged his feet over towards the counter to prepare a cup of coffee mixed with beer. He listened to his friends' conversation, feeling too nauseous to want to add anything in. He was also too preoccupied with his own thoughts; Shinji's threat had really stood out, especially the way he liked to show it off. Aizen had never felt this low since that one time back at the family reunion that wasn't supposed to exist.

"You know," Kira interjected, having finished the last spoonful of his instant ramen soup, "We will have to figure out something to do with that baby, and soon. Her parents must be worried sick...! They probably are already convinced that she's been kidnapped, or murdered, or eaten, or some combination of the three."

"What do you think we should do, then?"

"I dunno..."

Suddenly, almost as if on cue, Gin opened the front door. He looked slightly disheveled, a splotch of someone else's blood in his hair, and one of his sleeves had been torn clean off. Aside from all of that, he appeared to be completely unaffected by whatever had happened to him. The others stared at him, speechless. Aizen had even momentarily forgot about his coffee.

"I think I found the kid's parents." Gin said.

* * *

Standing side by side outside of the apartment complex was a man and a woman. Despite their tall statures, the two of them were only in their late teens. The lanky man had slick black hair that partially covered the right side of his face, and prominent upper teeth in a similar vein to Shinji's. He wore a simple shirt with coat and dirty, baggy jeans.

The woman, his wife, was somewhat shorter, but still equally imposing. Her blue-green hair fell long past her shoulders, she wore a white knitted cap that had a design on it that resembled a goat's skull. A single red line ran horizontally across the bridge of her nose. She wore modest clothes, but they didn't help at all in de-emphasizing her incredibly large bust; they were actually a tiny bit bigger than Matsumoto's. Arms crossed and a scowl on her lips, she kept her back turned to the taller man.

"...Nel?"

She didn't reply.

"Neliel?"

"What is it, Nnoitra?"

"Please stop ignoring me already."

"I just responded to you, didn't I?"

"I know you're still mad that the baby had gotten lost in the first place because we weren't paying enough attention at the time, but at least she's okay now. That's what matters most, isn't it?"

Neliel turned around to face Nnoitra. "We? You think I'm partly responsible for this? Nnoitra, I had gone to the bathroom when you were with the baby and let her crawl out of your sight! This is all your fault!"

"You didn't seem to be much help when we were out looking for her all last night with the others!"

A brief silence befell the two of them.

"Oh god...We're both terrible parents, aren't we?" Neliel shamefully lowered her head, sniffling.

Nnoitra sighed. "There's not much we can do about it now. Once we get her back, we'll...we'll, uh, work at being better parents for her."

"Yeah...you're right." Neliel replied quietly. She met eyes with Nnoitra and smiled back at him.

"Of course, it was just plain dumb luck that we ran into a guy who was able to instantly recognize you as the mother of our child."

"Did you have to rough him up like that, though?"

"I already told you that I like roughing people up. Hell, I do the same thing to you in bed. We came here for two reasons, you know; one, to get back our baby, and two, to take in Sosuke Aizen for our attack against Hanatarou. That fox-faced bastard was in the photo that Shinji gave me. He lead us right to our target!"

"...You rough me up in bed? I hardly noticed because it was so ineffective,"

"Sometimes your sarcasm really stings."

"I wasn't being sarcastic."

At the same time, on the other side of the street, Old Man Yamamoto and Chojiro Sasakibe had been observing the entire conversation between the young lovers.

"Sasakibe...I am still so minor a character that I cannot even pinch that girl's ass?" asked Yamamoto.

"Yes, sir."

"Damn it."


	60. Starting Point

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

A/N: I know I've done this alot, and really it's not helping at all, but I'm just getting tired of working on this story for so long, and having that long hiatus ruined alot of it. I apologize. I'll probably just rush through this arc a little by skipping some parts in it I was originally going to add. It's not going to last much longer since I've started losing interest in it.

Sorry about all of the disappointments with how this was handled. If possible, after the story ends, I could add the intended flashback about Aizen and Hinamori as a special chapter or something.

* * *

"Hey, Aizen, do you want to come with us to reunite this baby with her parents?"

"No. Why the hell would I?"

"Because it would be really sweet! Like all of those Korean dramas you've secretly been buying!"

"I'll discuss with you about how you will suffer for going through my personal DVD collection later. I'm really busy right now, and I have alot on my mind, so I'm heading out through the back. There's a few people I need to speak with, so-"

"What? You, and your mullet, are concerned about things? Actually important things aside from getting your way and being a giant prick? My god, what happened to the quirky, mentally insane, and obnoxious son of a bitch I knew and loved? Has the world gone crazy overnight?"

"Goddamit, Tousen, get off me! And stop crying!"

"This isn't fun anymore!"

"It never was!"

After finally struggling free of his eccentric friend, Aizen made his way downstairs and out of the back-door usually used for taking out garbage. Stepping outside of the door and past the disposal bins led into a small, dusty alley dimly lit by the sun's natural light. Even though it was a short walk through it, it was still a rather depressing reminder of how age conquers all. The ground was littered with the occasional empty can or broken bottle, even dead mice, and aging rock-and-roll posters hung on the brick walls.

'You're changing, Aizen...and I'm not sure whether that's good or not,'

Aizen halted for a moment. It was Strawberry's voice; that smug, orange-haired bastard who lived inside his head. It had been ages since he last heard from him, although at the moment he really wasn't in the mood to have a conversation with what was likely just a figment of his imagination. After a few moments of silence, he chose to simply ignore it, and headed in the direction of the docks. Shinji had always gone there for gang meetings when they were still teammates.

'I'm not sure whether it's good or bad. My mind finds it troubling, but my soul is impressed by your resilience. You're starting to come full-circle.'

Aizen started to move at a brisk pace in response. He tried to close himself off from the disembodied voice.

'The end is coming soon, and my powers are weakening. Also, I hope after this you'll be willing to finish watching the rest of 'My Lovely Sam Soon'; I'm dying to know how it ends.'

Aizen finally couldn't take anymore. 'Wait a minute...I haven't even watched 'My Lovely Sam Soon' yet! Even YOU have been watching my DVDs behind my back?'

'Ha ha ha...uh, just ignore I said that. I'll be going now!'

'Damn you!'

Aizen understood now that he had no choice but to hurry and set things straight once and for all. He was going to make sure to buy a locked safe for his DVDs after this was over.

* * *

Kenpachi Zaraki and Hirako Shinji stood a few feet across from each other, exchanging intense glares. Flanking Shinji from behind were the members of the Vizards gang, Hiyori, Kensei, Mashiro, Lisa, Love, Rose and Hachigen. All of them wore their respective masks to hide their faces in exception to Shinji himself. On Kenpachi's 'side' of the room were his two right-hand men, Ikkaku and Yumichika. They wore bandages over their faces as a result of Hinamori's beat-down last night. Also accompanying the giant of a man, sitting casually on his shoulder and eating a lollipop, was a small pink-haired girl. Hinamori was nowhere to be seen.

"Uh, Kenpachi Zaraki?"

"What is it, you buck-toothed fruitcake?" Kenpachi snarled.

"B...Buck-toothed...? Ugh, never mind that. Why in the world did you bring a child with you here? You didn't kidnap her too along with Hinamori, did you?"

Before Kenpachi could reply with what was most likely another derogatory remark regarding Shinji's appearance, the child on his shoulder spoke up instead. "Didn't Kenny tell you? I'm the official mascot of 11th Division Company, stupid! My name is Yachiru, and I can probably kill more asses in my sleep than you do on a weekly basis!"

Shinji stood silent, a look of jaw-dropping shock on his face, and then he glanced over his shoulder at his teammates. "...I'm not allowed to beat up little kids, right?"

They shook their heads from side to side.

"Damn it. I just wish she'd stop giving me the evil eye over there..."

Kenpachi rolled his eyes. He greatly disliked even being in the same proximity as these Vizard freaks, but for the sake of defeating Hanatarou, he had little other choice. He had tried to fight Hanatarou once on his own in the past, but by the time he woke up out of his temporary coma, two months had past him by. He could never forget such humiliation. Just recalling those events summoned a hidden rage inside of him. All they needed now was Aizen, and then they would be set.

There was just one other problem.

"Hey, Vizard man, how am I going to fight with only one arm, anyway? Hinamori broke one of mine."

"Ah, yes, about that...it'll take too long for it to heal on its own, so for now, we'll just have to force it back into place! Kensei, if you'll be so kind."

"What? Hey, get away from me, you goddamn -" *Snap* "Aaaaaargh!"

Hiyori grinned, revealing a rather prominent snaggletooth in the corner of her mouth. "Heh...you gonna start bawling like a baby, baldy?"

"Of course not..." Kenpachi grumbled through bared teeth. The pain was alot worse than he had expected.

"Kensei! Kensei Kensei Kensei! Will you snap my arm too?" exclaimed a slim girl wearing a mask resembling a mantis.

The man named Kensei let out a grunt. "Be quiet, you green-haired little idiot."

'I feel like an idiot for trying to look cool while wearing this gay-ass mask...'

Suddenly, before the two gangs could continue their insistent bickering between each other, the warehouse doors slowly began to pry open. A single figure stood in the doorway, but it wasn't Aizen...


	61. The Strongest Man In Karakura

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

* * *

The heavy doors of the warehouse slowly creaked open as Aizen pushed against them. The light from outside poured into the darkened building, illuminating what was originally left in complete blackness. Aizen's eyes grew wide in terror,the hair of his mullet hanging limp against the curve of his back. What he saw was not what he had been expecting at all. It was a practical massacre, even though none of them were really dead.

'What the hell is this...?' Aizen wondered.

There were bodies strewn all over the floor, not only of Shinji and the other members of the Vizards gang, but also of the men whom Aizen assumed were from The Eleventh Division Company. Wooden swords were shattered, masks were broken, and one guy had been stripped of all of his clothing. It was truly something horrible to behold. And, standing in the middle of it all, was a small, unassuming black-haired boy. There was no mistaking it; it was Hanataro Yamada.

'Well, this is obviously a bad situation for me to be in, huh?'

Aizen tried to turn around and run away before the strongest man in Karakura could notice him, but he was stopped. A pair of older men were standing in his path. One looked like a scruffy middle-aged man, and the other was white-haired and bespectacled. They were just as dangerous-looking, if not more so, than Hanataro and also well-built and tall. Aizen wasn't sure who they were, but he could tell right away that no amount of begging or pleading would get them to move out of his way. They were on Hanataro's side, after all.

"Oh, uh, you must be Aizen, right? I've, I've been waiting for...err, you..." a meek, quiet voice called out from behind him.

Aizen turned around, and he saw the man also known to many as 'The Unbeatable Terror', fidgeting nervously and fumbling with his hands as he stood still in the spot. Hanataro wasn't even willing to look him in the eye. He was seemingly invincible, but he was also shy as all hell. Aizen wasn't sure how to properly react to someone who possessed such a bizarre paradox of personality traits. Still, he did have a question he figured he should get off of his chest.

"You've been waiting...FOR ME? Seriously? A guy like me? What's so special about me? Is it the mullet? It almost always is. It seems to give off some kind of pheromone that strong guys really hate, for some reason. I've been thinking about shaving it off sometimes-"

"No. You ramble far too much for someone your age, Aizen."

"Oh, uh, go ahead and explain what you mean, then...please?"

Hanataro haphazardly fumbled at the rim of his shirt, blushing. "It's...really hard to explain..."

'Please don't say you're in love with me, please don't say you're in love with me, please don't say you're in love with me, please don't say you're in love with me, please don't say you're in love with me...' Aizen thought over and over, keeping his poker face at the same time.

"Well, before I can really tell you anything, I need to make sure you're strong enough to be able to help me, but to do that I have to beat the ever-loving shit out of you, okay?"

"Isn't that sorta a bit too much? Hell, it's not just a bit, it's way too fucking much, man! And why should I help you with anything? You're not my friend, and I don't wanna be your friend either! Can't we settle things in a more civilized manner?"

"But I can make you my friend. And in the world of gangs, everything is settled on strength alone. Even an idiot can become king if he has the power to take down his enemies." Hanataro's eyes flickered with an evil expression that Aizen had never believed could come from another human being. It was the look of a hungry predator. A chill crawled down Aizen's spine.

"You're one creepy-ass motherfucker, you know that? No wonder you decided to become the strongest man; no one was comfortable with wanting to be your friend, huh?"

"Hey, now, I'm not calling you any names, right? You should be nicer! Especially since you're the one in the disadvantageous position right now!"

"What? Don't gangsters talk shit to each other all the time? Granted, I'm not in a gang anymore, but still-"

"Look, I'll give you this special medicine ball if you apologize!" Hanataro reached into his back-pocket, and unsheathed a small white orb. Aizen blinked.

"...Why does it have a skull and crossbones on it?"

"..."

"..."

"Tch."

"Hey, you just said 'tch', right now, didn't you? I swear you just did! You knew it was dangerous and you still wanted me to eat it!"

"You're being paranoid too! Look, I'll eat it right now and prove that I was only performing a kind gesture for your sake!"

"Okay, then do it."

Hanataro looked at the medicine ball, then at Aizen, and back at the ball again. He tossed it over his shoulder without further hesitation.

"You really are just a big liar! For crying out loud!"

Aizen was already nearing his wit's end. So far, despite his fearsome reputation, Hanataro had only proven himself to be an idiot who tried to act sly only so that he could intimidate others. Which, Aizen noted with some irritation, was alot like himself in the eyes of mostly everyone he knew. Although some of Hanataro's words were definitely ominous, he did not seem so imposing most of the time. Aizen felt his blood boil at the thought of this little prick trying to boss him around like this. He didn't care at all that Shinji and the others had been so ferociously beaten; the kid was bound to be worn out a little from having to go against so many opponents at once previously. Aizen smirked. If he did things right, he may be able to be the one to come out on top. Hanataro was no big deal, after all.

Aizen started to scan the blood-stained floor for any sign of a weapon. "So...you want to see if I can beat you, right?"

"Actually," Hanataro chuckled, "I already know I could knock you out without really trying, but I just want to see how long you can last, because I might need someone like you to help me with something very important."

"Ha...well...we'll just see how THAT works out!"

In a burst of speed, Aizen darted forward, scooped up an intact wooden sword out of Yumichika's palm, and charged straight towards Hanataro. It was difficult walking over so many fallen bodies, but as he ran, Aizen made sure to especially press his soles down hard on Shinji's face. Using the blonde-haired man's body like a spring, Aizen jumped as high into the air as he could, and swung the blade directly at Hanataro's face.

However, the swing never reached its destination.

Instead, one of Hanataro's fists burst the wooden sword into pieces, and it collided against Aizen's face. He felt another punch brush against his right arm, a third hit on his left rib, and finally two rapid punches to the stomach. The pain that followed was almost too much to bare. An inhumane amount of strength had been put into those punches. Aizen flew backwards by at least half a foot before crashing to the ground. Very slowly, he raised himself back to a standing position. Aizen threw the shattered handle of the wooden sword at Hanataro, but as expected, the other man simply knocked it out of his way with a simple swipe of his hand.

"Damn, I'm usually used to taking in lots of punishment, more than a single man should experience in one lifetime, but...geez, it never hurt this bad..." Aizen grumbled through clenched teeth. A trail of blood trickled out of his broken nose and slid down his chin. Hanataro wasn't moving an inch.

Aizen summoned up what strength he could, and made another tread over to the smaller boy. Every punch and kick he threw was easily dodged, and then most of them were also countered, resulting in even more bruises and injuries on Aizen's part. Not a single punch of his was able to land. During the entire onslaught, Hanataro had a strange look on his face; it was like he was both acting sympathetic but looking down on Aizen at the same time.

'Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-' It was becoming more and more difficult for Aizen to keep thinking clearly, or even keep himself conscious, for that matter.

"C'mon, Aizen, you gotta be better than this, ya know? You're pathetic! Maybe your mullet is sucking all of your talent out, huh? I can cut it off for you if you'd like!"

Something inside Aizen snapped. He couldn't take the ridicule any more.

"Don't you DARE threaten my mullet like that, you pint-sized little bastard!"

"But...earlier you said you'd cut it-"

"That's because I'd be the one doing it! Only I choose what happens to it too! Son of a bitch!"

And, for the first time in the last three years, when his guard had been put down by that surprise exclamation, Hanataro was punched in the face.


End file.
